[REDACTED]
He smiled, watching unseen as the ruler of the land with the horses, who dared to believe it was immortal, thrashed around in its sleep before waking suddenly. He chuckled at Celestia's reaction, seeing the panic and fear radiating from her like a sun. Ah, mortals always have the funniest reactions to a proper show of force.
He watched as she went to a mirror, and almost fell over laughing as He saw her reaction.
The fact that she had believed their ‘conversation’ was just a mere dream made Him laugh even more.
“I have to tell Luna!” Her panicked voice made Him freeze. Apparently, even Celestia the so called ‘Goddess of the Sun’ had the memory of a pitiful human.
She began to channel her magic, attempting to cast a teleportation spell. But a little sprinkle of Divine Intervention™ soon solved that problem, shutting down her magic and cancelling the spell. And since she clearly didn’t understand what was said earlier, He’ll remind her of the bare essentials.
With another thought, the marks where He had touched her burned as if they were on fire, the effects reaching deep under her fur and skin, though to her credit she merely flinched at the pain. What was the real kicker was the words He was casually writing on the mirror, using a special red ‘ink’ to get the point across.
‘Remember my warning, or goodbye Lulu’
She gasped as she saw the message, before it vanished with a wave of an unseen hand. He was surprised that she didn’t recognise the ‘ink’ He had used, especially since he ‘borrowed’ it from her dear loving sister. He was sure Luna wouldn’t mind missing a few drops of blood.
But, as much fun as watching Celestia was, He had other things to do. The scene around Him changed instantly, faster than blinking, showing him the view of the Golden Oak library foyer. And in it was His least- er, MOST favourite human!
And that Unicorn that follows him everywhere was, surprise surprise, following him down the stairs from the room where they ‘sleep’.
Ugh, sleep. What a strange and completely pointless thing for mortals to do. Why they haven’t evolved to make such a useless trait extinct is beyond Him.
He was drawn from his ponderings of why mortals sleep when the two mortals He was watching started to talk.
“This is the problem.” Declan gestured to a wall of the foyer not obscured by a bookcase. Twilight frowned as she looked at it.
“... I don’t see the problem.” Declan sighed, and pointed to a specific part of the wall.
“It’s right there.” She leaned in closer.
“The framed picture?” She asked.
“Look closer.” She leaned in even more, squinting at what was framed on the wall.
“... is that the certificate that God gave you for completing one of his tests?” She asked, moving back to stand by her friend.
“Yep. Try moving it.” Giving Declan a curious glance, she summoned her magic and surrounded the framed certificate, and began to lift it from the wall. To her surprise, it wouldn’t budge. Focusing more magic, she tried to yank it off, only to have the same result.
“I can’t,” she said, glancing up at Declan. “It’s completely resistant to my magic.”
“Figures. I tried to move it, but my fingers couldn’t get any grip at all. They just slipped off.” He sighed, absentmindedly scratching his arm. “That can’t stay there. It has to go.”
“Why? If I got a certificate for passing a test from Princess Celestia, I’d never want it taken down.”
“This thing isn’t from your mentor, it’s from God! I hate him! All this time he has existed, and not once has he cast a ray of divine intervention to help me and my people! He’s left us to die in wars and disasters, and doesn’t even bother to lift a finger to help! This thing is just a reminder, a show of power so we can’t forget what he’s done and what he is going to do for his own selfish needs!” Declan panted, his eyes wide and his throat slightly hoarse (lol equine puns) from his frustrated rant. He jumped when he felt Twilight pat his leg consolingly.
“I’m sorry about that Twilight,” he said as he knelt down to give the Unicorn a hug. “It’s been a stressful few days, and I haven’t been getting much sleep.”
“It’s alright. You just needed to vent some steam.” They separated, and she started towards the kitchen. “I’ve had to do that myself before. Would you like some hot chocolate? That always helps me calm down after I vent.”
“Sure, why not. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have some DIY tools lying around by any chance?” She responded with a look that questioned his asked for such tools and his sanity, as she stepped into the kitchen.
Meanwhile, He was watching the interaction between the two chosen mortals like it was a TV soap drama. He watched as Twilight brought out two steaming mugs of hot chocolate a few minutes later, handing one to Declan, who then proceeded to list various ways they could remove the certificate He had oh so graciously given him, quite a few of which were shot down by his companion with a stern “Declan, no!”, “‘Pinkie did it’ isn’t a valid excuse!”, and “how would we explain to Princess Celestia a valid reason for using the Elements?!”
Soon, they changed topics to discussing the beverage they were drinking, and how such a drink existed in Equestria and on Earth.
“Really?! What do you make your hot chocolates with?!”
“Uhh, chocolate? Hence the name...”
Eventually, they finished their drinks, around the same time as the Unicorn’s lizard pet descended into the room. They greeted him and plans for the day were made, before the lizard- Spike, He believed it was called -went to make food.
Then the fun started.
“This isn’t going to work, but it’s worth a try.” Declan gripped the crowbar tightly in his hands as he approached the frame cautiously, as if it was a deadly opponent in a battle to the death. A thought crossed his mind, and he paused, a blank expression appearing on his face. “I’m not even going to question how a pony uses a crowbar.”
“With magic?” Twilight supplied helpfully as she watched with mild interest from the table.
“Not helping,” Declan muttered. He stopped right in front of the frame, and lifted the crowbar to try to pry it from underneath. But the crowbar couldn’t find a gap to slip in, so it just slid off the frame whenever it was pressed against it. After several attempts, he backed off, huffing in disappointment . “Dammit, this would’ve worked for Freeman...” he muttered, putting the crowbar down on the floor and walking to the table, where Spike was serving breakfast. He had a bowl of gems to crunch whilst Declan and Twilight had two slices of toast each.
He paused in the watching of the three once more, pondering about the need to devour and ingest food to sustain a mortal body. The mere thought disgusted Him.
“I think we need to call in some heavy artillery.” Declan’s comment made Him focus back upon the human and his friends.
“The Princesses?” Twilight asked after a pause to ponder the meaning of the statement.
“Heavier.” Was Declan’s reply. This baffled Twilight, but He knew instantly what Declan meant, and a broad smile started to spread across is unseen face.
Twenty minutes later, Declan walked back into the library, followed by Pinkie Pie.
“Wait, Pinkie is who you meant?!” Twilight asked in bewilderment, mouth agape as Pinkie scrutinized the frame.
“Yep. She’s abnormal. That frame’s abnormal. Either she gets it off, nothing happens, or the moment the two touch each other the universe will come to a sudden and anticlimactic end leaving only you and me together to ponder what an idiot I am.” Twilight, Spike, and their unseen observer all looked at Declan, two of them with concerned faces whilst the third chuckled.
“You talk to Pinkie too much,” Spike said, wandering off to escape the weirdness.
“Hmm... this is a real doozy alright...” Pinkie said as she stared at the frame in thought. Slowly, she turned and walked away, trotting for a few seconds before suddenly spinning around, pulling a cupcake from her mane. Rearing upon her hind legs, she hurled the cupcake in an impressive overarm throw. It smacked against the framed certificate, sending cupcake and icing all over it. Pinkie stared at it, as the cupcake and icing slid off the framed certificate. Once all the contents were on the floor, she ran up and licked the frame, smacking her lips several times and savoring the taste.
“The universe hasn’t ended. So far so good...” Declan muttered , as Pinkie shied away from the frame, hissing like a cat.
“I don’t like it! It tastes of narcissism!” She spat, glaring at the frame. A thought then occurred, and she rushed out. “I’ve got just the thing!” She shouted as she zipped past.
“... I’m starting to regret this idea...” Declan sighed, looking at the open front door. Seconds later, Pinkie reappeared, pushing-
“Is that a cannon?” Twilight asked incredulously as both she and Declan looked on wide eyed.
“Yep! It’s my super awesome party cannon! This’ll solve the issue!” Pinkie replied. That’s when they noticed the cord wrapped around her hoof, which was connected to the rear of the cannon.
“Hit the floor!” Declan shouted, diving behind the table. Twilight tried to move, but was a second too late.
BOOOOOM!
The library shook as the cannon went off. Books were toppled off of shelves, a baby dragon yelped as he was thrown across the room upstairs, and cake mix went everywhere.
Tentatively, Declan peered over the edge of the table, straightening his glasses that had become askew from the dive. The majority of the wall with the framed certificate on it was covered in cake mix, along with the floor around it, half a bookcase, and Twilight Sparkle. Surprisingly, the certificate didn’t have a single dollop of cake mix on it.
“Huh, I could’ve sworn I put confetti in here...” Pinkie muttered.
Mrs. Cake was working hard in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner. That nice boy, Declan, had politely asked for Pinkie’s help with a problem he had, leaving Mrs. Cake to cover for Pinkie until she returned.
With a oven guard in her mouth, she went to open the oven door to pull out the special cake that was going to be on sale today. Instead, she got a faceful of confetti, surprising the mare and making her fall back on her rump.
[/hr]
“Whelp, I tried my best. You’re on your own,” Pinkie said as she wheeled her cannon out, closing the door behind her. Silence reigned supreme in the library.
“...”
“...”
“... Pinkie did it.” The cake mix that covered Twilight started to cook.
Unseen by all, He laughed uproariously.
Slowly, His laughter died down, replaced with a slight frown. He had sensed something, something strange and... chaotic. Instantly, the scene changed once more, replaced with a garden inhabited by various stone statues. One of which caught his eye.
Peering closely, He examined the stone statue of a mismatched creature. Its appearance alone was unusual and chaotic, and its power was phenomenal. There was a miniscule crack upon one of its arms, where He could see the aura of this creature’s power seeping through. Though, compared to His own, it was fractionally finite. In a way, the creature’s power reminded Him of Himself, in a sort of chaotic way. But how did such a creature end up like this?
A fraction of a second later, He understood. The Elements of Harmony, the very same ones used by the mortals just recently to separate one mortal into two, had caused this. He frowned. If the mortals ever managed to use these artefacts against Him- not that they would ever be close to doing so -He could be in some serious danger.
“Well then...” He said, running a hand across the stone creature’s cheek. “I’ll just have to solve that problem when it arises. If it ever does..”
He chuckled, as the scene vanished around Him.
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5900916
The language improves as you read on. I hope you enjoy your ride to work, I don't envy you...
5900989
Something tells me you're a policeman...
5901001
Most of the story is under a rewrite at the moment, though it is slow going. Thanks for pointing out errors and such, I always appreciate constructive criticism.
...
Actually, I think you're the first guy to properly criticize this story. Huh.
You're supposed to smack it with the crowbar! Then it would explode into fragments!
That's how it works for me!
Would I be tight in assuming that you're an Atheist? Anyway good to see that you followed through, not that I doubted you but things don't always work as planned and I thankful that this time it did. On a side not have I seriously never gotten 'round to posting all those corrections I found for your story?
5901902
I don't really have a religion I follow per se, but technically I'm catholic (baptised soon after birth). And no, you didn't send that list of errors yet, I eagerly await them. :D
5902270 Damn, I don't save those things! Oh well, just gives me a reason to go back and re-read the story. I generally post any mistakes I see with a story in the comments, unless I'm distracted enough by the story
.
Best line.
5901049 Oh... hey Gordon... I totally don't have a RP to reply to... nope.
I totally haven't been having fun with Fallout NV's bugs... Nope.