Having lost contact with Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle rushes into the Crystal Mirror - only to find herself in post-nuclear Canterlot Wastelands... [Fallout/Equestria Girls fusion crossover]
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recent post war? radiation still strong and fresh or did Twilight stumble into the 'present' Fallout timeline where there will be mention of the Vault Dweller?
6259128
It's "recent post-war" (to use your words), when compared to Fallout. "Present" timeline would be pushing it. Can you imagine Sunset living for 200 years?
As for Vault Dweller... for purposes of this story, Sunset is one, as she did come from Vault 75.
The radiation is within tolerable levels to walk on the surface, like in Fallout 3, but the pockets of radiation are more numerous and dangerous. As mentioned in prologue,
As for why radiation dropped so fast... it's a mystery yet to unravel. In other words, it's a spoiler.
6259499 I see, i'll wait and see more. Keep it up, and i have an appropriate title for Sunset. 'The Phoenix' and for Twilight 'Wandering Princess' by the radio. Both are obviously good karma and did something to earn them that title and recognition
6259542
Thank you for the suggestions. I cannot guarantee I will use them, but still, thanks
The karma, however... nobody guarantees that they will keep it intact. Even I don't know if they will...
MWAHAHA!
Interesting story so far.
In regards to grammar, I noticed a lot of missing 'the's.
Interesting story so far.
In regards to grammar, I noticed a lot of missing 'the's.
6335759
What? Could you point me, please?
This very thing is not something I should have had trouble with. If anything, I felt there were too many the's instead. Typically I do not use them with objects that are singular and can't be confused with another one at the moment of speech but not unique like the Sun or the Moon.
6335759
Found two cases where "the" was missing:
Fixed now:
Thanks for pointing that out. Any more left?
Oh boy, dis ain't gud!
yes twilight : when one finds him or herself in a devistated world that last reports said was at warits a good idea to scream really really loudly!.... no wait thats the option that gets you shot
I am surprised that Twilight didn't think of bringing a new magic book so the portal could be re-opened once she got there
6752059
That's a tricky question. From what I understand, Twilight's magic book is interconnected with Sunset's and there is no way to add the third one (if there is, in my headcanon she didn't think of it). That, and the portal on human world's side doesn't have the same mechanism that Twilight had built for Crystal Mirror, and the portal itself is (presumably) destabilized, so the whole point of bringing a magic book is moot - it's not likely to work anyway.
In theory Twilight could bring her own book, but she left it behind as the sole means of communication with Equestria - she didn't count on Sunset losing the book when the latter had to rush to the Vault.
Nice story, though you seem to have issues using the word `The`. Such as 'Pinkie Pie could have found one, but there was no dictionary of pink pony's lexicon'
Should be a `the` between those two letters. `of the pink pony's lexicon.`
another would be 'Purple alicorn remembered vividly how they were enemies once.' As that one again needs a `The` there, mainly in front of the underlined word so it becomes. `The purple alicorn remembered`
I am sure there are others, I just can't remember where they all are. It was an issue in the last chapter too, not like bad issue just happens a few times and I have to pause and then reread a line while putting `the` in there myself so it sounds right.
7283114
Thank you
I am trying to find time for revision, but my brain is currently solely focused on writing next chapters.
a devastated Twily in chapter one, that's a nice start for something good
7283116 >>
So, yeah, quite an interesting story. Though you seem to have problems with the most commonly used word in English. Yes I know I'm not the first to point it out.
[]
*q*Emperor of Jurai
Thank you
I am trying to find time for a revision, but my brain is currently solely focused on writing the next chapters.*/q*[/]
Okay, jokes aside, you might wanna get a proofreader. That would make this story all the more enjoyable.
And now I read forward in the comments and feel like a schmuck, because there are SOOOO MANY of these comments... I mean...MAN...
Okay, yeah, here, have that and this or this and that's that from me.
I'm just gonna enjoy the story from here on out and not say anything about the grammar. I mean really, this borders on bullying. And I'm pretty sure that's not even the intention.
Bye!
~Nightjar
7286150
Thank you for the comment and the links
I cannot call that bullying, TBH, 'cause no one likes errors, myself included.
6752561 If they were that worried, they should have made a new one to send with Twilight.
Also: Seven years also isn't enough for climate to be altered irreperably unless sea currents were to stop circulating warm and cold water. And then you'd have an ice age, not desertification. Just on the off-chance that this is supposed to be someplace that wasn't already desert.
7355912
Fair point, but I couldn't see any pony, even Twilight, planning for this course of events, that is, nuclear apocalypse.
I did not pay that much attention to possible climate changes, my bad. However, this area is not, strictly speaking, a desert, it is a steppe. If you played Fallout 3, imagine the typical scenery of wildness that is outside of any settlement - that's how most of the area in this sector looks.
Color me interested.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4878-d99.gif
Hmm... yeah, the case of the missing The's of course are still present as stated by others before. Want me to make a list starting from next chapter?
8226498
Wouldn't mind, and would be very grateful
I would assume that Twilight would use a thesaurus instead of a dictionary, if she wanted to find words with similar meaning. How dare you underestimate Twilight's intelligence.
P.S. Sorry, the dramatic side of me took over for a moment there, take nothing from this message.
In retrospect Twilight really should have had a backup plan