I've Got A Golden Ticket
A week has passed. I explained quite a bit to Twilight, starting with my iPhone, which led to a continuous in depth discussion about computers. She was fascinated, and judging by the letters, so were the princesses. On the fourth day, the mystery of the charged iPhone was solved: apparently Twilight was so focused on examining it, when Spike had disturbed her, she zapped it with some kind of spell that outputted electricity similar to what you expect from a defibrillator. I couldn't really understand it well, since she started talking about the properties of magic and what they can output. It got boring
Rarity had managed to make, during the week, two shirts, an extra pair of trousers, and several pairs of socks and pants, which was a huge relief. I even got my snazzy new hat, which was a beautiful brown fedora, just like Indiana Jones’. And as for the oil front, no new news. However, having so much time on my hands now, I decided to do some odd jobs round town, and I'm getting paid for it too. Speaking of which...
"Ah can't thank y'all enough fer helping out today," Applejack said as we walked through the many trees back to the barn in Sweet Apple Acres. Alongside me and Applejack, was Twilight Sparkle (who had also volunteered to help out today) and Spike (who spent half the morning picking through the apples we picked because he missed out on breakfast. Again.).
"No sweat Applejack, at least I'm getting paid this time," I reply, holding a basket full of apples in each arm. My height plus the lower than normal height of the trees allowed me to reach the fruit easily.
"It's the least we can do for a friend. Isn't that right, Spike?" Twilight asked the young dragon on her back.
"Nope," Spike said as he tossed an apple he had been examining onto the ground.
"I think that's his stomach speaking," I chuckled with Applejack as Twilight gave him a glare. "I'm just glad that we finish at lunch, I'm starving."
"I know, right?" Spike said as he tossed another apple, which bounced off of Twilight's noggin.
"You've been lounging on my back the entire time we've been working!" Twilight told the dragon.
"It's not my fault I missed breakfast!" He replied, tossing a slightly bruised apple away. At the mention of breakfast, both Twilight and my stomachs rumbled hungrily.
"Forget breakfast, lunch sounds real good right now," I say, as the barn appears between the trees.
"I second that," Twilight added.
"Ah would offer ya both some Sweet Apple Acre cuisine, but we needs these apples fer Sweet Apple Acre jam," Applejack said, just as Spike rejoiced upon finding a perfect apple.
"Oh Spike, that looks delicious!" Twilight commented, licking her lips in hunger as she saw the juicy, fresh, bright red apple. But her hopes were dashed as Spike devoured the whole apple in one bite, accidentally spitting apple juice and fragments on Twilight.
"Spike!"
"What?" Me and Applejack chuckle again, but our smiles are quickly wiped off as Spike begins to gag. He opens his mouth, and a torrent of green flames shoot out in the air, before receding, revealing a scroll. I nab it quickly, unrolling it.
"It's a letter from the Princess!" I say, as I skim it. Three golden slips of paper float down to the ground, being picked up from Spike as he jumps off of Twilight's back.
"What does it say?" She asks.
“Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala, to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot on the twenty-first day of May, in the 1001st year of Her Highness's reign. Blah blah dress code blah blah cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle, myself(?) and one guest.” I finished reading and re-read the part about me being invited. Meanwhile, Twilight and Applejack looked like christmas had come early.
“The Grand Galloping Gala!” They cried together in excitement, jumping around and citing the name again and again.
“I hate to be a bore, but what is the Grand Galloping Gala?” I ask, smashing the excited looks of the two ponies as they stare at me in disbelief.
“It’s only the biggest social gathering in Equestria, hosted at Canterlot Castle every three years!” Twilight said in joyous wonder.
“Well for goodness sakes, keep your voice down! If the pink one hears about this...” I shudder. It ain’t worth thinking about. “So what else is so special about it?”
“It’s hosted by Princess Celestia herself! It’s also full of dancing, talking with the upper class, and just having a good time!” Twilight explained, whilst Spike looked like he was gonna puke.
“Ugh, I can’t believe you’d be interested in going to such a girly frou-frou place,” Spike said with no small amount of disgust.
“Well I’m not, but not for the same reasons.” I pass the letter to Spike before continuing, “May is 10 months away! I don’t plan to be in Equestria for that long.” Hopefully, I added as an afterthought.
“Can I have your ticket then?” Rainbow Dash asked from right next to me.
“Sure, knock yourseeeeaarrrgh!” I scream in fright at the sudden existence of flying pony, stumbling away. Similar reactions were emitted from the other three. “Dash! Where’d you come from?” I ask, putting a hand over my poor beating heart, trying to steady my breathing.
“Uhh, the sky?” She deadpanned, pointing up. I look up, and see a pillow and blanket up on a high branch of a tree that ran above us.
“Rainbow! Were you napping in one of mah trees again?!” Applejack asked accusingly, glaring at the Pegasus.
“Maybe...” the Pegasus shrugged. “So what? I had to be up early to clear the sky!"
"Ah thought you had the day off..." Applejack said, scrutinizing Rainbow. The two started to bicker, whilst I watched. There was a tug on my coat sleeve, and I turned to see Twilight looking up at me expectantly.
"I know May is a long time away, and that you'll be back home by then, but there's nothing stopping you from coming back and attending, right?" She asked, way out of left field. I blinked, thinking of a reply, but I drew a blank. What would really stop me from going back, if I did manage to go home? It's not as if I hate these ponies, they've been nothing but kind and accommodating since I got here.
"No, not really..." I say, taking my ticket from Spike and examining it closely. The paper felt smooth and cool to the touch, the gold slip reflecting the sunlight off of its surface. On one side, in fancy writing, we're the words 'Grand Galloping Gala', and on the other was my name, in the same fancy squiggle. "Oh alright, I'll go to this gala. Besides, the Princess invited me; who am I to deny a free ticket from royalty?" Twilight smiled at my response, as I slipped the golden ticket into a pocket of my leather duster.
"Hey Dash," I call to the nearby Pegasus, who was still bickering with Applejack about Dash's laziness. "I've decided to keep my ticket. Sorry," I say. Dash went slackjawed with shock before flying over to me at warp factor 4.
"You can't do this to me! I have to go!" She demanded, grabbing the front of my duster in her hooves as she used her wings to keep her hovering at eye level.
"Well ah'll be darned! Ah didn't peg ya to beva fan of such a girly event like the gala RD," Applejack said slyly, mad Dash whipped her head round to face the farm pony.
"That's because I'm not! I just want to go cos the Wonderbolts will be there and I can impress them with my moves and skills! I'll be on the team for sure!" Rainbow Dash said in awe, staring off into space as she fantasised about the Wonderbolts, letting go of my duster in the process.
"Ah figured there'd be a reason that benefitted ya," Applejack muttered, loud enough for Rainbow to hear. She snapped out of her reverie and focused on the orange earth pony.
"And what about you, Applejack? I bet your not going just for the heck of it, aren'tcha?" The Pegasus asked accusingly, giving Applejack a scrutinizing look.
"Ya got me there..." Applejack sighed, smiling. "Ah wanted ta go so Ah could sell Sweet Apple Acre homemade food to raise money fer the farm," Applejack explained. "With the money Ah could make, we can replace Big Mac's rusty plough, fix up the old barn real proper..."
"Lies! I demolished the old one two weeks ago!" I whisper to Twilight.
"-Even replace Granny Smith's old hip! And maybe we’ll have some left over fer Applebloom’s college fund!” Applejack too started to stare off into space, dreaming of the Apple family’s potential financial windfall. This lasted for a brief few seconds, however, when Rainbow Dash snapped her out of it.
“Hey AJ, I don’t think you noticed, but Declan’s going after all, and Twilight only has one spare ticket. I think it’s pretty obvious who she’s taking,” Rainbow said in confidence.
“Yeah, me!” Applejack said, moving to procure the third ticket from Spike. But her progress was halted when Rainbow flew in front of her.
“Oh no you don’t! That ticket is mine!”
“We’ll see about that! Ah challenge you to a hoof wrestle fer it!” Applejack demanded, sticking her face close to Rainbow’s. They glared at each other in defiance for a few seconds, before they both quickly moved over to a nearby tree stump and began to duke it out. The hoof wrestling earth pony and Pegasus failed to notice me, Twilight and Spike leave, our baskets of apples left on the floor.
“Good lord, those two were like two nerds fighting over the last ticket for Comic Con,” I say, once we had entered the center of town. Our mission: find lunch. Twilight was taking us to a restaurant that served food that we humans would consider ‘edible’.
“Is Comic Con your version of the Grand Galloping Gala?” Twilight asked, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“It’s nothing like it, and its a hundred times better. Comic Con is-” SMACK! Something very fast and very pink collided with me at the speed of light, sending me tumbling to the ground. The pink ballistic projectile continued moving to collide with Twilight, sending her toppling to the ground like a domino, and flinging Spike in the air, only for him to fall on top of me.
“Ugh... did anyone get the number of that car...?” I ask blearily, slowly moving a hand to rub the side of my head, whilst Spike rolled off of me, standing up and dusting himself off. Not too far away, Twilight was just getting back her bearings, whilst Pinkie Pie laid across her back, slightly dazed. Two golden tickets gently floated down from above, to land on her snout.
“AHHHH! Bats!” She screamed, quickly moving off Twiling to run around in a circle to try and get away from the ‘bats’. “Waitaminute...” Pinkie skidded to a halt, before reversing to look at the golden tickets on the floor. “These aren’t... GASP! TICKETS TO THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA!!” She squealed, sweeping the tickets up and holding them close to her chest, and held the pose whilst she stared off into space.
“This seems to be a thing today...” I say, poking the entranced pink pony’s head cautiously, a strand of drool forming at her mouth. Then she broke her pose, dropping the tickets as she began moving to intercept Twilight into a bone crushing hug. The poor purple Unicorn was unable to avoid the second volley of pink ballistic pony as it hit its mark.
“Oh thank you Twilight! Its the most best-est gift anypony could give me ever!”
“PInkie.... can’t.... breathe.....” Twilight wheezed. Pinkie then released her friend and smiled sheepishly.
“GASP!” A familiar voice gasped dramatically, and I quickly tried to hide the two tickets in my duster pocket, but they were plucked from my grasp by a tingly blue magical aura. I tried to grab them back, but the levitated out of my reach and over to Rarity.
“Are these what I think they are?” She asked, as she levitated them close to her so she could get a good look.
“If you mean the tickets, then yes, they are tickets for Comic Con, not the Grand Galloping Gala!” I swipe the tickets out of her aura and quickly stuffed them in my duster pocket, along with the third ticket.
“Oh Decky, always the kidder!” Pinkie said as she bounced over to Rarity. “They’re tickets for the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot, and Twilight’s taking me!” Pink pony squealed in excitement.
“The Gala? I design ensembles for the Gala every year, but I’ve never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the society, the culture, the glamour! It’s where I truly belong, and where I’m destined to meet…him!” Rarity too now started to stare off into space, whilst Pinkie shared a confused look with Twilight.
“Him who?” Twilight asked, echoing Mine, Pinkie’s and Spikes thoughts.
“Him...” Rarity said dreamily, as she began to explain about her dream date for the Gala. I was unable to listen, as a small white rabbit began kicking my foot. I look down at him in bemusement, as the rabbit stared up at me.
“What?” I ask it, as it folds it little paws as if to say that it wants something. I kneel down, getting a better look at the little rabbit. “Heh, you're kinda cute- OW!” The rabbit, upon me calling it ‘cute’, proceeded to jump up and sock me on the nose. Whilst I was distracted, the rabbit made his way into one of my duster pockets, and emerged with the three golden tickets, before booking it. “Hey! Get back here!” I yell, diving after the rabbit, but I miss and hit the ground. The rabbit runs down the street a little ways to a familiar pink maned yellow Pegasus pony.
“Oh Angel, these are tickets for the Grand Galloping Gala! Where did you get these?” Fluttershy asked her pet rabbit, who shrugged after showing his owner the tickets.
“Thanks for stopping that thief Fluttershy,” I say, as I run up to her. “Those tickets belong to Twilight and me.”
“Oh, Angel bunny isn’t a thief, and I’m sure he was going to return them, he just wanted to show me the tickets and they’re for the Grand Galloping Gala and it’s been my dream to attend the Gala and I was wondering just now if the tickets belong to you and Twilight if maybe I could have the third ticket? If that’s okay with you and Twilight though, I wouldn’t want to pressure you over a decision on who to take with you...” As she spoke, the meek Pegasus slowly shrank to the ground wearing a nervous and sheepish smile on her face. I sighed deeply.
“You too huh...?” She nodded meekly. “Okay, look, Twilight hasn’t decided on who to take just yet, and she is going to think about it after lunch. Can I have the tickets back now please?” The rabbit reluctantly gave up the tickets and I slipped them safely into my duster pocket. I turn and head back to Twilight, and see the situation has degraded.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack have now turned up, and along with Rarity and Pinkie, were bickering and arguing about the damn tickets. I felt sorry for Twilight, who was cowering in the centre of the group. The argument got even more heated when fluttershy flew over and said her two cents about the tickets. Naturally this went as well as the sailing of the Titanic (i.e.: IT SINKED).
What’s worse is that the whole scene reminded me of a memory from my childhood, when my parents were having a huge arguement.
“Hey! Stop it guys! HEY!” I shouted and clapped rather loudly, startling the arguing group of ponies into silence.
“And then I said, ‘Oatmeal, are you crazy?!’” Okay, most of them.
“Look, guys,” I began, when Pinkie had stopped talking, “I understand that you are all excited about this, and its a very big deal for you all, but this is no way to decide who wants to go. This is Twilight’s decision, and arguing about it isn’t improving your chances of going.”
“But-” Rarity began but I immediately cut her off.
“Ah! What did I just say?” I gave all five of them daring looks, which none of them met. “Good, now go. Shoo. Vamoosh. Do whatever you were doing today when you aren’t fighting over tickets to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.” I made shooing gestures with my hand, and begrudgingly, the ponies retreated. Once they were a suitable distance away, I let out a long, deep sigh.
“Thank you for helping Declan, it was getting a bit too much for me,” Twilight said, as she walked up to me.
“It’s alright Twilight. Let’s just find a place to grab lunch before they return,” I reply, before we, along with Spike, setted off for a place to eat.
“For a land of talking ponies that eat cakes, chocolate, drink coffee, and have breath mints, you sure do love your hay...” I grimace as I read the menu at a restaurant we had chosen as a suitable place for lunch. “I mean look at this! They have ‘hay fries’, but no potato fries? Really?”
“Well, ponykind has always eaten hay during our evolution. Just like your species have always eaten...” she leaned in close so Spike or the other patrons couldn’t hear. “...Meat!” She whispered, shuddering as she did so.
“Yeah, that kinda makes sense. By the way, you never did tell me how the princesses reacted to substances-that-shan't-be-named,” I enquire, causing Twilight to shuffle a bit nervously and Spike to look even more confused.
“What are you guys going on about?” He asked.
“We’ll tell you when you’re older,” Twilight said, around the same time I said “it’s an adult thing.” Spike just huffed and went back to browsing his own menu.
“Well?” I prompted Twilight, who simply mouthed ‘later’ in response. I sigh and go back to edible food hunting, almost immediately striking gold. “Ooooh! They have quiches! I love quiches! Top notch food, they are. Goes down a treat with a bit o’ ketchup.”
“So Twilight, have you thought about who you’re taking yet?” Spike enquired after a moment of awkward silence.
“*sigh*... No Spike, I haven’t. All my friends have very good reasons why they want to go, I thought about giving my ticket to one of them as well, so two could go, but then what about the other two?” Twilight rested her head on the table glumly, as she absentmindedly levitated a flower from the vase on the table and started plucking its petals.
“Woah, wait a sec! Everyone has a good reason to go? Even Fluttershy?!” I asked incredulously, to which Twilight nodded.
“Well spill the beans girl! Why is the shyest thing on the planet going to the biggest social gathering on the planet?”
“She doesn’t want to actually attend the Gala. From what I heard in the argument, she just wants to go so she can see the animals in the garden.”
“Of course she does...” I groan and shake my head in disbelief. A cough from beside our table startled us and we finally took notice of the waiter standing next to it, and he didn’t look like the waiting type.
“May I take your order?” The waiter pony asked, and we pitched our desired choice of meal. Twilight wanted a daisy and daffodil sandwich, Spike (after finding out the restaurant didn’t sell any gems) ordered some hay fries, and I chose the cheese and onion quiche (“-and don’t hold back on the ketchup!”). No matter where you are, there’s always a quiche to save you.
We sit in silence for a few short minutes, admiring the scenery of ponies walking down the street and other ponies selling various wares. Our food eventually came and Spike immediately started to eat his. Twilight gathered up her sandwich in her magic and was looking for a good place to bite into, and I tested the temperature of my quiche, expecting it to be hot.
“Aw what? They serve it cold?!” I checked for cutlery to slice the quiche up, but none was evident. “They didn’t even give me a knife and fork! And I asked for ketchup, but noooooooooooo...” I sigh in frustration, trying to figure out how to eat a cold quiche with no utensils, not noticing the sudden and quick stampede of ponies that darted inside the restaurant. Twilight noticed however, and looked on in confusion.
“Um, madame? Are you going to eat you food in the rain?” The waiter asked from the restaurant doorway.
“It’s not raining,” Twilight said, but a quick look around showed that it was indeed raining. The rain just didn’t fall within a metre of our table.
“Huh. I take it this is not normal weather behaviour?” I ask, glancing up. The reason why we weren’t soaked through right now was that there was a hole in the clouds directly above us. And hovering on the other side of the hole was...
“Rainbow Dash?” I utter in surprise.
“Hi there, best friend forever I’ve ever had! Enjoying the weather?” She called down to us, making all three of us frown.
“Rainbow, what are you doing?” Twilight asked in exasperation, dreading the answer.
“What do you mean? I just saw the smartest, most generous pony about to get rained on, so I thought I’d kick a hole in the clouds to keep her dry so she could dine in peace. That’s all,” she said innocently. Too innocently.
“What do you want, Rainbow?” I ask.
“Me? Nothing!” The penny dropped and I knew what she wanted.
“... This wouldn’t be about a pair of tickets, would it?” I asked innocently but accusingly, giving the Pegasus a pointed stare.
“Wha- no! No no no no! Seriously, I’m just doing a harmless favor for you. I’d do this for anypony,” she said whilst she sweated bullets, causing me and Twi to give her the ‘suspicious eyebrow’ look.
Fig 1: a 'suspicious eyebrow' look, also abbreviated as the 'Spock Face'.
“Close it Dash,” Twilight said firmly. The pegasus sighed in defeat and zipped the gap in the cloud shut.
“Much better,” Twilight said, lifting her sandwich to try and take a bite again, but was stopped this time by the rain suddenly acknowledging our existence.
“I would say that I never saw this coming, but I did,” I say, as we, our food, and my clothes, get drenched from the torrential downpour. “Come on, let's head home and get something to eat there.” Twilight and Spike nodded their affirmation, and we quickly left our table and hurried down the street as the rain continued to pour down all over us.
We had only travelled around 20 meters when a new obstacle made itself known.
“Twilight darling, whatever are you doing out here? Its raining!” Rarity asked, protected from the rain due to an ornate umbrella attached around her midriff, sorta like a saddle. Twilight gave her a deadpan stare.
“No, really?” Twilight replied sarcastically. Rarity wrapped a hoof around Twilight and yanked her along the way we had just come.
“Come with me darling, so we can get you dried off and fix that mane of yours!” Rarity said as she dragged Twilight along towards her boutique, followed by a lovestruck Spike and myself.
“‘Why hello, Rarity! Nice to see you too Rarity! Thanks for inviting me over to your house, Rarity!’ Goddamm ponies. I swear if this is about those damned tickets...” I grumble as I trudge along after the two Unicorns, alongside a lovesick Spike, who only has eyes for the Element of Generosity right now.
Some time later, we were at the Carousel Boutique, and Rarity dished out some towels to dry us off. I checked my pockets to see if the contents had been damaged by the rain, but to my relief my phone still works (surprisingly, after the amount of electrical energy Twilight poured into it in the last week), and to my semi-dismay the tickets were intact.
“Thanks for the help Rarity," Twilight said as she finished drying herself off with a towel and levitated it over to Rarity, who just threw it away whilst giving the purple Unicorn her full attention. I paused in the process of hanging my duster to dry over the head of a pony mannequin to give Rarity a suspicious glance. No one paid attention to Spike, as he hugged his towel close to him (they all had Rarity’s cutie marks on them).
“Oh its no problem Twilight. After all, that’s what friends do. And we are the best of friends, are we not?” I could practically hear Admiral Ackbar scream ‘it’s a trap!’ in my head.
Twilight started to back away, but Rarity moved forward and grabbed her front hooves with her own to prevent escape. “And you know what the best of friends do, don’t you?” She asked, smiling broadly and staring right into Twilight’s eyes, awaiting a response.
“Uhh....”
“Makeovers~!” In a blink of an eye, Rarity summoned a privacy screen over towards them and practically threw Twilight behind it, with the fashionista joining her a second later.
“Ow, Rari-! Hey, watch it back ther-! Ah, that’s my tail!” I cringed at what sounded like Twilight being assaulted by Rarity, which lasted for the most of ten seconds, before the screen was pushed aside with magic and Twilight was revealed, along with her new attire. It was a blue-green saddle trimmed in blue, with yellow tassels where the stirrups would normally hang, and a blue collar/necklace trimmed with a strand of rainbow-colored beads.
“There we go! That saddle is just divine on you dear,” Rarity said as she adjusted one final strap, and levitating a mirror in front of Twilight.
“Wow Rarity... I don’t know what to say...” Twilight said as she looked at her reflection, shifting positions to see the saddle from multiple sides.
“Well Declan, what do you think?” Rarity asked me, and I stammered for an appropriate response.
“I- uhh... well... it looks nice on you. You look really nice...” I said rather awkwardly, trying not to stare at any part of Twilight for too long and shifting my hands in slight agitation.
“Thanks Declan...” Twilight replied in a similar manner of awkwardness, trying to avoid eye contact as a very slight blush started to show on her cheeks. Fortunately for Twi, Only I noticed, since Spike was still fascinated by the towels (he had now acquired a second one), and Rarity was too busy following some ‘master plan’ she obviously had to try and get the third ticket from Twilight.
“And I have the perfect outfit for you too, Spike!” ‘And the moment is ruined...’ I thought as Rarity gently pushed Twilight over towards me and hauled Spike over with her magic, shaking the towels from the baby dragon’s grasp and pulling the screen in front of them.
“You do know this is some elaborate plot to get that Gala ticket, right?” I whisper to Twilight, as the shouts of pain and complaint from Spike waft from above and over the screen.
“Yeah, I figured it out when she made me wear this,” Twilight whispered back, nodding her head at the saddle.
“It still looks kinda nice on you though,” I say, and the awkward moment returns and we both blush slightly, trying to avoid eye contact.
“Oh Spike, you look marvelous!” ‘Annnnnd it’s gone again,’ I sigh mentally as the screen is removed a second time, revealing Spike, who was wearing some kind of outfit + curly blond wig that would be right at home during the renaissance era. Despite his mood that screamed ‘shoot me now’, he looked quite funny. Rarity brought the mirror back and showed Spike his reaction. He promptly freaked out.
“Now you just need a hat!” And as if it was fate, a hat of the same style as his outfit found its place on his head. Me and Twi couldn’t hold it back any more, as we started to laugh. If only I had the sense to took a picture of the dragon, purely for the blackmail material.
“And this is why I hate the Gala! See you back at the library you two,” Spike said to Twilight and me, as he made a run for the door, shredding the clothes off of him with his claws as he did so.
“Oh, who needs him anyway?” Rarity said with a wave of a hoof at the door that Spike had just closed behind him. “This is all about you, Twilight dear-” Rarity grabbed the front of Twilight’s outfit and hauled Celestia’s prized student over to herself and the mirror, forcing Twi in front of it. “-And how fabulous you’ll look at the Grand Galloping Gala!”
This was all the incentive Twilight needed to shout “AHA!”, at the same time I yelled “I KNEW IT!”. Rarity, however, ploughed on like her whole jig wasn’t up.
“And oh, my goodness, what a coincidence. I happen to have an ensemble of my own that matches yours to a T.” She summoned a ponyquin from behind a curtain, which was wearing an exact duplicate of Twilight’s saddle. “We would be the belles of the ball, you and I. Everyone would be clamoring for our attention.” Twilight started to back away, but Rarity threw her hoof around Twi’s neck in a headlock, preventing her prey from escaping. “All eyes would be on us, and then everyone would finally know. The most beautiful, most talented, most sophisticated pony in all of Equestria…” Twilight struggled in the almost-death grip Rarity had her in “…is Rarity the Unicorn!”
Both ponies were startled by the sound of clapping, and turned to face me. “So that’s your evil plan, eh? To grab the Gala ticket for yourself. Well, it almost worked, except that you’ll never get your hooves on that extra ticket.” Rarity narrowed her eyes and glared at me.
“Oh, I beg to differ, darling. I’m going to attend the Grand Galloping Gala, and I’m going to meet my prince charming there, and we’re going to get married and live happily ever after. Or else Twilight here will have to pay the price...” The fashionista paused in her monologue to allow dramatic tension to build.
“...Of her ensemble! Which comes to 2,300 bits for the materials, time spent, and trying it on. And it has to be paid in full in ten minutes, or interest will start adding.” We both gasped at her nefarious scheme, Twilight even going as far to say “you fiend!”.
“But like I said, you’ll never get your hooves on that ticket!” I dashed over to another ponyquin and whipped off the dress on it, holding it up in front of me with both hands.
“No! Not my design for the fall lineup!” She gasped, releasing her hold on Twilight, who promptly collapsed to the floor. She started to move towards me, her horn glowing, and I did the unthinkable to any dressmaker.
I pulled on each side of the dress, creating a rip down the middle. Rarity fell to the floor in some kind of inner pain, giving us the opportunity to get the hell outta here! Twilight rushed to the doors and thrusted them open, as I grabbed my still damp duster and fedora and followed her out. She shut the door behind us and we both sighed in relief, not only that we had escaped from Rarity, but it had also stopped raining.
“Maybe we should return the tickets to Princess Celestia. This damned Gala isn’t worth all this trouble...” I told Twilight, who was about to reply but was interrupted by our next foe.
“Howdy y’all!” Applejack said in greeting, pulling a large cart of food behind her. Red alert klaxons went off in our heads.
“Applejack...” Me and Twi said in suspicious unison, scrutinizing the orange earth pony.
“That’s a mighty fine geddup ya got there Twi! Is that from Rarity?” Applejack asked, and I couldn’t help noticing some slight nervous tension building up within her.
“Yes, it is. She tried to bribe the extra ticket from me with it,” Twilight replied, and Applejack seemed to relax a tad, though she did start to perspire.
“Ya don’t say...” she said nervously, her eyes darting from side to side, as if she was looking for any witnesses. “Hey Twi, ya didn’t happen to have any lunch yet?”
“Not with what’s been happening, so n-”
“Good! ‘cause I have a whole cart of food Ah made from those apples we picked this morning, and Ah know how much ya love Sweet Apple Acre food and all...”
“Hey, I thought you said that those apples were for making jam...” I said, calling her out on her fib.
“Ah did say that, then Ah saw that we had lots of jam already, so Ah baked these treats fer ya ‘cause of all the hard work y’all did today! Yeah...” Applejack was now sweating like a fire sprinkler, whilst trying to maintain a very nervous and way too big a smile.
“Goodbye, Applejack,” Twilight said, as we attempted to sidestep the pony, but she moved to block our path with her cart.
“Ya sure ya don’t want even one apple pie?” She asked, the smell of the baked goods wafting over to us and passing up our noses. Our stomachs decided to take Applejack’s side, as they grumbled loudly. I slowly raised a hand to reach for an apple fritter...
“NO!” Twilight grabbed my offending limb before I could fully turn to the dark side. “I don’t know who I’m giving the ticket to, and these ‘favours’ aren’t helping!” She proceeded to gallop leftwards, away from a stunned Applejack and her food cart, dragging me along by the hand. Me and my stomach wept as the sweet smell of food left us.
After a few minutes of galloping and being dragged along, Twilight finally slowed down, letting my hand go. I fell to the ground, my arm still outstretched from the speedy getaway.
“We could’ve had just a crumb... a wee morsel to stave off the darkness in our tummies that is hunger...” I complained. Twilight sighed, and sat down on her haunches.
“I know, but what Applejack was doing is wrong. I can’t accept favours, or gifts, so that they can get the extra ticket. Then only one of my friends will be happy, and the rest will probably hate me for not choosing them...” Twilight started to cry, as she hung her head low and stared at the ground. I immediately sat up and moved next to her, wrapping an arm around the Unicorn and pulling her close.
“Oh Twilight, it’ll be alright. You know you don’t have to take any of them if you don’t want to. Yes, they are your friends, and it would be nice going with them all, or at least one of them. But they’re not being good friends, badgering and bribing you for the third ticket. Their letting their greed get the better of them, and because of that, they’re being mean,” I said, trying to be comforting. “I think that you should give the ticket back to the Princess. If you can’t choose who to take, then take no one. Its not worth losing all your friends over.” Twilight sniffed, then wrapped her forehooves around me in a hug.
“Thanks Declan, for trying to help,” she said, as I patted her on the head softly.
“No problem, that’s what good friends are for. And we are good friends, aren’t we?” Twilight pushed herself away and fixed me with a ‘I’m not amused’ stare. “Sorry, just slipped out of my mouth.” I shrugged. “You still look nice, by the way.” Twilight looked away awkwardly again, smiling and blushing slightly.
“Let’s just get back to the library, so we can send these tickets back.” We both stood up and began the journey back home.
We both arrived at the library, noting that the curtains were drawn, and the faint sound of singing could be heard from within. We took up positions on either side of the door, Twilight armed with her magic, and me with my iPhone.
Now, I bet you’re wondering why I’m wielding my trusty phone as a weapon. Answer: flashlight. I plan on using the iPhone’s flashlight to startle any ponies I point it at, since when I showed it to Twilight, she freaked out when she looked right at it, saying it was like looking at the sun. I’m hoping it will work on other ponies too, sort of a single use distraction to make a getaway or launch a proper attack.
“Since there’s only two ponies left who know about the tickets, its either Fluttershy or Pinkie in there. And since the curtains are closed and there’s singing, it’s more than likely Pinkie,” Twilight explained in a hushed tone. “If it is, you’ll need to distract her long enough for me to use my magic.”
And if it’s Fluttershy?”
“Just do that clapping thing with your hands. That’ll startle her enough to faint, and we can roll from there.”
“Sounds like a plan, and I love it when a plan comes together.” ‘I wish I had a cigar when I said that...’
Twilight started to count down from three, and straight after one, I kicked the door open and we both darted in, me halting down on one knee, iPhone at the ready, whilst Twilight positioned herself to cast a levitation spell on the target. We looked around for it, but we- oh Gawd its pink its singing its-!
“Fluttershy...” Twilight sighed, and we moved out of our action poses, as I pocketed my iPhone.
“Oh, hello Twilight. I hope you don’t mind me and my animal friends-” she gestured to the various bunnies and birds dusting the place and cleaning any mess “-breaking into your house through your window, but I thought it would be nice if we did some spring cleaning for you.” She smiled kindly to us, but I was having none of it, no matter how cute, and so was Twilight.
“It’s July,” Twilight deadpanned, and I grasped the tickets in my duster pocket, wary of thieving rabbits named ‘Angel’.
“Oh... well better late than never right?” She floated down towards us from where she was cleaning one of the windows. “It was all Angel’s idea.” ‘I bet it was...’ I thought. Angel himself wandered into the foyer from the kitchen, wearing Spike’s chef hat and holding a frying pan with salad in it, sizzling.
“Fluttershy, if this is about the ticket, then you’re wasting your time. We’ve decided not to take anypony with us,” Twilight began, but Fluttershy interrupted her, floating closer and closer to Twilight.
“Oh, are you sure? I mean, it is your choice and all, but I really wanted to go and see all the cute little critters in the royal gardens and sing to them and talk to them and-” Fluttershy jumped three feet high as I clapped loudly, scaring her enough to make her faint. Twilight grabbed the Pegasus in her magic, settling her on the floor gently.
“Something’s not right here. Fluttershy was speaking confidently and she kept getting closer instead of shying away. There’s no way Fluttershy would act like that,” Twilight said, looking down at her friend in worry.
“I agree, I’ll be glad to get rid of these damned tickets. Let’s find Spike and be done with this.” We head for the stairs, but we had to dive out of the way of fried vegetables flung at our faces. Standing in our way at the base of the stairs was Fluttershy’s pet bunny Angel, wielding the hot frying pan.
“It’s that damned rabbit!” I exclaimed, glaring at it as the pint-sized rabbit swung the frying pan around threateningly. I grabbed a book from a shelf and threw it at the rabbit, but it was engulfed in a purple aura and changed direction.
“Don’t use my books as weapons!” Twilight chastised me, and I was about to reply, when the frying pan decided to say hello to my face. I ducked and narrowly dodged the still sizzling and very hot metal projectile as it flew mere inches above me. Twilight grabbed the bunny and sent him out the front door, closing it behind him. We headed upstairs, determined more than ever to get rid of the tickets. Entering the private study area and our bedroom, we found Spike reading a comic book on the upper level. After giving a brief rundown of the crazy stuff going on, we had a letter written and the tickets, mine included, sealed inside a letter for the Princess.
Spike went to the balcony to send it, but Fluttershy’s birds soared in and started pecking anyone who got too close to the windows and the balcony.
“This is getting really weird right now. Its like everyone’s greed for the tickets is making them desperate for them, even the animals,” I said, as another attempt to get past the birds ended up in more pecking.
“We’ll have to go out the front door and do it there,” Twilight said, and together all three of us headed downstairs. We reached the front door, and I opened it, only to be attacked by a barrage of confetti and streamers from the other side, sending me flying backwards.
“SURPRISE!!” Shouted Pinkie, as well as half the town, gathered around the front of the library. Before Twilight could react, Pinkie grabbed her by the front of the saddle she was still wearing and threw her to the crowd, which proceeded to throw Twilight repeatedly in the air and catching her, whilst Pinkie began to sing. But before she could the second verse, I tackled the pink party pony, ending her song. The crowd gasped, and forgot to catch Twilight, letting her fall to the ground.
“What the hay Declan?!” A familiar voice shouted from the crowd, and I turned to see Vinyl Scratch and Octavia at the front of the gathering.
“No time to explain! Gotta send a letter!” I said quickly, standing up.
“You mean this letter?” A mare from the crowd asked, pointing a hoof at the letter in Spike’s hand, who was about to send it to the Princess. But it was snatched from his grasp by a golden aura, and a familiar mint green Unicorn levitated it over to herself. She opened it and gasped.
“They were going to send the tickets back!” She exclaimed, causing the crowd to gasp and then grumble about how selfish me and Twilight were being about sending back the tickets.
“Wait, how do you all know about the tickets?” Twilight asked the crowd.
“We did.” Me, Twilight and Spike turned to see the Elements of Harmony, sans Fluttershy, moving to the front of the crowd, Pinkie joining them. “Someponies overheard our argument in the street about the tickets and asked if it was true, and we said yes. It didn’t feel right keeping it all a secret from them,” Rarity said. “But then you two had to be greedy, holding the tickets for yourselves. Then you had the audacity to send them back! Why, that’s dreadfully selfish of you three!”
“Oooohh, so that’s what all this is about! I thought it was another one of Pinkie’s rad parties,” Vinyl comprehended, causing most of the ponies to give her confused looks, but me, Twi and Spike all felt relieved that there was still someone on our side.
“So you dragged me away from my rehearsal for nothing?” Octavia sighed and facehoofed.
“Hey! Can we get on with it so I an go to the Gala?!” Rainbow Dash called out impatiantly.
“Quite right. This has gone on long enough. You three need to be punished for your greed,” Rarity stated, slowly walking towards us. The crowd followed suit, slowly chanting the word ‘greed’ repeatedly, quickening and increasing the volume with each chant. Soon they had us backed against the wall of the library, slowly closing in on us.
“What the hell is wrong with everyone?!” I shout,but get no response apart from the greed chants. Then Rarity let loose a high pitched scream, and everyone turned to look at her.
“MUD! It’s on me! Get it off!” She screamed, not noticing that the tickets and letter were forced out of her magic and eveloped in a rose coloured one. The distracted crowd was shoved in half to make a path for Vinyl and Octavia, the two remaining sane creatures in this town along side me and my two friends.
“I have no idea what’s going on, but we need to split!” Vinyl said, just as Rainbow noticed the missing tickets.
“Hey! They’re stealing the tickets!” She shouted, flying up into the air, before diving at us.
“Gather round everypony, I know just the spell.” We all drew close to Twilight, as she began channelling magic through her horn. Then my vision was filled with a white flash and a wave of heat washed upon us, along with the sensation that every atom in my body was being ripped to shreds, them crammed back together again. The flash of white faded, and we found ourselves on the other end of town, smouldering lightly.
“What the fuck was that?” I ask, frozen in shock, along with Spike and Octavia. Vinyl just grinned, as Twilight keeled over from exhaustion.
“Yep, just like my first time teleporting...” she said, remembering a fond memory.
“Send the letter...” Twilight said from her spot on the ground, too tired to move. Spike pulled himself back to reality, sealed the letter again, and breathed emerald flames upon it, burning it into a fine, wispy purple cloud, which soared off high into the sky and off to Canterlot Castle, which stood on the side of a mountain visible from Ponyville.
We were all startled by the sound of clapping, and we turned to see another Human, or what looked like a Human, walk towards us.
“Well done! Took you longer than expected to figure it out, had to give you a nudge at the end there, but you did it nonetheless!” The man said as he approached us.
“You guys can see him, right?” I ask the ponies and dragon, who all give their confirmations. “Good, just making sure I'm not completely insane.” I stepped forward and faced the man in front of me. “What are you going on about, God?” I asked the almighty.
“The first test. You passed!.” He smiled at us. “Albeit, you had some help from your friends.” He gestured towards Twilight, who sat there shocked and confused.
“All this was a test!?” Twilight asked, sitting up and facing God.
“Indeed Twilight Sparkle! A test to see if Declan here could overcome the power of greed. Which he did!” A certificate poofed into my hands, and I looked at it.
“So all of the ponies in town acting crazy and wanting the tickets, that was your doing?” I ask, letting the Certificate fall to the floor, only for it to disappear.
“Technically, yes. I just amplified their desire for greed tenfold, to see how you would overcome it. It was quite humorous and touching in some places,” he said, wiping a mock tear from his eye.
“Gee, I’m so glad. Maybe we’ll win an Oscar for best picture,” I said sarcastically causing God to roll his eyes.
“Oh, you Humans and your sarcastic tendencies.” He chuckled slightly. “Listen, I must dash. Gotta observe a whole galaxy be swallowed by a black hole. But first...” he snapped his fingers.” There! All the residents in this town are back to normal. They will still retain their memories, so expect many apologies later. And prepare yourself for the next test, Declan. It may happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or even next year...!” God slowly walked backwards, fading from our view, his voice echoing around us. When he finally disappeared, we simply stood there. I looked down at the floor, sighing and grimacing.
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Slight problem...if you can call it that. Twilight licking her loins might be interesting if that is your thing
"Oh Spike, that looks delicious!" Twilight commented, licking her loins in hunger as she saw the juicy, fresh, bright red apple. But her hopes were dashed as Spike devoured the whole apple in one bite, accidentally spitting apple juice and fragments on Twilight.
4194426
WTF spellcheck?!? Y U do dis? D:
Will be fixed ASAP. Thanks for pointing.
4194540 No problem
Let's see the other deadly sins are:
Gluttony: Spikes growth spurt comes to mind here.
Lust Heart's and Hooves day is a definite possibility, as is Canterlot Wedding
Wrath/Rage Dragon Quest perhaps... Or The season 3 opening
Pride Their are so many possible episodes pride could pop up in won't even bother to guess.
Sloth I don't think we've experienced a true episode about the problems of Sloth just yet, Rarity could be possibly described as this during Sweet and Elite with how little work she put into Twilight's gift, but that wasn't so much Sloth as failed prioritization... Rainbow Dash's initial view during the latest episode could possibly fall under that but with how quick she went into a "find some way to study" mode it has to be ruled out as well.
Envy The recent episode with Sweetie Belle comes to mind, but so does "Green isn't your color"
Of course some of these take place in later seasons so it's really anyone's guess as to what they actually are.
great chapter again.. kinda creepy and glad you could figure that 'meat' section of the story.
look forward to the next chapter!
You give us a Spock face?
I give Thee Jag-Face!
gifs.gifbin.com/072011/reverse-1311246606_top_gear__jeremy_clarkson_thumbup.gif
4198383
Eh, the thing about stories that follow the show's timeline is that it's basically the show with a extra character who changes little. This chapter pretty much had that problem until later on, this will probably be a problem with every chapter though simply because of the type of story it is.
Otherwise there's the minor grammar mistakes and the un-italicised ship's name. Titanic not Titanic, ship's have italicised names, pretty sure I said this already as well.
Beyond that, pretty good chapter, though needs more Octavia.
Spock face? bitch please.
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/229/3/4/the_people__s_eyebrow_by_soulfulnobody-d5behuc.png
4216399
Neckbeard confirmed.
Nah, I'm joking. Seriously, great chapter. You really had me laughing out loud at some points.
4240089
I did what now? What Spaceballs reference did I fail to use?