Having lost contact with Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle rushes into the Crystal Mirror - only to find herself in post-nuclear Canterlot Wastelands... [Fallout/Equestria Girls fusion crossover]
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm guessing this is where Littlepip started her adventures. I can't believe there's still Fallout Equestria fics today.
Is Agent Ukulele a reference to the Dr. Clef from the SCP Foundation?
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If this were canon in original Fallout: Equestria, that would have been the truth.
But this story is separate from it, although very largely inspired by it.
6361036 Well... Fallout: Equestria took place 200 years after the events of canon, it wouldn't be possible to see a mirror counterpart of Lil'pip, Calamity, Velvet Remedy or Blackjack. But that's if all those other fics were canon.
6361031
Er... no, sorry. I have never heard of SCP Foundation.
6361045 Still, I wouldn't rule out those characters would appear or cameo around. It's not uncommon for authors to cameo OCs from other stories in their fics, specially if such stories are inspired by them. Keep those facts of the originals like occurring who knows many years later away, as those don't stop the authors to cameo, or even have a role in. Take for example one the author Shinzakura's OCs: Sandalwood, she showed up in a story series by a friend of him: Bluebastard, and she was the same age as the mane6, but in the spinoff sequels transcurring in the EG world, she's older, whereas the story where she originated from IS RARITY'S BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER
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I don't plan to involve characters from Fallout: Equestria or any side stories in the plot of this fic, but cameo-like references (as a tribute to Kkat's story) are quite likely.
6364404 Sure, but I'll probably miss most of them as I have yet to read any FE aside from this though
Okay... You need to relax again. Realize this isn't a class here and you aren't being graded by a teacher. You can use Twilight and one or two of the same obvious descriptions of her repeatedly. You can do this for the others as well. Otherwise you end up with situations like the trio's talk after escaping into the concrete house. Instead of the three of them talking to each other, it felt more like there were 6 or 7 people, half of them unknown, talking.
I like what you did to explain the Wastelands vs. Wasteland. I wouldn't have thought it was to cover my earlier question if you hadn't mentioned it in the A/N. I do like the concept you came up with by having the Wastelands called that because they vary enough in different ways to each other.
There was only really one instance with a noticeable missing "the" this time, so really good on that (if you're wondering it was the part where Twilight shot that raider in the head). I do wonder if either of our girls are going to learn hacking as their journey continues. I can see Twilight picking it up because of her natural hunger for knowledge and information along with her losing her naivete. I can also see them possibly teaming up with someone that does that later instead. I'm kind of guessing about this, because I get the feeling they will try to have their friends join them once they meet them (if they're still alive).
You did a good job of showing why ghouls are so scary. It isn't because they are hard to kill, its the fact there are usually so many of them together. The fight with the Yao guai was tough but believable since there were in fact two of them instead of just one. Also good on Sunset telling Twilight not to use Med-X lightly. I remember that stuff being very addictive in the games.
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WHAT? Don't take too long to read Fallout: Equestria. It's awesome!
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That's actually the very thing I had been criticized for previously, when I first started writing fan fiction... different people, different opinions.
How come? I thought the narration could easily tell that the voices were those of Twilight, Sunset and Spike...
Goldurn it, I forgot to credit you for that. Terribly sorry I'll fix it in the A/N as soon as my life becomes a bit less hectic. And it was a legitimate question - if there's something one shouldn't mess around lightly, it's terminology. Your question helped me to avoid potential hate from those who can't stand terminological mistakes. And now, it's not a mistake, but a piece of background lore instead. So thank you a lot for pointing that tidbit out
Thanks for pointing that out, I'll fix that ASAP.
They'll need to find a person who knows that stuff first. Given how important Science skill is, it will happen sooner rather than later.
This reminds me of how my Fallout: New Vegas character drank vodka for the first time ever and instantly got addicted. I couldn't resist exclaiming "WTF?" once I saw that.
A small tidbit about Fallout: Equestria Girls universe: unlike Fallout 3, it costs more than 50 caps to rid oneself of addiction here...
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Why not? It will be fun
6367562 I wasn't looking for any credit there. I was merely pointing out it would have seemed like that was your plan from the start if you hadn't said otherwise. I am glad to hear I was able to be so helpful.
Concerning the voices it might be hard for me to describe, but it feels like they came from characters we haven't yet met. You referred to Spike as "a third voice, one that sounded more male". It didn't really seem like Spike to me because you didn't really say it was him. It would have been fine to say it was Spike because, while he is there with them, he isn't really referred too that much in the story. There really wasn't a reason to refer to him in such a manner because of this. I'm not saying you need to mention him more, that is up to you. What I am saying is he isn't being talked about enough in the story that you need to worry about looking for new ways to refer to him.
In that scene, we don't even get our first name until we get to the end our their discussion. We don't even get Sunset's name until after the light is turned on either. It may just be me, but it felt like this discussion was mostly involving characters we haven't been properly introduced to yet instead of our main trio.
I don't know if you have already read it or not. I don't even know if it would be too helpful to you either, but have you looked at the FAQ Writing guide? It can be a lot, but it might be helpful. I haven't really read the whole thing, but I have looked through a few things it talks about before for myself.
It may have just been that this scene felt like a sudden shift from your normal writing style . It is hard for to properly explain.
It is good to hear you aren't really making getting rid of addiction as simple as paying 50 caps. That's okay in the game because doing something else might take away from the fun and enjoyment. In a story, it isn't something that usually should be handled so lightly. I remember in Fallout: Equestria they had a large part of a chapter, if not a whole chapter, about getting rid of addiction. I don't remember if it was the whole chapter or not, because some of those chapters were massive! Also its been a while since I read that story .
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Pardon my late reply...
Still, I believe that proper credit should be given where it is due.
I did once; maybe I'll need to revisit it. At that time, in essence it felt like my own writing rules.
6374375 If you look through it again, don't just go for an "in essence" feel of it. Actually read it. Just skimming through and getting a "rough" idea is not going to help.
Yao Guai Really nasty creatures. Oh, well. At least it wasn't a Deathclaw...
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Deathclaw would have been a death sentence at this point. But later... why not? KEKEKE!
I saw that Gravity Falls reference. Don't think you can hide it from me.
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How could I write a Gravity Falls reference when I don't even watch Gravity Falls here in Russia
What is it in this chapter that can be considered such?
Damn ghouls!
6624253 holly shit your russian
I can't help but notice your English is already getting better! Could stand to re-work some phrases, but there is a VERY noticeable difference between now and a mere chapter ago.
And now that I've come to terms that this story is just going to be much less dark than most Fallout: Equestria stories, I think I can get into it. It's just going to take some getting used to. I think what buggs me is that it seems like it's not as strong in terms of 'the feels' Fo:E stories tend to bring out in me. It's hard to enjoy the few good times they have if they haven't been drug through the lowest of the lows first.
Still, it's an interesting enough plot that I'll stick around for a while.
I did not want to jump straight into dark - I don't particularly like it, and I felt doing so would have too big of a negative impact on Twilight.
Later, though... you never know...
Oh there will be lows alright.
why spike don't have a gun would be funny to see him with a .32 pistol pointing up a rider face