• Member Since 17th Mar, 2014
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Steel Quill


A pony with too much time on his hooves and too much plot to work with, in more ways than one. Porn Pope (TM). Also on FA!

Comments ( 54 )

A lovely story start to finish. You know how to build up to the good parts and how to do it well.

A promising start! A few strange word and grammar hiccups here and there but other than that, good work! :twilightsmile:

masseuses

If you don't mind, allow me to point out that the proper plural noun of 'masseus' is 'masseurs', and not 'masseuses'

If people are going to write a smutty clopfic, they should at least know how to write one properly.

Steel Quill, while I'm not a huge fan of clopfics to begin with, even I have to admit that the pacing and writing here is decent, if not good. It's just a shame that some crappy hastily written sex-riddled clopfic will take this story's spotlight soon but until then I hope a lot of people see this and appreciate the genuine effort you've actually put in to do what is a respectable sex story.

Faved and Liked.

Signed,
Unique and UniqueSKD

6930754
No, the author is correct.

The plural of "masseuse" is "masseuses".
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/masseuse

"Masseur" denotes a male massage-giver.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/masseur

6931156 When I read the story's description, the word didn't seem right, so I googled it. I think the problem lay with how google defines them.

i1318.photobucket.com/albums/t649/Alcatraz20/Untitled390_zpsb8zrlz8j.png

As you can see, 'masseur' & 'masseurs' don't have any indication as to whether or not it's gender specific, so I thought that was the more correct word to use, and didn't look further into it.

Then, after having read your comment, I went back and did a comparison.

i1318.photobucket.com/albums/t649/Alcatraz20/Untitled391_zpsl5rx91ts.png

Seeing how 'masseus' & 'masseuses' have a more feminine-orientated definition, you/the author would be correct.

All that said, I still don't think it entirely incorrect to say 'masseur(s)' since there's a less of an emphasis on masseur denoting a male, of whom gives massages. The only indication for that in the links you provided is the sentence where it mentions

(massage) A person (especially male) who performs massage.

It's not my intention to be short-sighted about it by any means, but my only excuse is 'masseur(s)' being more vague over 'masseuse(es)' of denoting gender, as the variations of 'masseuse' is more clearly defined towards women.

On a completely different note...

“It is a never-ending labor, but one we take to well.” Vera said

The period here is supposed to be a comma since it's still a continuation of the sentence/same clause and not the end of it.

Further down, there's this:

“I'm so sorry!” She exclaimed

It's still a continuation of the same sentence, so the 'She' in this case needn't be capitalised.

Same here:

“Let's see. Aloe mentioned wishing to try a new candle fragrance for the spa.” She told herself

In addition to replacing the period with a comma, the following word, in this case 'She', should be lower case.


Her sisters Lotus and Aloe often left

Generally when giving names in this kind of a context, one would normally use commas.

Her sisters, Lotus and Aloe, often left

You do this in the opening paragraph, which is a good example.

“That'll be 15 bits, miss Vera.

It comes down to clauses, which you can read up on >here<.

Also, since 'Miss' is a proper noun in this context, it should be capitalised.

“Mr.” and “Ms.,” of course, are uppercase before a name. “Mrs.,” which is less commonly used than it was several decades ago and which derives from the honorific “Mistress,” is also capitalized before a name. Same goes for “Miss,” which is usually reserved for a younger girl.


Due to my anality when it comes to grammar... minor, and at the same time, consistent grammar errors make the story, at least for me, annoying to read. I'll still upvote the story, yet since the grammar errors detract from my ability to enjoy the story, I'll abstain from reading until they're fixed.

6931241 Thank you for pointing these out to me. I try my best to fix what grammar errors I can in editing, but things always slip through the cracks.
6931114 Thank you for the kind words! It makes it feel more like a success when people recognize the hard work put into a piece. :twilightsmile:

6931265 I despise clopfics because they're just cheap little get-quick-views stories written for the purpose of cashing in on people's raging hormones, so when I see someone write a clopfic with dignity and actually deserving of the romance tag, I have to give credit where it's due.

Now if I could only break my writer's block to get my new story closer to seeing its first new chapter, maybe I'll get somewhere too.

6931293 When I was working on this, I sometimes ran into trouble also with writer's block, particularly with chapter three/four. My advice is to try and keep out of mind the "final product" you're wanting to have already, and first focus on getting all the meat and bones down first on the page before you worry about fine-tuning it for publication. You gotta start somewhere, after all. The first go-around for me was hardly perfect, but I managed to turn it into this.

6931298 Well, to be honest I kinda lose interest in writing time to time because, you know...if there's a clopfic then it's worth more attention than a non-clopfic.

I'm not taking a stab shot at your story though, so don't think that. This story deserves more attention than 80% of clopfics on this site.

But I am thinking of other ways to present my story. I'm thinking maybe I could draw sort of like, comic strips for some chapters if I can't think of way to write them out. Like visual presentation, you know?

I'm no great artist, but I'd like to think I'm half-decent.

But here I am laying my crappy woes on you in the comment section of your story. To be truthful I should get back to working on my FNAF World animation. Tje sooner it's done the sooner it can get disliked on YouTube or whatever. I don't mind so long as it will make at least ONE person laugh.

Because sometimes it's worth doing something knowing you can make one person feel better after a bad day or whatever, you know?

So I'll not take up more of your time and comment space. But again, this is an example of how a clopfic should be written. Pacing, build-up, and it makes me actually believe these two characters want each other. That's romance; not throwing two random characters together in a room and hope they'll fuck three holes par for the course.

Tee hee hee. Golf jokes. A little BIRDIE told me that one. Get it? Birdie? Like, in golf terms...ah forget it. Just give me the weird look and we'll take our leave.

It's hard being funny.

Signed,
Unique and UniqueSKD


P.S; How do you write with a steel quill?

6931212
Eh, fair enough. No worry. It's just a pedantic concern, anyway.

Bottom line: story was great.

6931308 With a very firm grip and intense determination. And strong paper. :pinkiehappy:

Unexpected but not unwelcomed!

I see someone likes Rebels.

6931366 I thought you were making a sex joke until you brought paper into the comment.

6931383 WITH A REBEL YEAH! MO, MO, MO-OO-OH!

6931265 As an afterthought, it's always an idea to have more than one person edit, that way you're more likely to catch more errors and such. I ususally try to have two people edit anything before I put it out.

I feel like the actual romance was left to the imagination. This isn't bad necessarily, but I read these things because my imagination kinda sucks, so... :twilightblush:

6933289
6932509

But did you remember to include the shipping fees? And handling?

6933675 Well, I certainly can't argue with those prices. Sign me up!

The story didn't feel like it was written simply so it can lead to the final scene - it progressed pretty much naturally, and with no rush.
Nice relaxed pacing, good character depictions, sweet dialogue, well-written interactions... Simply said, a wonderful read.
Loved it, this definitely goes to my favourites :twilightsmile:

6934449 Thank you very much for your kind words. This one was a tricky one to pull off, to be honest. I had to change several things I had done originally, but I like the way it came out in the end.

It's weird because you almost could've left out the last chapter, and gotten a T rating.

As it is, by the time I got to the sex, I was no longer interested, but not because it was bad, but because I didn't need to read it to feel like the story was complete. I can say this was a clopfic I was not ashamed to read and for a moment in the 4th chapter wondered of perhaps I'd misread the rating at the door.

Well done, sir. Very nice indeed

6935134 Thank you. When I give it another look, I do see what you mean by the way it could have been a teen story. That said; I typically write my stories like this because I want there to be a reason for the sex, not just having it for crowd appeal. It's a slow, purposeful buildup to a proper finish, in my mind.

Y'know, I really like this. It surprised me, how you actually built on their relationship before the fourth chapter. I kept expecting some kind of meaningless orgy after every paragraph, but you didn't. The characters and story were wonderful. Thank you for sharing this experience with me

6935665 You're welcome! What you wrote was/is my goal with writing these stories. They may be clop, but it's romantic clop that has a purpose instead of just for no reason. Feel free to check out my other stories for similar works!

Very well done. It had a good pace, and explored both the emotions and thoughts between the characters as the relationship progressed. When it finally reached its climax (Pun intended!), it moved at the proper speed and made for a great ending and over all, a solid read.

6935945 Thank you for your praise. I wasn't sure how well I depicted both Rumble and Vera, but I am glad you enjoyed the story. Did anything particular stand out, for curiosity's sake?

6936051 Nothing really stood out. It was more the whole flow and progression of the story. Not too fast, but not slow and plodding either.

Vera x Rumble? That's a new one. I'll read when I can.

6936842 I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on it. As for the pairing, it simply occured to me as I was thinking of two background ponies instead of any of the more main/present ones. They're easy to develop as characters.

Once again a fantastic love story from good ol' Quill.
I always love the clop with a reason stories, ones that give a good gimps into an existing love, or in this case, the kindling of something new.

Also a very interesting pairing; I love the family dynamic of it too.

As always, looking forward to the next.

Romance before the erotica? What madness is this?
My kind of story, truly. I love romance, and this did pretty much everything right. The only thing for which I could ask is more. Which is always the case when people write beautiful romance, because I can't get enough of it. But I can't expect the same author to constantly write perfect romance, so I'm off to find the next beautiful story like a desert nomad seeking oases.

For real, 10/10, favorite because it's amazing.

PHR

Another well-paced progressive romance, and a singularly unexpected (yet very much successful) pairing. You've done it again, Steels.

But, err... cover sourced from Daxhie's SFW blog, you say? Are you sure about that?

6940898 Yes, it actually is linked to his/her SFW tumblr. As the original art piece is NSFW, I used a cropped version of it for the cover, and linked to his SFW tumblr as per the rules of Fimfiction.

Also, thank you for the praise! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

Been a while since I've read a Clopfic that truly deserves its "Romance" tag. Thank you for making this amazing story. Now off to look at what else you've written. :raritywink:

6944699 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Once I saw you made a new story I HAD to read it! Right now this is all I'm going to say...

I AM SO GLAD YOU MADE ANOTHER STORY!!!!!!!!!:rainbowkiss:

Pretty much too far in awe, I'm left speechless.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!:yay:

I loved it, it was sweet and all kinds of the good mushy stuff :twilightblush:

This was such a wonderful story :twilightsmile: So well written and fits the romance tag perfectly :twilightblush: Great pacing and beautiful writting, you really brought the characters out made the whole thing very realistic :twilightsmile: Very nicely done, keep up the great writing. :raritywink:

6932469 not a good representation. That ship winds up sinking.

7260298
You're saying it's the Titanic?

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