Realy bad story my friend wrote... please give opinions
Chapters (1)
rootbeermilk
Joined 7th Apr, 2012 ·
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Enough to give a grammar nazi a seizure. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new weapon against the grammar nazis.
Just kidding. mfw I read this story
Hmmm My expectations were fully met and I indeed got what I came for. You did in fact succeed in making this quite terrible.
GOOD SIR! I AWARD YOU ONE DISLIKE!
... of course...I might be lieing and maybe I just gave you a like instead...MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
If he wants to do better: Get main plot points down in an outline, kill this with fire, and start from scratch with an editor looking over his shoulder
I could write a thesis on just how much is wrong with this story.
My opinion is that your friend wrote a really bad story.
Truth in advertising, at least.
Again not my story
P.S.Leon sucks at grammar
P.P.S.Orin:=me Leon:=friend
P.P.P.S. this is old OC>>647911>>647900>>647877>>647843
Again not my story
P.S.Leon sucks at grammar
P.P.S.Orin:=me Leon:=friend
P.P.P.S. this is old OC>>647983
I personally believe that you wrote this story and dont want people calling you out on how bad it is. Also the writing marked "Orin" is just as bad as Leon's writing.
However, concrit for you!
Make there be more paragraph breaks, it hurts reader's eyes to read long, dense paragraphs.
Fix your grammar and spelling.
Get a beta reader.
Don't tell the readers what is happening. That is boring. SHOW us what's happening through dialogue, narraration, ect.
903951 actualy this was writen by a friend:frolly.
908314
It did not seem like it, though I know you stated it clearly, since your writing styles were the same.
Also, don't write stories like a script. You shouldn't have to state who the writer of each paragraph is, it deters readers.
909339
Thank you we are curently writing another one.
Good to hear it, I hope it improves. Edit each other's part, edit your own, then you can catch a lot of stupid mistakes that everyone makes when writing.
sorry man I have limits on reading the way put the stories format confuses the hell out of me put it in more simple terms and then it should hopefully improve a whole lot more