Under My Wing

by zinachan012

Chapter 1

Ponyville was covered in a glaze of clouds, a gentle, chilling drizzle coming down from the sky. Rainbow Dash was not concerned with this problem, as she was sitting on her own little cloud above the main layer. The sun warmed her back as she settled on her little perch high in the sky. Dash looked down and noticed there was a small hole in the clouds, what Pegasus had done such a sloppy job? She rolled her eyes, figuring it might have been Derpy. The mare’s heart was in the right place, but she was just so silly sometimes. Swooping down to fix the simple mistake, Dash stuck her head down the hole just to see what was going on down in Ponyville. She didn’t expect much, all the other ponies were cooped up inside like she figured.

Well, except one.

A familiar orange filly sat soaking under a small tree. She obviously wasn’t out on a play-date with her little friends; Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were nowhere to be seen. Dash glided down into the rain to see what Scootaloo was up too. She didn’t know the filly that well, but Rainbow Dash did know that Scootaloo looked up to her. She decided to make a good impression. The cyan Pegasus glided down from the sky, gently landing next to Scootaloo.

“Hey kid, whatcha up too?” Dash said, walking up to Scoot and holding her wing over the filly.

“Oh, hi Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo mumbled. Rainbow thought that was strange, the orange filly was usually so excited when she showed up. She wasn’t trying to be conceited but this was a bit odd.

“Hey, cheer up!” She said, leaping over Scootaloo and standing in front of her. Rainbow Dash gasped as she got a better look at the filly. Scootaloo tried to hide it by quickly turning her head away, but Rainbow had already seen the damage. Scootaloo’s eye was swollen shut and four different shades of purple, she’d clearly been crying, and her shoulder sported a large, ugly bruise. “Wh...What happened to you?!” Rainbow Dash asked, shocked.

“It’s nothin,’ don’t worry about it,” Scootaloo mumbled again, trying to walk away from Dash. The older Pegasus jumped over her and blocked her path.

“Whoa whoa whoa, somepony bucks the tar out of you and you say it’s nothing? That’s not cool!” Rainbow Dash snapped, stomping her hoof down.

“I said don’t worry about it!” Scootaloo snapped back, “I deserved it, okay?! I messed up again and I got a beating, that’s all there is to it!” Rainbow Dash was taken aback by Scootaloo’s anger. The mare shook her head in confusion before inquiring the filly more.

“What do you mean you ‘deserved it’? Nopony deserves to get beat up like this, what did you even mess up?”

“I...I don’t want to talk about it. Sorry I yelled,” Scootaloo said, suddenly shy, dragging her hoof through the mud. Realizing that Scootaloo wasn’t ready to come out with what happened, Rainbow gave the filly a small smile.

“Well, c’mere kid, why don’t we hang out for the day?” Her smile grew bigger as Scootaloo’s face exploded with happiness.

“Really?! Can you teach me how to fly like you?! TEACH ME HOW TO DO A SONIC RAINBOOM!!!” Scootaloo cried, bouncing around Rainbow Dash in a very Pinkie Pie manner. Rainbow laughed.

“Well, I don’t know about a sonic rainboom, but I’ll see what we can do,” Dash grinned. She nabbed Scootaloo by her mane and tossed her onto her back. Dash knew the filly had problems flying, and she didn’t want to spend the rest of the day down here on the dreary ground. Taking off at a crazy speed, Dash broke through the clouds again and flew way up high, her speed driving the raindrops right off the two ponies. Scootaloo was hanging on for dear life, but she was yelling with excitement. Rainbow did a few flips and twists in the air, a hoof-full of zigzags, and a fair share of loop-de-loops. In her excitement, Scootaloo accidentally let go of Rainbow Dash’s neck.

“Ahhhh! Rainbow Dash, help me!”

“Don’t worry!” Rainbow cried, going into a dive and falling next to her, “Spread your legs, you’ll be okay!”

“What?!” Scootaloo yelped, looking at Rainbow Dash with horror.

“Trust me; I wouldn’t let you keep falling if it wasn’t safe! Be fearless!” Rainbow smiled. Scootaloo had no other choice really; she spread her legs and wings, which allowed her to control the direction of her descent to some degree. She approached the clouds, shutting her eyes as she expected to fall through and plummet to her death.

Boing!

Scootaloo was launched back upward by the bouncy clouds.

“Whoa! That was cool!” Scootaloo said as she bounced a few more times before coming to rest on the fluffy surface.

“You’re a Pegasus, how have you never been up in the clouds before?” Rainbow asked as she bounced off a cloud, did a front flip, and landed by Scootaloo.

“Well, I can’t fly very well, you know that. Nopony has ever bothered to take me up here. And I was born on the ground, a lot of other Pegasus ponies tell me that makes you a weak flyer,” The filly said, holding her head down. Rainbow Dash had to admit that she had heard that pony-tale before, but had she ever believed it? Not really. Then again, Scootaloo was the first Pegasus pony she had met that was born on the ground.

“Well, even if you are born up in Cloudsdale, it doesn’t make you the best flyer in the world. Look at Fluttershy, she was a pretty terrible flyer herself,” Rainbow tried to reassure Scootaloo, who was beginning to look downtrodden again.

“I guess,” Scoot pouted. Rainbow nudged her with her hoof.

“Hey, I’ve seen you work that scooter. You might not fly like the Wonder Bolts, but I don’t know any other pony that can do things like you on a scooter!”

“Really? You think my scooter tricks are cool?” Scootaloo brightened up extensively. Rainbow Dash nodded her head vigorously. Then an idea sprang into her ever so brilliant mind. She began scooping up some small clouds in her hooves. Scootaloo tried to peer over her shoulder, but Rainbow turned.

“You can see in a second!” The mare scolded playfully. Scootaloo scrunched up her face in impatience, but sat down on her rump and waited. After a moment, Rainbow turned around and presented Scootaloo with her project. It was a scooter made of clouds!

“Whoa!” Scootaloo examined it extensively in awe, “Why doesn’t it have wheels?”

“You don’t need ‘em up here, that thing should just glide across the air. Get on and try it!” Scootaloo obliged happily and hopped on. She flapped her tiny wings and sped off. Rainbow Dash followed her, cheering her on. Scootaloo tried some of the tricks she would do with her scooter on the ground, just to get a feel for what it was like. The lightness of the scooter allowed Scootaloo to perform more complicated tricks, and she knew the softness of the clouds beneath her would protect her from harm should she mess up. For a moment, even if it was just the briefest moment, the young filly could forget her troubles, her trials, her pain, and simply enjoy the sun beaming down on her. She could enjoy the softness of the white clouds that she had previously never been able to walk on. The best part of it all was that she was hanging out with the coolest pony in Ponyville. Scootaloo couldn’t remember a happier time in her short life. Rainbow Dash flew above her, calling out some spiffy tricks that the filly had never tried before.

How had this day gone from being so horrible to so amazing in such a short time? Rainbow Dash helped her come up with awesome new ideas, even a stunt where Scootaloo rushed toward the mare and angled herself upward at the last moment, then Rainbow Dash would buck her into the air, then she would twist around and around until she hit maximum air, then flip before crashing back down. They created tricks like these for hours, never tiring of them, and Scootaloo was content, no she was happy. Sure, she loved hanging out with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, but she hadn’t been this happy in so long.

Finally, after a long day, the sun was beginning to sink in the sky. A beautiful display of pastel oranges and pinks painted the clouds. The two Pegasus ponies sat together at the edge of the cloud shelf, which was beginning to shrink. Rainbow knew that she and the other pegasai ponies would have to clear it all up tomorrow morning. It would be a pretty easy job. She looked down at Scootaloo; the swelling in her eye had gone down a little bit, which made her feel better. The exhausted filly was looking down at the ground, trying to keep her drooping eyelids open.

“Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah, what’s up Scootaloo?”

“I wanna tell you what happened...but you can’t tell anypony, okay?” This comment concerned Rainbow Dash a little bit, but she just nodded. At least the filly was opening up to her.

“Go for it, kid. I’m listening,”

“Well, I screwed up. No, that’s not right, I am a screw up. My mom, she said she never wanted me when I was born, my dad left her when he found out she was pregnant. She hates me, and she beats me whenever I do something wrong. I dropped a dish today and it broke. She was so mad; she kicked me and told me I had to sleep outside in the rain today. She calls me a failure because I don’t have my cutie mark yet, she blames me for all her bad luck and misfortune because I was a Pegasus pony born on the ground.

She torments me like this every day. She even told me I should just go away and never come home, but I do, because I have nowhere else to go. It’s my fault my dad left, it’s my fault that she lives in a shack, it’s my fault she hurt her wing and can’t fly anymore, it’s all my fault. Before I met Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, I didn’t even think I had a purpose to be alive. Even then, they might be my friends but I’ve always felt so alone...I deserve everything I get because I ruined her life.” Scootaloo looked up at Rainbow Dash. She was shocked.

The cyan-blue mare was...crying. Her eyes were clenched shut, but the tears could not be contained by her eyelids. They slid down her cheeks, dripped off her nose, tiny raindrops of sadness. Scootaloo had never seen the toughest pony in Ponyville cry. She never thought she’d see the day actually.

“Rainbow Dash, it’s not that big of a deal, I deserved...”

“NO!” Rainbow Dash snapped, standing up suddenly. Scootaloo was so surprised she almost fell off the clouds. “Don’t you dare tell me that you deserve this! Nopony deserves this!” She stomped her hoof down and got close to Scootaloo’s face, “Nopony is here because they’re a mistake, you are a special pony with a special talent, okay?! Don’t believe anypony that tells you that you’re useless, or a mistake, even if it is your mom!” The tears were flowing freely now, Rainbow couldn’t hold them back. She hadn’t been this upset since...since...oh Celestia.

You’ll never amount to anything

You, join the Wonder Bolts? Hah! What would they do with a useless pony like you?

I don’t know what your mother was thinking, calling you Rainbow Dash. You’ll never live up to that name.

If your mother never had you, she’d still be here with me.

You’re useless to me, just a mouth to feed. Get out; I’m ashamed to call you my daughter.

“My father was the same way,” Rainbow Dash uttered, “My mom died right after I was born, and he blamed me for it every day. I’ve been in your horseshoes. It’s not right, even if they are our parents, they had no right to treat us like scum,” She held her head up high, ruby eyes catching the dying sunlight, “And I’m not going to let her do this to you anymore,” Scootaloo whipped her head up.

“What?! Rainbow Dash, please don’t! She’s not going to listen to you!” Scootaloo cried. Rainbow Dash ignored the filly’s protests and threw her on her back, jumping off the cloud shelf and taking off at light-speed. Even though it was still just drizzling down below the clouds, at the speeds Rainbow Dash was going, it stung Scootaloo’s face.

Boom!

A rainbow erupted from behind Dash as she broke the sound barrier. The sonic rainboom was heard all over Ponyville. Scootaloo thought for sure she was going to fly off, but somehow she managed to keep a hold of the older mare’s neck.

“Where do you live?!” Rainbow Dash yelled over the wind. Scootaloo was hesitant to tell her, but she knew how relentless Dash could be. She gave in.

“On the edge of town, west of Sweet Apple Acres, it’s a little shack,” Scootaloo replied, feeling sick to her stomach. Her mother didn’t take anything from anyone. She was afraid Rainbow Dash would get hurt, because her mother was a tough pony that had been in many fights. It only made her scarier.

Rainbow spotted the shack and dove down, sending up a wave of water and skidding to a stop in the mud. The little shack was sad, a sagging roof, a lonely broken window, the door swung on rusty hinges, allowing the rain inside. Rainbow Dash stomped through the mud and to the door. It happened to swing shut before she got there, so she kicked it down. There was cursing and the sound of things falling over, before she came face to face with the rattiest Pegasus she had ever seen. Her mane and tail was in knots and tangles, patches of her coat were missing, an eye was swollen with some kind of infection, and her right wing was strangely deformed. It hung limply at her side; she couldn’t even fold it in correctly, like it had been severely broken and never healed right. Rainbow wasn’t sure if her coat was red or brown, she was so filthy.

“The hell are you doing here in my house? And why the hell is that damn filly with you?” The Pegasus snarled. A few teeth were missing from her mouth. Scootaloo hopped off Rainbow Dash’s back and hid behind her, terrified of the punishment she would likely receive later.

“I’m here because you are a lousy mother!” Rainbow snorted, stepping up to the other mare, her cyan coat outshining the other, “Scootaloo is one of the best fillies I know, and you have the audacity to call her useless and unwanted!”

“She is useless! The stupid thing can’t even wash my dishes right, and I don’t want her, she’s a mistake!”

Mistake

Scootaloo’s eyes welled up.

Rainbow Dash exploded.

She flared her wings and smashed into the opposing mare at full speed. They were sent flying to the back of the house, and they fought. Rainbow Dash took a hoof right to her jaw; she recoiled, but then retaliated with a buck to the other pony’s side. The red mare managed to recover and dove into her kitchen area, grabbing a knife in her teeth and advancing toward Rainbow Dash at an alarming rate.

“No!” Scootaloo cried, she dove forward, allowing her little wings to propel her forward, and she grabbed her mother’s back leg, tripping her. She kicked Scootaloo off and turned on her. She shrank back in fear as the older mare raised her hooves, ready to crush the filly. Rainbow came up and tackled her from the side, pinning her down.

“Look, she’s my kid and I’ll do whatever the hell I damn well want to do to her. You hear me, punk?”

“No! She’s not your punching bag, and you don’t deserve her. If you don’t want to take care of her as her mother, then I’ll take care of her as her sister!” Dash snarled.

Sister?

“Fine, then take the damn kid, I don’t want her,” The mare spat. Rainbow Dash stepped off the scruffy pony, glaring as she got up. Scootaloo didn’t know how to react, what just happened?

“Am I...going with you, Rainbow Dash?” She asked, looking up at the mare. Her mother shot a death stare toward them.

“C’mere, sis,” Rainbow Dash smiled, resting her wing lightly on Scootaloo’s head. The filly’s eyes widened with joy.

As they turned and began walking toward the door, the mangy red mare charged from behind with her knife again. She plunged the blade into Rainbow’s side, and quickly pulled it out. A well of red erupted from around the wound and Rainbow Dash shrieked in pain.

“Nopony makes a fool outta me!” She snarled, Scootaloo wailed as Rainbow began bleeding out on the floor. The filly turned with horrific sadness and anger in her eyes.

“She was going to take me away! Why do you have to destroy everything for me?! Why do you have to be so damn selfish?!” She screamed. She jumped up onto the counter and grabbed a knife of her own, then went after her mother. The mare managed to dodge most of Scootaloo’s unrefined attacks, and kicked her away. The small orange filly was so determined, however, she did not give up her relentless attacks. She managed to make small slashes along the bigger pony’s legs. Eventually, Scootaloo got lucky and her mother tripped onto the ground, knocking herself unconscious. She held the knife above her throat, and all her instincts were telling her to plunge the utensil into her trachea and kill her mother. Her conscience stopped her.

“No,” She said, dropping the knife, “I’m going to be the bigger pony. You’re scummy, and I won’t sink to your level,” The filly kicked the weapon away and ran to Rainbow Dash, who was breathing heavily and clearly in a lot of pain.

“Scootaloo, I’m proud of you,” She gasped, smiling. Scootaloo was about ready to burst into tears, however.

“Rainbow Dash, what should I do? You can’t die!”

“You need to...go get help. We’re not...far from Applejack’s farm, go get...her and bring her here,”

“I don’t know if I can get there in time if I run!”

“Just go, I’ll...be...okay,” Rainbow Dash’s eyes were glazed over in pain. Scootaloo tore out of the house, heading in the general direction of Sweet Apple Acres. She had snuck out plenty of times before to visit Apple Bloom late at night, so she knew the route pretty well, but it was almost a mile and a half to get there. The filly didn’t know how long Rainbow Dash had, so she needed to move.

“It’s taking too long!!” She wailed, barely halfway down the trail. In her frustration and anger and fear, Scootaloo began furiously pumping her wings. She felt lift for a moment, then lost it and went back to running along the trail. She kept trying though, but it looked like a hopeless feat. “I have to fly, I have to or Rainbow is going to die!” The filly could see the river up ahead where a dead tree sat at an angle. She charged up the tree and jumped, it was at least ten feet above the ground.

Be fearless!

She spread her wings for a moment and caught some air, and then she began to flap her wings with powerful strokes. She did it, she was flying! Scootaloo flew up above the treetops, spying the farm across the greenery. The rain chilled her to the bone, but Scootaloo refused to give up. Her sister was depending on her. Every ounce of energy went into propelling herself forward. By the time she reached Sweet Apple Acres and landed in front of Applejack’s house, Scootaloo thought she would black out from fatigue. She beat on the door, crying. Apple Bloom answered, with AJ and, surprisingly, Twilight Sparkle, behind her.

“Scootaloo! What happened, what’s wrong?!” Apple Bloom cried. Scootaloo was trying so hard to catch her breath and explain herself while she was still bawling; she could barely get words out.

“Sugar cube, you gotta calm down and tell us what’s happenin’,” Applejack tried to console her as she came over. Twilight trotted over and placed her horn against the filly’s head.

“Scootaloo, I’m going to look into your memory, okay? Show me what you’re trying to tell us,” The unicorn said. Scootaloo could only nod. She pushed the horrific memory of Rainbow Dash getting stabbed, and watching her blood stain the floor beneath her red, the place where it happened, in every gruesome detail. Twilight pulled away in shock, her eyes widened in horror. She turned to Applejack and there was a flurry of words that came from her mouth. AJ said something to Apple Bloom, and then they disappeared in a flash of light. Apple Bloom came up to Scootaloo and tried to tell her something, but it bounced and echoed in Scootaloo’s brain and she couldn’t make sense of it.
Then everything went dark.

---

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Voices. She could hear voices.

“She’s just suffering from fatigue and a slight case of dehydration, her eye will be fine too.”

Familiar, kind, soft voices. They comforted her.

“Thank ya doc, do ya mind if we stay in here with her?”

“Not at all girls. She might need you to comfort her. The poor filly has already been through so much,”
Scootaloo opened her eyes just as the doctor trotted out. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were standing at the foot of her bed, backs turned toward her. She was clearly in the hospital, an IV line attached to her foreleg and a heart monitor on her chest. Suddenly, she snapped to alertness, whipping her head around. Rainbow Dash, where was Rainbow Dash?!

“Scootaloo, you’re awake!” Sweetie Belle cried as she turned her head. She and Apple Bloom put their forelegs on the bed, excited to see their friend was okay.

“Where’s Rainbow Dash? Is she okay?!” Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom looked at each other for a moment, and then looked back at Scootaloo with sad eyes.

“She’s in asleep right now, when Twilight and AJ found her, Rainbow Dash had lost a lot of blood. Twilight didn’t think she was going make it when they got there,” Apple Bloom told her.

“The doctors gave her something called a transfusion, but they still don’t know if she’s gonna be okay,” Sweetie Belle finished. Scootaloo began beating her hooves on the bed.

“Take me to see her! I need to see Rainbow Dash!” She cried.

“Scootaloo, the doctors said you need to rest!” Apple Bloom pointed out.

“I don’t care! I want to see Rainbow Dash, now!” Scootaloo tried clambering out of the bed, but when she attempted to stand she collapsed in a heap. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle knew they had to help her somehow, so they spied a wheelchair in the back corner of the room. Sweetie Belle brought it over and the two of them helped Scootaloo up into it.

“Scoot, are you sure you want to do this? Applejack came in earlier and said she ain’t doin’ too well. The doctors also might be upset if they see you out of bed,” Apple Bloom said.

“I have to see her. She’s my sister!” Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom looked at each other quizzically. They didn’t know anything about that, but they decided to stop arguing with Scootaloo and they began sneaking her out of the room. When a nurse or doctor came strolling down the hallways, they would hide the chair behind a janitor cart or zip around another corner. Needless to say, they made it down to the ICU and to Rainbow Dash’s room. All five of her friends, Twilight, AJ, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity were surrounding her bed. Luna was there as well, but no sign of Celestia.

Fluttershy’s eyes were puffy and red from crying, and Twilight had a comforting hoof on her shoulder. Pinkie Pie wasn’t holding anything back, she was flat out bawling, hugging Applejack in the process. Rarity was trying to keep a brave face, but it wasn’t quite working. Luna’s head was bowed in solemness. Apple Bloom was right, Rainbow Dash didn’t look good at all. Her cyan coat looked duller, less vibrant, there was an ugly bruise on her jaw. The way her mane was splayed out all around her made the mare look younger than she was, smaller, fragile.

“Girls, what are you doin’ in here?” Applejack said, releasing Pinkie Pie and trotting over to the three fillies and drawing the attention of the other ponies in the room, “The doctor said Scootaloo needed to rest, and we’ve already got too many ponies in this room as is,”

“Scootaloo needed to see Rainbow Dash,” Apple Bloom piped up, flattening her ears and giving her older sister the sad eyes.

“They’re sisters! If Rarity was in the hospital, I’d make sure I got to see her!” Sweetie Belle argued. At the mention of ‘sister’, Applejack looked over at Twilight in confusion. She shrugged, equally duped.

“And just what do you mean by sisters? Rainbow Dash doesn’t have any other family,” Twilight asked.

“Rainbow Dash was going to take me away from my mom and take care of me like a big sister! She called me her sister!” Scootaloo cried. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom pushed her wheelchair closer to Rainbow’s bed and the orange filly weakly clambered onto it and curled up next to Rainbow. “It’s all my fault, if I hadn’t said anything, she never would have fought for me,”

“Scootaloo, can you give us a clearer image of what happened? The information Twilight got from your memories wasn’t enough to explain the situation,” Rarity asked. Scoot began telling the story, the same one she’d entrusted to Rainbow Dash. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were horrified, they never knew. She explained how Rainbow had given her one of the best days of her life, and how she was so willing to fight for Scootaloo and even take her home. Luna stepped up closer to the bed and looked down upon Scootaloo, a gentle smile on her face.

“Young filly, do not fault yourself for this. The loyalty in Rainbow Dash’s heart is so strong that nothing would have stopped her from fighting for you. And I believe she could not have chosen a better filly to be her sister,” The night princess said, placing her horn on Scootaloo’s head.

“Th..thank you, princess."

"Hey! What is that filly doing here? She needs to be in her room resting, and there are too many ponies in this room as it is.” A doctor scolded as he entered Rainbow Dash’s room. Luna walked up to him and stared down upon him with her dark eyes. She put her face directly in his and began to speak.

“I believe we can make an exception for this one time,” The princess whispered in a deadly voice. The doctor shrank back, a nervous look on his face.

“Oh...um...yes! We can make an exception! But please excuse me, I just need to check up on Ms. Rainbow Dash, the routine things you know,” He scurried away and began looking at the heart monitor and the IV bag filled with life giving blood attached to Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo curled up at the foot of Rainbow’s bed, and before she knew it, the filly had succumbed to sleep.

---

Two days later…

It was late at night, and Rainbow Dash had finally awoken. She was groggy and in a lot of pain, it took a minute for her to make sense of her surroundings. The light streaming into her hospital room from the hallway allowed her to see who was in her room. Twilight was curled up in a recliner, asleep soundly. Fluttershy was snoozing on the window seat, while Pinkie simply sprawled herself across the floor. Applejack and Apple Bloom were huddled together on the floor, Rarity and Sweetie Belle together in a similar fashion. Dash looked over as the elegant Celestia strode in, the darkness of the room seemed to ease a bit.

“Oh good, you’re awake, Rainbow Dash. You’ve given your friends quite the scare, especially your little sister there,” The Princess said, pointing her horn toward a little orange bundle curled up at the end of Rainbow’s bed. Scootaloo was snoring softly; her wings flittered in her sleep. Celestia smiled at the filly and looked back at Rainbow Dash, who also smiled when she realized what had happened.

“She flew, didn’t she?”

“She had too; otherwise Twilight Sparkle and Applejack wouldn’t have gotten you to the hospital in time to save you. Rainbow Dash, you were the spark that little Scootaloo needed. You are an inspiration to her, and that is more than friendship, that is sisterhood. I believe you will take good care of her…” Celestia paused for a moment, looking at Scootaloo with a gentle smile, “And she will take care of you as well,” Rainbow Dash managed a smile through all her pain.

“You know it, princess,”

Rainbow ended up falling back asleep. She awoke again around noon and everypony was ecstatic to see how well she was doing, especially Scootaloo. Pinkie Pie threw a party in Dash’s room, and almost got kicked out of the hospital for disturbing the peace. It wasn’t long after, about a week, that Rainbow was released from the hospital. Word from the Ponyville Police Force stated that Scootaloo’s mother was nowhere to be found, but Rainbow Dash decided not to worry about it.

Her sister was safe with her. That’s all that mattered.

The End

Comments

[AntonioCC]

A bit sappy, but good!

[R-B-D]

I didn't really like it. Mostly because the pacing is so fast. The speed at which you push events through is just way too fast. I'm pretty sure you could've created numerous chapters and convey all of the information at a much slower pace.

My mind is kind of clouded right now so I can't go through all of it... The one thing I pointed out is the main issue.

[Tyler]

Wow I cried thats amazing I love it. ^.^

[falloutzombie]

i liked it.

[zinachan012]

665642
Thank you for your advice. I'll have to keep that in mind!

[AveragePegasister]

Awwwwwwww. It was sweet. I loved it! Made me cry a little bit. and make best sisters.

[EternallyLost]

the mother was a little ham fisted but up to then it was okay. the ending had a really rushed feeling to it as well. Meh

[Liquidfirest0rm]

Good story

[zinachan012]

I appreciate all the comments and the helpful critique! Thank you!

[WildStallion]

This just made RD cooler.

[Neoco]

Call me picky, but I don't think the tragedy tag should be there. To me, a tragedy is when the ending is tragic or at least something tragic happening in the story, such as a pony's death or somepony having to live the rest of her life without the pony she loved the most. Rainbow Dash is attacked and appears to be on the brink of death but she survives and lives with Scootaloo happily ever after. So I'm failing to see how this story is tragic.

Everything else was fine. Great story!

[zinachan012]

666046

Oh, I thought I unchecked that before I published it! I debated with that myself, I'll fix it!

[Autumn Wind]

Your heart is in the right place, and this is hardly "bad", but it could certainly be better with some more work. The plot feels really rushed, and it feels like Dash and Scoots become attached at the hip in the blink of an eye. Furthermore, the mother's character feels extremely two dimensional, she's not so much a character as just an excuse to move the plot along.

I think you should slow down the pace a little, give the characters more time to breathe and develop.

Keep practicing, you have potential!

[zinachan012]

681496

It really was kind of a test run for me, to get some advice and helpful critique. I know it was kinda rushed...I'm considering re-writing it either as a oneshot again or as a multi-chapter fic to help slow the plot down a bit. Developing characters has always been my weak point

Thank you for your critique though!

[Autumn Wind]

681577

I'm sure you'll be able to pull it off well with a bit more practice. Best of success to you.

[User_Name555]

It's good, but with how sickly Scootaloo's mother was it's a bid odd she managed to put up any fight against a extremely fit, well nourished Rainbow Dash.

[Matt11]

omg so good i wish ther were more chapters it was too good