Goku the Super Sandwich4
Joined 3rd Jun, 2013 ·
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Not bad. I can't wait to see how this goes.
Nice man hope to see more awesomeness.
dropping into gary stue territory here, and you are missing commas in a lot of places. otherwise, good story!
This story is pretty good can't wait for more.
6079790 I didn't see anything that showed them getting into gary stu territory, all I saw was compression tech for weapons, camo (very good camo I might add) and the restoration of a stabilizing A.I. So as far as I see, its your basic infiltration soldier with cybernetics enhancements. So until he starts having an answer for everything situation via weapon or ability and one-shots his opponents he's perfectly fine. Other than that, love the story and can't wait to see how this goes.
6084961 for me its that i'm getting a lot of personality from the character thats making me see him as a gary stu. though he did take down those bugs in his head rather easily to me.
6085708 You do have a fair point when he pretty much walked all over those bugs while getting his A.I. back and I admit that was a little heavy handed in the whole him fighting the bugs but I think the reason he was able to do such was that in his mind he is lord and master...That and he really doesn't have to worry about fatigue, ammo count or weapons durability in his mindscape.
6086800
6085708 I am going to be giving more back story in sooner chapter this will be one of the first where my character are talking about their past quickly. and he will be fighting more stronger opponents later on.
6086865 lol, fair enough
6086800 fair point.
are you using the word cybernetic right? i don't think it means what ya think it means. ill read ya story later to see