A Challenging Sleepover

by ArtsyUnicorn

One Week Without School... Hooray?

It was finally spring break, now in order to celebrate the one week away from the prison known as high school, Twilight Sparkle called all of the girls over for a slumber party. Being Twilights first time hosting a sleepover, of course she had a little help from one of her How-To books.

It was Friday night, the perfect night to have a slumber party with all of her best pals. Twilight was just putting all of her movies in order of favorite to least favorite, when the door knocked,

“Twilight! Your friends are here, just a moment girls.” Said her mother, Twilight Velvet.

“Hello girls! Glad you could make it tonight...” She stopped talking and noticed another girl, who was part of the group, Trixie Lulamoon. Let’s just say Trixie and she never got along very well, whether it was at events, school related stuff, or even around town. Trixie’s boastful attitude (and unhealthy obsession with peanut butter crackers) was just annoying to the purple teenager.

“Can one of you tell me why Trixie is here?” She said sounding irritated,

“Well when I talking about it to AJ the other day, Trixie just happened to hear! And she begged me and begged, till finally I said you would never mind her coming to the sleepover!” Pinkie Pie said while smiling her big grin.

As Twilight let all of her friends inside, she couldn’t help but feel that tonight was going to end up a disaster, Trixie staying the night, Rainbow Dash Is quiet, and Pinkie Pie brought candy. This won’t end well.

9:31PM
The Girls started off the party in their PJ’s talking about their other plans for spring break, how awesome it is to have no homework, and talking about what Princess Twilight from the pony world has recently talked with Sunset about. So far the night was going fine.

“So guys, we should totally tell some sweet ghost stories, I have a great one saved up for a night like this!” Rainbow Dash said as she gathered her friends into a circle.

“This ghost story won’t be as bloody as the terror tower story.. Right?” Fluttershy asked grabbing her teddy bear.

“Pssh, you guys have nothing to worry about, now let’s begin!” she turned off the lights and started the story.

“One dark night like this one, two kids were walking through the forest at night on a scavenger hunt, they were to find 8 pages before midnight. One by one the notes were grabbed, they had weird sayings and the two kids could sense that something was watching them. That’s when they found the fifth note, and one of the two had disappeared, the 6th note was taken and the figure was more visible, the 7th note was grabbed and the boy felt dizzy. Just about to reach for the 8th note, a tall slender man with no face stood right next to him, and everything went black!” The girls were bored, that story wasn’t scary, and maybe Pinkie Pie would have a better story.

“Time for my story!” Pinkie shouted, “Ok so basically it’s like this. You are at a friend’s house for like the night or whatever and then you guys are making out on the couch (yeah!) and then like her dad calls on the phone and says “no she likes it more if you use the other hand… yeah” and your all like “oh dude your dad is trying to give me advice on how to diddle you” and then she’s like… “I don’t have a dad...” or whatever… but what!? WHO WAS PHONE?” The girls were even more dumbfounded; Twilight grabbed a movie from the shelf,

“Girls, why don’t we just watch a movie, no more ghost stories for the night.”
11:47PM

The next hour was watching old classics, Trixie boasting about how she could do this or that, Pinkie Pie eating candy loudly. Boy was this sleepover strange; Twilight hoped that not all sleepovers were like this weird one.

“Guys I have the greatest idea!” Trixie shouted,

“We should do the Charlie Charlie challenge! All we have to do is grab paper, write yes and no at diagonal ends, place two pencils on top making a plus and then we ask!” the other girls gathered supplies, however Rainbow Dash was setting up a video camera, this wasn’t good. They set up the ritual the way they should, and sat in a circle,

“Um girls, I’m going to sit this one out, I just don’t like the idea of summoning a Mexican demon named Charlie, what if something goes horribly wrong!!” Fluttershy stated going downstairs.

“Well we don’t need the scaredy cat anyway darlings! Let’s get started I want to know what boy loves me!” Rarity cheered.

“Charlie Charlie am I as awesome as can be?” Rainbow asked, the pencil turned to No.

“WHAT?! SUNSET THIS THING IS RIGGED; I’M GOING TO THE KITCHEN WITH FLUTTERS.” Rainbow Dash said leaving the room.

“That was weird, Charlie Charlie are they any boys who have a crush on me?” Rarity asked turning pink. The pencil turned to No.

“WHAT?!” Rarity yelled,

“Charlie Charlie is Trixie the greatest magician?” Sunset shimmer asked suspiciously. The pencil turned to Yes. “Trixie stop blowing on the pencil and go downstairs,” Trixie was laughing, it turns out the challenge was a fake, but at least they got it on camera. After a terrible ice bucket challenge and cinnamon challenge, it was decided to stop for the night. They grabbed Popcorn and turned on a scary movie, Paranormal Activity 4. Fluttershy was shaking, Rainbow dash was asleep already, Applejack laughing at the special effects, Rarity taking selfies and uploading them.

“Are all sleepovers like this? Cause this isn’t anything like in my book, maybe I should start the classic pillow fight!” Twilight thought instantly and threw a pillow at Applejack, that’s when the fight started, feathers flying high, giggles and screams filled the room, and Rainbow Dash still passed out on the couch. With Pinkie Pie on a sugar rush, it was safe to say that she was the winner.

12:13PM it was the end of the night, Twilight and Sunset Shimmer were the only ones awake, they continued the movie and talked.

“You weren’t expecting this is how your first sleepover would end up did you?” Sunset asked,

“No, not really, I mean everyone had fun and that’s what matters, I just didn’t expect things to get this crazy.” She said pushing up her glasses.

“Exactly, maybe next one might not be so bad,”

“THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE DEMANDS A GLASS OF WATER!” Twilight and Sunset looked at each other and laughed, they completely forgot Trixie was even here.

Author's Note:

Second attempt at a story! the movie and "ghost story" belong to whomever made them! glad you guys liked my first one, and like i said i don't mind a little advice on improving

Comments

[Fracturedheart]

That was cute.

[RetMotiv]

I'm not a writer, but I'll try to give advice.

I think that your story feels a bit too simple, you should write it as start, the problem, and the end (English is not my first language, but you get the idea). I couldn't see any struggle.

You should also "acknowledge" the characters, maybe a comment, a reaction, or a mention of their names, otherwise it feels that they are not even there. When something happens you should mention every character's reaction.

My best advice is that you should give more details, take some more time in describing a situation and make the scenes last longer. I think the pillow fight had more potential.

I hope this can help and that I'm not being rude. It was a great story by the way, I liked it.

[ArtsyUnicorn]

6926350
oh your not being rude at all! i love the advice because it gives a chance to improve my stories from time to time and i'm glad you guys are helping me so if anything this helps a lot, so thank you!

[CitizenofXenotopia]

it was nice i was expecting and explination of why its trixie there in the first place

[Sakinah Mlpfan]

Applejack didn't said a single thing ( or is it because I didn't see it?)
Don't get me wrong. ... There are times where I wish she didn't said anything ( in case people overdid best pony's southern accent)

Good story!!!
Although I am annoyed by Trixie's existence (i never liked her... always had hated her don't judge me)