• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen 13 hours ago

X3n0heart


I love writing and my very first fanfic is on here. Any kind of feed back helps me out so please don't be shy and let me know what you think of my work. <3

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Sunset was still having a hard time making friends at Canterlot High. It wasn't until she ran into someone that was having a worse time than her that she decided to take that first step towards friendship that eventually grew into a closer and more personal bond.

Cover art done by https://hakunohamikage.deviantart.com/art/Slumber-Party-487623430

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 32 )

good first chapter thoe sunset needs to tell trixie how she talks is just fine

also give some details on how those 2 girls who where bullying trixie look and a name to the movie they watced (just pick a comedy you like if you cant think of one that would fit sunsets tastes)

also is sunset friends witht he human 6 in this story or did something different happy in this universe its fine either way just something that needs to be addressed

7344801 the 1st chapter is just to set the tone. more details will be reveled later on. ^_^

This was quite good, nice to have Trixie and Sunset discuss themselves a bit in depth.

7374412 thank you. Glad you liked it.

I really like this story so far, and i love the chapters - while being short - are to the point with nothing wasted

I look forward to more

7408741 thank you very much! I'm glad you are enjoying it so far. :twilightsmile:

finally getting around to reading this good chapter thoe human RD does not really care about sports that much she really only showed that in the first film and not sense music is clearly her passion

oh abuse thats abit dark and yea i will see where this goes but this is a serous issue and now that you have opened this you have alot of things you will need have happen in this story

for 1 thing trixie is going to need therapy be it group or just 1 on 1 talking with a therapist (i recomend the latter as the former would make things even more depressing having to hear other accounts of abuse)

at this point you need to remove the slice of life tagand put up a drama tag this is no longer a slice of life story

also sunset just needs to pony up here to stop him

why you no update in awhile

7547200 So sorry! Just have been busy with a bunch of stuff recently but I do plan on getting the next chapter done here real soon! So please, don't worry. It's all planned out just gotta sit down and write it. :twilightblush:

7547321 you better or else ill sell you to trixie as her pack mule who has to carry all her stuff

good chapter hope thoe you should have sunsets friends drop by to check on her and then sunset can tell them she is dating trixie for some good feelsy moments

What happen Trixie dad was he arested?

7877654 Don't really know. He did make a lot of money though so who knows what happened to him. :twilightsheepish:

7877654
7877684
I'm guessing we'll find out in a sequal, although it probably wont go well for him.
I'd assume that it (initially) gets settled with a restraining order and compensation, I doubt that his lawyers would want to take on a Jury who get to see pictures of the injuries he caused to 2 young girls.

7879609 Well he was already abusive towards Trixie for a number of years. But yeah, when he attacked Sunset it pushed Trixie over the edge and that's why she left.

A minor was just beaten half to death. The hospital would have had a cop and a social worker there and there's no way they'd release her on her own recognizance.

Well, to be honest, I'm not a fan of first person fiction, the grammar is not the best, which I tried to ignore, focusing more on the story itself. Even though, the story is kinda too fast, don't you think? Though, you showed us some of Trixie's true character, I did not understood why Sunsest suddenly fell in love with Trixie, there should be some reflections on it, or is that a love at first sight? :D Anyways, nice try, good luck with your other stories. I hope you will improve your grammar though.

7374412 while I do like the added depth to their backgrounds it all felt forced.

I just feel that leering them continue to grow closer and then slowly open up about their backstories would have been much better.

As it is it feels rushed and forced.

I'll keep reading and give it a chance but so far those are my thoughts

This chapter felt much better than the last. Just saying ^_^

7435145 def a 1 on 1. Have someone she can slowly open up to who knows how to help and what to say.

7918471 yeah. I had sorta the same thoughts. It feels like there's a lot of legal stiff that's overlooked.

Obviously Trixie wasn't sent with her dad in the beginning. If they had that strong of a reason there's no way they would have sent her back to him.

The whole hospital thing you mentioned

Trixie being able to stay with Sunset is another big issue. Cause if Trixie wasn't honest with the police/paramedics then her father could easily report her missing. Trixie could end up forced away from sunset through all that.


But these are all things that seem to be ignored. While this is a cute story my suspension of disbelief is hurt by those things not having any sort of moments so far

7961873 Thank you for all the comments and the feed back. I wasn't exactly sure how far this one was going to go. I am still working on my writing process and all of these comments and suggestions do really help.

This chapter seemed to continue the same issues. Sunset is getting over a bad concussion. Are all these rides the best idea? (I honestly don't know)

Now don't get me wrong. I do NOT like flash but even then he seemed to malicious to me in this.

Then there's Trixie's reaction. I still just don't get why she reacted that way

Hey, I couldn't help but notice the interesting cover art.

Could you please provide the source?

8915844 Oh sure! I do apologize for not adding it when first creating the story. Will add a link to the description immediately!

7435139
The EG Rainbow seems more like she puts 120% into whatever she thinks is awesome, cool, radical, or some combination thereof. Sports and rock & roll get energy, frilly dresses and studying, not so much. If RD ever showed max energy around clothes, she'd always be dressing in style. :rainbowdetermined2::raritystarry:

Overall, I feel this story had okay pacing. However, to me, the shorter chapters seemed rather rushed. This last chapter was well paced and had a heartwarming ending.
The grammar was definitely its biggest downfall- especially when it would switch between past and present tense seemingly at random.
The storyline didn't seem too well thought out, but still worked. I think the greatest strength of this story was the romance, which is an integral part- so good job on making that work.

Remember anything I say is just my opinion. Just thought I should share my thoughts.

Gosh dammit! You are so fucking cheesy! This little romance deal was so cute and adorable, and you did really awesome in this! I actually felt a little love between the two. Great Job!

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