The Strangest Story

by Puppo530

The Strangest Story

You, the reader, will think that this is the strangest story ever. This story is crazy. You think in the future that writing an entire story in second person point of view is crazy. You will think that writing in second person omniscient is even crazier. You will believe that the craziest thing is writing it in the future tense. Well, you apparently like that kind of crazy (or you will in the future), because you will read this story. You will read this story and in the future, the story that you will read will be the craziest story you will ever read ever. You will be guaranteed of this.

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Big Macintosh, you are about to go on a date with Fluttershy. You have a mild crush on her. You think that her shyness is just too cute for words, which is why you say none when you're around her. You barely had the courage to ask her out. Y'all were just standing there, staring at each other. You know it was really awkward. You will be even more awkward on tonight's date. You will go on this date, nonetheless. In the end, you'll have a good time, but it will take a long time to get to that point.

Your beyond awkward date with the cutest pony in Ponyville will begin at precisely 6pm sharp. You will not be late, because you are never late; and you will especially not be late for a date. You will pass the gate on the date to go to the pony's cottage. You will escort the pale mare away from her beautifully made home. Make sure that you complement her on building such an amazing cottage.

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Fluttershy, you have just been asked out by the hunkiest stallion in Ponyville. All of the mares are jealous. ALL OF THEM. You know that he was very shy in asking you out, and you were shy in being asked out as well. You know this. You have a huge crush on Big Mac. Of course, you know that all the mares have a big crush on Big Mac. You know it's hard not to have a crush on him. As you will see, this will be a super clumsy and awkward date.

You will greet him as he comes up to the door. Big Mac will escort you to Sugarcube Corner, where the date will take place. You will say nothing to him on the way. It will be your nature to do this. You will see that he will also say nothing on the way. It is his nature as well. You will like that about him. You like the way that he is always so quiet. When you think of this, you will be reminded of yourself.

Finally, you will reach Sugarcube Corner. You will go into the establishment when he politely opens the door for you. Fluttershy, you will walk up to the counter of Sugarcube Corner, where one of your best friends will greet you. You know that she is a very energetic pony. You will hope that she isn't as energetic tonight as she usually is.

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Pinkie Pie, you are about to wait on the strangest date ever. You have been preparing for this night and how awkward it will be. But you will ignore the awkwardness and try to liven things up, which will make it more awkward. You will not help the situation at all as Big Mac and Fluttershy try to have a nice quiet dinner together. You will do this because it is in your nature. You are the pony with a party always on her mind.

Pinkie Pie, you will greet them as they come through the door awkwardly. You will give them a menu and sit them down at a table, where you will place a candle and light it. You will watch awkwardly as they awkwardly discuss what they are going to eat awkwardly together at this awkward date. There is just so much awkwardness; you will not be able to take it. You will take their orders, and go into the kitchen to tell Mr. and Mrs. Cake what to make.

As soon as the Cakes have baked what you told them to make, you will pass through the gate with a plate with the food for the date. You will hand them their food and leave through the gate as quickly as possible to avoid the awkwardness of the date. You will watch them through the kitchen window on their date in order to report to your other friends what the date was like. They will want to know if the date was great or if it was to hate and you will tell them on a different date after this date takes place. You will watch the date unfold.

Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.

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Big Macintosh, you will finish your extremely awkward date. You will take the cutest pony in Ponyville back to her beautifully made cottage. After you arrive, you will thank Fluttershy for the wonderful evening. You will also bring up the choice of going on another date sometime soon. Fluttershy will smile and respond in a polite manner, saying that it would sound lovely. The two of you will make plans for another date on another date. You will pass through the gate and end the horrifically awkward date.

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On the next day, Pinkie Pie, you will tell your friends all about the awkward date. You, other friends, will be curious and full of questions about the date that took place on the date before. Pinkie Pie, you will tell them all that you observed on the awkward date. Other friends, you will ask Pinkie Pie why it was so awkward. Pinkie Pie, you will respond by saying that they hardly spoke at all. You will also tell them that it was obvious that they both liked the other very much. You will tell them how for most of the date, they just sat there and said nothing. They will ask for more so you will tell them how both were blushing almost the entire time. They will conclude that there is one word to describe the entire date: awkward.

Y'all will notice that Fluttershy is not present at your little get together. You will not mind as much, it would be much too awkward for her to sit in on them discussing how awkward her date with Applejack's brother. Applejack, you will tell them about how you witnessed Big Mac leave. You will tell them that you came here for dinner soon after you saw him leave. Y'all will brush it off as a big coincidence and continue chatting.

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Fluttershy, you will not go to your friends' dinner party. You will be too busy walking through the streets of downtown Ponyville. You will be doing this while walking next to a very handsome stallion. You and Big Macintosh will have a much less awkward date tonight, and you will enjoy yourselves a lot more.

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Reader, you have just read the craziest, stupidest, and most random story you probably will ever read. You will never read a story in second person omniscient future tense, because it is just so weird. You will also never be able to read this type of story again because you hate reading it. You will realize as you look back on this story that it is meant to be a very stupid story. You will realize that the author meant to use awkward so many times. You will also realize that the author meant to have lots of rhymes, and you will realize that many times (or too many times) the author went out of their way to rhyme.

You will realize, dear reader, that the author meant this to be a terrible story. You will laugh it off and vow to never again read a story in second person omniscient future tense. It is just too weird. It is just too stupid.

Comments

[Jenova2]

you're right, this was weird... but i still like it dude!

[ImRedx]

As the second(if you don't include yourself that is) reader of this story all I have to say was that was lots of fun to read

-added note-- apparently I am a slow reader...

[Hat]

'Second person omniscient future tense' worked quite well and I can see it as a lead-up to the actual event. Good one!

[kits]

FWIW, too many sentences start with "you". It makes what should be hilarious very boring to slog through.

[Relevant Heavy Metal]

It Baffles The Mind - Priestess

I half-expected the story to end with a good ol' 4chan greentext "You are breathing manually now" thing. And as advertised, that was bizarre, and gave me a headache.

[aaaa_aaaa]

Mmm... Experimental fiction.

Can't say I'd read an entire book of it, but it was certainly entertaining and interesting.

[TerribleTransit]

You know, this story... wasn't actually half bad. I have to agree with Kits here, you could have spiced up the wording a bit. Additionally, the break in the fourth wall there in the middle was just completely unneeded (the initial framing parts addressed to the reader were fine, but that one parenthetical in the middle of the story proper was jarring). As for the tense... it was clearly used just to be unique, rather than for actual narrative purposes, but you didn't do a bad job with it.

Overall, a solid story. Novel style, though the subject matter is a bit trite. I can't in good consciousness call it a "good" story, but it was worth a read for the novelty.

[Puppo530]

I don't know what jarring parenthetical in the middle you are talking about...

Also, I tried to edit the story in such a way that there wouldn't be as many 'you's at the beginning of sentences, but it is kind of hard. You kind of need a lot of you's in a second person narrative. There aren't really any other pronouns one can use (without switching into other languages or dialects as I did towards the end). I hope this makes it easier to read. If it does not, well, I don't care. This is a stupid story and I don't really care what y'all think about it, so deal with it.

[Recon]

Second-person omniscient future tense. So this whole fic was basically this huge prologue. Eh, not bad.

[Kawa]

This reads as if Doc Scratch wrote fanfiction.

I guess, what I mean to say is, it could use "S U C K E R" in white-on-white at the end.

[Purple Thunder]

I love it.

static.fjcdn.com/gifs/My+Little+Pony+AWKWARD+Why+do+you+guys+keep+staring_c30a1d_2414367.gif

Please write more!

[RyujinDeath]

Hahahaha a lot of Big MacXFluttershy fanfic stories

[DarthSylar12]

My head hurts, I think I like it. I will favorite...I need stop reading fanfiction a while

[Curious Zombie Pony]

That was fun!!

[Puppo530]

653029
I'm ashamed to say it, but I just got far enough in Homestuck to understand that.
I need to read more of it.

[xzillerationer]

653029
How did I miss that?
I need to reread Homestuck
916075
YES, yes you do.

[SunnyStorm]

Myself, you are going to read the weirdest, most craziest, and most cutest fanfic you have ever seen in all of you months of pony fic reading. In fact you're going to love this fic so much that you will write a comment is the same style of writing as used in the fic you are about to commence reading, and in that comment you will compliment the author of this crazy and cute fic for coming up with this weird writhing style of "Second person omniscient future tense" and you will recommend this fic to a lot of people in the future(and I mean the actual future) for their dose of pony fic reading.

[BobtheLurker]

cdn.derpiboo.ru/thumbs/1543/710/2012/09/16/01_50_12_314_98880__UNOPT__safe_fluttershy_big_macintosh_fluttermac_awkward_artist_seabastian

[Puppo530]

1281806

Well that just sums up the entire story right there.

Eeyup, it sure does.

[Daemon_Spectre]

i1104.photobucket.com/albums/h333/Trioxhydre/mlp_fluttershylike.jpg

[Mending Paw]

I read this story a while ago and just reread it. I think I found a way to make it not sound as weird as a story. What you have to do is read it as if you are a stage director in a play giving the characters what they need to do. When I read it out loud like that ( the rhymes were hard to say out loud sometimes) it made a bit too much sense.

[Puppo530]

1890677
Drats. It's not meant to make sense.

Also, on a totally different note:
The nice guys at the Living Library made a video of them reading this story out loud. So check it out if you're illiterate.