• Published 12th Jul 2012
  • 7,075 Views, 487 Comments

Stuck In Equestria - VaporingRat



A human travels to Equestria in a DeLorean and causes all sorts of mischief.

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Say Goodbye To Physics!

...
...
... I am so bored.
I have no idea what time it is, but judging by the sun's position in the sky, it's around an hour til noon. So what do I do? I foolishly wasted all the battery life on my phone, and I've completed the work... I could walk back, but this place is HUGE. It's like a forest, or a national park. I'd get lost trying to make my way back to that house (that looks like a barn),and they'd probably won't find me until several weeks later. Plus, I might do something stupid and have to pay for that as well.

So I decide to make myself comfy by sitting in a tree. Looking at the ones surrounding me, I walk to the one with the lowest hanging branches (for the record, their tallest tree has to be 10 foot tall. These things are tiny!), and jump upwards, grabbing hold of a branch. Despite the apple tree's size, it was strong enough to support my weight, but then again I am slightly underweight for a sixteen year old. I pull myself up so I can swing a leg over the branch, before moving along the branch to the tree trunk, which I lean against. I don't know why I'm doing this, I think I saw it in a movie once...

Okay, I'm up in a tree, now what? A quick nap, of course. It's one of the three things you're supposed to do when up in a tree. The other two are building a tree-house and sniping people with a .50 caliber rifle. Not that I actually own a sniper rifle, my mum doesn't even trust me with foam.

I close my eyes and allow my mind to wander as I slowly drift off to sleep.


I seem to be standing in an endless black void, with a endless black floor to boot. For some reason, this place seems oddly familiar...

"Well well, look who returns..." a voice says from behind me. Waitaminute....... I recognize that voice...

"Angela Riddleth?" I ask as I turn around to face the source, but it isn't my old friend (and first crush/girlfriend) from when I used to live in London waaay back. It is, however, the evil horse-thing from my previous dream. "Oh, not you again..."

"Yes, it is me! Your worst NIGHTMARE!" The black horse cries out as she rears up on her hind hooves, with her purple-ish smoke, blue armour and wings still the same.
"No, your not. Nothing could beat that horrible one with the... dentist! UGH!" So I have dentophobia... what of it?

"Oh, but I can become your worst nightmare!" The black horse said devilishly with a large smile on her face, showing her fanged teeth. Creepy.

"Yeah, good luck with that," I say as I glance down at my clothes. Man, I really need to change, and shower, and possibly find a phone charger, or fuel for the damn DeLorean.
The black horse opens it's mouth to speak, but before it could utter a word, the entire void plus ground started to shake. Violently.

"EARTHQUAKE! Duck and cover! Women and Declan first!" I say as I stumble around in a blind panic.

"NO! I was so close!" The black horse curses as I lose my footing and tumble to the ground...


Applejack quickly gave the apple tree another powerful buck, this time causing stuff to fall down, apart from apples. I quickly find myself acquainted with the grass, along with a cyan blue Pegasus, who was also rudely awakened by a big hug from the ground.

"EARTHQUAKE! DON'T PANIC!" I yell as my mind is still in panic mode.

"HELP! ALIENS ARE ATTACKING!" The cyan Pegasus yelps with panic at around the same time, while Applejack gave the both of us a disapproving stare.

"What in tarnation were you two doin' up there?!" Applejack shouted loudly, grabbing our attention and bringing us out of our blind states of panic.

"It wasn't me, honest!" I whimper from the floor, while the cyan Pegasus (who had a rainbow mane and tail- waitaminute...) attempted to fly away, but Applejack managed to chomp down on the Pegasus' tail and drag it out of the sky.

"What were y'all doin' up in that tree?" Applejack asks through a mouthful of rainbow-coloured tail. Uh oh.

"Yeah, what WERE you doing up in that tree?" I turned to ask the Pegasus pony with a suspicious look, who I seem to recognise for some strange reason.

"I was about to ask you the same thing," Rainbow Dash asked as she turned to give me a suspicious look in return.

"Well Ah'm asking y'all what yer were doin' up in that tree," Applejack asked with a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Well I don't know about Feathers McGraw over there," I point over to Rainbow, "but I was checking the tree for... apple theives. Yeah, that's sounds good."

"Apple theives? Really?" Rainbow asks suspiciously.

"Did ya see any of them apple theives? Cos there's some that steal from tha south field," Applejack asks as she gives the trees several wary glances in each direction. Oh wow, that excuse worked! None of my excuses have ever worked before!

"You weren't looking for apple theives, you were sleeping! In my spot!" Rainbow said accusingly. Whelp, it had to happen eventually. Goodbye perfect excuse, we hardly knew ye...

"Dangit... And what, pray tell, were YOU doing in that apple tree?"

"I was uhhh... taking a break!" Rainbow replied unconvincingly.

"Sure you were..." I said sarcastically with accompanying eye-rolls.

"Did y'all do tha jobs yer were supposed ta do?" Applejack asked irritably as she put on a piercing glare that had the strange ability to stop me from lying, and feel guilty at the same time for previous lies. Just like my ma...

"Sure did!" We both said at the same time. Applejack gave us an unamused look, and I quickly decided to report in before someone could get any ideas.

"The barn is no longer a barn, orange cowpony!" I say as I perform a military salute. Applejack turns to look at the spot of air that used to be the barn for confirmation, and gets it when all that remains is just a pile of old wood.

"That'll do, I suppose..." Applejack says as she puts a hoof to her chin (muzzle?) in thought.

"Then you'll be impressed with my job!" Rainbow said proudly as she pointed a hoof up at the sky, not bothering to look up. Applejack and I both look up to see what's so 'impressive'.

"All I see is a bunch of clouds," I say as I stare up at the sky above us, which is half filled with white, fluffy clouds.

"Consarnit Rainbow! Yer were supposed to clear ALL of them clouds!" Applejack said irritably as she turned round to face the Pegasus.

"No sweat, I can have this sky cleared in no time," Rainbow said proudly and confidently. But what really eats at me is HOW someone can clear away clouds? With a hoover? Can you do that? I gotta test that theory.

"You're going to clear these clouds?! Oh, that's hilarious! Good one, talking pony guys. Man, this place is a real crack-up..." I say with several laughs in-between the words.

"But of course I'm going to clear the clouds, it's my job!" Rainbow replied.

"Really? What do you use to clear them? A hoover?" I ask before bursting out with laughter.

Rainbow turned to Applejack and quickly asked silently "what's a hoover?" All she got was a shrug from the orange workhorse.

"I use my hooves," Rainbow deadpanned, as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe.

"Prove it, but you can't. Simply 'touching' the clouds won't make them go away, it's against the laws of nature. And besides, even if you COULD do it, it'll take you a very long time to clear all of the clouds," I explain with a smug smile. Rainbow then rose slightly in the air by beating her blue feathery wings and advancing closer to me.

"I can clear this sky in ten. Seconds. Flat." The blue flying pony stated in a determined tone as her face was now inches in front of me.

"Alright, if you actually DO it in ten seconds, let alone doing it in general, I'll let you... uhhh..." in my attempt to prove this mythical-yet-real creature wrong, I have accidentally set the stage for a bet. As long as I don't agree to anything, I should be fine.

"Let me ride in that metal wagon of yours?" Geez, news spreads quickly here.

"Sure, whatever," I agree, confident in the knowledge that the Pegasus pony has already lost. Nothing can break the laws of physics.

For instance, clouds are simple puffs of water vapour, and as such it is simply gas. In other words, it is non-solid, so anything can pass through it easily, like planes. Simply 'touching' it with your hooves- er, hands, won't cause the cloud to dissipate, but instead they will simply pass through.

"One, two, three...," I begin to count to ten, as the rainbow blur that was a pony had shot off like a rocket up high into the sky, and started to clear the clouds. Waitaminute...

"F-four... five... s-s-six..." my counting falters as I stare in bewilderment as I witness a living being actually clearing away the clouds, by KICKING them. I mentally cringe for the impending fallout of the laws of physics being broken.

Soon, the sky was no longer cloudy, but a clear, crystal sky blue with the sun shining high above us, and all of it was done in just under ten seconds.

"Told ya," Rainbow said proudly as she landed next to an amused Applejack and in front of me.

I don't know what to be more worried about: the fact that I've just watched something break the laws of physics, or that I owe a talking, flying pony a joy ride in a souped-up DeLorean.

"Ah suppose y'all are hungry now?" Applejack asked both me and Rainbow Dash, and both of our stomachs rumbled in response.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" I ask sarcastically as Applejack starts to trot in the direction of the house-that-looks-like-a-barn. We follow her through the trees to our destination and our promise of lunch.

But that Pegasus isn't going to get one over ol' Decky. Not by a long shot.

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