Straitjacket vs. Wispy Willow - Winner: Wispy Willow (by Vote)
Come, Come... I wish to play - by Straitjacket's Author
He was tired. He didn't know how he got here.
"I wish to play! And you will play with me~!"
That voice... did he know that voice? Did the voice know anything about this place?
"Hello? Where are you? What do you want to play?" Wispy Willow asked the strange voice. "Are you a ghost?"
"Something of the sort, I wish to play a simple game. You must find me in this Maze." The voice said, directing to the maze that... just appeared. "You must find me in under 10 minutes. Otherwise, your time is up, and you lose, with your psyche stuck in mine." That didn't sound good...
"Can I at least see what you look like so I know who I'm looking for?" Wispy asked, and there was a small huff. The mist around the maze converged into one spot just in front of the entrance. What Wispy Willow saw in front of him was pony, standing on his hind legs, with a green aura around his horn. What else he noticed about this Unicorn was that his horn was cracked in the front, and it must have wrapped around to the base of his skull.
"There, you know what you are looking for. Now, before we begin, I have a set of rules. Rule 1: You must find me, and it has to be me. I say this because I will have quite a few Dummies around to confuse you. Rule 2: I will give you four Beacons. They will serve as your checkpoints. And finally Rule 3: This maze has a mind of its own, and if you try to cheat, you will be punished severely."
Willow looked at the four glowstick looking objects and held them tight in his mouth. "Now that that's done, I will introduce myself. I am Straitjacket, and I will be your host tonight. And maybe forever." Straitjacket said with an insane smile and laughed merrily before disappearing in the fog.
"Tick-Tock now! You only have 8 minutes to go before you can find me!" Straitjacket said as he taunted Wispy Willow. Willow already used two of the four checkpoints, and now he was running into dead after dead end. Every dead end there was a Dummy Straitjacket, and every time he find himself lost again and again. Actually, this pony, if he could call him that, was getting on his last nerve.
"Why not come out and face me yourself huh?! Are you scared?" He called out and mist vibrated at his words.
Oh I would love too... but I'm not the one who needs to find you, in fact I can see you just fine from up here!"
Willow looked up to see Straitjacket staring at him from above and he gave Wispy a wink. Wispy, being the athlete he is, jumped high enough to bite the crazed pony's tail, but it disappeared without a trace.
"Oh hahahahaha! I love it when they do that! I always see their see their disappointed looks! Hahahahhaah!!"
He used all of the checkpoints and the maze still kept going. There was no end is there?
"Oh... only 1 minute left... How will you ever find me in time? Oh wait... you wont. Because I'm always one step behind you!"
He was right. Willow couldn't find him in time. He was always one step behind--
"Wait... Behind!" Willow turned on a dime, knowing 100% that this crazed stallion was behind him. He smiled with victory, but his smile turned into a look of confusion, then into one of fear.
Hmmm, that was a nice idea, first one to ever think of that to be honest! Sadly though, I wasn't behind... and your time is up..." Straitjacket said, appearing from around the corner in front of Willow. "Did you even check all the Dummies? I saw you about a minute ago when you turned into this one. I think you stopped checking to be honest."
Willow could only stare as he felt his mind shut down. "Ya'know, I had hopes for ya. You had this... Daring Do vibe, not much anymore huh? Aw who am I kidding, you're a husk by now." He said, picking up Willow and placing him on his shoulder with his magic. "You're mine now, and luckily for you I take care of ALL my toys..."
The Dawn Reveals - by Wispy Willow's Author
With a satisfying shink as the bolt cutters did their job, the two halves of the chain fell aside, allowing the gate to swing aside easily. With a satisfied chuckle, a dark blue earth pony tucked a pair of bolt cutters into a large saddlebag at his side.
“And that’s why you never leave the bolt cutters at home,” Wisp said, pleased at his own ingenuity. He pushed open the gate and, with a conspiratorial look first one way and then the other, headed on in, pulling the gate closed behind him.
Excitement raced through his body as he barely kept from galloping along the uneven and overgrown cobbles. They slowly curved as they ascended the hill, and he had been looking forward to his goal at the top for most of his life.
As his target grew closer and closer, Wisp mentally ran through his list one last time.
Camera. He tapped the device hanging from a strap around his neck. Check.
Flashlight, big pocket. EMF detector...in the side pocket. Audio recorders, one, two, and three, in the back pocket. Water bottle and a spare, yeah. Blanket for the cold, I packed last night. And midnight snack…in my stomach.
He frowned at that last. Well, it had been a long walk from the city… And he’d missed lunch… Well, he’d do better next time.
Besides, he told himself, it won’t be necessary. With as much activity as this joint has, I won’t be here much longer than sundown!
He couldn’t help but laugh at that. Tonight would be the night he would show them all. All those idiots at school, his well-meaning but closed-minded parents, and especially his coworkers at the library. Oh yes, he was looking forward to putting them in their place.
As he reached the top of the hill, his breath caught as he looked upon the most glorious sight he had ever seen: The building was large, mostly made of old stone that was long covered in creeper vines; most of its windows had been broken, there was almost no paint left to peel, and the east wing had collapsed when a nearby tree had fallen into it. It was a wreck, had been all but forgotten for decades, and was likely incredibly unsafe.
The old Manehattan Hospital for the Mentally Ill was a palace in his eyes.
And it would be the place where Wispy Willow’s lifelong obsession with the supernatural and ghosts would be completely vindicated, once and for all.
Seven hours later saw Wisp completely disappointed, incredibly bored, and, to his annoyance, hungry. Midnight had come and gone, and there had been no sign of anything paranormal. He had nearly nodded off twice, but now the cold of the late night and the rumbling of his stomach was keeping him awake.
With a frustrated growl, he kicked at a nearby wall. Wisp had walked the entire building three times, ground floor, second floor, and basement. For the last hour he’d more or less just been playing with his flashlight, nearly killing its batteries. Where were the ghosts?!
He’d done so much research! Working that crap job at the library just because it gave him the best access to various historical records… When he’d found out about the old hospital in the rural outskirts of Manehattan, he just knew it had to be haunted. Sightings were scattered throughout newspaper records since it had closed, and for the past couple years they had skyrocketed on the occasion. And by his calculations, the place was due for an outbreak.
And here he stood. In this rundown eyesore. Tired. Hungry. Angry.
Completely disappointed.
“It’s not fair!” he whined. “No creepy noises, no weird lights, no levitation or possessions or manifestations… Gah!”
A faint noise, likely the wind, served to emphasis the emptiness of the building, almost like taunting laughter. He kicked the wall again.
“What am I going to tell everypony? They’re all waiting for me… Ugh. Hardback will never let me hear the end of it…”
Sitting down hard, he began rubbing at his temple. The giggle-like wind was growing louder, clearer, and giving him a headache.
“Maybe they were right. Maybe it really is a stupid waste of time…” Now the noise was clearly laughter, though still somewhat faint, as if in the distance. “I wonder if they’ll give me my old job back. This is unbearable! I’m going to have to go back and...and...beg for it!” His head was pounding mercilessly. “And you just know Mom and Dad will be all supportive, without a single, ‘I told you so,’ but you’ll hear it in their voice...and would you stop that laughing?! It’s so very annoy—”
He stopped. The wheels of his brain click once, twice, then realization dawned.
Just who did he think he was talking to?
Bringing out the flashlight quickly, Wisp did a thorough scan of the room he was in. It was large and open, with a few dilapidated beds scattered about. He suspected it had once been the primary ward. It was also empty.
There was absolutely nopony there but Wisp. He was certain.
“Hello…?” he ventured, his voice trembling slightly.
A loud, off-kilter giggle responded. It sounded oddly hollow and echoed off the stone walls, magnifying and confusing where it came from.
Wispy Willow stood stock still, his wild mane and entire coat standing on edge. He flicked his ears this way and that, trying desperately to figure out the source of the laugh. This was the moment he’d been waiting all night--no, his entire life for.
“You’re mine,” he spoke quietly, his lips splitting into a smug smile. Turning off the flashlight, he headed to the main hallway at a quick trot, keeping his ears perked.
The laugh had stopped echoing around, but was now only faintly coming from what sounded like upstairs. It sounded both amused and proud of itself--if Wisp wasn’t so excited, he’d probably be ticked.
Up the stairs and down the hall to the left--the one on the right had long since collapsed--led to an old communal bathroom. He had left one of his recorders here, liking the acoustics of the room for some hopeful EVP. Moving to the little device, he picked it up and was going to turn it on and listen to it when there was a loud hissing noise and the showerheads above him started spewing out freezing cold water.
“Ah!” he cried, jumping back, but far too late. His mane was half soaked, strands of it hanging down, and he could feel his coat clinging to his skin. But what was worse was his poor recorder. It was soaked and likely ruined.
As the water died down, the ghost laughed, hard and proud of itself. Wisp glared at the empty air.
“So, we’re dealing with a poltergeist! Well I won’t be deterred by your stupid tricks!”
Shaking his mane hard, he threw down the now-useless recorder and searched the room, staying clear away from the showerheads. That was when the sound of phantom hooves and a sparkling light passed by the doorway, casting a taunting shadow that Wisp started after.
“Get back here!” he called, passing through the doorway and turning left after he saw the light pass the far bend out of the corner of his eye. The upper floor made a perfect square around the rooms in the center, and Wisp suspected he knew where the poltergeist was headed.
He rounded the corner himself and cursed when there was no light. But he headed down the hall and entered the room on his left. A worn sign next to the door barely read, ‘Activity Room.’
Yes, he thought. The perfect place for a poltergeist…
He entered carefully, going over his many hours of research into the usual methods of various types of spirit. Poltergeists went one of two ways: tricky pranksters or violent monsters. Either way, it was a very physical spirit so a little caution would go a long way.
As he stood just inside the door, the room looked deserted, as it did before. There were a few rotten tables, some chairs, and what were once the distracting playthings of the inhabitants.
“I will find you,” Wisp said quietly, ready to lift his camera at a moment’s notice.
“Oooh, a determined one, eh?” came a voice from the ether.
Wisp’s eyes bulged as he cried, “Show yourself!”
“Hmmm… How about, hrm, no!” cried the voice as an ethereal glow lit the room. It was a pale green and was both mildly sickening and unnerving. One of the largest tables lifted into the air and then was crushed, breaking it into a floating cloud of splinters and wooden shrapnel. Wisp was ready for it though, as it was pushed towards the door with wicked force. He leapt, landing on a crooked table, whose legs broke out from under it, sending him tumbling into a roll.
The strange voice laughed, immensely amused with itself. But Wisp had his camera ready and was taking pictures as fast as he could. Objects were floating and flying across the room. Now if only the ghost itself would manifest…
“You want pictures do you? Well come and get me!” cried the voice playfully as all of a sudden the glow faded and everything crashed to the ground. Then, frustratingly, again from the hallway Wisp caught a bright glow as it dashed away. Expecting as much, he took chase, the opposite way as from before. With practiced ease, he was still taking pictures, catching the ghost before it could pass the corner--or so he hoped. He wouldn’t know until later.
As he ran and clicked, they rounded one corner, then the next, and then the last… And that’s when he saw it.
Ahead of him, floating halfway down the hall, was a vague pony outline of almost pure white, foggy light. A stunning silver mane outlined two brilliant green orbs. In fact, the entire head was coloured with a strange green aura.
Wisp couldn’t take pictures fast enough.
“Yes!” he cried. “I’ve done it! I’ve done it! Hahahah!”
The ghost laughed and turned, flying quickly down the hall. Frowning, Wisp cried, “Wait, I need a closer shot!” and started after it. The thing was fast, so fast. It had already gone past the corner.
And that’s when the ground fell out from under Wisp’s hooves as the illusionary hallway shattered and he started tumbling down the very real collapsed wing of the building. He tumbled painfully, wrapping his body around the camera to protect it as he finally, thankfully, landed on relatively soft ground.
Wisp remained on the ground, waiting for the world to top spinning as he quickly tested his limbs. He could feel the burn of scrapes and scratches, but nothing seemed broken, thankfully. Slowly, he opened his eyes to see the barest beginning of sunrise over the horizon. Then he remembered the camera!
To his great relief, it was fine. And better yet, the treasure it held was just as safe.
“Yes!” he cried, raising the camera to the heavens. “I’ve done it! I’ve done it! Finally, proof of ghosts is within my hooves!”
His celebration was cut short by a now-familiar laugh from behind him. He turned, bringing the camera close to protect it.
There was the ghosts, now on the ground. It said, “So I’m a ghost huh? Are you so suuuuure?”
“Huh?” Wisp said, dumbfounded. What did it mean by that?
The hazy light that obscured the ghost began to fade, and a regular pony was revealed to be standing in its place. The details all came into sharp focus: the bright white coat, the silver mane, the green eyes… And a cracked horn, emitting a sputtering green aura.
The unicorn looked up, frowning. “Aw, time’s up. No more magic for a moment… But, wow, that was so funny!” He laughed, falling back on his haunches wildly. “I didn’t know anypony would be here! What a riot.”
“You… You’re…” Wisp didn’t know what to say.
“Straightjacket! There you are!” cried an angry, authoritative voice behind him.
Confused, Wisp turned to see a pony in a doctor’s coat followed by two nurse ponies running quickly from the entrance.
With a wave, the unicorn said, “Oh, heya, Doc! Didn’t take you too long to find me this time!”
The doctor said, “I knew you’d come here, Straightjacket. You’re not as random as you make yourself out to be.” To Wisp, he added, “I hope you’re alright, sir. Straightjacket isn’t violent, but he does like his games.” He gave the unicorn a glare as the orderlies began slipping on a familiar white coat with a great many black straps. “I had him in the city to see a specialist… It’s always risky taking him out, but, the art requires risk, after all.”
He instructed the nurses quietly, continuing his lecture, ignoring Wisp completely. Straightjacket, for his part, kept laughing and telling the doctor of what a fun night he had.
Finally, Wisp could take it no more.
“You’re an escaped mental patient?!” Wisp screeched, his voice reaching a far higher note than usual. “But… But… Why? All this, here, with me… Why?!”
With a creepily wide grin, the unicorn said, “Because it was fun!” Then he laughed, that same eerie, self-pleased laugh that had pulled Wisp into the chase to begin with. Thankfully it was cut short as one of the orderlies put a muzzle on his snout.
Taking the last strap firmly in his teeth, the doctor gave it a strong pull, putting the jacket on securely. The weirdly bleached pony was still laughing, based upon the shaking of his body and wide stare of his eyes, though thankfully the muzzle was keeping him quiet. With a couple words, the doctor sent the orderlies off, the insane laughing unicorn--so clearly not a ghost--on a stretcher between them. Wisp simply stared, disbelief mixed with crushing disappointment and fiery rage playing across his face. He didn’t even hear what the doctor said before following the trio.
Mechanically, Wisp opened the back of his camera, removing the film. He then pulled the entire roll out, throwing it on the ground to be erased forever with the coming sunrise. It was symbolic, the erasing of the film. Representing his absolute desire to completely forget this night.
Instead, as he tread the long, boring path back home, his thoughts were already on the next location, the next hunt. It was never going to be that easy, he realized. If it had been, he would hardly be destined to be the first pony to find irrefutable proof of ghosts. There was plenty of time, and plenty of places calling his name.
But he promised himself, from that day forward: No more abandoned mental hospitals!
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
560 users online
977,388 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
WISPY WILLOW AUTHOR VOTE
Straightjacket's entry felt just. Bad. I did not enjoy it. Wispy had a longer entry with more time dedicated to getting the characters rolling and interesting. Mere madness with SAW-like pretensions isn't my bag.
OBS YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN WE TALK TO EACH OTHER
Wispy Willow's Author
Wow. That second one was fantastic. Did anyone else read the two bios, look back and forth between them, and go, "Holy crap, I can't wait to read the stories about these two"? I did. I was already imagining it. The first one, Straitjacket's, was not quite what I had in mind. The second one turned out to be almost exactly what I had in mind, but even better because it showed off Straitjacket's magic ability and personality. Five stars to you, anonymous author responsible for Wispy Willow. Though I have to admit I would rather see Straitjacket's character go on to more stories, they would be more interesting.
Wispy Willow's Author
Straitjacket's Author's entry read like a generic horror fic, with both characters not explored well. Wispy Willow's Author actually manages to explore both characters' personalities better, keeps Straitjacket more in character than his own author, and pulls off the cat-and-mouse dynamic better. No contest here.
Wispy Willow's Author
6017538 I'll agree with you on the first one not being what I imagined... 100%, although to be fair the way the character was written I was somewhat expecting something a bit OP. But, the thing that made my decision was the fact that Willow's role in that story was pretty generic.
However, WIllow's author approach felt much more natural, playing the strengths of his character while still maintaining the clear dominance that Straightjacket had power-wise. It was a fun read, and definitely worth a vote.
Wispy Willow's Author
It wasn't the strongest entry, but at least it was an actual story with actual characters.
Wispy Willow's author
Because Straightjacket's author committed the cardinal sin of using numbers instead of taking the two seconds to spell the words properly.
Yeah, there are other reasons for my vote, but really, isn't that all I need?
Whispy Willow author
I suppose I'm "on tilt" now after saying that stuff about Mizuko, but damn. This isn't just badly done, this is Straitjacket's author being an egotistical cock. I knew I was going to vote for the other story before I even finished reading this one. I don't think people should even bother doing the courtesy of saying what was wrong with this story.
I will say this: Whispy, you 100 percent deserved this win. Your story was fun, and you wrote your own character very well. The simple arc of your story plays out nicely, and I look forward to your next round.
Wispy Willow's Author
Wispy Willow's was strong and well written. The reason it wins is Straitjacket's story was not in character. In his Bio, it does not mention anything even remotely similar to what was written.
Wispy Willow's Author vote
I had a feeling that I knew who I was voting for as soon as I read the OC descriptions. I mean, power on the level of Twilight Sparkle? Really?
Wispy Willow's Author
Yeah, sorry to say, there is not much to debate here. Even just looking at the characters kind of answers it. There's more skill and care put into Willow and his entry than Straightjacket. Quite frankly, Straightjacket's is just too short. There's no characterization, and that kind of defeats the point.
Wispy Willow's Author
Yeah, there's little that I can add which hasn't already been said. The latter story was more substantial, more interesting, more... good than the first. I especially have to give the author props for wringing a fair characterization out of Straightjacket's profile. That can't have been a simple task.
Wispy Willow's Author
The overall narrative to both stories was underdeveloped, but more so Straightjacket's story. Wispy Willow's story does a better job of getting the most out of the provided material with all the limits of this contest, whereas Straightjacket's story would've worked better without a word cap.
Wispy Willow's Author Vote
I think that there are ways to have super powerful characters mix nicely with regularly powered ones. To me, Straitjacket's story didn't really do that. It felt like Wispy Willow had no chance to shine, and it was just a demonstration of Straitjacket's might. The second story I feel handled both the power differences, the spotlight, and the overall characterization a bit better, so it gets my vote.
Wispy Willow's Author
Just a better story with far better interaction between the characters and a very exciting plot.
Wispy Willow's author
Wispy Willow's Author
Not stellar, but orders of magnitude more competent than the first story. The first one felt more like a fever dream, and Wispy Willow's character didn't come through whatsoever.
WISPY WILLOW’S AUTHOR
Come, Come… I Wish to Play
Liked: That you gave this contest a shot. Keep writing!
Disliked: Straitjacket is over the top, overpowered, and has no motivation for doing anything in this story.
The Dawn Reveals
Liked: Bravo for using a terrible OC so well. I mean, you took everything from his character sheet and made it work, for good effect as horror movie stuff goes.
Disliked: The ending feels a little rushed, what with the doctor explaining everything in one go. I suspect this will be a common occurrence, but it’s worth pointing out.
Wispy Willow's Author
Straightjacket's Author
WTF? it's like Saw but with ponies. An excuse to kill the opposing OC?
Anyway, it felt too rushed, and had a few technical issues. I never really had a clue what was going on in the story, to be honest, and I didn't feel like there was any character-building for either character. Like, I'm sorry, but it felt that this story didn't need to draw on anything from your opponent's bio; you could have pre-written this thing, left a couple of lines blank, and filled in the opponent's name later.
Wispy Willow's Author
Good scene-setting, and an interesting choice to make it a ghost story that isn't. Very good characterization of Wispy (I'd hope so; he's your OC), not so much on Straightjacket, but then there might not have been much to go on. I didn't read any of the bio sheets, 'cause I wanted to enjoy the stories on their own merits, rather than be biased by my like or dislike of an OC before even reading.
Wispy Willow's Author
Straitjacket's author, I'm going to say this as nicely as I can: That was not a good story. At all. You need to slow down and write the characters better, as well as try to flesh out your plot more. I thought you were onto an interesting concept, but your execution was horrible. Thank you for participating, and I hope you will try to improve yourself.
With that said, Wispy's story was pretty good. I kind of liked the "Ghost Hunters Meets Scooby-Doo" feeling it had throughout. It was refreshing to see a story in this contest where 2 characters don't just go up and say hi to each other to start the plot. Some of the wording seemed a little off, but other than that, I can't voice any major objections toward your piece.
Wispy Willow's Author
I'm not really sure what the first story was. In fact, I'm not certain it even was a story. Wispy Willow's author at least wrote a cohesive, entertaining story.
Wispy Willow's Author
Oh god I just knew how Straightjacket would turn up just from the OC sheet. Bad. Ugggggh. Cmon man, you gotta tone it down a smidgen. Just... wait, no, turn it down a hella of a lot more. Yeah, that's the ticket.