7112122

My god the un nessesary details in this.

On this count, I would have to ask if you even read the rest of the story when you asked.

flow seems choppy.

If you could point out examples or suggest any improvements, I owuld be very happy and so would the readers. Any improvements you can help comming abbout will be appreciated.

I mean really better way to describe characters then that.

If it isn't the best opening of the story, feel free to suggest improvements and point out explicit flaws that comes to mind.

And is this room important later?

The home is an integral part of the one living in it. Aside from that, I don't need to describe the bed room again.

Then why describe it so when of not at the time.

Describing the scene on which the play is going to be. Setting the stage should be done as early as possible and conveninet, unless there is a reason behind it.

Awesome story so far.
Keep up the stimulating work!!

x=0