• Published 12th Jul 2012
  • 7,074 Views, 487 Comments

Stuck In Equestria - VaporingRat



A human travels to Equestria in a DeLorean and causes all sorts of mischief.

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Meeting The Locals

So far, things have been pretty weird... who am I kidding? I've gone insane!

I'm currently in a dream about getting a DeLorean that can take me to a town full of colorful ponies by God, then meeting said ponies, and now I'm at a party made for me where all the ponies are having fun, a walking marshmallow may had just insulted the most precious thing in my entire life, and I keep getting attacked by the nefarious traps the pink one sets for me.

I really hate parties...

I look at the pure white Unicorn at the door, and then around the room. Hmm, stay here in a party with some pink monster? Or follow this weird pony to God-knows-where?

"Hey Decky, it's time to play 'pin the tail on the pony'!" The pink one called out from behind me, holding a blindfold in it's mouth.

"What was that about clothes?" I ask loudly as I run for the door. The pink one scares me...

So me and the Unicorn leave the party and make our way across town to a fancy looking building that she calls 'Carousel Boutique'. To be honest, TKMaxx has everything I need for clothes. I'm not one of those people who has to spend money on every nice shirt or cool looking jacket every time they go shopping.

"Wait here while I fetch my measuring tape," the Unicorn said as she trotted(?) upstairs. While I wait, I decide to look around. On one side is access to some private area, maybe a staff room or something. Behind me is the door, the wall opposite has a stage or showroom where there's... a horse mannequin. What?

The sound of something crashing upstairs grabs my attention faster than a comic book nerd grabbing the first ever issue of Batman. Naturally I go to investigate, just in case I'm the cause. When I climb the stairs, which have a low ceiling that I keep hitting my head on (ow, ow, ow), I spot an open door leading into a room that looks like Hurricane Alice just passed by. I hate that hurricane... but that's a story for another day.

In short, my bedroom's cleaner then this room.

"What happened? This place looks like my uncle's living room after Birmingham City won the league," I comment, gazing at the mess that definitely WASN'T my fault.

"Oh, this? This is my inspiration room, but I seem to have lost the measuring tape, and then that cabinet fell down, and all those fabrics have gone everywhere- " the pony began to explain with her voice sounding strained, but I cut her off.

"No sweat. I have a messy way of gaining inspiration myself," I say as I examine the fallen down cabinet.

"This isn't a mess, it's organised chaos!" The pony exclaims as she looks around the room exasperatedly.

"I know a mess when I see one. They don't call me Declan the Destroyer for nothing," I say as I bend down to pick up the cabinet. "Here, I'll hep clean up."

"No, it's perfectly okay. I can do it myself," the pony said as her horn started to glow blue. Then, several rolls of fabric were enveloped in a blue glow and started to rise and float in the air. I stare wide eyed at the display, as the Unicorn moves the rolls of fabric above her head and towards the cabinet, which also was enveloped in a similar glow and lifted back into it's upright position. I just look on in awe as the room is clean in a matter of seconds, with everything put away via the blue glow that has to be telekinesis.

"Epic..." I mutter as the Unicorn picks up the measuring tape with the same glow.

"Here it is~! Now, just stand still please?" I don't need much telling, as I'm still amazed by what I had just saw. But I'm shaken out of my trance when the measuring tape starts to... well, measure. Leg, arm, foot, head, neck, waist, hip, back, height, ribs, and shoulders were all measured with the tape.

"I must say, I've tailored a range of clients but you are the most interesting I've ever met," the Unicorn said as she jotted down some notes with her telekinesis. Which is EPIC.

"Uh, thanks miss..."

"Rarity."

"Ah. Thanks, miss Rarity." Rarity is her name? Well, it's better than some of the others... *cough*Rainbowdash*cough*

"May I ask you something?" Rarity asks as she puts the notes and measuring tape away.

"Sure."

"Why do they call you 'Declan the Destroyer'?"

"Well, Declan's my name, and sometimes when I touch something or do something, it breaks. It's why I'm not allowed to handle anything fragile, like glass," I explain to Rarity, who nods.

"Hey Decky! Come on out so we can get you back to the party!" A voice shouts from outside.

"Shoot, it's the pink one! Hide me!" I plead to Rarity as the front door downstairs opens and Pinkie enters.

"She's not that bad, just a little... eccentric," Rarity says as she glances at the door. A shadow of the pink menace can be seen coming up the stairs.

"Please!" I beg quietly. Rarity sighs and levitates several large sheets of fabric over me, while using her telekinesis to make me crouch and curl up on the floor.

"Hey Rarity, have you seen Decky?" I hear the pink one ask. Please don't rat out on me...

"Uh, no. He just left... out the back door. I think he said something about 'visiting the, uh... library'! Yes, that's it," Rarity replies. I can't see what's going on, so I hope the pink one believes it.

After a few tense seconds, the pink one says "okie dokie lokie" and leaves.

I sigh in relief as Rarity removes the fabric and allowing me to stand up to the best of my ability.

"Thanks, I owe you one," I say as I glance out the window in the room and see the menace bouncing away. Wait, bouncing?

"It's quite alright, I know how... insistent she can be to get one to attend a party. When I first came here, all I wanted to do was unpack and relax, but she insisted that I attended the welcome party she had set up for me," Rarity explained. Ah, so she's like this all the time... great.

"Okay, I'm going to go now, in case she returns," I say as I go downstairs and head for the door.

"Wait!" I turn back round to face the Unicorn, and suddenly my glasses go flying off my nose. "These are absolutely filthy! When did you last clean them?"

"Uhhh... yesterday?" actually, it was FOUR MONTHS AGO but I'm not telling her that. Rarity didn't appeared to have heard me as she took them away and blasted them with some more of her super powers. I think. I can't see squat without them. She then handed them back to me via TK (telekinesis) and I put them back on.

"Wow, they're even cleaner then when I first got them! How did you..." I began as I take them off again and squint, noticing that they were clean, not just ordinary freshly made clean, but clean clean.

"It's simply magic, dear," Rarity replied as I put them on and leave. I didn't realise that she was literal about the magic part.

Now with nothing to do until this bizzaro dream ends, I'll probably look around and do stuff. Maybe there's an Apple store where I can go play on the iPads to kill some time. While I walk aimlessly around the town looking for something interesting, I notice that the ponies are now outside. Either the party has ended, or someone put in a good word for me, although they were giving me odd looks.

I suddenly lose all concentration when I spot one of those Pegasuses (Pegasi?) leading a family of ducks and ducklings through the town towards a nearby river. I instantly did what anybody would do.

"D'awwww." I walk over, making sure to stay low, to the ducks. The Pegasus, which had a yellow coat and pink mane and tail, hadn't noticed me.

"We're almost there, little ones. Just a little further," the Pegasus said in a quiet, soft and soothing voice. The ducks quacked in response as they continued to follow the Pegasus. I watch them as they reach the river, and the ducks and ducklings wading out before swimming away. The Pegasus pony smiles, before turning round, and spotting me.

"Eep!" The pony suddenly freezes, and starts to back away in fear.

"Hey, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm more likely to hurt myself than others," I say soothingly as I slowly approach the shy pony. the pony backed away slightly, trying to hide her face behind her long, pink mane. I don't know why, but I just felt all weird inside, and those eyes...

"What's your name?" I ask. It flinches, and mutters something so quiet I can't even hear it.

Must. Resist. Urge to hug... Not. Resisting. Well...

"Uh, pardon? Could you repeat that, please?" I ask. The pony mutters something slightly louder, but the words are still too quiet. There must be some way I can hear what she's saying...

Luckily, I remembered that I have an iPhone. You can do almost anything with them. I pull it out and start to mess around with a voice recording app, before placing it on the ground between us. The Pegasus shrinks away even more.

"Can you repeat that just one more time, please?" I plead. The pony mutters whatever she's muttering one more time, and then I grab my iPhone and start to mess around. When i'm satisfied with my work, I press the play button.

"Fluttershy." Really? Fluttershy? Well that's original. The recording software had magnified the volume so I could hear it properly, I think. All I know is that the Pegasus' name is Fluttershy and that she is scared of everything.

As soon as the recording of her voice played, she immediately froze up and fainted. At least, I think she fainted. I stand up and look down at the unconsious pony, and nudge her with my foot. She didn't move.

Uh oh...

I walk away, and if anybody asks, it wasn't me. I swear.

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