I'm a weird girl who is a professional procrastinator, feels writer and whatever else insane thing i can dream up.
A sleepover at Twilights house, what could go wrong? Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie in charge of the games, challenges, and the video camera. Can Twilight and Sunset survive the night? will Rarity ever stop bothering AJ? will I ever get better at descriptions?! Read and find out...
Artwork by dm29 on Deviant-art cuz I'm not as good as him at drawing.
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That was cute.
I'm not a writer, but I'll try to give advice.
I think that your story feels a bit too simple, you should write it as start, the problem, and the end (English is not my first language, but you get the idea). I couldn't see any struggle.
You should also "acknowledge" the characters, maybe a comment, a reaction, or a mention of their names, otherwise it feels that they are not even there. When something happens you should mention every character's reaction.
My best advice is that you should give more details, take some more time in describing a situation and make the scenes last longer. I think the pillow fight had more potential.
I hope this can help and that I'm not being rude. It was a great story by the way, I liked it.
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so if anything this helps a lot, so thank you!
oh your not being rude at all! i love the advice because it gives a chance to improve my stories from time to time and i'm glad you guys are helping me
it was nice i was expecting and explination of why its trixie there in the first place
Applejack didn't said a single thing ( or is it because I didn't see it?)
Don't get me wrong. ... There are times where I wish she didn't said anything ( in case people overdid best pony's southern accent)
Good story!!!
Although I am annoyed by Trixie's existence (i never liked her... always had hated her don't judge me)