• Published 12th Jul 2012
  • 7,071 Views, 487 Comments

Stuck In Equestria - VaporingRat

A human travels to Equestria in a DeLorean and causes all sorts of mischief.

  • ...

Demolition Dec

omegadarknes: European English makes your centre correct
But American English says it's wrong, my browser defaults to an American English dictionary so when I copied your story to my word document it didn't say anything was wrong with them til I pasted it in my browser to send to you. What makes it worse is I'm used to reading and spelling things in European English, that kind of pissed me off.

"Hey! Yer tha fella that gone an damaged our barn!" The orange pony with the cowboy hat exclaimed.

"Does it help if I say 'I'm sorry?'" I ask, as the pony gave me a stern glare.

"That would help, but paying fer what you did would do," the cowpony (geddit?) said as she softened her glare ever so slightly. Drat, paying usually involves money, and I hate parting with money. And something tells me that paying via my debit card isn't such a good idea...

"Uhh, okay... how do I pay you back?" I ask. Please don't say money...

"Well, yer can pay with money..." FUCK!

"-Or you can help out around the farm instead." Hmm, what a difficult choice... hand over some money, or work.

"Work sounds great! When do I start?" I ask almost instantly.

"Great! Name's Applejack, and you can start right now!" The orange cowpony said as she held out a hoof for me to shake... I think.

"Wait, right now? As in right now right now?" I ask.

"Well sure!" Ah.

"Uhh.. can it wait until after I've had something to eat?" I ask. Applejack raised a hoof to her chin (?) and thought for a moment, before grabbing an apple from the stall and hoofing it over to me.

"Here ya go; one apple," Applejack said as I took it and sunk my teeth into it. "Just means that ya have ta work fer that an' all." I choke on the bits of apple in my mouth. The crafty little-!

"We'd best be getting home now," Octavia said as she turned around and started to walk away.

"Yeah, we'd better get the grub back. Have fun Declan!" Vinyl called over to me as she followed the cellist.#

"Uhh, okay. See ya," I call to them as they delve into the marketplace.

As soon as the white unicorn and her normal pony friend had left, Applejack decided to shut up shop and head back to... wherever she heads back to. I don't know, nobody tells me anything these days...

So we're walking back to the farm she works at. I'm just walking while the cowpony pulls the stall, which has wheels. neat.

"So why did y'all crash intah mah barn?" Applejack asked as we walked back to the place where I did some collateral damage.

"Well... it's a long story," I say simply as I admire the scenery, which consists of several fields on either side of the road we're on. Behind us is Ponytown, or whatever it's called, and way off into the distance is some fortress on the side of a mountain. It wasn't really interesting, and I could just make it out with my visual impairment, but who cares?

Applejack looked up at me while we walked and frowned slightly. "The sun ain't high in the sky just yet, so you've got plenty o' time." Geez, I already explained it once already... fine. I'll explain it again, but I'll give the short version.

"Alright. It starts with me doing some shopping, like the ho... ponies back in that town were doing. I was on my way home, when a guy in a DeLorean pulls up and starts talking nonsense. After a brief moment of confusion, he gives me the DeLorean and leaves. Then everything goes crazy and I find myself being chased by police, then BAM! The DeLorean does something whacky, and as a result, I nearly crash into a tree, but I swerved and plowed into your barn instead." It appears that my long short explanation has confused the pony. No big surprise. I'm still struggling to wrap my head around it.

"What in tarnation is a 'DeLauren'?" Applejack asks as she frowns in confusion even more.

"It's pronounced 'DeLorean', and it was the ca- metal wagon that had crashed into the barn," I reply. The orange cowpony decides to keep silent in the end, while shooting the occasional wary glace over at me. We didn't talk for the rest of the journey, until we arrived at our destination.

"Here we are! Sweet Apple Acres!" Applejack said in a proud voice as we stopped outside a wooden gate that led to 'Sweet Apple Acres'.

Sweet Apple Acres, as the name suggests, is a family-run all-natural apple orchard, which also doubles up as a farm. The orchard itself covers A LOT of ground. I'd say at least a hundred acres in radius with the barn-like house as the center. I'm seriously not kidding, it is HUGE. Judging by my calculations of apple growth and yield per tree, (my parents own an apple tree and when we used to live up in Preston, we had two. I'm also good at math), in one year they could harvest enough apples to feed the entire United States of America for a whole 24 hours.

Did I also mention that I really, really, REALLY hate apple trees?

"So... what do I do first?" I ask as I survey my surroundings. It better not be ANYTHING to do with apple picking. If it is, then screw the work, I'll just pay via card.

"Ah've got jus' the thing," Applejack said as she brought the cart up next to the house (that looks like a barn) and ditching it there. She turns to me with a smile that I've seen on my sister's face when she's planning something. Not good.

"Y'all can demolish the rest of the barn." Suffice to say, the pony's comment caught me off guard. Apparently, I damaged the barn, and now I have to pay for it by destroying it...

"I don't understand, aren't I supposed to be working to pay you back for the damage to the barn, but now you want me to destroy it?" I am so confused.

"We were going to get rid of that old thing and replace it, so you damaging it helped us out a great deal on how ta start. If y'all hadn't've skedaddled, we would've paid ya to do the rest," Applejack explained.


"Let's get it over with," I sigh as I start to shuffle in the direction of the barn.

"It's tha other way..." Applejack pointed out as she pointed behind me with a hoof.

This is going to be a long day...

I was wrong. Judging by what I've seen, there aren't enough apples to feed the United States for 24 hours. However, there are enough to feed the States for 48 hours. Not joking. This place is unbelievably huge. No wonder the DeLorean ran out of fuel...

Applejack had graciously showed me where the barn was located, and I could survey the damage properly. By the look of things, the wall opposite the door doesn't exist anymore, as there is now a large gaping hole. All the bales of hay are gone, and since I'm looking at it during daylight, I can see that the barn is definitely in need of being torn down. The wood is old, the paint is peeling, and parts of the ceiling beams have become rotten.

"This is all I have to do?" I ask the orange apple harvester for confirmation as I turn to look down at the pony.

"Yep," she replied as she placed the toolbox that she was carrying in her mouth on the ground. "All tha tools ya need are in there. I'll be back to check on ya at noon." And as simply and as quickly as that, she was gone. leaving me alone in a old and rotting barn with some tools with the solitary task of destroying the structure.

"Easy," I say to myself as I crouch down on the floor and open the toolbox. Inside, there's a hammer, a screwdriver, a wrench, a set of pliers, superglue, duct tape, a bag of screws and a bag of nuts. I grab the hammer and stand up, looking around for a good place to start. Located near the center of the barn are two parallel lines of wooden supports, all going from the ground to the ceiling.

I walk over to the nearest one and raise the hammer, bringing it back, before swinging it with all the strength I can muster, (which isn't a lot), at the nearest wooden beam. It splinters easily as the hammer makes contact. I then go on to repeat the process until I reach the last one. I bring the hammer back, then swing it. Like the others, the beam shatters instantly, but this time at a cost.

I look around to admire my handiwork, but an ominous groaning sound that wood makes when it's under a great deal of stress makes me look up, just in time to see the ceiling of the barn about to collapse.


I immediately vacate the structure in the nick of time, before the entire roof comes falling down to the ground with a sickening crash, causing dust (?) to surround the wreck. After it cleared, which was weird by the way, all that was left standing was the walls, with the remains of the roof scattered across the floor.

"Well that was easy," I note as I walk back into the debris-covered floor of the now-roofless barn and fish out the hammer and the toolbox that were buried when I literally brought the roof down. It only took five minutes to finish off all two walls and the doors, and destroying the barn completely was a little over ten minutes.

"So... what now?" I ask myself as I look around for something to do while I wait for that orange cowpony to return. I then remembered that I have my iPhone on me, so I whip that out and decide to do a new tweet. Oh wait... no internet access in a land of talking horses. How about checking emails...? No, can't do that either.

YouTube? No...

Text? Text who though?

Fruit Ninja? No... wait, YES!

I quickly load the Fruit Ninja app on my mobile device and proceed to slice some fruit! For those who don't know what Fruit Ninja is, Google it.

But every time I play a game or watch a video, it eats up my battery life faster than my mum's guide dog Oscar eating his breakfast. And he eats fast too.

So after fifteen minutes of fruit slicing fun, my phone gives me the 20% warning. I ignore it. I'll continue playing till 10%, then I'll charge it. Oh wait...

Okay, 15% left, no biggie, just keep going...

10% left. I'll keep going until 6%. It'll be fine...

4%. Okay, maybe I should stop now...

2%. Okay, I should seriously stop now and turn my phone off- OH WOW I JUST GOT PAST MY HIGH SCORE! LET'S SEE IF I CAN GET IT HIGHER!

1%. As any iPhone 4 owner would know, the damn thing bypasses 1% and jumps straight to 0 from 2 so...


Suffice to say, I am an idiot.

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