Celestia Being Deep

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Chicago Ted

Chicago Ted #1 · Sep 27th, 2015 · 7 · ·

inb4

1234

1234 #2 · Sep 28th, 2015 · 1 · ·

This is very hard to read due to your paragraphs not being separated out.

DJEclypsed

DJEclypsed #3 · Sep 28th, 2015 · · ·

6469026 Wow, okay! Is it specifically with the dialogue or do I just need to space out each paragraph one more time?

1234

1234 #4 · Sep 28th, 2015 · 3 · ·

6469032

“I...I don’t know about this Princess. May..maybe we shouldn’t do this…” Twilight stammered back nervously. “If you really believe that Twilight then I will not force this on you”, replied Princess Celestia. With a soft smile, the large white alicorn nuzzled up against her faithful student, a muzzle gently rubbing up against the matted purple fur behind a perked ear. “But I won’t let you get away without at least a little taste of it”, she cood warmly into Twilight’s ear.

Hard to tell who is doing what or who is saying what because it's all together. Separate what Twilight is doing and saying from what Celestia is doing and saying. ^_^

Also, leaving space between paragraphs helps a ton. You kinda stopped doing that after a while.

Xelos