• Published 12th Jul 2012
  • 7,074 Views, 487 Comments

Stuck In Equestria - VaporingRat

A human travels to Equestria in a DeLorean and causes all sorts of mischief.

  • ...

Reality's A Kick In The Head

Okay, don't panic. You've just killed one of the ponies, but it's no biggie. It's just a dream. All a dream.

As my mind slowly turns whacko, I continue to walk around, and come across a house built inside a tree. Heh, tree-house, geddit?


Geez, tough crowd. The place looks neglected from the outside, with some of the windows white with dust and several others missing panes or shards. The oak looks slightly rotten and the leaves are brown. The door is old and worn, with a rusty doorknob and hinges, and the balcony at the top looks very unstable.

I decide to go inside, because it's getting dark and I need somewhere to stay until this dream ends. As I enter, I note that the ceiling is high enough to let me stand properly, and just in the nick of time as well, my back was starting to seize up from the dwarf houses. Er, pony houses.

Looking around the interior, I notice that I'm in a library, and that the shelves are full of books. There's a door to the side leading into a kitchen, and a staircase elating up to the next floor, as well as a door to the basement. I immediately head to the kitchen to search for food, but returned to the library disappointed after finding nothing. It's clear that no one lives here anymore, and the thick amount of dust around suggests that the library hasn't been used in a very long time.

I head upstairs and note that the upper floor is actually split into two different levels. The lower level has some more bookshelves as well as a balcony and bathroom access while the upper level had a space for a bed, and that's it. I sigh as I look around. It's sad to see a place like this in such disrepair and neglect. But this is a dream, so I'd probably forget everything about it soon enough.

I head downstairs and all of a sudden, I feel tired. Looking through one of the windows, I can see the sun setting over the horizon. Yawning loudly, the day's events start to make themselves known as my body starts to feel heavy. I walk over to a wall and sit down on the floor, leaning against the wall. Soon, this dream will end and everything will be alright...

God I really hate this dream...

I seem to be having an unusual moment in which I experience a second dream after the first one finishes while I sleep. I can be confusing at times, but I know that I'm still dreaming mainly because, I'm standing in complete blackness that has no end, but seems to be lit dimly. The fact that I'm wearing a Star Fleet uniform from The Next Generation might help a little.

Something moves at the very edge of my vision, beyond the rim of my glasses so I can't see it properly. I turn to try and get a better look, but it's gone. Queue spooky music.

"Who's there?" I ask. turning around in a full 360 on the spot. I can hear faint whispering, and more movement just beyond the rim of my glasses again, but as I turn around to face it again, it's gone. "Show yourself."

Something moves in front of me a good twenty feet away, in the form of a sparkly blue mist. It swirls on the spot and it forms a mostly solid form of a four legged being with a horn and wings, with blue armor and a black coat- cripes! It's another one of those horses. This dream just got better.

"Aw what? Again? Why can't you just fuck off you damn horse! And why don't you tell your pony counterparts to do the same as well!" I say to the horse (its around the size of a horse so...), which doesn't seemed fazed at all by my short outburst.

"My return is nearing, soon all of Equestria will be plunged into Eternal Night!" It says very happily as it grins wickedly, showing off a neat set of false fangs that match it's contacts that make it's pupils seem like slits. Waitaminute, they're real...

"That's nice and all, but I'm not the sort to do any actual good deeds that involve talking ponies OR horses, go pester Batman or something," I reply as I turn around to walk away in the opposite direction and come face to face with the black horse thing.

"Nopony can stop me from bringing the Eternal Night, not even YOU," the horse thing says right in front of my face, and I would actually be honestly scared if it wasn't for the fact that someone hadn't brushed their teeth today.

"Geez, your breath stinks. What'd you have for lunch, tuna garlic mayo? Here, have a tic tac," I say as a packet of fresh mint tic tacs appear in my right hand and I offer them to the horse thing. It slaps them out of my hand with an armored hoof. "Geez, rude much?"

"Enough! I will end you here! You will not interfere with my plans any longer!" It snarls at me as it shoves me to the ground with some weird invisible power.

"Wait, what?" I ask, but before I could get another word out, it brings it's front hooves up in the air, before thumping them on my chest very hard, and suddenly pain started to coarse through my body as everything went black.

I slowly wake up from my sleep, not opening my eyes but registering that I'm in a comfy bed that feels like mine and that there's the distinct hum of electrical equipment nearby, which suggests that I'm back in my room. It was all a dream, those ponies, the pink one, the party, the scary-ish second dream, the organized chaos, it was just a large figment of my imagination.

I really have to stop staying up late watching Mindcrack videos on YouTube.

"Ugh, what a dream..." I say sleepily as I fidget under the covers, while I raise a hand to my forehead, and note that my glasses are not on my face. Of course I didn't think anything was wrong, I always take my glasses off before I sleep.

"Oh hey! You're awake. I was wondering when you're gonna wake up. Did you know that you're a heavy sleeper?" Someone says from somewhere in front of me as I lie on my side.

"You should know that by now, mum," I say sleepily as I get more comfortable under the covers.

"I'm not you're mom," the voice says. My brain freezes, and I open my eyes instantly. In front of me is a white unicorn with two different shades of blue as a mane and a pair of purple tinted glasses that were up on her forehead above her eyes, that were a color that I couldn't identify but I know that they're definitely not red.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM?!?" I scream loudly as I back away across the other side of the bed and almost falling off the other side.

"This isn't your bedroom, it's mine," the pony replies calmly.

Pony from my dreams, check. Currently saying that I'm not in my bed on Earth but in HER room in Ponyland. Commence mental breakdown.

"But you were a dream... all of you were a dream... ponies can't talk... it's impossible..." I mutter stupidly as my eyes turn vacant.

"Vinyl, is everything alright? I heard somepony shouting," a voice asks from the room's doorway. I turn to look, and spot the brown Earth pony known as Octavia.

"Ponies don't talk... it's all in my head, it's all in my head... I'm still dreaming... it's all in my head..." I mutter quietly to myself as I curl up in the fetal position in the bed.

"I dunno, he just freaked out," Vinyl replied as the two started at me.

I really, really, really hate talking ponies...

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