The Ghastlycrunch Ponies Anthology

by Dinkledash

Fifty Ways to Kill Your OC

You ever have an OC that you just can't write anything decent about? We've all had that problem. Pinkamena has the solution.

To the tune of "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon

"The problem's in your head"
Pinkamena said to me
"The answer is easy if you
Think maniacally
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To kill your OC"

She said, "It's really not my habit to connive
Furthermore, you'll entertain me
if you're planning to survive
But you'll listen if you want
to make it through this song alive
There must be fifty ways
To kill your OC
Fifty ways to kill your OC"

Just stab him in the back, Jack
Hit him with a pan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Throw him under the bus, Gus
You won't have to clean up much
An arrow to the knee, Lee
And write about me.

Just leave him in a ditch, Rich
Burn him with some flames, James
Spit him on a pike, Mike
Just listen to me
Hole him with a drill, Bill
If you like a slow kill
Sell him as a slave, Dave
And write about me.

She said, "Although it thrills me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you write again"
I said, "I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways?"

She said, "Why don't we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And if you live until the morning
You'll begin to see the light"
And then she kissed me
And I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways
To kill your OC
Fifty ways to kill your OC

Just haul him on the keel, Neil
Slice him with a blade, Slade
Throw him in the gorge, George
Just get yourself free
Make him take a pill Phil,
Or if you like a clean kill,
Snipe him in the head, Jed
And write about me.

Kill him with a bomb, Tom
Turn him into glue, Stu
Make him suicide, Clyde
Just listen to me
Shoot him with a Sten, Ken
Or if you have a cruel pen,
Tie him to the bed, Ted
And leave him to me.

Comments

[DMDash71]

This was a weird blend of Dr. Seuss and H.P. Lovecraft. You’ve definitely got a good ear for poetic rhythm, and one helluva dry wit. Nice job!

[Dinkledash]

I value your opinion all the more seeing as I had to beg you for it xD

Thanks though, seriously. I was thinking about maybe illustrating the first poem in a style similar to the Gorey book.

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[PaulAsaran]

You can has review!