- Member Since 9th May, 2016
- offline last seen Last Wednesday
WolfWithLaces
I'm just a random derp who loves me some cutting off horse junk. I do not put much effort into my stories, i like to keep them short quick and with the main focus being cutting off junk
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Not bad but there are a few issues. First, separate your dialog from your narration it will look more professional; and easier to read. Second, add some details in the sex it was over as soon as it started. Use all five senses it increases the enjoyment of your stories. Third, add a cover image it draws the eye. Hope this helps
You done fucked up son.
You wrote a very tasteful warning.
7267331
Thanks ^^ this is exactly what i was looking for. It's my first try on any fic ever, i only have practice from some rp's with my friend. Also that was a question i had on a mod, how should i seperate the dialogue? By additional paragraphs?
7268527 Dialog gets its own paragraph ie.
"Blah, blah, blah" said whoever.
"Nah, nah, nah" replied whos it.
Basically if someone is talking separate it even if it is the same character talking. For example when you had Soarin talking then you went over to narration then had him talk again you should have made it a new paragraph. It makes it easier to read. If you go to the writing guide on this site it will go in-depth on proper grammar and writing guides.
7268570 i see now, you know i'm still quite using the classic way. We do that all the time in my language lessons, so when it comes to speach i just make a : (don't know what it's called) and then i start with "Blah blah," and so on and so forth. But thanks for that, imma edit that and edit the second chapter.
7268593 Glad to be of assistance
I look forward to seeing your work
7268673 you have no idea how glad i am to hear this XD
This looks very promising +fav
7269408 I like to hear that ^^ hopefully the next chapter will be as satisfying if not even more.
Well this is a good idea for a story but... the grammar dude! But seriously,work on the grammar and you'll do just fine with this story. SICK OUT
7451030 thanks man. English isn't my first language and i think my biggest enemy is the spelling rather than the grammar alone but i think when i am "in the mood" (if you know what i mean) thinks like grammar can easily slip by and i can't notice the mistake i make :D
"Do you see that?" he waited until she opened her eyes again looking at his rod, "i bet i'm bigger than your brother, ever seen a prick like that?" he said with pride, seemingly very proud of his endowment, his balls nothing small either.
yep you are a prick
"I had some practice from some rp..."
...
Be an hero.
This was an interesting chapter were things really start to get interesting, Hope to see how he will be after Babs tender ministrations.
8581324
Thanks ^^ will try to get to that, but i've been forcing myself to do it in this chapter, but i think it's better to at least have this. Thanks for the feedback.
8579914
i am honored to see a person use such an ancient meme YET enjoyable. Well played.
Any updates?
9394939
Sadly i have no idea when i will return to this, maybe i should put this on hiatus, thing is i'm busy doing other things, so any update unlikely but not impossible. Though true i have lost my idea for the way i wanted this to continue so maybe i should just call this the finale chapter and leave the end to interpretation (holy shit so fucking meta) but i do wanna write my stories with stallion bits having a bad day.
9395675
That's unfortunate. I like these stories too.
9395679
Thanks, i appreciate that, not much of this kind of content it out there. But if you do, and if you haven't read any, i highly suggest Hooves, but he has accounts only on furaffinity and sofurry. But he has some spicy stories to read, if you know what i mean. Also they got much more story to them, where as my take is pure smut.
Hello WolfWithLaces
Is it foreseen when the next chapter will be published here?
11530497
eh, i should just close this. I don't have any plans continuing this. Since last october i got a rough draft still looming over me.