Having lost contact with Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle rushes into the Crystal Mirror - only to find herself in post-nuclear Canterlot Wastelands... [Fallout/Equestria Girls fusion crossover]
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k
Twilight was too drunk to pick up on the damages they were charged just Happened to be similar to the winnings they achieved?
Is why whenever I go in a gambling place, usually at the traveling fair, I have an amount to spend and Ill try and spend it. Unless I get the jackpot, which fortunately hasnt happened yet.
The casinos accountant must be a genius, being able to manipulate costs of medical against damages and winnings.
Okay, this is a good example of learning where you need to summarize. That whole gambling scene you used about a thousand words on? Delete it. It has no impact on the story other than their winnings being used to pay for the barfight mess, and quite honestly, it was boring to read. A paragraph describing their time gambling would have been enough. I might also say the same for their drinking scene.
However, you did summarize their trip back home very well.
See? all you have to do is say that they recount the events and that's it. For scenes like when they were trying to get the mayor to buy the story about the hypnotron, it's fair that you had it that long, but you still could have shortened it up in a few spots.
Just keep practicing this so that way we can get to the important story stuff sooner.
*Whistles innocently* No idea who that could possibly be, it could be ANYONE.
I admit to skimming a lot of the Blackjack/Poker scenes, but it's good to have a cool down chapter like this after so much has happened. Though Goddamn Twilight still has no luck with running into decent men in the Wastelands lol. It's like they all forgot how to be decent people after the apocalypse, I can't imagine why that'd be the case!
With things the way they are now, it'll be interesting to see what the girls plan to do next. Something will probably come up during the business with Aegis and Vinyl which will lead them in the right direction, though that's only speculating. I'm sure the girls also want to spend a few days resting in Appletown, I know I certainly would want to heh.
A great chapter as always man, the story is a delight to read and keep up with
7439012 meh i didn't think so but that may be because i was waiting for twilight to break the bank and get evicted from the premises
An enjoyable chapter. I like bar stories in MLP, always funny. And it seems Twilight likes Stout beer like me.
To bad all their win went in the fine, but it worth this bar fight.
7439097 when you say that, i'm reminded of the casino scene in The Hangover.
Mentally, Twilight's more human than pony because of her time here. It would be freaky if Littlepip and Blackjack had a counterpart here.
Boy was I really late with reading this story and now I've caught up! Man, what a train ride... An interesting announcement you proclaimed mate, I might actually be interested in this but given that I am very busy writing two books (three if I count one not published but in development), I think I will have to put that on hold so I don't get swarmed
Other than that, this was a good train ride to be on
Love this!
7439410 BJ and LittlePip. This must happen
7438997
I was tempted to type "KKK", but I am not sure if political incorrectness of that joke exceeds the local norm.
7439004
I haven't actually done the recounting yet, will do so later.
7439012
It does serve another purpose aside from paying for damages, for an event in the future. So no, I'm not deleting it, otherwise said event in the future will remain without a basis and look stupid.
I get it that from your (or another reader's) POV it does look that way, but if this segment was totally unimportant, I wouldn't have written it that long. I also admit that I like mini-games within games; in New Vegas, I spent a couple of hours playing blackjack.
Will do my best, thanks
7439034
Uh-huh.
Plot convenience! And my own unhappy observations of the behaviour of a sizeable number of males.
Don't worry. She has Flash For now, at least...
7439097
She doesn't have Luck 10 to pull that off.
7439196
Thanks
7439410
Adaptation works wonders, LOL.
I didn't plan on involving them and likely won't aside from maybe a reference.
7439629
Good luck with your work
7439930
Thanks
7440155 she dont need luck with her genius she could count the cards and play the odds all so you dont need luck 10 to break the bank ive done it with an poor luck charecter just kinda takes a while
7440161
I'll believe you on the topic of Luck 10 not being supremely important since I didn't pay too much attention to the way how S.P.E.C.I.A.L. works.
But casinos ban card counters.
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7440492 yes but i highly doubt survivors know how to identify card counters and it would be easy to throw people off your tail
7440155 Alright, I'll trust your judgement on this. But keep working on your summarization.
So on the note of gambling, we should probably start a betting pool for when / how Twilight manages to asspull some magic of her own.
I got most of my money riding on 'Twilight crosses the pissed off pony princess event horizon' and a very large area gets the Megaton treatment.
I do have a tertiary bet though as sort of a consolation prize on using mystical pony friendship powers to piece a friend back together though.
I think there is already a side-story about Hunter Rose, but it looks like it may involve Aria Blaze.
I doubt it'll make the cut for cannon.
7442772
There is one, yes: Fallout Equestria Girls: Hunter's Story
SamRose wrote it before I made the announcement about side stories, and I asked him to not publish it until I released Chapter 32. Once I did, I notified him, and his story somehow passed moderation pretty quickly.
I neither confirm nor deny his story as being canon to Fallout: Equestria Girls.
Personal opinion, the casino scene just felt like a bunch of padding. The most entertaining part about that scene was when Rarity apparently snuck her pistol in despite the search. (If she ended up being found out, I imagine body cavity searches becoming the new norm.) Aside from that, the whole scene seemed to lack anything that advanced the plot, and seemed only to serve as a long description as to how they made a few hundred caps. (Not unlike the long sections where you describe in detail what they find when looting after certain battles.)
I suppose TECHNICALLY the bar fight didn't advance plot either, but it was entertaining.
Not really much to say regarding the events of the chapter other than that.
That being said, I couldn't help notice a drastic improvement in your writing. Judging by this chapter, I can't tell your native language isn't English anymore. There were a few misspelled words (From the looks of it, due to typo, not poor spelling) but only about 3 or 4.
Also, your use of the term 'solar plexus' should be considered. Granted, most of us know what it means, but it just sounds a bit too... medical of a description. Perhaps you should just use 'chest' or the like.
I mean, take 'Acute myocardial infarction' for instance. Most people know what that means, but unless they are a doctor, they usually just say 'heart attack'. In a story, unless the character is a doctor, that term would be a bit distracting
7445120
I get where you're coming from, but I get confused in the case you described. By "chest", I usually refer to the area protected by ribcage, and hitting that area in a fist fight, while unpleasant, does not have the effect a hit to the solar plexus would have. When I intend for a character to hits solar plexus specifically to leave the enemy winded and hardly able to breathe, I write "hit in the solar plexus", to avoid ambiguities.
7446006 Well I can live with that. Just thought I'd point it out. I haven't noticed anyone else point that out in the comments so far, so I may be the only one who thinks the term feels out of place.
Though in previous chapters you also used the term "organism" rather than "body", now THAT one definitely feels off.
7446602
Urgh! If someone else mentions that one more time... #Triggered
Just kidding, LOL
7446700 Don't 'trigger' on me! I'll sic Fluttershy on you!
Heh, good to see Scorch's stories inspiring others!
7446927
I ain't scared of that, LOL!
7448166
Indeed
Is it weird that I fear for Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo's fates?
Opening it up to side stories now too? Wow, didn't think it would be that soon, now if only I can think of something.
7487424
Nope
7488098 Your use of that emote doesn't help
7488615
It wasn't supposed to.
7488958 Fair enough, but it still scares me more now...