• Published 12th Jul 2012
  • 7,071 Views, 487 Comments

Stuck In Equestria - VaporingRat

A human travels to Equestria in a DeLorean and causes all sorts of mischief.

  • ...

I'm The Urban Spacepony

Alright, so when I left off, I was freaking out because there were talking ponies. Now I'll tell the truth about how I felt when I woke up and found one of them watching me like a little kid watches a washing machine: I was pretty scared, and confused, and a little hungry. Fortunately though, the two ponies, Vinyl and Octavia (apparently, they're musicians. Go figure), managed to calm me down. It just involved a lot of reassuring words. And slaps to the face with a wet flannel.

So I bring you back to me as I sit at a table in a talking pony's house, waiting for some grub. I get a little emotional when I'm hungry. Also, no one enjoys reading about someone freaking out about talking ponies. They just care for the trolls, popular memes, a slab of romance and an interesting plot twist.

... yeeeaaaahh, keep looking, buster. You ain't finding any of that stuff here.

"So how come this random dude gave you a DeLoraen?" Vinyl asked as she sat opposite me at the table in the house she shared with Octavia. *cough*lesbians*cough*

"Something about me being Humanity's chance of redeeming itself in God's eyes after they got thrown out of Eden or something. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention much," I reply as I squirm on the weird seat. This thing is too damn small! it's like something you'd expect to see two year olds sit on at a day care centre. But of course, don't complain, that's rude.

"So what's the place you come from like?" Vinyl asked as she threw yet another question my way. Dangit, where's the food? I'm starving over here!

"Earth? Meh, it's okay. Could be better I suppose... got some good stuff, and some bad stuff, and some okay stuff. It's not all that interesting really," I explain. Judging by the look of things here, and the look of things here are very colorful, they don't seem to have any sort of graffiti or litter on the streets. Not even a hobo, which leads me to beleive that whatever this place is, it's paradise. But of course, me being paranoid and all, there's always a catch to paradise. Just gotta wait for it...

"Uh, Vinyl, when was the last time you went to the market?" Octavia asked from the kitchen that was adjacent to the little dining room with open access.

"Hmm... I think it was two weeks ago, why?" Vinyl replied with a questioning look, I think. Damn Unicorn's got those cool glasses on. Must get a pair.

"Well, we seem to be out of food," Octavia stated, and my stomach rumbled loudly as if it was saying 'surely not!'

"Are you sure? I thought I saw a packet of crackers in there..." Vinyl said as she went into the kitchen and started her own search for the ellusive food. I could also hear them having a quiet discussion, but in hused whispers. Luckily, I was right next to the kitchen, so I heard every word of it.

"I told you to go and get some from the market! Do you ever listen?!" Octavia asked in a hushed voice as she shot her DJ roommate a glare.

"I did! And I said that I'd do it, okay?"

"But I told you that two weeks ago! And reminded you about it every day since!" Octavia sighed as she raised a hoof to her forehead. "Do you ever listen to what I say?"

"Of course I do Tavi! I always do!" Vinyl replied earnestly.


Octavia came up the stairs of the studio apartment she shared with Vinyl Scratch. She trotted up to Vinyl's room and knocked once, before entering. Vinyl was lying on her front on her bed, with a large pair of headphones over her ears as she banged her head to the music.

"Vinyl?" Octavia asked slowly. Vinyl nodded a little vigourously to a certain part of the song she was listening to, and the Earth pony cellist mistook this as a sign of acknowledgement.

"I just came to tell you that I have to go out soon to a concert, and I was wondering... would you like to come and watch me? I always attend your... performances, and I thought that you might like to listen to me play and give me feedback. is that okay with you?" Octavia asked, and waited a few tense seconds for Vinyl's reply.

"yeah!" The shout startled Octavia slightly, but she recovered quickly and replaced it with an excited smile.

"Oh thank you so much Vinyl! This means a lot to me!" She cried happily as she skipped from the room. Vinyl used her magic to remove her headphones and looked over at the spot her friend had been a few seconds ago.

"I'm sorry, Octavia. What did you- oh, she's gone. Oh well, back to the wubs!"


Octavia gave Vinyl a deadpanned look.

"Okay, that was just the one- two times! Just two- okay, okay, three!" I sighed, and my stomach grumbled in agreement.

"Dudes! Where's the grub?" I call from the table, grabbing the two musical ponies attention.

"We're all out," Vinyl replied.

"Vinyl!" Octavia hissed.

"So... no food?" I ask.

"I'm sure Vinyl can go to the market and get some," Octavia said as she shot her roommate a look.

"Hey, why don't we all go? We can show, uhhh..."


"We can show Declan around Ponyville! What do you say?" Vinyl asked me with a large grin. Hmm, wait here for food, or go walking and find some myself and possibly find something useful at the same time. I need to think on this one...

"When do we leave?"

So we hit the town, or more accurately, the town hit me. I had my glasses, coat, clothes, wallet with money. I was ready.

Sadly, this place is far from normal.

I walked down the street alongside Octavia and Vinyl. Some ponies in the streets still gave me odd looks, but I don't mind. They probably think that I look like Harry Potter. And it's true, I'm the spitting image of the character. It doesn't help that my mum was going to call me Harry when I was born. Thanki God for Ireland.

(Play this for the next part of the story.)

We entered the market, which was full of ponies selling various goods and wares at various stalls. Other ponies came and went from each stall, buying and/or selling various items. It reminded me a lot of the farmer's market back home.

"So where to first?" I ask.

"First, we need carrots," Vinyl said as she levitated a shopping list in front of her via TK. We then set off for a particular stall, which had a wooden sign with a carrot painted on it above the stall. At the stall, there was a light yellow pony with an orange mane and tail, and had a tattoo of a carrot on her rear.

"Hello there Carrot Top, we would like to buy five carrots please," Octavia asked the pony at the stall. Carrot Top? SERIOUSLY?! Geez, these ponies have a surprisingly large lack of imagination.

"Of course," she replied, fetching several carrots and putting them on the counter, while Octavia brought out a bag that jingled from the bags attached to her side, that she had put on shortly before we had left the house. I noticed that she was giving me a cautious look.

"Oh!" Vinyl gasped as she remembered something. "Carrot Top, this is Declan. He's new to Ponyville."

"Greetings," I say as I raise my hand and seperate my fingers into the Vulcan Hand Gesture from Star Trek. Carrot Top was baffled by this, and simply placed the last carrot on the counter.

"How much is that?" Octavia asked as she opened the bag with her mouth.

"It's, um..." I had the sudden urge to clear my throat, and I did so. "Free! Yes, that's it. free..." Carrot Top said quickly after I had cleared my throat before ducking under the counter.

"... Well that was weird..." Vinyl commented as Octavia put the bag of money away.

We moved on to the next stall for the next item, which was some tomatoes and cucumbers. As soon as we approached the stall, the lime green stallion with a red mane, whose name was Green Bean, quickly put several tomatoes and cucumbers out on the counter, for half price.

"That was nice of him," Octavia siad as she put away the money bag again.

"What's next?" I ask.

"Looks like some pastries from Sugarcube Corner and some sweets from Bon-Bon," Vinyl said as she scanned the list. We walked over to Sugarcube Corner... which turned out to be the place where the pink one tried to turn me into a diabetic. I could even see the pink pony behind the counter from the door.

"Oh no. I am NOT going in there!" I say as I back away. I am not going in there with that...'thing' there.

"Why not?" Vinyl asked curiously.

"Have a guess," I reply as I point to the pink pony, which has still yet to spot me.

"What's wrong with Pinkie? She's a riot!"

"EXACTLY. I'm going to see if any of these stalls serve breakfast in the form of a fry up. Oh, and I'll get the sweets for you," I said as I walked away from them. Octavia opened her mouth to protest, but I just waved and walked deeper into the crowd.

"Oh no!" Octavia cried out in realistation just a few seconds later.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine. It's just a market, nothing bad's going to happen," Vinyl said as she started to enter Sugarcube Corner, but Octavia remained rooted to the spot.

"It's not that, I'm more worried by the fact that he hasn't got any money!"

After five minutes of wandering, I gave up looking for a fried egg sandwich. But I did find the sweets stall. It was manned- er, ponied, by a normal pony with a cream coat and a mix of dark blue and pink in her curly mane and tail.

"Uhh, hi. I need some sweets. Do you sell any?" I ask the pony at the stall.

"But of course I do! I'm only the second best sweet maker in Ponyville!" The pony said happily. I noticed that her tattoo was of three sweet wrappers. Let me guess, this one's bound to be called Cadbury, or Hershey, or Nestlé...

"Great. What types do you sell?" I ask again. Roundtree? Shirley Bassett? Dairy Milk?

The cream pony then went into a long explanation of all the sweets she had on sale, which I regretted.

"Hmm, I'll take a dozen of each that you do," I state as I get my wallet out from inside my coat. The pony's face exploded in surprise, before turning into a very happy grin.

"Excellent coice! I'll just get your order now," she said as she ducked underneath the counter. Not long later, she popped back up with several crates in her hooves, and she placed them on the counter.

"Keep the change," I say as I grab a £10 note and put it on the counter, before grabbing he crates and walking off. The pony looked at the money, then to my retreating figure, then the money.

"Okay Bon-Bon, I'm ready to give a helping hoof now," a mint green unicorn with a teal and white mane and tail appeared next to Bon-Bon. "Hey, what's that?" Lyra asked as she lifted up the £10 note via her TK.

"T-that tall, hairless thing just took over half my stock, and left a peice of paper..." Bon-Bon muttered, her brain trying to proccess what had happened.

"You mean that one guy that Pinkie threw a party for yesterday?" Lyra asked, and when Bon-Bon nodded, the Unicorn slipped the British money into her mane.

"I think we've just been roobbed..."

(You can end the song now, or continue listening to it. I did.)

I soon rejoined Vinyl and Octavia outside a stall that had a wide range of cabbages and lettuce.When they saw me though, their faces turned into shock and worry.

"I got the sweets. Not much luck on finding a fryer though," I said as I put the tower of crates down next to them. Octavia looked horrified as she continued to stare at the crates, while Vinyl's face erupted into a large grin.

"How did you get them?!" Octavia asked as she turned to give me a stern glare.

"I walked up to the man- er, pony at the stall, and asked for some sweets. Then I paid and left. Simple," I explained as I foled my arms in front of my chest.

"But we didn't give you any money!" Octavia exclaimed. Wow, this pony is a lot like my sister. Something tells me that i don't want to be on her bad side.

"Chillax, I paid for it. Didn't it occour to you that I had money of my own?" Octavia seemed to calm down as I said this, and I could see that the cellist was carrying a lot of stress and tension.

"Uh, it looks like the only thing left to get is some apples from Applejack. Come on, I think I see her stall," Vinyl said as she trotted off towards a stall piled high with apples. I hate apples...

Me and Octavia followed the white Unicorn over to the stall and it's owner. However, I only spotted the pony at the stall when I was right next to it and when she had come round from the other side. The pony was another plain one, with an orange coat and a blonde mane and tail that was both tied back into a ponytail, accompanied by a brown cowboy hat. Geddit? Pony-tail...

...Why do I even bother...

There was just one problem: I recognised that pony, and that pony recognised me.

"Well howdy there, miss Scratch. What can Ah do fer- " the pony ended it's sentence when it saw me, and I remembered where I've seen her before. The day (or night) the DeLorean had sent me here, I had swerved to avoid crashing into a tree, and crashed into a barn instead. HER barn.

The pony glared at me, and I just withered under her gaze.

"Does it help if I say 'I'm sorry?'"

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