A Changeling In Heart

by Kaylee_Writes

Friend or Foe?

As Widow flew into the town of Ponyville, she caught the attention of two ponies. Both had pink manes, yet one had a yellow coat, and the other had a pink coat. Widow Heart, a female changeling, that looked like the rest. Expect for her longer hair, flew to their level on ground, with a smile.

"Pinkie Pie..." Whispered the yellow one with worry.

"Hi." Widow Heart smiled.

"Hi! What's your name?" Pinkie asked.

Suddenly, four other ponies walked behind the pink maned two. They looked cautious, but they weren't going to attack Widow (Expect the Rainbow one might.) .

"I'm Widow Heart." Widow Heart introduced, giggling slightly.

"If I may ask, Widow, why are you in our town?" Twilight asked with suspicion.

"I wanted to apologize for our dearest queen's behaviour."

Widow told them.

"You mean... you came here to apologize for trying too take over Canterlot?" Asked a pony with a rainbow mane.

"Uh-Huh." Replied Widow Heart.

"I don't trust her." Rainbow said, with Applejack, Twilight, and Rarity nodding in agreement.

"I do."

Said Pinkie and Fluttershy at the same time. Everypony else sighed, an agreed to give Widow a chance.

"Fine. Can you turn into other ponies?" Rainbow asked. Widow transformed herself into Princess Celestia, and started to laugh as she turned back.

"You don't like Princess Celestia much, do you?" Twilight asked angrily.

"Nah! But it's not illegal to have opinions!" Chuckled Widow.

"I guess it's not." Twilight sighed.

Comments

[Thunderhalk89]

Just looking at the first chapter I can tell that you should probably check out Ezn's writing guide. Look at the sections regarding dialog.

"I wanted to apologize for our dearest queen's behaviour."

Widow told them.

should look like:

"I wanted to apologize for our dearest queen's behavior," Widow told them.

It needs to all be on one line

You also seem to like sentence fragments.

Widow Heart, a female changeling, that looked like the rest. Expect for her longer hair, flew to their level on ground, with a smile.

Widow Heart, a female changeling that looked like the rest expect for her longer hair, flew to their level on ground, with a smile.

Don't be discouraged, everyone starts out making mistakes. The only way to improve is to keep at it...
So keep writing