Rainbow Dash was simply enjoying a day off up in the clouds. When she finds Scootaloo sitting out in the rain all alone, the older mare decides to hang out with Scootaloo for the day, cheering her up. What she didn't know that the filly was hiding a dark secret, and Rainbow Dash has one of her own. Her loyalty burns inside her and she takes Scootaloo up under her wing.
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A bit sappy, but good!
I didn't really like it. Mostly because the pacing is so fast. The speed at which you push events through is just way too fast. I'm pretty sure you could've created numerous chapters and convey all of the information at a much slower pace.
My mind is kind of clouded right now so I can't go through all of it... The one thing I pointed out is the main issue.
Wow I cried thats amazing I love it. ^.^
i liked it.
665642
Thank you for your advice. I'll have to keep that in mind!
Awwwwwwww. It was sweet. I loved it! Made me cry a little bit.
and 
make best sisters.
the mother was a little ham fisted but up to then it was okay. the ending had a really rushed feeling to it as well.
Meh
Good story
I appreciate all the comments and the helpful critique! Thank you!
This just made RD cooler.
Call me picky, but I don't think the tragedy tag should be there. To me, a tragedy is when the ending is tragic or at least something tragic happening in the story, such as a pony's death or somepony having to live the rest of her life without the pony she loved the most. Rainbow Dash is attacked and appears to be on the brink of death but she survives and lives with Scootaloo happily ever after. So I'm failing to see how this story is tragic.
Everything else was fine. Great story!
666046
Oh, I thought I unchecked that before I published it!
I debated with that myself, I'll fix it!
Your heart is in the right place, and this is hardly "bad", but it could certainly be better with some more work. The plot feels really rushed, and it feels like Dash and Scoots become attached at the hip in the blink of an eye. Furthermore, the mother's character feels extremely two dimensional, she's not so much a character as just an excuse to move the plot along.
I think you should slow down the pace a little, give the characters more time to breathe and develop.
Keep practicing, you have potential!
681496
It really was kind of a test run for me, to get some advice and helpful critique. I know it was kinda rushed...I'm considering re-writing it either as a oneshot again or as a multi-chapter fic to help slow the plot down a bit. Developing characters has always been my weak point
Thank you for your critique though!
681577
I'm sure you'll be able to pull it off well with a bit more practice. Best of success to you.
It's good, but with how sickly Scootaloo's mother was it's a bid odd she managed to put up any fight against a extremely fit, well nourished Rainbow Dash.
omg so good i wish ther were more chapters it was too good