A New Life

by rootbeermilk

The Begining

The Beginning
Leon:It all started on a gloomy afternoon when the leaves on the trees were beginning to fall from the branches.Then thats when it all happened at the forest when a portal appeared. It was like a cave of pink light was a front of my friends and I. It was me, Orin, Gavin, and Austin, who stood there in awe as pinky pie broke the 4th wall and launch out like a boss an stumbled onto the leafy ground. She awesomely got up and started rapidly talk in gibberish while hurling us at the mystical portal that used to be the 4th wall!!! Then we were pushed into the portal and swelled like a toilet bowl into the the dark pink abyss of the portal.

Leon:As I all woke from a shudder of chills down my body and I looked around my area checking for each other so I not all lose each other. So as we looked around I found myself in a darkened forest like I remember from somewhere I know. Then I black out.Again. As i woke in a hangover type state I gently lifted myself up ignoring the pain in my head and notice everything was different. I then started to search for a explanation in my mind for what is going on as I realise why i’m here and it was Pinkie Pie. As I scowl at the thought, something rustle in the bushes a few yard away from me I lift myself up to walk to it but as then I notice i’m not human any more but I push away the thought from my mind and walk on my all four and investigate the bushs. I then as I was only one ward away the a pony jump out and scares me into ruin .Then I black out again from fear and surprise.
I wake to find myself on a solid oak floor with blanket over me in a very girly room. An as my fear was true I still had a hangover feeling. I open my eyes wide to find spike walking up the stairs with a cup of tea and then *BOOM* and then i’m fully awake and find that a pony crash landed in thought the roof of what I think is a library.

Orin:“Motherbucker, that hurt” i say standing up. Instantly I fall over. “What was that?” i say rubbing my head.Then I black out again into the black void of my mind.

“Dear celestia today I learned-”*BOOM* “Ow” i say standing up “Hi name is Bookworm” i announce horsley before passing out yet again.
Leon: “Is that you” I say to what I almost definitely think is my friend Orin and then i see him pass out on the what used to be the floor but now is just a pile of sticks.
Then as me and spike put him to bed on the place I was sleeping at fluttershy’s place so he doesn't destroy the library.

Orin: I wake up to find myself in a room with a lot of yellow. But its not any plain normal yellow its bright neon yellow with pink stripes. As I look around I find that there is another pony in the room and a light yellow pegasus with a pink mane and tail that make her seem so familiar then it hits me who it is and I almost pass out again... its Fluttershy
“H-hi” is all I can manage to say “Oh you're awake” fluttershy says with a very soft and gentle voice.
Leon: Then I enter the room with the surprise of my friend which is now called Bookworm is awake. I ran fast to my friend with a mouth full of word and excitement in my body. I rush over to him to explained to him that we are ponies in Equestera, we are ponyville, Spike and I carried you to Fluttershy’s place to take care of you, that she nurse you back to health, you were out for four days straight. Then at the end he had only one question “how did I get this huge bump on my head,” Bookworm said with mixed emotion. I replayed to him with a low thick english accent “You crashed through the library's hoof with tremendous force and smacked the floor with your face of shock.” he replied “Nice to know.” Then Fluttershy interrupts and says”He need his sleep he has been asleep for a few days.” then spike says “lets go to get a cupcakes.”

Orin:Then I teleport as Fluttershy just gets to put him to bed.”WAIT” I yell with The royal Cantorlot voice “woah what was that”I hear from a oddly familiar voice “PIE” I yell as a reply. Then Rainbow Dash dashes over in a rush to help me. “I want soup”in my regular soft man voice “What” Rainbow Dash says “This is going to be legen- wait for it.” Then I back out the for the fourth time.
Leon:”This is going to be legendary is what is he was saying” I say “Oh...but he probably needs some help so lets get him to the library.”she says “Ok lets see why his magic is acting up” “So hi I’m Rainbow Dash what is your name” she says with excitement “I’m Spiritwood nice to meet you and lets get this sleepy pony to the library” “Ok”. Spike, Rainbow Dash, and me were carrying my friend to the library to see if Twilight Sparkle could find the core of why my friends magical disturbance and how me and him got here.
As we got there almost everything we passed on our way to the library was turned into something else.
Then after 1 day bookworm woke up and after 5 more additional days we have still had not a clue to what is happening with my friend. “We must go to princess celestia to find what happening to your friend Bookworm.”
all of us except Rainbow Dash was flying was in the hot air balloon to Cantorlot and then my other friend Aidin popped out of the air.

Comments

[rootbeermilk]

[BurntMyWater]

Enough to give a grammar nazi a seizure. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new weapon against the grammar nazis.

Just kidding. mfw I read this story

[Whalesbefreeyo]

Hmmm My expectations were fully met and I indeed got what I came for. You did in fact succeed in making this quite terrible.

GOOD SIR! I AWARD YOU ONE DISLIKE!

... of course...I might be lieing and maybe I just gave you a like instead...MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Possiblydominator]

If he wants to do better: Get main plot points down in an outline, kill this with fire, and start from scratch with an editor looking over his shoulder

[Dubs Rewatcher]

I could write a thesis on just how much is wrong with this story.

[bookplayer]

My opinion is that your friend wrote a really bad story.

Truth in advertising, at least.

[rootbeermilk]

Again not my story

P.S.Leon sucks at grammar

P.P.S.Orin:=me Leon:=friend

P.P.P.S. this is old OC>>647911>>647900>>647877>>647843

[rootbeermilk]

Again not my story

P.S.Leon sucks at grammar

P.P.S.Orin:=me Leon:=friend

P.P.P.S. this is old OC>>647983

[Arcanist Ascendant]

I personally believe that you wrote this story and dont want people calling you out on how bad it is. Also the writing marked "Orin" is just as bad as Leon's writing.
However, concrit for you!
Make there be more paragraph breaks, it hurts reader's eyes to read long, dense paragraphs.
Fix your grammar and spelling.
Get a beta reader.
Don't tell the readers what is happening. That is boring. SHOW us what's happening through dialogue, narraration, ect.

[rootbeermilk]

903951 actualy this was writen by a friend:frolly.

[Arcanist Ascendant]

908314
It did not seem like it, though I know you stated it clearly, since your writing styles were the same.
Also, don't write stories like a script. You shouldn't have to state who the writer of each paragraph is, it deters readers.

[rootbeermilk]

909339

Thank you we are curently writing another one.

[Arcanist Ascendant]

Good to hear it, I hope it improves. Edit each other's part, edit your own, then you can catch a lot of stupid mistakes that everyone makes when writing.

[FuntimeBrony]

sorry man I have limits on reading the way put the stories format confuses the hell out of me put it in more simple terms and then it should hopefully improve a whole lot more