• Published 12th Jul 2012
  • 7,075 Views, 487 Comments

Stuck In Equestria - VaporingRat



A human travels to Equestria in a DeLorean and causes all sorts of mischief.

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An Interrupted Meal

So, as I walk back to a house (that looks like a barn), along with two, pastel coloured ponies which can talk (one of them can fly as well, but that ain't important), I try to come up with a plan about what I should do. I had apparently just lost a bet, or something similar, to a talking Pegasus thing, and now I owe it a ride in a DeLorean that just so happens to be in my possession. Also, said DeLorean had somehow leaped from my boring, slightly interesting life on the planet Earth, to this place, a land full of talking ponies called Equestria. And it is out of fuel. And it is hidden. Somewhere...

I won't bore you with the trip back, I'll just skip to the important part. Which was lunch at the house-barn thing.


We arrive back at Applejack's house, and waiting for us are three normal ponies. One of them was the big red guy who was with Applejack when I arrived, the second was a small one, probably a child, with a yellow coat and a red mane and tail. She also had a red bow. The final pony was an old, green one with a white-with-age mane and tail and was wrinkly-er than that piece of paper that you scrunched up and then unfolding it quickly realising it was your school timetable.

They were all standing in front of a wooden table in front of the HTLLAB (House-That-Looks-Like-A-Barn), and on it was food. Me and Rainbow went straight for it, taking a spot at the bottom end, while Apple Jack went to sit with the other normal ponies. Unfortunately, it was standing only room, but I didn't mind.

"Declan, this is mah big brother Big Macintosh," Apple Jack said, gesturing with a hoof to the big red one. He simply nodded at me, and I just awkwardly looked somewhere else. "This is mah little sis, Apple Bloom," a point of the hoof to the young pony.

"Howdy there mister!" Apple Bloom said enthusiastically as she beamed a large, childlike smile up at me. D'aww...

"An' this here is Granny Smith," Applejack finished with a point of the hoof to the old pony, who was sleeping while standing up. She kinda reminds me of my granddad...

"Uh, Granny Smith?" Applejack asked tentatively as she poked the old pony with a hoof, and waking the elderly relative.

"Huh?" Granny Smith said with a start as she left the land of nod.

"This here's Declan," Applejack said to her granny, pointing to me with a hoof. Said granny squinted in my general direction.

"it's nice to meet you, ma'am," I say, determined to leave a good impression, otherwise she might start lobbing cats at me like that crazy cat lady from the Simpsons.

"Is he tha lad that gone an' smashed our barn?" Granny Smith asked as she squinted at me even more. I feel like I'm being scrutinized by the old mother of a beautiful lady who I want to ask on a date. Geez...

"Yes I am," I say truthfully. Lying to old people, or in this case ponies, is never easy. Especially to my Nana. She can tell when I'm lying before I can even open my mouth.

"Well, Ah guess we owe ya some thanks, for doing some of our 'ere work. Mah hip an' back ain't fit fer workin', an' Mah family's been busy with harvestin' apples," Granny Smith rambles slightly.

"It's okay, I'd done if for free anyway," I reply, as I notice Rainbow eyeing up the food.

"You were working fer free..." Applejack said flatly.

"Oh, right. ...I knew that." Applejack rolls her eyes at my response.

"Are we gonna stand here yapping all day or what? I'm starving!" Rainbow says impatiently. Geez...

"Of course not! Let's eat!" Granny Smith said the magic words, and I couldn't be happier to follow them to the tee. I immediately reach my hand out for a slice of apple pie when-

"There you are Decky! I've been looking all over Ponyville for you!" The pink monster from yesterday, or the day before that, or the day after, appeared out of nowhere right in front of me, startling everyone. Somehow, she was standing in between me and the food, her nose right in front of mine, which is saying something since I'm a giant compared to these ponies. Naturally, I respond in a calm and dignified manner.

"GAAH!" I yelp as I topple down to the floor on my back, with the pink pony on top of me.

"You left the party early so we couldn't eat any of the cake I made for you and we couldn't play all the games I'd set up for you and-" make it stop! I'll do anything! "-So I looked and looked and looked! I looked in the library and the town hall and Lyra's house and Vinyl's club and Octavia's place and-" God, if you want me to do something important here, then please spare me the horror of this pony. "-and the boutique, and Derpy's house, and the library again, Sweet Apple Acres, the International Space Station, and-" Wait, what?

"Whoa there, Pinkie!" Applejack said as she dragged the pony off of me by clamping her teeth on Pinkie's tail and pulling.

"So then I came here to find Applejack and ask if she had seen you, and I found you! Isn't that weird?" Not as weird as you...

"What do you want from me?" I ask cautiously.

"To come and have some fun with me! I have a whole list of all the fun things we can do!" Pinkie says happily, pulling a list out of, quite literally, nowhere with her mouth. Ironically, and slightly disturbingly, I notice the name of it says: 'fun things to do with my friend Decklan'. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I now have a talking pony as a 'friend' or the fact that she spelt my name wrong.

"This seems oddly familiar..." I mutter suspiciously as I rub my chin with my right hand. Also, this is happening a little too quick for my taste...

"Oh no, this list is full of fun activities for my bestest friend in all of Equestria!" Pinkie exclaimed as she swept me up into a back-breaking hug.

"I'm not from Equestria..." can't... breathe...

"That makes it even BETTER!" Pinkie squealed in delight as she somehow flipped me into the air and I landed on her back. Once I had 'landed', she started to bounce off away from Apple Jack and the others.

"Oh we're gonna have so much fun! First we'll say hello to everypony in town and then we'll bake some cupcakes and then we'll play pirates and then we'll say hello to everypony in town as pirates and then we'll play pin the tail on the donkey and then we'll throw a party and then we'll-"

... you get the idea.


After what seemed like half an hour of non-stop pink pony talk, we were back in the town called.... Pony-something. It had something in common with those horrid facebook games, but I can't remember it...

Pinkie had not stopped talking since we left the apple place and during all that talking, she had not even took a single breath. I swear she must've broken a world record, but I was too busy trying not to commit murder right now.

"-And I say 'oatmeal? Are you crazy?'" This has to be a brand of torture outlawed in the Geneva Convention. HAS TO BE. Luckily though, I managed to bear through most of it by going into my dream world inside my head. I won't tell you what was going on inside, just the fact that I was brought out of it.

... And yes, I was still on her back. So what? She's a god-damn horse!

"Oh lookie! We're here!" Pinkie said happily as she stopped suddenly in the middle of town, and all the ponies were giving me weird looks. I hastily got off her and was having thoughts of making a run for it.

"Now we can start the list!" She said as she pulled the list from... somewhere? Where'd that come from? These ponies don't have pockets. They don't even wear clothes!

"Okay, let's get this over with..." I groan. Wait for the chance to bolt, aaannndd...

"First, we have to say hi to everypony in town!" Pinkie said as she grabbed my right arm and dragged me away before I could even blink. ACK! It's got me!

She immediately made a beeline to a purplish pony with a pink-ish mane, who was looking pretty scared. "Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!" Pinkie greeted the pony while gesturing at me.

"Umm... hi... I'm Berry Punch..." the unfortunate pony muttered nervously to Pinkie.

"Not to me, silly! To Decky!" And with that, I was shoved right into Berry Punch's face.

"H-h-hi..." Berry muttered, obviously unnerved and even a little freaked out by me, or the pink one, or both.

"Great! C'mon Decky!" And then I was being dragged again!

The next pony, who was light blue with a white and dark blue mane and tail, didn't see us coming, and Pinkie was right in front of her face before she could even react.

"Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!"

"Uh, hello. I'm Colgate."

"I do not know her. Please call the police," I say in a neutral voice.

"Oh Decky, always the kidder!" Pinkie said with a laugh before hauling me to another doomed soul.

... Which turned out to be a mint green Unicorn with a white and aqua(?) mane and tail. Hang on, I think I've seen her before...

"Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!" The Unicorn just stared at me with shock, or was it awe?

"Hello..." the pony muttered as she stared right at me with wide eyes full of... something...

"Uhhh... hi."

"OHMYGOSH!" The Unicorn exclaimed before she swooned. Umm, what?

"Okay, see you later!" Pinkie said to the passed out pony as she dragged me along like a rag doll.

"Y'know, I can, oh I don't know... WALK ON MY OWN, so how about you let go now, please?" I say through gritted teeth as I was dragged to yet another pony, and this time, it was one I have already met AND remembered the name of. That's an achievement right there.

"Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!"

"S'up Declan," Vinyl Scratch greeted in her laid back style.

"Hey Vinyl, can you inform the asylum that I found their escaped inmate?" I ask as I point a thumb to the smiling pink thing next to me.

"Heh, it's just Pinkie being-"

"-Pinkie, yeah I kinda got the gist already," I quickly finish the sentence for the DJ pony.

"Oh hey, there's Fluttershy! Let's go say hi!" Pinkie said as she grabbed my coat sleeve and yanked me down the road towards a shy looking winged pony with a yellow coat and a pink and long flowing mane and tail. Waitaminute... isn't that the pony that I tried to talk to before and scared the living begeezus out of her?

OH SNAP, IT IS.

Before I can do anything, Pinkie stopped right in front to the pony in question and deposited me right in front of her.

"Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!"


"eep."

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