(Please Keep in Mind That I Write my Stories On a Mobile Device, and Autocorrect WILL happen. Please excuse any mistakes.) When your bored, try my stories for a change! Hopefully, you won't regret it!
When a changeling named Widow Heart arrives in Ponyville, everypony has their suspicions. But when Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie welcome her to the town, the other mane 6 follow in their influence.
I was not sure whether to put Widow's character as a changeling, or other. I chose both.
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Just looking at the first chapter I can tell that you should probably check out Ezn's writing guide. Look at the sections regarding dialog.
should look like:
It needs to all be on one line
You also seem to like sentence fragments.
Don't be discouraged, everyone starts out making mistakes. The only way to improve is to keep at it...
So keep writing
Thunderhalk, you have overlooked one thing whilst correcting me. Behavior and behaviour are spelt differently throughout the world. Where I come from, I spell it behavior.
6006819
Understandably? Why? Why did Luna try to convince her? Why did Chrysalis even want all that power and up and decided she wants it? SO MANY WHYS.
She came representing the Kingdom? But wasn't she under Chrysalis rule? Why would Chrysalis send her? How old even is she? You make it sound like she's very young. Why would anyone send her alone like that? How did she even get there?
6007547
My mistake. I usually try to make myself aware of alternative ways of spelling things. Behavior/Behaviour is a new one.
Carry on.
The story seemed rushed and needs fleshed out, but it's a great concept!
6007579
Crysalis is busy
Did I not explain she flew there?
6007572
I casted Luna as an understanding pony.
Leaders get power hungry. Simple.
6008042 Maybe not. Still i get the picture she was young. Why send someone so young? Also why would Chrysalis even send her after having invaded?
6007740
Thank you. It was rushed, but I try to make my stories as much as like the show's episodes as possible! xD.
On a more serious note, I often rush myself, since if I don't, I may lose interest. It's a bad habit I have formed while writing stories for school assignments. I often procrastinated and had to rush my stories. I understand for this website, there are no due dates. I will take your positive criticism into consideration and rush myself less. Thank you.
6008051
Widow was the same age as the Mane six. She was just uneducated.
6006819
The people who moderates stories told me I had to separate the dialogue. My stories are very dialogue heavy. I actually dislike sentence fragments.
6008120
Did they mean "separating two different speakers", or "who is speaking from what they are saying"?
Generally, you will keep the speaker on the same line as what they are saying to avoid confusion. Many of the rules were originally created to get rid of white space (paper was really expensive at one point).
I just noticed you're profile description.
Any reason for using a mobile device to write your stories? This wasn't that bad for having been written on a mobile device. There are plenty of people who assume that their auto correct also corrects grammar. It makes for... an interesting reading experience. You seemed to have cleaned much of that up. I did not see any "fake" "text-speak" (or whatever it's called nowadays).
6008108
I really did enjoy the story arc! I had the same problem with my high school papers, it takes one to know one I suppose. I try never to 'bash' anything when criticizing. I like to be friendly :)
6008114 That still doesnt explain how Chrysalis who previously invaded sent her. Did she go on her own?
6008296
It said to put separate different speakers. If any other parts are separated, I probably wasn't paying attention, since that isn't my usual writing style. My computer can barely handle the internet.
6009008
Widow was sent their to apologize. She went alone so the Changelings wouldn't look threatening, since if they did, the ponies might attack.
6010684 So she did it herself right? Interesting. But it doesn't mean much for the whole nation. Though i suppose it's a starting step. I see.