The Ballad of Time Turner and Rainbow Dash: Romance Novels can suck it.

by dramatic_spoon

...Just Say Yes

“I’m sorry, she just won’t come out.” Fluttershy apologized to Turner as they reached the bride’s dressing room.

“...I was afraid this was going to happen,” Bluestreak sighed, “She has some problems with pressure.”

“Dash?” Turner called out as he knocked on the door, “You alright?”

“No.”

“...Can I come in?”

“No.” She repeated.

“Go get Big Mac, I’m going to need his help.” Turner sighed

“...You know we can just hoist you through the window, right?” Bluestreak frowned.

“...That works too,” Turner shrugged, “Better than kicking the door in.”

“Fluttershy, go tell Twilight that the wedding is on hold,” Bluestreak paused, “And please keep my wife from getting involved, she might make things worse.”

Fluttershy nodded and trotted off. Bluestreak turned to Turner and motioned to the window above the door.

“Think you can fit?”

“I might get my suit a bit dirty, but yes.”

“Then up you go.”

Bluestreak grabbed Turner and flew up. Turner pushed the window open, and struggled to climb through it. The stallion pulled himself through and tumbled onto the floor, landing ungracefully on his back, winding him.

“You alright?” Bluestreak called.

“I’m fine,” Turner got back onto his feet, while dusting himself off, “Can you fit?”

“Wings are too big. I’m going to help Fluttershy and Twilight keep everything under control. Do what you can.”

Turner scanned the room, looking for his fiancé. The chairs of the room sat barren, racks of clothing scattered around, and the massive mirrors on the wall only showed his reflection. Turner frowned as he trotted across the room, listening for any other noises. He paused in front of the closet, listening.

“...Dash, I know you’re in there, I can hear you breathing.”

“Go away.”

“You have to come out.”

“I’m not budging.”

Turner pushed against the door, only to find it blocked by something.

“...Dash, let me in.”

“No.”

“I’m going to count to three. If the door’s not open, I’m going to break it open. One...Two...Three.”

Turner rammed himself against the door, breaking it down. His momentum propelled himself past the door, and into the opposite wall, tangling himself in the clothing tossed around the room. The stallion laid on his back, rubbing his head.

“That hurt a lot more that I expected it to.” He muttered to himself.

He paused as Rainbow Dash trotted into view: Her usually wild and messy mane braided back and crowned with flowers and a soft white veil. Her wedding dress was a knee-length simple white dress with a trail in the same colors and pattern as her mane and tail. Turner blushed.

“...You alright?” Dash asked.

“You look Beautiful.”

Dash flushed with embarrassment as she helped Turner up, “Shut up.”

“No, I’m serious. The trail is a very nice touch.”

“Aunty Rainey said it would work.” Dash sat down. Turner followed suit, sitting next to her. The two sat there in silence, waiting for the other to say something first.

“...You know you’re going to have to come out, right?” Turner broke the silence.

“...Yeah.”

“Why are you afraid?” Turner continued on, “Are you scare you’re going to screw up?”

“...Yeah,” Dash sighed, resting her head on her hooves, “What if I screw up?”

“What’s the worse you can do?” Turner countered, “Trip? It’s not going to make me love you any less and it’s not going to make people think less of you.”

“...It’s still embarrassing.”

“If I tripped you’d never stop laughing over it,” Turner grumbled.

“...True.” Dash agreed.

“...So will you go out now?”

“...Yeah.”

“Then let’s not keep them waiting,” Turner stood up, smacking his head on the closet frame.
“...How did you fit in here?”

“...Don’t ask.” Dash ducked out of the closet, “How do you want to do this? We gonna walk side by side?”

“Probably,”

---

Turner and Dash paused at the entrance to the chapel. Turner glanced at his soon-to-be wife as she took a deep breath.

“Relax, Everything will be fine.”

“I know.”

The two stepped through the archway, only to pause at the scene in front of them: a crowd of ponies and foals swarmed around Soarin and the other Wonderbolts, while a pouting Firefly floated by Bluestreak, trapped in a magical bubble. The crowd grew silent as everyone noticed the bride and groom.

“Sorry to keep everyone waiting,” Dash apologized, “...What did you do, Mom?”

“Don’t ask. Tell the princess to put me down.” Firefly grumbled.

The bubble touched down, allowing Firefly to regain her footing before vanishing. The crowd scattered as they returned to their seats and the wedding march started once again. The couple started their way down the aisle, occasionally waving and smiling at ponies in the crowd. Finally the two of them reached the front of the chapel and took their places.

“Took you long…” Slipstream trailed off as Fluttershy glared at her. Slipstream winced, but said nothing.

“Get it together Twilight,” the princess muttered to herself before sighing. She looked up at the gathered crowd and smiled.

“Mawwige is what bwings us to…” Twilight trailed off as he coughed to clear her throat. In front of her, Windblade, Moonracer, Cloudchaser and Rainbow Dash failed to stifle their giggles.

“Excuse me,” Twilight blushed, “Marriage is what brings us together, today. That blessed arrangement, the dream within a dream…” Twilight paused smiling at both Rainbow Dash and Time Turner, “And True love that will follow you both forever, So treasure your love.”

Twilight looked over the gathered crowd.

“And it is because of their love that we are gathered here today. Should anyone wish to speak out against this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Twilight paused, as if daring anyone to say anything. With a slight nod, she returned to the ceremony.

“Then we shall continue. Will the bride and groom step forward?”

Dash and Turner stepped towards the center of the arrangements.

“Will the ring bearer step forward?” Twilight looked at the startled Tempest. The colt trotted forward, offering the rings to Turner and Dash.

“Do you, Time Turner take Rainbow Dash to be your wife, to love and cherish for all time, ‘till death do you part?”

“Yes.”

“Please give her the ring.”

Turner picked one of the rings off the cushion by the chain. Dash bowed slightly, allowing the stallion reach around her and fasten it around her neck.

“And do you, Rainbow Dash, tak-”

“Yes!” Dash excitedly cut her off. Dash blushed as the crowd chuckled and Firefly slapped her forehead.

“Please give him the ring.”

Tempest moved over, presenting her with the other ring. Dash picked it up and reached over to fasten it around Turner’s neck. The wedding paused as Dash fiddled with it.

“...Almost got it,” Dash apologized as she continued to fiddle around, “There.”

Dash stepped back as Turner held one of her hooves.

“You may kiss your bride.”

Turner leaned in to kiss Dash, only for the mare to yank him closer. She quickly shifted her grip, grabbing the front of his suit, and brought him closer. With a grin, she leaned forward and kissed him, as he responded.

The audience burst into cheers and applause while Windblade, Moonracer and Tempest looked away.

“Ewww.”

---

Ponies mingled, ate, and laughed at the wedding reception. Turner and Rainbow sat the head of the room, looking out over everything.

“See? Everything turned out alright.”

“Shut up.” Dash playfully nudged him.

“...By the way, who’s idea was it for Twilight to quote The Princess Bride?”

“...I thought that was your idea,” Dash frowned.

“It was my idea,” Fluttershy responded, “I thought it would have been appropriate.”

“...Well it’s something,” Dash agreed, “Your speech was awesome too, by the way.”

Fluttershy flushed, “It was nothing.”

Dash’s response trailed off as Firefly stumbled over to the table. She slumped over the table, reaching across to caress her daughter’s face. Her flushed complexion and unsteady movements made it apparent: she was drunk. Bluestreak quickly appeared at her side.

“Sorry Dashie, your mother had a little too much to drink.”

“Shhuddup, I’m fine.” Firefly turned her attention back to her daughter, “Bluestreak….can you believe we made this?” Dash flushed with embarrassment as Turner stifled a laugh.

“Come on, sweetie, let’s leave them alone…” Bluestreak dragged Firefly away from the table, flashing an apologetic look at the new couple.

“...I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen your mother drunk,” Turner mused.

“...me too.” Fluttershy nodded.

Bluestreak struggled to get his wife back into her seat. Great-Aunt Rainy smiled as Firefly slumped onto the table with a loud thump. The twins looked at Firefly and then at Bluestreak.

“Uncle Bluestreak, is Aunty Firefly OK?” Moonracer asked.

“She’s fine little too much to drink,” Bluestreak sighed as he took his seat again. Slipstream rolled her eyes and took another sip of her drink.

“What did she have?”

“Something Gin N’ Tonic made for her. Called it Bottled Rainboom,” Bluestreak glanced over at the wet bar, where Tonic chatted with Spitfire and some of the other Wonderbolts while mixing drinks, “Where did Dashie even meet her?”

“She works at the Strip Club we went to,” Slipstream responded.

“What’s a strip club?” Windblade asked.

“You’ll find out when you’re older.” Slipstream mused as the lights dimmed.

Soarin walked up to the performance stage as the spotlight focused on him. The stallion tapped the microphone twice and winced at the resulting feedback.

“Sorry,” he apologized into the microphone, “Wasn’t expecting that to happen. Anyway, the Best Stallion and Maid of Honor already gave their speeches, so I hope it’s alright if I do this now.”
He flashed a knowing grin at Turner and Rainbow who continued to look at the stallion in confusion.
“Anyway, don’t worry, I’m not going to bore any of you with stories about Dash’s time in the academy, or…” Soarin paused, “I don’t think I actually have any Turner stories, unless you want to hear about how he won a thousand bits out of us.”

He paused as the crowd gave him an amused chuckle.

“Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is...Please give a warm welcome to Mr. Thunderball!”

The curtains pulled away as trumpets began, revealing an older brown coated pegasus, with a graying mane and goatee. The crowd cheered as he flashed a smile.

“Love is like candy on a shelf/
You want a taste just help yourself/
The sweetest things are there for you/
Help yourself take a few/
That’s what I want you to do/…”

Dash and Turner stared at the pegasus, awestruck.

“How did he…” Dash trailed off.

“Never mind that,” Turner stood up, offering a hoof to Dash, “Would you like to dance?”

“You know it.”

Turner led his new bride onto the dance floor, in front of the crowd and Thunderball. As the couple began to dance, other couples began to join them.

Soarin took his seat back and smiled at the happy couple. Rarity frowned as she spoke, “You never did tell me how you pulled this off.”

Soarin shrugged, “He owed me a favor. His grandson wanted one of the Wonderbolts to come to his seventh birthday party. The rest of them were off performing and I got left behind because I was still healing from a wing sprain.”

“And?”

“So I went. Did a couple of stunts for the kiddies, and got free cake and pictures,” Soarin chuckled, “Thunderball told me he owed me a favor, and I figured now would be a good time to cash it. It’s a better wedding gift than a frying pan, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so. I always found his music tacky. Are we going to dance or not?” Rarity changed the subject.

Soarin smiled as he got to his hooves and offered her a hoof, “As you wish.”

At Bluestreak’s table, Great-aunt Rainey sighed as Slipstream took another sip of her drink.

“I slept with him once, you know.” the older made sighed.

Bluestreak flushed with embarrassment, while Slipstream spat her drink all over the unconscious Firefly.

“Aunty!” Bluestreak exclaimed.

“What? I was younger, he was attractive,” The earth mare sighed and blushed at the memory, “He wasn’t that good anyway.”

“What’s Great-Aunty Rainey talking about?” Moonracer asked.

“Nothing you need to know, kid.” Slipstream grumbled as she began to dry Firefly off.

“Um…” Someone tugged on Windblade’s dress. The filly look to her left: Tempest stood there, blushing and nervous.
“Windblade? Do you wanna...um…I mean you don’t haveta…”

“He’s asking you to dance with him,” Moonracer answered.

“Um...Ok?” Tempest’s face light up as the filly hopped off her chair. The two foals made their way to the dancing crowd as Slipstream looked on.

“He’s a cute one,” Great-aunt Rainey looked on.

“Aunty, they’re way too young to even be thinking about that kind of thing,” Slipstream grumbled.

“Start early. Saves them trouble later.”

---

The suite door flung open as the couple looked into the room.

“...So should how are we going to do this?” Turner looked at Dash as she yawned.

“Don’t really care. I’m exhausted.”

“...Me too.”

The couple trotted into the room, ignoring everything as they headed straight to the bed. Turner stifled a yawn as the two reached the bed.

“Need help with the dress?” he asked, looking over at Dash. The mare had already slipped out of her wedding gown, tossing it onto a chair in the room.

“Nah, I asked Rares to make it easy to get off.” She responded, as she started to undo the braid. Turner shrugged as he took off his own suit, draping it across another chair. The newlywed couple collapsed on the bed, wiggling around and adjusting to the mattress and blankets. Finally comfortable, they looked at each other and smiled.

“Good Night, Rainbow.”

“Night, Turner.”

With that the two snuggled against each other and drifted off to sleep.

Comments

[Rokas]

Such a lovely end to a nice story.

[dramatic_spoon]

And we're done.

This, and the chapter before it, remained mostly the same through the writing process.

Tempest Fugit was originally conceived as Turner's younger brother for the Discordverse, and was based on the Pegasus recolor we saw in Sonic Rainboom.

Obviously, I never got that far, but used the idea. His name is an obvious play on Tempus Fugit.

Drunk Firefly was based on one of those #weddingfail tweets.

And finally, Thunderball was always going to show up.
You don't write 6 stories worth of Tom Jones references and not do that, after all.

[Rainbow87dash]

Is this...the end?

[dramatic_spoon]

6430926

Over?
It never ends...

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

A very nice end. Loved the Princess Bride reference, too. :D