1. Sugarcube Corner, where the first one's always free
“Five specially scrumptious snozzleberry scones!” Pinkie said, dropping a wicker basket with its contents wrapped in a white cloth napkin onto the lone dining table in Sugarcube Corner.
“It smells heavenly!” Rarity closed her eyes and raised her head to sniff at the waves of fresh-bread scent that the basket gave off. Rainbow Dash pounced for the basket as soon as Rarity left an opening, startling Fluttershy into ducking under the table. But Rainbow’s hooves landed on air.
“Every time, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, shaking her head. The basket floated above the table, wrapped in an indigo glow.
“What? I’m just showing my appreciation!”
“Well, I would appreciate getting to at least look at our food before it’s smashed to crumbs,” Rarity said. “Thank you, Twilight.”
The cloth unfolded and one scone floated down to each of the four ponies. “You’re welcome,” Twilight said.
“And here’s a cupcake for Spike!” Pinkie said, dropping a cupcake onto the table in front of Twilight. It landed with a clunk. “Only two days old!”
“Aw, that’s so thoughtful, of you Pinkie! I’d completely forgotten about him again.”
“Don’t mention it!” Pinkie's eyes darted suspiciously around the otherwise empty room, then she leaned closer to Twilight and whispered, “It’s a health code violation.” She trotted back behind the counter and disappeared into the kitchen.
Then there was nothing but the sounds of chewing and smacking of lips for a time.
Twilight licked the crumbs that were all that remained of her scone from her lips. “I don’t know how I got along before Pinkie started baking at Sugarcube Corner,” Twilight said. “I can’t start my day until I have a scone or a cupcake here. Otherwise I just sit around thinking about them!”
“I know, right?” Dash said. “I just gotta have one every day. And I don’t even really like them!”
“Fluttershy, you’re only nibbling at yours,” Rarity said. “Is something wrong?”
“You eat like a bird, Fluttershy,” Dash said.
“Oh, no,” Fluttershy said. “Birds are very aggressive when they eat.”
“Well, then Rainbow Dash would make an excellent bird. But what’s bothering you, Flutter dear?”
Fluttershy set her nearly-untouched scone down. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“Is it Zephyr, darling? Are you thinking you were too hard on him? Because you weren’t. That colt needed to get a job.”
Twilight nodded in agreement.
“That was awesome how you rode him about that,” Dash said. “You were peeved.”
“Rainbow!” Rarity said.
“And you don’t even have a job yourself!” Dash said. She began to laugh. Twilight and Rarity froze in shock.
Fluttershy’s ears drooped. “I… I don’t?”
Rarity reached out and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Why, Fluttershy dear. Your job is to look after all the darling little animals of Ponyville, tuck them in bed at night, take care of them when they’re sick, that sort of thing. Everypony knows that.” She glared at Dash.
Twilight quickly nodded in agreement.
“Well, sure,” Dash said, “but they don’t pay you for it.”
“Oh!” Fluttershy said. “Oh. I see what you mean. I suppose you’re wondering where I get my money, then.” She pushed her scone away and frowned. “It is sort of a mystery, isn’t it?”
“No mystery,” Dash said. “Obviously—”
Rarity kicked Dash under the table, without so much as a chip in her own Manehattan smile.
The ponies at the table all looked at each other uneasily for several seconds. Finally Twilight spoke up: “Well, you’ve still got money saved up from when you worked at the weather factory, right?”
“Yes, but—”
“Great! Problem solved. So, what do you think of these snozzleberry scones?”
“There is no such thing as a snozzleberry,” Rarity declared.
“Is too!” Dash said. “We used to have snozzleberry soda in Cloudsdale!”
“—but… I had about a hundred bits when I moved here from Cloudsdale four years ago—”
“It’s a fictitious flavor for foals,” Rarity said to Dash. “Like ‘blue moon’.”
“—and I spend at least thirty bits a month on feed—”
“That’s the miracle of compound interest!” Twilight told Fluttershy, her smile expanding to a width that looked painful.
“Doesn’t the money have to be in a bank for that?” Fluttershy asked.
“Wait a minute,” Rainbow said, with a puzzled look on her face.
“And I paid you seventy bits for my Gala dress,” Fluttershy said to Rarity.
“Oh, dear, would you look at the time?” Rarity said, getting up and horn-grabbing her half-eaten scone. “I’ve so much to do today. Orders coming in, orders going out, you know how it is. Ta-ta!” She hurried towards the front door.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Rainbow said.
“And I really shouldn’t leave Spike alone for so long; he’ll start trying to play with the neighbors’ children again,” Twilight said, concluding with an embarrassed grin and following Rarity.
The bell on the front door rang as Rarity and Twilight went out. Fluttershy watched them leave, then turned to Rainbow Dash. “It doesn’t make sense, does it?”
“Heck, no!” Rainbow said. “Blue moon isn’t real? What does that even mean?” She rested her chin on her hoof in a pose of profound contemplation.
“Um… I think it means the flavor isn’t extracted from a single naturally-occurring plant. It could be a mix of several natural flavors, or the result of magic, or… you aren’t really listening to me, are you? I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I probably wouldn’t listen to me either. I’ll go see if Pinkie’s busy.” She picked up the remainder of her scone in her mouth and slunk off towards the kitchen.
Rainbow thunked her hoof onto the tabletop and stared down at it. “My life is a lie.”
Fluttershy found Pinkie in the kitchen, watching four sharp-eyed ferrets carry a large, rectangular burlap sack up the back steps.
“Thank you for the scones, Pinkie. They were delicious as always.”
“That’s because they’re made with love! And other things,” Pinkie said. “Over in that corner, guys, next to the flour.”
The ferrets grunted and threw the sack against the wall, where it landed with a heavy thump and then slumped like a tired old mare. Pinkie tore a small opening in one corner of the sack with a knife, then touched the tip of one hoof into the hole. The ferrets watched. Her hoof came out with a thin dusting of white powder. She sniffed it, licked it, and then raised it to her nose and snorted it, eyeing the ferrets all along. Then she smiled and raised one hoof up approvingly, and they grinned.
“That looks just like the bags that my duck feed comes in,” Fluttershy said.
“That’s the idea!” Pinkie said, and winked. She leaned towards Fluttershy with a big grin. “You know what this means I get to do tonight?”
“Um, no.”
“PRODUCT TESTING!” Pinkie shouted, leaping up and spreading her forelegs wide. “Wanna join me?”
“Oh. Um. That sounds like fun, but no."
"What was Dash asking you about that made everypony stop talking?" Pinkie asked.
"She wanted to know where I get my money. I don't really know. I guess that's kind of funny. Do you think it's funny, Pinkie?”
“I don’t know! Let me see.” Pinkie threw her head back and laughed and laughed until tears came from her eyes. The ferrets stared at her, unsmiling. Then she dropped her head forward again, wiped the tears from her eyes, and rolled her eyes from one corner of her face to another like a master chef tasting a new sauce.
“No,” she finally said, “not funny. Comedy isn’t your forte, Fluttershy.”
“But do you think it’s odd?”
“Odd? I don’t see why. Excuse me a second!” She hopped over to the waiting ferrets. Then she reached into her mane and pulled out a pot whose contents clinked and jingled as she set it down in front of them. “See you next week!” she told them. Then the bell rang, telling them all that somepony had just entered the store. “Bye, Fluttershy!” Pinkie said, and hurried back out to the storefront.
“Bye, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said. She walked over to the ferrets and scratched each one under the chin. “Aren’t you adorable? Yes, you are. Such good ferrets. I have something for each of you.” She pulled a hooffull of dog biscuits out of her purse and threw one to each ferret. The ferrets gulped them down, then gathered around Fluttershy, sniffing at her purse.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” she said. She pointed her nose at the pot they’d left sitting on the floor. They scurried back to it and, between the four of them, hoisted it up. They looked at Fluttershy again.
“No more treats now,” she said. “Go on home.”
The ferrets frowned, then headed down the back stairs with the pot.
Pinkie’s voice could be heard in the front of the store, saying, “Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, where the first one’s always free!”
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YEEEES :D
Wait, blue moon isn't real? My childhood was a lie.
This was undoubtedly hilarious, darling! Although, I can't quite get the ending. I cannot be the only one... Can I?
Fluttershy makes crystal pony meth?
Equestria is obviously a dirty, filthy socialist system with a Universal Income scheme in place.
Hippies.
I've assumed that Fluttershy was a drug dealer for years.
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"The first one's alway free" is the tactic of drug dealers.
I'm mildly disappointed that there weren't one or two more scones in that order for even further alliteration. Of course, that would require Twilight to remember that Spike exists.
Best reason for an existential crisis ever.
As for the central premise, I am deeply intrigued. Definitely looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
7284299 You know, I always assumed she was just like that guy from All Creatures Great and Small, Herriot. Worked as a vet in the country, and thus workin' for the state.
Most head canons have Fluttershy receiving a salary from Ponyville Town Hall; she's technically a veterinary and she keeps most of the wild animals from the Everfree from coming into town.
Then there's the royal stipend she receives because she's one of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, to which is added Hazard Pay/Imminent Danger Pay whenever she's called on to save the day, or when the Map calls on her to solve a friendship problem.
And one fanfic mentions that she has a tax break and is exempted from paying property tax because her house is used by a Bearer of the Elements.
In weather emergencies/unusual circumstances (like tornado duty) the Ponyville Weather Bureau would also pay her for her services.
7284258 It's incomplete. Next chapter (with ending) should be tomorrow. I think the whole thing will be 4,000-5,000 words total.
7284391
Oh, of course. How could I have missed that? Thank you!
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The James Herriot route is also one I totally see Fluttershy rocking.
Fun fact, Tristan from the All Creatures Great and Small TV series was played by Peter Davison, who would go on to become the Fifth Doctor. He's also the one whose daughter David Tenant, the Tenth Doctor, married.
So, obviously that's where Fluttershy gets her money from then. Time Lords.
7284185 Thanks for coming up with the title!
7284332 "So what does she--" started Twilight before being cut off by Mayor Mare.
"Keeps the lesser urlocks out of Ponyville," declared the mayor in her most declarative voice. "For that, she gets a salary of two hundred bits a month, plus incidentals. Now, I'm sure you have questions about the rest of the budget, Princess Twilight, so let's just--"
"What's an urlock?" asked Twilight Sparkle with a frown. "I don't seem to remember them from the Wildlife of the Everfree Forest book in the library. That is before it was blown up." She looked up to see the mayor looking back, with a faint but well-hidden hint of absolute panic lurking in the back of her eyes.
"You. Don't. Want. To. Know." The mayor cleared her throat and pointed to the budget again. "As I was saying..."
7284396 Seriously, I'm a Doctor Who fan and I did not know this?
...Wow, guess that old saying is true. Guess you do learn something every day.
The beginning almost seems like something I'd see in Friendship is Witchcraft.
I...don't think you need to add a thing, Bad Horse. It seems perfect as it is.
I've always thought that Fluttershy makes ends meet by doing odd jobs.
7284304
Fluttershy has always been the one with the stoner humor "I'd like to be a tree"
Bwahaha. I literally laughed out loud on this one. XP Though for the other commentators, I believe the substance resembles cocaine rather than crystal meth.
I have a guess as to a different possibility, actually, but I'll keep that to myself until this one's complete.
7284396
That's why:
At our house, we always referred to the Fifth Doctor as "The Veterinarian."
Mike
The Spike-forgetting complex
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"She, like, helps me bring total joy and relaxation to all the bummed out ponies out here in Ponyville!"
Also, Fluttershy had a brief but successful career as a supermodel.
My head canon it's always being that they do pay Fluttershy for her work with animals, the same way that a ranger from a national park or a keeper for a public zoo get pay.
With tax money!
The government compensates her for providing a public service. That has always made sense to me.
That's also my head-canon for how the weather team gets funded.
~Leonzilla
Explains everything, as far as I'm concerned.
I mean, come the hell on. They're just pastry. They can't be that awesome.
I have no idea who this pony is.
You're a horrible person, you know that?
7284262 No, her animals do.
I... Really don't.
7293845 Drugs. Specifically, highly addictive stimulants.
Edit: Most come in fine white powder forms, and the flavor can be masked by sweeteners. Pinkie is selling drug laced scones. The animals are supplying the drugs in this chapter.
7287514 I'm pretty sure your head-canon has to be right, actually. The Everfree Forest is weird because the animals there take care of themselves; it follows that ponies are taking care of the animals everywhere else in Equestria, so it should be a paid position.
If anything, it's odd that Fluttershy doesn't seem to have any co-workers. There have to be a lot of animals in and around Ponyville, probably more than one full-time worker can handle.