My sister left the fridge open again, so I now have to go down to the store to buy new milk and shit. I get there just fine and start filling my shopping basket when a guy with a gun enters and starts demanding money...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I feel like something is going to go wrong. I don't know how, I don't know why, but I feel like it's gonna come soon
updates!!!
so far so good though and keep up the good work.
Me like the small and slow world building.
Also:
Pinkie Pie, the unbeatable pog champion shall rise!!
Good to see how Gilda and Pinkie doing. Also wonder what would Applejack think now, she was the last that accept the transformation after all.
I had to look up what the hell pog was. At first I thought it was a typo but it was a game in early to mid 90s.
8494933
Gave me a chuckle :D
I actually do have a case of pogs and slammers from my old school days.
8494964
Just goes to show how old I am, I have tons of the things in storage... ah those good old school days in the playground playing pogs. xD
pinkie will most likely kill at pogs when cadence sees shining again i'm sure she will try to jump his bones as soon as there eye make contact do to her liking how he beefed up and he will be teaching his guards what he learned. Applejack looks to be falling for Damien's son Tidus and might want to bring him to meet the family and looks like Fluttershy will be strutting around ponieville and never being shy again after they go home or might hook up with a demon there. Rainbow and gilda looks like there having fun Damien's sister looks to be still havin a little trouble but adjusting. I don't we got to worry about. Rarity she is doing fine in more ways then one (still hot as hell). I can't wait to see how twilight and shining's parents will react when they see them and meet there new lovers (demon lord and harpy) lol and twilight shows them her baby celly wont be able to do anything to Damien but they might be able to work together and advance equestria and hell as a whole.
can't wait to see the next chapter
Taelonso grim will be watching
Hmmm, I found the 4 POV shifts in this chapter to be jarring. It feels like a mess that doesn't have any real payoff. Nothing particularly noteworthy happens and the small talk is uninteresting. My personal advice would be to stick with a single character each chapter. Not every character needs their own POV for the audience to understand what's going on with them. For instance, Pinkie's POV could have been part of Twilight's instead, since her one scene was in Twilight's presence anyway. In fact, this almost feels like it should have been a Twilight chapter.
Gilda's POV was boring and out of place. Why do we care that she wears clothes now? I'm sorry, but her entire part felt vapid and pointless. It didn't enhance the story in any way or make me care about Gilda's character.
See, that's my main problem with this story. The characterization. Or rather, the lack thereof. The constant POV jumps don't give the reader enough time to get really invested in any of the characters. The story feels bloated. Instead of fleshing out and getting us to care about a few characters, you try to portray the unique perspective of every character, and as a result, I don't get truly invested in any of them because you don't give me enough time to. Quality over quantity my friend.
Finally, Melanie is the most interesting character in this story right now. Many of the other side characters have already settled into their roles but Melanie still has potential. I really hope you don't waste it. And I don't mean that she needs to become a super powerful archdemon or something (but if that's what you wanna do, go ahead, it is your story after all). All I want is for her to stay relevant, rather than fade into the background after a few chapters like other certain interesting characters, *cough* Selene *cough*.
This story has a lot of cool ideas and concepts, but the 2 dimensional characterization really brings it down for me. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, because I really do want this story to get better. Despite it's glaring flaws, I still think it's been a lot of fun and quite entertaining.
8495177
Thanks for the feed back. I'll try to limit it to one character per chapter. This really is more of a filler chapter while I get plans for how the fight with Tirek will play out finalised. So next chapter will be a Pinkie perspective one.
Selene and Luna will get their time to shine when they get the gate open again.
8495345
i slightly agree with him about the pov changes but it just depends on how many words are in a chapter to me, like with the average amount of words you put in each chapter i'd say that there could be at most two pov changes per chapter. But never the less
gutes Kapitel mein Freund (german) (^_^)
about damn time we get an update.
Wahoo we got an update can't wait to read it man
Well, it was funny, a good chapter.
What is pogorium?
Fluttershy is an Amazon. This is canon.
8497608
Agreed!!
8494968
I think the only reason I had to google pogs is because my mom was about in her mid to late thirties at the time!
8495915
A large building that sells all kinds of pogs, hold tournaments and such. It'll be described in the next chapter.
8500609
I probably should have asked this first
What is a pog?
8500839
8501245
Oh
Nothing other than that, that hasn't been said.
8510654
Oops. Its meant to be 'So far Tartarus is a cool place' Fixed :D Thanks for spotting it.
8510852
No problem my dude.
8549218
oh hey thanks for reminding me
about this old ass comment
made, like, a year ago
8572693
True. The furies wouldn't work then
Please update....
8633102
i heard that there is going to be an update soon
8633102
i heard that there is going to be an update soon
8646769
YAY!
8722307
Magic, haha.
8722402
The mark is just his ability to assert his own influence on those who bare it, there's no demonic spell to tell who is holding the gun. But maybe now Twilight can come up with a way using Pony magic.
Also next chapter is at 1400 words so far.
8722760
Yeah, I meant using Pony Magic, but mixed with the mark. Like, Twilight makes a spell that checks to see if the user has the mark. Either that, or perhaps it scans the users demonic signature or something.
Can't wait for the next chap, though. Quite like this story, so whenever it updates I'm pretty excited. Then I read it in a millisecond haha.