Fluttershy will learn to cope with her social struggles through the help of a very special somepony.
Chapters (7)
- Member Since 4th Sep, 2016
- offline last seen Oct 26th, 2016
PegasusDash
Hi there! My name's PegasusDash and I love to write MLP fanfiction and create MLP art! I also ship AppleDash and FlutterDash! (I also have social anxiety and depression, talking here is easier for me)
PegasusDash
Joined 4th Sep, 2016 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Irrespective · 54k words · 402 11 · 6.5k views
- Souldin · 76k words · 1,204 51 · 25k views
- Olpert · 8.4k words · 602 28 · 10k views
- GuyGalProductions · 7.1k words · 117 3 · 3.6k views
- JustaninnocentPony · 64k words · 191 15 · 8k views
- New Canterlot · 45k words · 338 10 · 9.6k views
- Ribe_FireRain · 112k words · 128 12 · 6.3k views
- Applejackisbest · 2.3k words · 184 24 · 9.3k views
Featured In1
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.16 seconds
Total duration
948 users online
526,418 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
It's fast paced, which isn't too good. I would suggest adding more words (make every chapter at least 1000 words), you can do this by describing the situation more or adding on to the chapter.
Another problem, is that you don't space between your paragraphs. Add at least one line of space between each paragraph to help it look more appealing at first glance.
Other than that, you're doing well so far.
You definitely need an editor.
This story was a good idea... But not a very good execution.
You need to work on your writing skills a bit more abs get an editor. It would help you out a lot.
I kinda have to agree with StolenMemes on this one, while the FlutterDash is cute (which is a given really), you could've done a lot better.
Alright well I tried. It was my first time anyway and I saw all of this coming :/
love your story, i love the twinkie part. i also ship twinkie!
I ship everyone XD
I might edit the story some time to make it better (if I can be bothered XD)
The pacing just feels off. Not enough time is spent establishing things in great enough detail. Instead it feels like I'm reading the Spark Notes for a different story.