Look Before You Bleed

by Emerald Harp

Chapter One

Fluttershy’s jaw dropped in horror. She could not believe her ears. One moment her hoof was moving slowly towards the Amity bowl, the next Mare Mayor was shouting, “Dauntless!”

“What? That, that’s not right,” the pegasus squeaked helplessly. But sure enough, her blood had fallen into the Dauntless bowl.

Turning to the Mayor, Fluttershy asked pleasantly, “Um, can I do that again? I chose the wrong one.”

With a stern look on her face, the Mayor shook her head.

Icy cold fingers snared Fluttershy’s heart. She had been so happy when she got her test results yesterday. The test administrator for some reason had told her to never speak of the test to anypony, not even her own family. She said that Fluttershy had qualities for Abnegation, Candor, and Amity. Of course, none of that mattered anymore.

The former Abnegation pony found herself being carried away from the bowl ceremony into the cheering mass of Dauntless ruffians. This was the first stiff that had chosen to join them in a long time. Too overcome with shock and worry, Fluttershy’s mind shut down.

Minutes later the pegasus blinked in confusion. “How did I get up here?” she wondered to herself. Fluttershy found herself on a tall building with a golden pegasus clad in red and black glaring at her. Her gaze shifted from pony to pony as she barked, “So which of you parasprites is jumping first?”

It was at this point Fluttershy finally noticed the massive, black, hole that was over the edge of the building. She and the rest of the recruits took a step back.

The Dauntless officer’s eyes bulged from her head, nearly pushing her sunglasses off her face. “Sweet Celestia, I’ve seen breezies with bigger balls than you pussies! If you were Dauntless, you wouldn’t care what was down that bucking hole! It could be a swimming pool full of sharks, and you would still jump!”

Her patience already lost, Spitfire pointed at a pink-maned pegasus. “You, shark bait.”

Fluttershy looked from side to side before she pointed to herself.

“Yeah you, get up here. I appreciate you volunteering.”

Too scared to reply, the younger pegasus hovered forward.

Speaking into a walkie-talkie Spitfire said, “Okay boys, turn it on.”

Fluttershy heard a machine activate at the bottom of the hole and a great force tried to suck her off the building and into the abyss.

Fluttershy turned to the Dauntless officer. “You know, maybe being Factionless isn’t so bad. Maybe I’d be more useful there.”

Spitfire stood motionless for a moment before a blood vessel burst in the officer’s eye turning it crimson. Without a word Spitfire shoved Fluttershy over the edge as hard as she could.

Too overcome with terror to fly, the timid pony screamed all the way down the hole until a net caught her. The next thing she knew, a pair of hooves had dragged her off the net and placed her back on solid ground.

“Did you jump, or were you pushed?” asked the pony who had helped her.

Unable to speak, Fluttershy just stared blankly at the other pegasus.

The rainbow-maned pony nodded. “Yeah, you don’t look like the jumping type.”

The numbed pony shook her head. “Can, can I use the bathroom?”

Rainbow Dash’s face darkened. “If you were Dauntless, you’d stand here until your bladder exploded and like it.”

Fluttershy looked horrified at the notion.

Unable to keep the mean look on her face any longer, the cyan pegasus laughed. “I’m just kidding. But for real, you look like crap. Here, go change into these. You’ll have to anyway.”

Wordlessly, Fluttershy took her red and black uniform and made her way to the showers.

Dauntless training was intense and brutal, but somehow the former Abnegation pony held on despite the constant hardship. At last the day came she had been dreading the most. Hoof to hoof combat day.

As the initiates gathered in the grand arena, Spitfire’s lips parted in an evil grin. “Let’s make this interesting shall we? I want the first and last jumpers in the ring, now!

“YEAH,” a huge, muscular, pegasus roared!

Fluttershy turned as white as her opponent as she made her way into the ring. If Snowflake landed a single blow, it was over. She couldn’t afford to lose any more points. If she did, she’d be kicked out and left Factionless. That by itself didn’t bother her, but she would miss her new friends terribly.

Before the fight started, Rainbow Dash grabbed her by the shoulder and whispered, “Okay, you’re faster than he is. Use that. If you make him miss, he’ll get tired and . . . hopefully rage quit.”

“But we’re Dauntless. We never quit,” Fluttershy reminded her favorite instructor.

The other pegasus nodded. “I know, I was joking. Let’s hope he breaks his leg or something.”

“Oh, that’s terrible. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

Sighing, Rainbow Dash muttered, “Good luck,” and took her place beside Spitfire.

“Initiates will fight to the death!” the Dauntless Commander screamed.

“Uh, chief, don’t you mean until first blood?” asked Rainbow Dash.

Spitfire’s eyes narrowed on her second in command. “Are we training warriors or a group of Amenity surrender monkeys? In Dauntless we go for the throat, eyes, and nuts and leave our enemy wanting those back."

“You’re right,” Rainbow admitted, “but if we do things your way, half our recruits will be dead, and the other half blind or neutered. Come on, chief, we have quotas to meet.”

Spitfire laughed. “It’s a good thing I keep you around, Egghead. Fine, we’ll do things your way.”

With that, the blood-thirsty pony nodded, and the fight began.

Snowflake charged at his opponent like a bull. Fluttershy whimpered as she ducked down at the last possible second. The enormous pegasus flew over her head, out of the ring, and smashed his face on the unyielding floor.

Spitfire face-hoofed so hard it left a bruise on her forehead.

“Snowflake, Snowflake are you okay?” the timid Dauntless initiate asked. “I’m so sorry. I should have let you hit me. Oh, please be okay.”

Groggily, the huge pony sat up. Besides a concussion and a stream of blood coming from his nose he looked okay. “Uh, hey did I win?”

Fluttershy sighed in relief. “You’re a winner to me. Does that count?”

Snowflake crossed his eyes and shouted, “YEAH,” before passing out on the ground.

The next thing Fluttershy knew, she found herself being tossed in the air by her fellow Dauntless competitors. They were chanting her name and patting her on the back. Rainbow Dash caught her in mid air and held up one of her hooves. “The winner!”

Fluttershy smiled meekly as she came back to the ground. Spitfire glared at her coldly. “If you were really Dauntless material, you’d have torn his head off and kept it as a door stop.”

“But we don’t have doors, ma’am,” Fluttershy said quietly.

Everypony in the crowd stared in disbelief at Fluttershy. Nopony corrected the chief, ever.

Realizing what she had just said, Fluttershy felt her mouth go dry and her knees nearly buckle.

The veins around Spitfire’s temple throbbed as she screamed, “You no good, bucking, useless, Abnegation piece of crap. You just wait after tonight. You’ll be begging for a body bag. I swear on Celestia’s horn you’ll be wishing you had never been born. I’ll show you how Dauntless really does things.”

With that, the chief turned and stormed off.

Fluttershy was used to death threats from the chief, but she’d never been chewed out this badly before. Rainbow Dash landed next to her as the other initiates began to prepare for their matches.

“You shouldn’t have done that. If she wasn’t gunning for you before, she sure as hell is now.”

“What’s going to happen tonight?” Fluttershy asked nervously.

The cyan pegasus looked at the young pony like she was a walking corpse. “Let’s just say your family will appreciate that life insurance policy you signed earlier.”

After darkness had fallen, the Dauntless initiates were herded into freight cars where their instructors were waiting for them.

“Okay, you bunch of turds. Tonight I have a treat for you.” Spitfire flashed that evil smile of hers as she unslung a short snub-nosed rifle. “We’re going to be playing a game of capture the flag, and these are your weapons.”

An earth pony scoffed at the small rifle. “You got to be kidding.”

Spitfire turned and fired at the upstart. With a hiss, a dart flew through the air, and struck the pony between the eyes. The outspoken pony fell to the ground, his eyes rolling back into his skull.

The instructor continued as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. “This baby fires a dart covered in a toxin that makes it feel like you’ve been stabbed by a narwhal. Needless to say they hurt like a mother bucker.”

Fluttershy gasped in horror as did everypony else.

“Oh, don’t worry about him. He should be back to normal in a week.” Spitfire yawned casually. “Rainbow, you get first pick of these losers.”

Shaking her head in resignation, the other instructor pointed at the pony cowering in the back. “Fluttershy.”

The terrified pony squeaked in horror.

Spitfire pumped her hoof into the air. “Yes, thank you, Celestia. Now my side gets to win and cull the herd.”

Fighting to hold back tears, the pegasus picked up the unfamiliar weapon from a nearby crate.

Coming to her side, Rainbow Dash whispered, “Just stay close to me when the darts start flying. I got a plan.”

After hearing these words, Fluttershy stuck to her best friend closely. When the war-game started, chaos broke out everywhere. Ponies got lost in the dark, fired on their own teammates, and launched haphazard attacks in the wrong direction. Fluttershy waved her team’s flag back and forth from her hiding place. Almost immediately, the scared pony felt a dozen impacts on the fabric.

As she pulled the cloth back, she saw that it was full of darts. “I got some more ammo, Ms. Rainbow.”

The other pegasus grinned. “Good thinking, rookie. Did you get a count on how many are out there?”

“At least three. Two are off to the right behind some shipping crates. One is in front of us taking cover behind a wheelbarrow.”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Okay, shark bate. You know that plan I told you about?”

Fluttershy’s breath caught in her throat. She was hoping it would not come to this. Stifling a moan of despair, she whispered, “Yes.”

“Okay then, go ahead and surrender.”

And with that, Fluttershy flew above the battle all the while waving her flag. “Stop shooting. We surrender. We lose.”

From the ground, the pegasus heard a very irate Spitfire scream, “What?!”

In a split second, the chief was in her face flanked by two guards. “This is treason! You can’t surrender your team. It’s against the rules. This, this is, I can’t even . . .”

Before Spitfire could get out her next word, she and her two guards were screaming in pain. Fluttershy blinked in astonishment. She knew Rainbow Dash was fast, but she had no idea she was this quick. When Fluttershy landed, Rainbow Dash grinned from ear to ear. “I thought she wouldn’t be able to stand you surrendering the team like that.” With that, the Dauntless officer pulled the trigger on her rifle and put a dart in Spitfire’s skull to silence her blood-curdling insults. Turning back to Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash gave the still shocked rookie a piece of paper.

“What is this?”

“It’s your transfer papers. You passed tonight’s test with flying colors.”

“I passed?”

“Yep, you sure did. You’re being assigned to provide security to the Amenity food trucks. You will be working with that faction from now on.”

Fluttershy blinked. “I can be a part of Amenity?”

The Dauntless officer shrugged her shoulders. “Kind of. You’ll be reporting to a much more sane Dauntless pony who doesn’t hate you and is very layed back. But yeah, you’re an Amenity pony wearing a Dauntless uniform. You always have been. I knew that the chief would try and fail you tonight one way or the other, so I figured it was high time somepony took her out.”

Tears flowed down Fluttershy’s cheeks as she read the piece of paper with her flashlight. “Oh, Rainbow, thank you! Thank you so much. Is there any way I can repay you?”

“Yeah. Never, ever try and even pretend to be a Dauntless pony cause you aren’t. Just be yourself, and the rest will fall into place.”

Comments

[SilverStarApple]

This fic was funny and well-written. But at the risk of saying what has already been said many times, Divergent is a mediocre Hunger Games/The Matrix ripoff. You can do better than this.

[Emerald Harp]

6347753

Thank you for the compliments bud we appreciate it.

But I disagree with you somewhat. I believe the Divergent series has some pretty cool aspects. For example the faction system, I kind of like what I read and watched about it. With the exception of the Dauntless faction, they're a bunch of Douche bags. That's why we decided to make fun of that group a little bit in this fic.

I realize that yes there are some parts of the show that are very similar to Hunger Games, and the Matrix. However, I think both the books and the shows were very well made, had a good story, and great characters.

[SilverStarApple]

6347805 Yeah, but... The Factions system was taken from The Sorting Ceremony from the Harry Potter fics. They even have the Brave House and Smart House, though they split Hufflepuff into Selfless Sues House and Kindness House to fill space, and replaced Ambitious Snakes with Supposed Truth-Tellers.

Also, the entire plot of the story is that the main character does not fit into her own clique, she is special and unique, and the world needs her, even if it wants to kill her off for being so special.

[Emerald Harp]

6348035

I see where you're coming from, but I think Divergent takes that cookie-cutter plot that you described and gives it a new lease on life through the faction system.

In my opinion, with Harry Potter we don't get a lot of interaction with the factions other than with Gryphondoor and Slytherin. Divergent, I think does a much better job with explaining what each faction is all about and why they are important. I don't think we get that in Harry Potter. In Harry Potter, the houses are more of a detail then a crucial part of the story.

The main thing I don't like about Harry Potter, Divergent, Hunger Games, etc, is the need for the authors to kill off as many characters as they possibly can at the last freaking book. There is no need for that, and I think it pisses a lot of people off.

[SilverStarApple]

6348223 Killing off characters adds dramatic tension. Like in Attack on Titan, when every unimportant background character you don't really care about plus Marco dies!

...I'm kidding. In any case... I get where you're coming from, but the books didn't seem to have that, either. You've got your Erudites, your Dauntless, your Nerds, your Rockers, and the- Wait a second, it's a metaphor. They're cliques.

[Emerald Harp]

6348256

I've heard of Attack on Titan . . . and that's about it. I've googled it just now and it looks pretty cool. I'll have to see if it's on Netflix.

I think this is the longest discussion I've ever had about something that interests my sister more than me. (She's at a fair, otherwise she'd be talking to you as well.) But anyways I've really enjoyed our talk here. Me personally, I'm more of a alternate history, science fiction sort of guy. Divergent was a little too . . . eh, hard to describe, teeny. I like more explosions in my movies and books and less romance. But that being said I still liked the world Veronica Roth created. Not the most original I'll grant you but still just enough to set itself apart.

[SilverStarApple]

6348627 And just like that, you've gained an Awesome Point. What are your favourite books?

[Emerald Harp]

6349527

My favorite alternate history book is "The Guns of the South" by Harry Turtledove.

My favorite Sci-fi book overall would have to be "Battlefield Earth" by L. Ron Hubbard.

[Emerald Harp]

6349527

What are your favorite books?

[SilverStarApple]

6350834 Nice. I like the Terry Pratchet series, Discworld. He's one of the best writers I've ever read. I also have a lot of Star Trek books I bought for £10 at a yard sale, but I don't get a lot of time to read these days.

[Emerald Harp]

6351025

I hear you on that. I try and read when I can but those times are few and far between. But that being said I make time for MLP, we make time for what we love. Am I right or am I right?

[SilverStarApple]

6351779 Yeah. If I had reliable wifi these past few months, I'd likely have been on mlp forums and on this site a lot more.

[Emerald Harp]

6351915

My Condolences.

[SilverStarApple]

6352093 That's... not even remotely the worst part about these past few years, but still... Thank you.

[Emerald Harp]

6353108

I'm sorry to hear that bud. I hope things get better for ya.