For ponies, life can be a game that's exciting and wondrous.
For the eternal goddesses, death is sometimes a game, stressful and frightening.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 6th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 19th, 2014
jillswift
Ridiculously serious Twilight/Luna shipper. Pink unicorn, not invisible. Female. Asperger syndrome. Skeptic. Atheist.
jillswift
Joined 6th Jan, 2012 ·
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So SAD!
Well damn.
You've written the first ever alicorn OC story that I've actually liked, nay, absolutely loved.
This is outstanding, absolutely stellar.
If I were to offer any advice, it would be for your punctuation. Remember that you should end dialogue with a comma if you use a tag at the end. For example:
"My dearest Luna." She said with a warm smile. - the period should be a comma since you used a 'said' tag.
Well...
That struck a chord.
I... liked this.
That was stellar. In particular, I liked that you made sure to keep the doctor's efforts significant. If you had made the outcome entirely dependent upon the game, it would have trivialized the drama in the operating room. As it was, that drama came through really well. The only thing I'd have changed, would have been to not include that whole "healing spell" thing. It would have been enough to have had them all stabilized, IMO.
I also liked the motivation you gave to Maera. She decided to postpone death because she was feeling conflicted about her role, not because of some silly the-have-to-live-because-DESTINY or because of the force of Celestia's love or something. She had a choice, a real choice with valid reasons for either option, and she made it. It helped make her a good character.
As a final note, good job with your backstory. You revealed enough to make it interesting, but kept it vague enough to keep the story from getting bogged down.
You've got a like and a favorite from me, and a recommendation if anyone asks for it.
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)
Sowwy!
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Thank you! Most kind. (Kinda swelled the ol' ego
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I hope the chord was harmonious.
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I am glad you did.
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Wow. Thank you much, you are most kind.
I enjoyed this story a lot.
That said I disagree with the concept. Death has to be neutral. No matter what good you do in the world, whether others think you deserve it or not, Death cannot play favorites or it's broken. Death is the one true equalizer. If the Mane6 can get in trouble and there is no cost, then what's the point?