Aegis has gone though a lot in her life. More then a pony should of gone through. But she has lived her life and has become the smart and knowledgeable one in her group. Her life has had it's ups and its down. But in the end for her it will hopefully fold out to work. Hopefully.....
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Your oc looks adorble :)
Touching begin.
But there are quite a few errors in grammar.
*See, Aegis*
*be
*As
No need to capitalize the 'H'. How did she know it was pebble? I would say that it would be better if you change that to: 'Aegis heard something hit the window.' Something along those lines
Sat down what? I think you accidentally put 'had' in there.
Maybe better if you change it to: 'In Silvers eyes,'
Why is dinner quoted? Was there some special meaning? -->
You mean she heard it while she was in her room and her parents were having dinner? I guess you meant that.
It is better if you replace these quote marks ( " ) with these ( ' ). The double quote means that the/a character is speaking.
As nice little touch as it is, ( Because childhood was indeed the best.
) it doesn't really fit in how the story is portrait the whole way, and sudden that comes along.
( ' )
*Aegis's room* The 's means 'belonging to', like: This is Aegis's room.
Needs a comma between them: 'breath, begging'
's
No need for the capitalized 'Y', double 'period'.
Extra 'space'.
It is a touching story, I would like to see you grow as a writer.
Although, I do recommend to try and get an editor/pre-reader.
Like and good luck!
6537833
Ahaha, Ironically I do have an Editor, We are both improving though, thanks for pointing out errors though! It just improves the story!