Human Rituals
Mistletoe
(8 Months Since Arrival)
“You’re sure this is all you need, Neig-g-g-gh?” Twilight’s translation bracelet still refused my name, but Rarity’s kind tone was all I needed. Between us on the counter were maybe a dozen white beads, a thin spool of green thread, and some fake topiary leaves. “I couldn’t charge you more than three bits for such a tiny request.”
“Thank you, Rarity,” I smiled and took said amount out of my rucksack. “Still want me to shovel the sidewalk to the shop this weekend when it snows?” I asked while she put my selections in a little box and put twine around it to hold it shut.
“Oh yes, of course,” she smiled. “It’s kind of you, mister hyoo-man,” she gave a toss of her mane as Twilight’s translator tried to make the words sound right to my ears. I almost reached to pat her nose, but I resisted. After the third time of reaching and petting Rarity like a dog, she’d taken to swatting me with her rather strong hooves. Who knew a seamstress could make your hands sting like that? She’d apologized for any marks afterward, of course, and there were no hard feelings, but the mare could certainly leave a bruise! “If I may ask,” she said, cocking her head and giving me a little smile. “What are they for? One can’t do much with a dozen beads and some string. Making a bracelet for a special somepony?” she fluttered her eyelashes.
“No,” I stuck my tongue out a little. “Your kind’s cute, Rarity, but they’re not THAT cute.” I frowned at her crossly until she gave an apologetic smile. “But, I guess I can let you in on this, if you’ll keep mum about it.” I smiled.
“Mother?” It was lost in translation, and she tilted her head a bit.
“Er, quiet. Not tell anyone.”
“Oh yes, of course,” she leaned in conspiratorially, like she was about to be told some sort of atomic secret. I put the box in my rucksack and pulled on my mittens.
“I’m making mistletoe for Twilight’s winter party at the castle,” I grinned.
Rarity’s smile didn’t falter bit her eyes did blink twice in confusion. “Ah… huh,” she said, trying to stay agreeable.
“Oh right, no mistletoe here,” I rolled my eyes. “Twilight will be thrilled to learn another human cultural thing.”
“Do tell?” Rarity asked, tilting her head.
“Well, mistletoe is something you hang in a doorway, an archway, something like that, during the holiday season.”
“Like Hearths Warming?”
“Yes, that’s right,” I was buttoning my jacket as I spoke. “The point is to catch someone you like under it and kiss them.”
“Oh?” Her face lit up. “How romantic! What is the significance to hyoo-mans?” she smiled wider and wider at the idea of such a thing.
“Er… getting a kiss, I guess.” I shrugged. “It’s supposed to have roots in old druidic stuff, things we’ve long forgotten about. But it’s the thought that counts.”
“And the kiss too?” Rarity chuckled.
“And the kiss too,” I agreed.
“What if one were to… I don’t know, wear it on one’s tail?” Rarity said with a sideways glance.
“Some men do that to say they want oral sex,” I said with a devilish smirk, remembering the haughty underwear I’d seen in a few magazines. Rarity’s red face was PRICELESS.
“Oh! Oh my! W-well that’s certainly not---” she lost track of herself for a few moments, stammering in embarrassment.
“Breathe, Rarity,” I coached. “I’ve told you this in confidence, remember?”
“We have the Spring Flower Festival every year, since this is an earth pony town,” Rarity smiled a bit, coughing and trying to collect herself. “All the mares wear flowers in their tails. White means you’re looking. Pink means you’re in a relationship. Red means you’re happily married. I just thought, the way you made it sound…” she trailed off. “E-excuse me a moment, Neig-g-g-h!” she trailed off behind her little curtain to the backroom. Maybe to do a breathing exercise, I’m not sure. When she returned she’d regained her composure.
“Well! I’ll see you at Twilight’s Winter Party, then!” I told her. “Bye!” the bell rang and I was off. I wasn’t much good with a sewing needle, but I’d make something happen with the fake leaves, white beads and thread.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
“Huh, Miss-uhl-toe…?” Mr. Cake leaned to read my little sign, then followed the arrow to look up. “’Standing under it with somepony you like and kissing brings good luck.’ Huh!” he smiled at his wife, who looked at me. I nodded encouragingly.
“Well I can certainly indulge in such a nice custom!” The plump mare seized her rather lanky husband and kissed him. He struggled, blushing, and I laughed. A pony who was waiting nearby with a camera snapped a picture. The box spat out the rapidly developing photo, and he stuck it up on the wall with all the others. Hundreds of ponies were attending Castle Friendship, and dozens of couples had all loved the idea of this new ‘kissie weed’ I’d hung above the door to the ballroom.
My little project had turned out nicely. The photographer was even paying me a bit for any couples that came back wanting copies of their own special moment. I turned to watch Twilight, who was anxiously watching other ponies participate in my hyooman ritual of kissing under a plant. I could practically see her sweating to run over and bombard me with questions. But, she was the Princess and the hostess of the party for all of Ponyville.
“Good evening, Neig-g-gh!” Rarity said, dressed in a luxurious red-and-white festival gown.
“Hey Rarity,” I smiled, kneeling down so we were eye to eye.
“How is your mistletoe working out?” she asked, gesturing.
“Ponies seem to like it!” I leaned, cupping a hand to whisper. “I think half of it is just an excuse to kiss in public! The scandal!” Rarity smirked good-naturedly at me, shaking her head. “But I won’t keep you. Enjoy the party, huh? I’m hanging out over here so I don’t make a spectacle of myself among all the little ponies.”
“That’s very kind of you. Some are still a little nervous to see you about town.”
“I’m twice their height and have no magic. I’m a pretty big target if they get upset with me,” I joked, nodding and taking a cherry-flavored drink from a passing waiter.
“Even so, dahling, it’s good to be culturally sensitive now and then,” she leaned and, checking my ‘kissie weed’ above us, pecked my cheek. “Enjoy the party!” she said, turning gracefully and mingling into the crowd. I snickered a little, adjusting the bowtie she’d made for me.
“Hey! Hey, me too!” None other than Spike the dragon had appeared in the archway.
“I am not kissing you, Spike,” I snarked.
“Not you! Rarity!” Spike snorted at me, shoving past to get through the crowd and catch the white mare. “Rarity! Rarity come back! I wanna try the mistletoe!”
“Are you gonna dance with anypony, Sugarcube?” Applejack had appeared a little while later.
“I’m twice your height!” I repeated, laughing.
“You can line dance, then, so you don't squish nopony!” she offered.
“Nah, I’m fine. I’ll probably wish Twilight a Merry Chris--- Hearths Warming, and head to bed soon,” I said. There was a half-awkward silence between us and I looked at the floor, mumbling.
“Y’know,” Applejack tilted her dark dress hat, “If you don’t wanna be all by yerself for Hearths Warming, you can come be my plus one at the Apple family house for the festivities!”
“Really?” I perked up a little. Hearths Warming and Christmas were fairly close in comparison, so it certainly sounded appealing. “Sure, that’d be great!”
“Now, mind Big Mac this time. He’s already kicked ya twice for sneaking up on him,” she said seriously.
“Not my fault he’s half-deaf and can't hear me coming within a forty-foot radius saying his name out loud. The stallion has his head in the clouds.” I stuck my tongue out, remembering the massive bruises and days of visible limping.
Applejack rolled her eyes and smiled. “Alrigh’. Just don’t expect me to be kissin’ nopony under your plant thing up there or I’d be--!” A passing stallion who’d read the sign smooched Applejack on the cheek as he went by, laughing merrily and vanishing into the crowd. Flash went the camera. The mare went as red as a beet. I was rolling.
I kinda feel like they should know what the plant mistletoe is even if they don't have the tradition.
This is almost everything I love in an HiE. Really enjoyable.
This is sweet :)
Have you been on 4chan's RGIE board? cause I got them started on this the other day.
6754624
Maybe it's nonexistent in Equestria.
THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS LAST PARAGRAPH. ALL OF MY YES!
Very entertaining so far. Have a like, a favorite, and a mustache
Rather interesting and light hearted so far. While "human in Equestrian" stories are generally a risky venture, this is rather nice and entertaining, precisely because this seems like the actions of a real person stuck in Equestrian. Also have to commend the characterization of Twilight here. I can so easily see her acting this way.
HiddenMaster out
Oh, An HIE fic...
<see's author, raises an eyebrow>
Heh. I chuckled at the "kissie-weed." Pretty down to Earth and cute. I like it.
Okay, Aegis... I'm going to offer a bit a tip here...
OkAY... lets tackle this as a trope. I think a lot of writers have this sort of knew jerk reaction because they make the assumption that they have an aversion to meat based on their seemingly idylic setting (despite horses actually eating meat and herbivores being perhaps the most vicious critters out there) And we see show them fishing, raising pigs, and feeding meat to their pets and having carnivores for pets, never mind playing host to various carnivorous sapients. So... yeah, meat wouldn't be problem.
Not trying to be a prick, just some food for thought
A story got featured without cover art? Damn, this must be pretty good then.
A slice-of-life HiE about culture shock (using the term loosely)? I like. Will keep reading.
6755624
I have a whole huge headcanon about ponies eating meat and keeping livestock. It involves Klingons and references to the Jay and Silent Bob universe. And still makes sense.
6755624
You forgot that ponies deal with most livestock animals with full awareness said animals are sentient and sapient; it follows that whatever legal systrm exists would have evolved with these fellow sapients in mind as recognized sophonts on par with ponies, if not citizens of some class
Fun little concept, and I congratulate you on not giving into the HiE shipping urge that so many writers can't resist. There were already two points where a lesser man would not have been able to stop from having the human and a pony fall madly in love. Starry night out in the middle of the orchard alone with AJ or under the mistletoe with two different members of the mane6? Phew, you got some herculean self-control by this site's standards.
Good Job.
6755624
It would be nice if a HiE actually didn't mention meat at all for once. It's brought up so frequently that it's just gotten boring. Also annoying how most humans sent to Equestria have to make a big deal out of it like, "What!? No meat! What is this Hell!?"
I can't be the only person who doesn't have a insatiable hunger for meat, right? I mean, I eat it, and enjoy it, but I like other foods too and have no difficulty going without meat. If I can't have it, oh well. Food is food.
6755624
Horses are not predators. They can eat meat and sometimes do so in a semi-active way by chowing down on small critters while they're grazing, but the reality is, they're pretty much obligate herbivores. Their entire gastric system is laid out for it. While you're technically right there, it really doesn't justify anything more than maybe a fringe culture of a very few meat eaters who treat it as an acquired taste.
Well, you know, if there was any good reason why ponies have to work like real-world horses, I guess. They don't, of course, but it still also seems like kind of a natural fit for them. It feels appropriate that they'd be delicate about death and the harsher realities of life, because pretty much their entire value system revolves around avoiding conflict where possible.
Very warm to read. It's.. like listening to the rain.
6755913
Do go for 30 days without meat and let me know how it went honestly. Humans do like to eat meat, and humans CRAVES! things they are not allowed to have. Even many vegetarians love the taste and would love to eat it but ala's moral issues.
But that is beside the point, good story, also lets us non-US peeps to learn about customs of our brethen in the new world.
6755971
You'll get cravings for entirely biological reasons, too. Meat is an enormously important supplier of "whole" proteins, fats, oodles of different vitamins and also a number of important trace minerals and other micronutrients that will give you cravings after a while as a side effect of early-stage malnutrition. You can make up for all of that with vegetables, technically, but it takes a very balanced diet that most people wouldn't even know how to prepare. Without that it still likely won't kill you, but you sure won't be in anything approaching top shape either.
6755971
(Had a much longer, more eloquent and entertaining comment, but it got overwritten somehow by a repeat of my last one)
I eat meat very little because it's expensive, so I can say, while not 30 days long, I have gone without meat for a while and never got cravings. A well balanced, non-vegan diet with eggs and milk included will take care of nutritional based meat cravings.
Meat fanatics are a over-used trope in HiE and is rarely ever done well.
Just to be clear, I'm not saying this story has such a character, it's just a general statement.
P.S.
Edit: 6756003
Hah, this was posted while I was still typing. Yeah, a balanced diet can be hard if you are strictly vegan, but like I said, eggs and milk make it a lot easier. And of course the ever so common HiE fallback of fish.
6756025
I'd say it depends on the person. For instance, I would genuinely like to go vegetarian (as you said, meat is expensive), but regardless of the diet that I try, I end up slipping into cravings, lethargy, and even depression after a week or two. Maybe it's a coincidence, but all my teeth are sharp and pointy—including my incisors, which never completely wore away the natural serrations (mamelons) they had when they first came in. On that same note, a friend of mine has been a vegetarian for most of her life and really shows no interest in meat at all. She's not completely averse to meat, as I've managed to get her to eat chicken and fish before, but she simply doesn't like it.
6755624
It's not like "Neig-g-g-gh" was going on about how ponies are afraid of omnivorism. He was just saying that they probably wouldn't want to eat hamburgers. Which is true.
6755883 As far as I know, pigs aren't sapient in Equestria. It was even confirmed by Lauren, I think. Maybe AJ holds pigs as a waste disposal, or she's trading with shops that provide food for Equestrian gryphons, if you know what i mean.
6755923 in many stories here, pegasi eat fish, and for me, it tis very plausable, as they are very active physically, and veggies on their own, probably wouldn't provide enough calories for all those aerial maneuvers.
I love this story so far - pretty original if I do say so. If not in the concept, then in the way you write it.
Quite heart warming too
Brilliant! Keep them coming good sir!
This...seems a little sad.
6756323 considering Fluttershy's book club, everything is sapient in Equestria
I look forward to his explanations of All Hallows Eve.
Gaelic traditions of dressing your children as demons and monsters so they don't get dragged into a, still existing, hole that supposedly leads to hell while leaving rotting fruit for the actual demons to eat and giving sweets to children at the door so they don't draw suspicion, which later degenerated into the barely recognisable , and I use this next word VERY loosely, holiday it is now.
6756629 Well that's part of it yes... also it's a general Celtic tradition, not just Gaelic.
6754624
Mistletoe happens to be a parasite of oaks, and due to pony land-management practices, they would be repulsed by it.
I love this story and I am very much anticipating the next chapters.3-100000...don't disappoint me
hope you have a good Christmas and a great new year
6757161
6755468
Something, something Everfree?
Seriously though I actually wasn't aware that mistletoe was a parasite, with that in mind it would be reasonable enough for it to no longer exist in modern Equestria after earth pony magic got rid of it. Complaint rescinded.
6755971
6756003
I stopped eating meat when I was three because I didn't like it, I'm now forty seven. I've never craved meat in my life.
I'm in good shape and people often think I'm in my mid thirties.
I never 'organise' my diet but eat whatever I fancy.
To be fair, I do eat mountains of dairy, and very, very rarely fish.
I've heard this "You must eat meat or you'll get sick!" argument more times than I can count, with respect, it's utter bollocks.
Vegans however, what kind of crazy person doesn't like cheese?
6757226
It certainly hasn't done a lot for your intellect, because eating "mountains of dairy" is just replacing the nutrients you'd get out of meat with a specialized diet, which is exactly what I said.
6757228
And there comes the exact kind of crazy-overblown, uncomfortable patriotism that I was glad this story didn't have.
6757236
I don't crave meat.
I've never suffered malnutrition.
Once again, nope.
Really? Are you sure?
Your meaning was clear, my health is fine, my intellect is sound. My respect, however was wasted.
6757288
Yes, and I'm sure that vegan olympic sprinter doesn't eat nutritional supplements by the handful. Food today totally isn't artificially stuffed full of additional vitamins and minerals either. And I'm also sure that your parents let you decide on your diet completely on your own without ever getting medical input to make sure that you got everything you needed, because that's totally what the responsible parents of a three year old picky eater would do. If you think I'm talking out of my ass, read up on history and things like the polar expeditions. People would end up chowing down on things like gobbets of still-bloody fat because those cravings can get so intense.
If you think the average person with no special knowledge can suddenly go from an omnivorous diet to an exclusively vegetarian one without repercussions, you're delusional.
That was a very cute story, and it even got the white berries correct! I'm not sure how it became a common mistake to show mistletoe with red berries like holly, but it seems like every year somebody does ...maybe it's because holly is prettier than mistletoe?
where the hell did the vegetarian conversation come from that wasn't in the story
6757304
Makes sweeping assumptions without providing a shred of evidence. Also it's conventional to capitalise 'Olympic' by the way.
I've no doubt some Olympians take a variety of supplements, some of them may even be vegan or vegetarian (do note, I never defended the vegan position), but most Olympic athletes today avoid such things, due to a fear that these often complex synthetic products may lead to false positives during drug testing. So many high level athletes have been caught out this way, that even taking 'vitamins' may raise an eyebrow in such circles. No straw yet.
Continues in this theme. I'm looking at a carrot and wondering exactly where they would put these 'additions'. Some straw apparent.
Oh my, you do love your those assumptions, don't you? Especially when you're sure of them.
Oh by the way, you probably shouldn't start a sentence with 'And', it's bad practice. And, if you must, then use a comma after the 'And' for emphasis. Straw intensifies.
Cunningly constructs the sentence so as to suggest that either a) I was dishonest about becoming a vegetarian at three or, b) I was raised by irresponsible parents. Here I'm supposed to accept being branded a liar or suffer an insult to my parents. This straw is becoming a fire hazard. Also, vegetarianism is not picky eating, does this even need to be said?
Actually, based on your comments around this site, I think you're a troll. Pity I didn't ignore you as Lancerlot did.
Here we go, that mainstay of the troll, the straw man argument, in full effect. Let's see if I've got this right, I'm supposed to waste my contribution to the debate (if we can call it such) talking about conditions on nineteenth century polar expeditions, eh? Even though they have absolutely nothing to do with the initial premise? To be fair, if we were both stuck in a lifeboat in the middle of the Atlantic, I would gladly eat your liver sans chianti though I might crave the fava beans.
Another straw man, but I'll bite. I'm sure that if the guy from Man vs Meat or whatever it's called were to transition in one day to a vegetarian diet, he would find it difficult. This does not, however refute my initial premise that the vegetarian diet does not lead to illness or weakness, nor does it require fastidious attention to organising said diet (though vegans have it tougher in this regard).
Neither meat nor fish are required for good health. The belief that they are has successfully been refuted repeatedly since the nineteenth century. If you want to eat meat, go right ahead, I have no axe to grind, or do you perhaps fear that somehow we vegetarians are going to prevent you eating bacon?
Ends with Ad Hominem. I sort of have to allow it, or I'd be denying myself the same opportunities.
Apropos of nothing: When I was writing the sentence '...around this site, I think you're a troll' in this WP (LibreOffice Writer) the word-completion software suggested 'Trollestia', how the hell does LibreOffice know about Trollestia?
6757727
Frankly, you don't have to believe me. I don't even really care if you do. Being a petty little child and nitpicking about my grammar as a second language speaker of English certainly doesn't do much to change my opinion on that initial comment of mine, that being said. Also, seriously, learn what sarcasm means.
Even something as basic as table salt is fortified with iodine, fluoride and folic acid. Since you seem to believe you live off of nothing but raw carrots straight off the fields, I'm sure it doesn't apply to you, though.
6757317 According to my fiancee (an art teacher), red and green stand out more and are pleasing to the eye because they are compliment colors. Whereas green and white says "undeveloped plant" to our mind's eye. Dunno if that's true or not, but that's what she said. XD
This is cute and funny. Plus its the kind of details i like in HiE fics.
Culture shocks and all the stuff that we take for granted that don't translate for the other side.
Rarity's embarrassment was pretty damn funny.
6754624 actually looked up mistletoe. Apparently the plant is really a parasite to other plants like trees, so I can see how a society that micromanages every little thing about their world, from weather, to seasons, to animals, would not know of this plant as their ancestors may have killed it off.
6755923
Yeah. but I'm talking about within the fandom. Its just... weird to me, you know? The Man With Two Names is one such fic where the ponies act like hypocritical jackasses and the most blatant use of this trope (number three of its sins, Number Two is having two brother having a knife fight over, of all things, a position in church while they're in said church, the other having a grown man walking into a home, namely Fluttershy's past every food stuff gathered within, grabbing a knife, going to the chicken coop, then taking a dead chicken and cooking it in the fireplace of the home filled with food. Because... reasons.)
I can kind of see them being pissed if they killed a pet, and take them down if the killed a sapient, but being hysterical with meat eating when many have gryphons as friends and neighbors?
6756248
Dash would probably do it just to prove she could
6757948
I get you there. The Man With Two Names is kind of bad in general, but it's especially bad in that sense. There's a lot of stories that have this whole "ponies are all horribly racist and xenophobic" conceit, often to the point that it's just ludicrously excessive and impossible to believe anymore. It can be fun in a hatefic kind of way, where you just keep reading it for the satisfaction of finally seeing them get their comeuppance for being such a bunch of right tossers, but most of these really are just bad.
6757800
What sexual innuendo? Serious question. I have a dirty mind, but even I didn't notice anything like that. There's a little bit of romantic tension between Applejack and the human, but that's so minor it's basically an afterthought. Hardly seems like that big of a deal.
iz nice so far, you is tracked
6758401
Oh, that. That's not innuendo, though, that's a plain dirty joke. I was expecting you be referring to something different.