“You guys can see him, right?” I ask the ponies and dragon, who all give their confirmations. “Good, just making sure I'm not completely insane.” I stepped forward and faced the man in front of me. “What are you going on about, God?” I asked the almighty.
“The first test. You passed!.” He smiled at us. “Albeit, you had some help from your friends.” He gestured towards towards Twilight who sat there shocked and confused.
“All this was a test!?” Twilight asked, sitting up and facing God.
“Indeed Twilight Sparkle! A test to see if Declan here could overcome the power of greed. Which he did!” A certificate poofed into my hands, and I looked at it.
“So all of the ponies in town acting crazy and wanting the tickets, that was your doing?” I ask, letting the Certificate fall to the floor, only for it to disappear.
“Technically, yes. I just amplified their desire for greed tenfold, to see how you would overcome it. It was quite humorous and touching in some places,” he said, wiping a mock tear from his eye.
“Gee, I’m so glad. Maybe we’ll win an Oscar for best picture,” I said sarcastically causing God to roll his eyes.
“Oh, you Humans and your sarcastic tendencies.” He chuckled slightly. “Listen, I must dash. Gotta observe a whole galaxy be swallowed by a black hole. But first...” he snapped his fingers.” There! All the residents in this town are back to normal. They will still retain their memories, so expect many apologies later. And prepare yourself for the next test, Declan. It may happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or even next year...!” God slowly walked backwards, fading from our view, his voice echoing around us. When he finally disappeared, we simply stood there. I looked down at the floor, sighing and grimacing.
“Ooooooh, so that’s God! Huh, he seems more omnipotent than you described,” Vinyl said in comprehension.
“Yeah, he sure does have that effect on people,” I reply, sighing.
“Wait a minute! Who was that? And what did he mean by passing a test?” Twilight asked, looking from Vinyl to myself, obviously still in shock on what just happened.
“I’ll explain it all when we get back to the library. The others will want to know what’s going on,” I say.
“Okay, but we’re walking back. That spell took too much magic to perform,” Twilight said, standing up, her legs wobbling with exhaustion.
It took us five minutes to get back to the library, and the large crowd that had been in front of it before had dispersed. Not a soul was in sight of the house-tree, which was a good thing, since none of us were in the mood to be swamped by the townsfolk. Again. I reached the door first, turning the handle and pushing it open.
POW! I found myself on the ground for the second time that day due to a speeding pink projectile. It continued onwards to tackle Twilight into a death hug, knocking her off her hooves and sending the two down to the ground.
“Oh Twilight I'm so sorry, I don’t know what came over me I just wanted the tickets all to myself so I could go the the greatest party ever but my greed was out of control and I'm reaaaaalllllllllly sorry Twilight, really really really-” Pinkie’s frantic apologising was interrupted as Vinyl and I managed to pull the pink earth pony off of Twilight, allowing the Unicorn to enjoy the wonder that was breathing. Pinkie decided to just stare at the floor, her poofy mane seeming to visibly deflate. Applejack then took the initiative and stepped forward towards Twilight.
“Ah’m real sorry Twilight, we all just kinda lost it there fer awhile. We really didn't mean y’all any harm, honest” Applejack said, taking off her Stetson and holding it to her chest as she looked at Twilight sadly while drawing circles with her hoof. She backed away, allowing Rarity to step forward. How many ponies are in here.. Hasn't Twilight ever heard of locks?
“Twilight, I'm terribly sorry for what I did, I just don't know what came over me! I mean i have always dreamed about going to the Gala, but even that does not justify my actions. Could you ever forgive me?" Rarity said, with a solemn look on her face.
"Of course I forg-"
"Twilight I-I'm so s-sorry!" All of our heads spun to the still open door, "I-I j-just don't know what came over me! I-I just.. I'm so s-sorry!" sobbed the yellow, and usually quiet, pegasus. Her usually neat mane was frizzy and she had dark tear stains surrounding her eyes.
As if on cue, Rainbow Dash flew in and draped a comforting wing over Fluttershys back, earning a flinch from the timid pony. "Sorry Twi, I wasn't acting myself" Could have fooled me. "I mean its just that, well you know how I feel about the Wonderbolts, and a chance to see them, well ye..." she trailed off, releasing the, now calm, pony from her grip.
"I think we can all agree that we got a little, out of control, there" piped in Rarity.
"So, can ya'll forgive us twi?" finished Applejack.
"Of course i can, you're all my friends and something like this isn't going to change that. Plus, it's not entirely your fault anyway." Turning to me, Twilight gave me a knowing smile.
Pinkie’s mane visibly poofed back into its usual form as she dived to glomp Twilight again. Luckily Twilight was quick enough this time to catch the pink rocket in her telekinetic grip, leaving her to swim mid air for a while.
"I think you all learnt a valuable lesson here today."
“GAH!” I jump in surprise as a gentle, warming regal voice spoke right behind me, ellipting gasps from the ponies and dragon. I turn around to see Princess Celestia standing right behind me, with Princess Luna just behind her.
“Princess Celestia?!” Twilight gasped in surprise, as she and all the other ponies and dragon bowed.
“Please arise, we have much to discuss, my faithful student.” All the ponies stood up again, looking up at the princesses with reverence.
“Indeed, we were both concerned regarding the letter thou sent us,” Princess Luna added, using her magical powers to make a letter appear in front of her with a flash. She handed it over to her sister, who took it into her own magical aura and levitated it over to Twilight, who tentatively grasped it with her own.
“But before we delve into that matter, I think introductions are in order,” Princess Celestia said, waving a hoof at Vinyl Scratch and Octavia, who were standing on the other end of the room. Octavia visibly stiffened in surprise when the room’s attention was drawn to her, whilst her Unicorn DJ friend remained relaxed and calm.
“I-i’m Octavia, your highness...” the musical earth pony stammered out nervously, giving a small and nervous bow.
“I’m Vinyl Scratch, your royal highness,” Vinyl said with a nod of her head. It was clear that Octavia didn’t approve of vinyl’s way of introduction, as she shot her friend a warning glare.
“This is my sister, Princess Luna,” Celestia said, lifting a wing in the direction of Luna, who stepped forward to stand beside her sister.
“Salutations,” Luna said in greeting, giving the two musicians a slight incline of her head.
“Greetings your highness,” Octavia managed to nervously sputter out as she went down into a nose scraping bow, sweating bullets.
“Your royal highness,” Vinyl said with another nod, still remaining calm, earning herself another glare from the pony rising from her bow.
“So, about the thing you wanted to talk about...” I say, prompting the conversation forward.
“Ah, yes. We were both concerned about the reason for sending the tickets back,” Princess Celestia began, withdrawing the three golden tickets. “You see, we had initially sent them as a test to see if Twilight’s friendship with her friends was strong enough.” Celestia explained. Me and Twilight shared a glance, before Celestia spoke again. “But we didn’t expect that all your friends were desperate for the tickets. So much so that they went to drastic measures...” The others cringed at this.
“But it wasn’t their fault though, if anything blame God,” I say in my friends’ defense, which causes both princesses to look at me quizzically.
“God? Who is he and what does he have to do with what happened here today?” Celestia asked, thoroughly intrigued. I myself was stumped that someone was actually asking me who ‘God’ was.
“You don’t know God? The one who created life, the universe, and everything?” I ask.
“No, we hath not heard of this creature before,” Luna replies, before asking a question of her own, “doth he come from Earth like thou?”
“Well, yes and no. Mostly no. You see, up until a short time ago, myself and everyone else on my world thought God was just a myth started by our ancestors a very long time ago, which blossomed into multiple religions, each dictating their own version of God, or Gods, all of which describe them as having powers to create, shape or destroy the universe and all life within it. I myself, a man of science and technology, didn’t believe that God existed, and if he did, then he had made my life on Earth hell. Then he turns up one day driving the DeLorean, gives me the car and disappears. Then I uhh, I end up here? I can’t seem to recall much of that... but next thing I know is that I’m dodging trees and end up plowing into Applejack’s barn. Then the rest is history I guess...”
The princesses mulled over what I had said, both sharing occasional looks at each other, as if they were communicating telepathically.
“Hmm, so this God is extremely powerful, from what you said in your explanation, but it still does not explain what he has to do with the events of today,” Celestia said, frowning slightly.
“Ah, yes. You see, me coming here was no accident. God wanted me to come here, he chose me to ‘redeem humanity’. And for me to do this, he at first told me that I was to keep the peace here or something. Then after the summer sun celebration, he told me that he was going to lay out seven tests, and I’m supposed to complete them. I didn’t know what they were until the first test today, which was a test to see how I would fare when everyone got super greedy. So he made everyone in the town want those gala tickets.” The princesses went back to their silent glances and deep thought, before Celestia spoke again.
“Could you tell me what this God looked like? Did his appearance seem... unusual?” She asked me.
“Well, he looks like a human. Wears human clothes, has human limbs, also has a northern accent. And his appearance did seem unusual, because he looks like some guy from my world you’ve never heard of,” I answer, remembering God’s slightly smug face from our last encounter. The princesses then went back to their silent thoughts and glances, which I shall forever dub as ‘Princess Talk’. Ten minutes later, they finally stopped their Princess Talk, as they turned to face me and the ponies in the room.
“We apologise for remaining silent, but Luna and I were communicating telepathically (I KNEW IT. #PRINCESSTALK), and we’ve come up with a plan on how to deal with ‘God’. Luna, if you please?” Princess Luna nodded and continued the explanation.
“We think it would be prudent if we let God continue with these tests of his. When he next makes an appearance, Celestia and I shall confront him and try to resolve this in peace. Do thou knowest when he shall next appear, Declan?”
“No, I don’t. His visits are completely random, so he could turn up tomorrow or ten years from now.” Another brief moment of Princes Talk follows after my statement.
“In that case, we will have to be vigilant and watch for his next appearance. In the mean time, we shall continue to find you a way home Declan. With or without God’s help, we will send you home,” Celestia said firmly, a comforting smile still adoring her face.
“What do you want us to do, Princess?” Twilight asked, with the rest of the Elements of Harmony standing behind her.
“My faithful student, I need you and your friends to assist Declan during these tests. I have a feeling he’s going to need it.” Twilight and the other nodded in confirmation, looks of determination on all of their faces except Fluttershy, who looked like she didn’t want to be a part of this.
“Hey, we’ll lend a hoof too. I bet God can’t stand up against the might of my wubs!” Vinyl proclaimed, whilst Octavia groaned and hid her face behind a foreleg in embarrassment.
“I’m glad that you would offer to help us, my little ponies. Now, we must return to Canterlot. I wish we could stay longer, but there is an urgent matter that we need to deal with upon our return. Farewell Twilight Sparkle, Declan. We will try to help whenever we can.” Celestia nodded to both me and Twilight, before disappearing in a flash of light. Luna however, remained behind.
“Declan, we wish we could stay longer, but sister is right. We must depart.” Luna said, giving me a warm smile. “But we shan’t say no to visits at the castle, so ‘don’t be a stranger’, as the ponies say nowadays.” And with another flash, Princess Luna was gone too.
With the princesses gone, the ponies started to filter out to return to their homes and mull over the day’s events. Well, most of them at least. Vinyl and Octavia were probably heading back to their apartment to argue over Vinyl’s behaviour, and Pinkie would probably throw a Welcome to Ponyville party or something for God. Not that he’d turn up.
Princess Celestia let loose a heavy sigh of relief upon closing the doors to her royal chambers. Upon returning to Canterlot, she had to continue to sort out some feud between two nobles, and dealing with just one angry noble was hard enough. Add to the fact that a being of immense power that has not been seen since the likes of Discord is loose somewhere in Equestria using her little ponies as pawns in his plans for Declan, she just couldn’t take much more. So when the time came to lower the sun, she couldn’t help but feel relieved that the day was over.
Using her magic, she removed her tiara, necklace, gold slippers and drew the curtains closed. Pulling the sheets back with a golden glow, she flopped into bed in a very unprincesslike fashion, ready to fall asleep so she could be ready for what tomorrow might bring. Bringing the covers over herself and closing her eyes, she settled in for a good nights sleep in Luna’s realm.
However, that was not the case. No sooner as she had closed her eyes, her bed, covers and pillows vanished, leaving the solar princess to fall slowly to the ground. A ground that seemed very dusty for a room that was quadruple cleaned every three hours during the day. Opening her eyes, Celestia found that she was no longer in her royal bedchambers, but instead lying on the ground of a grey landscape, dotted with ridges and craters for miles. Above the landscape was a pitch black sky with white dots speckled all over it, much like Luna’s night sky. Standing up, she surveyed her surroundings in slight panic and curiosity, before looking up.
And screamed.
Above her was a blue-green orb hovering in the night sky of the grey landscape. She could make out the continent that Equestria was settled on, as well as the eastern territories, the Griffon Kingdom, and the southern arctic shelf. It then struck her where she was.
She was on the moon.
“Hello Celestia. It’s about time we met.” She turned to face the source of the voice, which turned out to be a human like Declan, but one that looked and sounded different. She tried to think of a response, to say something, but her mind seemed to have been frozen by shock and fear, something she had not felt for a very long time. So she settled for a simple question.
“Are you God?” She asked tentatively, to which the human chuckled softly.
“Yes, I am God. The almighty. The father of man. The creator of life, the universe, and everything.”
“Why did you bring me here?” She asked, trying to muster up some form of courage, but it just seemed to slip away whenever she made eye contact with God.
“I brought you here because I wanted to have a little chat, from one powerful deity to another. Although your power is only a microscopic fraction of mine, we’re still considered gods by our respective civilizations nonetheless.”
“What do you want?”
“I just said, I wanted a little talk, just between us two. And the moon seemed like a fitting place to have it, since there’s no one around to hear us. At least, not anymore... or yet.” he finished flatley, Celestia was puzzled by this, but was too frozen in fear to say something about it.
“You see Celly- can I call you Celly? -I have this big master plan of mine, all revolving around the human race. And I need Declan to help me complete it. But at this time, he’s not ready to face the challenge set out at the end of my plan, and if he remained on Earth, he would never have been ready. This is why I wanted him to come to Equestria, so that he could prepare for the final challenge coming upon the humans.” He started to walk towards Celestia, reaching out a hand to stroke her cheek. “Thus I decided to give him seven tests to complete over a period of time to see if he is truly ready to save Earth and humanity. But alas, I can’t have pesky Alicorns such as yourself, your sister, your niece or even the lost one to meddle with my plans.”
He stopped stroking Celestia’s cheek with his hand, and in a quick flick of the wrist, God wrapped his fingers around Celestia’s throat. “So, I don’t want to dispose of you, since that would ruin my plans and I’d have to fall back on the reserves to see my goal accomplished.” He tightened his grip, causing Celestia to try and gasp for air. “So instead, I’ll give you one little rule, a reason if you will, to keep your snout out of my business.” He tightened his grip even more, crushing the Princess’s throat.
“Don’t fuck with my plans, and I won’t have to wipe you or your precious sister from the face of existence. Do you understand?” He released his grip on Celestia’s throat, allowing her to topple to her side onto the ground struggling for air. He then walked over to her head, where she was gasping desperately drawing air back into her lungs. Raising a foot, he placed it to the side of her head, and started to apply pressure. “I won’t say it again. Do. You. Understand?” He finished, punctuating his question with even more force to the alicorns skull, causing her eyes to bulge.
“Y-y-yes...” Celestia managed to gasp out. God then removed his foot from her face and walked backwards away from her.
“Excellent! Now that’s sorted, I’ve got other things to do. Heaven’s not gonna clean itself now. Oh, and before I go, don’t go mentioning to anyone or anypony that we had this conversation, or you’ll deeply regret it. Toodles!” And with a faint pop, he disappeared, leaving Celestia to lie on the lunar landscape, gasping for air and to process what had just happened, silently sobbing to no one.
Wtf God?!?
i always knew that gods, or in this case God were pricks.
4688430 Yeah, he likes his rules a bit too much.
...wow. What a dick.
That's not going to gain you friends by doing that to Celestia. Huh.. and now I can see why Celestia wanted to release Discord to use his powers for "good".
I'm impressed, in all honesty I commend god for what he did, was he in the right idk but if you think about it throughout the entire show celestia schemed and lied for the greater good she believed in the entire time just as he's doing, maybe not a direct lie but a lie of omission is still a lie none the less.
From my understanding and what I got from this was that.
1). As long as she can have her way and go unchallenged then she's fine. Example she put her niece cadance on the throne of the crystal empire an entirely separate kingdom all together from equestria thus putting two countries under her metaphorical hoof. For the better yes I agree but this could prove to be a double edge sword in other circumstances from what we witnessed in the show.
2). She feels threatened when someone has greater power than her own.
3): Celestia and luna believe they could sway his resolve over what he was doing/and claim they would confront him when he appears and to try to solve things peacefully, but what if they didn't. She's aloud to plot and scheme for better are worse and he isn't “We think it would be prudent if we let God continue with these tests of his. When he next makes an appearance, Celestia and I shall confront him and try to resolve this in peace. Do thou knowest when he shall next appear, Declan?” but she's ok as long as she can decide the future.
And this is why I love this story definitely one of my favorites!!!
So much mystery :3
#The Valeyard
4689366 Well here's the thing, God, not always peachy guy/girl/thing, he/she/it has his/her/its moments where he/she/it, doesn't want shit fucking with the plans, I'm surprised you didn't realize that, remember, kinda sent over six plagues at Egypt till they finally decided to do what they got ordered.
Main thing here, god most likely doesn't care whether or not that anyone extra might hate or love him.
*puts up flame shield*
Eh, I still think we just call up SG-1 and get rid of all the gods.
4821843 Blood on the Risers is best dark yet cheery song.
Gods a fucker man.
Actually, I have a theory. That wasn't god... but someone else.
4694604
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic...
I'm fairly certain that a Daedalus class could pull off all of God's theatrics hear save for the greed and Dimension hopping. You could be transported to the moon with the Asgard stuff, use an inverted, displaced shield to induce a psuedo atmosphere on the moon, you could send holographic images to incite many different scenarios... etc.
4842514 Oh look it's the person I'm RPing with and haven't wrote a reply to said RP in a long time. Hi person! *Waves*
4842652
Without looking pulls up an RPG and gets a perfect headshot.
I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.
4845109 *Survives* Cause fuck logic.
4845225
*absentlmindedly starts going through the normal techniques of the my day all while randomly tossing grenades or taking potshots over my shoulder, managing to score a more-than-fatal wound eachtime*
I'm not even angry. I'm being so sincere right now.
4845233 *Survives each time because again, fuck logic*
Okay then, be like that. I'll go do this.
4845233
4845367
Lol you guys, not this again!
Also, Paddle Steamer wins because awesome music.
4845636 lol Victory through Mario music.
4845856
As I said. I'm not angry at all. *grabs generic guard and crushes head with one fist* I'm just acting as a normal, *destroys fourth wall* sane *kills the creator of the music* human being, *gives the author a present which has a hidden grenade in it, killing him*
No anger or malice at all.
P.S. Dead author guy, nobody wins in this. Trust me. We will just fill your notification box with this shit.
4847326 You clearly are mad, well more mad than you already are, and a different kind of mad.
But anyways.
OKTOBER FEEeeeEEeeeEEeeeEeeeEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEeeeEEe!
4847372
We're all mad here. Don't you get it? *throws grenade into random civilian/hospital/orphanage* But I am the only one who's sane enough to realize the truth. *literally eats a grenade* *explodes*
*survives* Don't you see? It's not real! None of this is real! We're all just-*sniped in the head by another Gordon*
Shut up. You damned imposter. Also, apparently he was gonna reveal some reality breaking news so my random employer fellow had me kill him. Something about another one becoming self-aware...
Also *kicks you in the balls with servo-assist on* That's for forgetting about the RP.
4847387 I didn't forget about it, I'm just procrastinating, like on my Forgotten Enterprise story.
Also it doesn't take a genius to realise this isn't real and that's why we haven't died, duh.
4847417
Wait. This isn't real? That means that I- *shot in the head by another Gordon*
Hey, sorry about that. My employer held me up and had me kill this fake. Something about awareness. Anyway *kicks you in the balls with a servo-assisted boot* That's for making me wait for the RP!
4847441 This isn't real, that kick didn't hurt me, you're not real.
4847464
What? Not real? But then that means I- *Shot in the head by another Gordon*
Hey there buddy. Sorry about that. My employer informed me of this doppelganger and something about him being self aware. So that problem's done with now. By the way... *staples a grenade to your groin and watches it explode* THAT's for the RP.
4847479 I am still ALIVE!
Also, this isn't real, which is why I'm still alive, you're not real either, none of this is. Now be ready for another you to come and kill you, clones and whatnot.
4847493
*situation repeats*
4847497 I told you to be ready for the other you, you idiot.
4847517
What? But I was ready, see, I killed the imposter!
*sniper shot kills you and another you walks up*
*other you* Sorry Ol' chap, got held up by a lorry. And a tasty biscuit. Fancy a spot of tea?
4847535 We're both idiots eh?
4847538
Perhaps. Though we should still fill the authors notification box as much as possible. What do you say? agreed?
4847546 I dunno, I just know you're not real.
4847632
That makes no sense. *unches you in the face hard enough to send you sprawling* How's that for real?
4847637 See, I didn't even feel that, I'm not real either, none of this is, it merely exists as binary code on some server in Britain.
4847766
You're crazy. Plus, it's not like Britian would be hosting something like this. Filthy Brits
*suddenly an explosion kills us both and a random, nonexistant camera angle zooms into space on the Daedalus an unkown amount of time after we left off*
Carter: See, I told you we could hit any target.
Gordon: Sweet.
Captain -whatever your OC's name was-: Very impressive.
4849383 Doyle, Captain Edwin Doyle, it's really not that hard to remember you bloody fool.
I imagine good as Morgan Freeman like in Bruce Almighty ... But seriously that was dark of god