• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Oct 11th, 2023

X3n0heart


I love writing and my very first fanfic is on here. Any kind of feed back helps me out so please don't be shy and let me know what you think of my work. <3

Comments ( 16 )

whoa..... that was good!! love this so far!

7463166 Thanks! It was an idea that just popped into my head and wouldn't go away so I put words to it.

7463175 well nicely done!! keep up the work! 10/10

Really well done, I can't wait for more!

7463735 Thank you very much! I hope everyone enjoys it.

Heh, wow. First chapter and things are looking great. Seems sombra did the exact same party trick that Twilight did.

Also, is this story humanized, anthro, or feral?

"Oh you would want that, wouldn't you? You see the problem with that is Celestia's death was to quick, to uneventful, but yours," he gave her a soft chuckle as he leaned in close to her as they almost touched muzzles, "yours will be long and satisfying." Luna's eyes widened with fear as he stood back up the evil in his eyes shining brightly as he levitated four large pieces of rubble over and above them. "I'll make you a deal, princess, the more you scream the quicker it will be!"

minor errors with this one, provided below is a revised version:

"Oh you would want that, wouldn't you?" The wretched king asked. "You see, the problem with Celestia's death was that it was too quick and too uneventful," he paused momentarily, his sinister smile unnerving the lunar princess. "But yours," He continued, giving her a soft chuckle as he leaned in close to her so they nearly touched muzzles. "Yours will be long and satisfying." Luna's eyes widened with fear as he stood back up. The evil in his eyes shining brightly as he levitated four large pieces of rubble over and above them. "I'll make you a deal, princess, the more you scream the quicker it will be!"

"No! Don't do it...please, I beg of you!" Luna cried out as the only thing she could do was watch as he began to cut off her left wing followed by her right. He levitated them against his armor and turned to show Luna, a look of curiosity in his eyes.

Taken out of the context of the story, it would seem like king sombra was dismembering Princess Luna, thus, i've given you a revised version:

"No! Don't do it...please, I beg of you!" Luna cried out as the only thing she could do was watch as he began to cut off her sister's left wing followed by her right. The evil stallion then levitated the two dismembered wings of her sister against his armor and turned to show Luna, a look of curiosity in his eyes.

7465286 They are all ponies.

:twilightangry2: King Sombra is making me angry!!! :flutterrage:

7487199 then he's doing his job. :twilightsmile:

7487209 Oh? :rainbowhuh: You can say that. I just want to KILL him! :pinkiecrazy:

I love the way you write King Sombra, He is very cunning and evil, with no good bone. Also he gains pleasure from others and his own pain, You have dug deep into King Sombra and brought out something Great! :twilightsmile:

7545832 Thank you very much! This is how I imagine Sombra would actually be like.

I love the way you right king Sombra! in fact i think this is one of the best depictions of him on this site keep up the good work!

7579424 Thank you very much! Like I've said before it's just how I envision him and how his persona would be.

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