- Member Since 21st May, 2014
- offline last seen Sunday
MysticGuitar
There's always someone better than you. Trust me, I know.
MysticGuitar
Joined 21st May, 2014 ·
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- MysticGuitar · 1.2k words · 4 9 · 227 views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Thoughts? Please let me know in the comments!
I'm always open to constructive feedback, too. Also, to be entirely honest, I expect a fair number of down votes on this story. I just don't think it's something a lot of people will want to read. But whatever.
And people seem to be hating this story.
Can't say I blame them.
6441734
So far I don't see strong feelings one way or the other, since there is less than 10 total likes/dislikes.
Edit: and there it is. A 50:50 ratio, roughly, but no comments from anyone who has read it to give constructive criticism.
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6441734
May I read through this story so far and share my thoughts?
6446319 Sure, I'm always open to criticism.
6446326 Alright I'll read through it and do as detailed of a review of its pros and cons as I can. Might take me a while.
Alright, before we begin lets start on the cover, yeah? First thing people see and it will either make dumb people like your story or make all the dumb people hate it without even reading it. Now, the cover art is decent and the title is eh. Nothing really wrong but nothing poetic or spectacular, y'know. They are both ok, thats all that matters. All of the tags so far seem pretty accurate (Sex is clearly mentioned a lot in various ways, as messed up as it is considering how the CMC in the show are like 8, whether its supposed to be a little messed up or they are aged I digress).
Nothing really wrong so far, the description is really short and to the point. Coulda taken some more time to describe what will be happening in the story or the overall plot, but again; I digress. If this truly is it for the story then the description sums it all up pretty well. The likes to dislikes will be an obvious reason for the dumbest to immediately dislike in order to pick on you, but there really is nothing we can do about that. The chapter name is OK however the lengh(t?) could be longer. I blew through it in three minutes, albeit Im a very fast reader, and I reread to make sure I dont miss anything.
So to summarize the cover is OK. Although being a CMC shipping fic with a sex tag its going to attract a few hunters.
*SPOILERS*
Moving onto the story I come across my biggest complaint, the story feels a little rushed and at times you need to slow down a bit. Not so much the last part, however we went from Scootaloo being verbally abused by her mother (so your in the Scootabuse club, huh?) to having funky unicorn sex way too quickly (jokes aside). If this is planned to be a one shot story take note on how most really well done one shotters are 5k words plus, they take a lot of time in their stories because they are telling it all in one go, one shot. Then again many chapter based stories also have long chapters and your in a rather unusual situation not knowing whether this will be a one shot or not.
Onto the actual story plot its also OK, after reading through it I found it hard to believe why this story was struggling so much, did I miss something really ultra offensive because it was decent. A quick summary is that Scootaloo is being verbally abused by her drunken mother, she leaves the house on her scooter after her mother passes out only for her to ram into SweetieBelle by accident. Awakening in the hospital Scootaloo then continues to take part in funky unicorn sex with SweetieBelle (not really but whatever).
So to summarize the whole story, cover and all; if I had to rate it 1-10 I would place it around 6.8, its not all that bad even if it does have its problems, and I dont understand all the hate directed at this story through the likes to dislikes.
I finished a brief review, I will now take my cookies and leave.
6446379 First up, wow. Thank you so much for the in depth review. I seriously appreciate it.
To be honest, I didn't really know how to describe this story, without giving away the (admittedly short) plot.
I actually figured that this was the key reason for the downvotes, as you're right; the story was rushed.
I was contemplating whether or not I should have fleshed it out, but ultimately decided against it. This whole thing was basically written in an hour, and sat in between two other stories, both of which I'm spending a significant amount of time on. So, as far as spur of the moment side projects go, I'm fairly happy with the result. But yeah, it was rushed, and I wasn't even entirely sure if I should publish it in its current state, or just let it die and go into my ever increasing pile of unloved and unfinished projects.
I wouldn't say I'm a fan of Scootabuse stories, per say. More like, I enjoy writing dark content, and am trying to get myself back into the darker style of writing that I've become known for on other publication websites.
My Finding Love in Dark Places story is one example of what I'd like to write from here on out. (would you care to write a short review of that one, too?)
Also, I like pushing boundaries.
Aside from what was said above, I believe most people read only the first half of the story, and didn't bother to go all the way through to see the end. In the first half, I mention various things that most people tend to dislike. Implied rape being one of them, but I also made several sexual references in places that, to be quite honest, don't really belong with the rest of the story, or the mood of the scene. It's actually rather distasteful of me, but I didn't want to edit them out.
I focused more on the second half of the story, as you likely took notice of. The unicorn sex (as you called it) had actual effort put into it, and I believe was the best part of the story, writing wise. I also rather enjoyed the dialogue in the second half of the story, and it was both fun and challenging to keep them all in character with nothing but dialogue to go by.
That's rather generous of you. Personally, I wouldn't have rated this anything higher than a 5.
Anyway, thank you once again for taking the time to write up your review. I really appreciate it.
That was cute. Buck the haters! But a few more details would been more better.
6446474 Sorry if I sounded pretentious (I dont know if thats how you spell it) when I called it a review. I also must apologize if my advise wasnt all that good, Im not really a writer myself y'know. But I gave it a shot, and it sure turned out better than a few of my other 'works' in the past.
6447373 You didn't sound pretentious at all. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into writing up your short review. Most people on here wouldn't go that far, and would basically just say "Meh, it was good, but your part with the thing needed work."
Would you be willing to do the same for Finding Love in Dark Places? Would love to get your opinion on that as well.
6447196 Thanks man! I appreciate the support.
6447852 Sure, I can look over something else of yours. Just keep in mind that I might not be able to do it soon, I'm going through some medical stuff right now.
6448912 No rush at all. Take all the time you need.
Good story, but a bit too fast paced. However...
Is this story from Scootaloo's PoV or what?
6457418 Yeah, I sort of jumped to first person there. Was hoping no one would notice.
I probably won't be editing this at all, though if I do, it'll be in the form of a full rewrite. Like I said in an earlier comment, this story was most definitely rushed, and sat between two other much larger projects. If I didn't publish it, it would have gone into my ever increasing pile of unfinished stories that don't quite meet my expectations.
I figured I had enough here to publish, and decided to throw away my quality expectations, and just say buck it, and publish what little I've got.
This story was actually far more complete than the other side story I was working on. Both were between Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. The other story probably won't ever see the light of day, as it's no where close to being finished. It was basically a clop fic with mind control elements. Sweetie discovers a spell that enforces rules. She applies that to a bet, where the loser of the bet must do anything the winner says. Scootaloo loses. Clop ensues.
AWESOME story, good job.
*stabs*pervert
6595427 Huh?
6595522 oh, sorry looked at the tags and wrote this, never mind
6595710 So basically, you did this.
*sees image of two fillies*
*sees sex tag*
*hits dislike button*
I mean, you literally judged the book by its cover. Not cool man, not cool.
--
To be fair though, the story was rushed. So, you'd probably dislike it anyway. Lol
6595773 meh, wasnt that bad
6595773 yeah...sorry although i did kinda read another story, it sickening and heres the comment i made that i regretted before actually reading it,though yeah doing that was a dick move, sorry i wronged you.
forgive me? please?
yeah like i said, it was a dick move on my part, though in the end i ended up giving it a chance and read it.
dont subject yourself to the inner workings of this guys sick perverted friend's mind like i did, i sincerely regret giving it a chance (though it was a favor to a friend of his it was still disgusting)
6595941 Apparently I'm replying two months late... Er, sorry!
Yeah, I actually read that story before, mostly out of curiosity. I'm not personally against foalcon, or abuse, or any specific fetish. Hell, I have a story with foalcon in it, which also has very explicit sex scenes. So, I kinda can't be against foalcon.
Just, I'd prefer it if it were used to advance the story. Like, don't just write clop because clop sells. Write it, but make it a key part to the overall story.
Perhaps I'm just weird, and see storytelling as an artform. Sure, there's some people out there that want nothing more than to cause disgust with the content that they write, or to otherwise lure more readers in by writing about trendy topics that are sure to get featured. But for me personally? If it doesn't belong in the story, don't put it in the story, and by golly, don't centre your entire story around a single thing or concept. With foalcon, for example, have it as a secondary element, not the selling point.
I get that people want smut, and that some people love reading about fictional fillies fucking. Sure, I myself am even (sort of?) writing a one-off story with rape-like elements between Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. But it's not a pure 'sex for sex' story. It's a love story, where non-consensual sex does in fact happen. It's the centrepiece for the story, but it's also what advances the story along. Ultimately, it's a story primarily about love.
To be entirely honest, I'm writing this just to help me get followers, and more attention to my other works. It's not, and will never be, my primary focus, when it comes to writing.
Anyway, not sure where I'm going with all of this.
Also, this is the story I was mentioning earlier, featuring what I consider to be the proper use of foalcon.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/227352/finding-love-in-dark-places
Give that a read, if you're interested. Only one chapter contains any kind of sex.
Im going to fucking destroy scoot's mom.