• Member Since 2nd Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen Feb 13th, 2019


I'm 18 years old, I'm a brony

Comments ( 27 )

this is first story that i thought about you big meaning.

And this is just the first and second chapter of this story and it has lots more coming to this story guys.

Comment posted by fluttershyxadagiodazzle6 deleted May 19th, 2015

Did you even ask the original author's permission? Did you know that Cheerilee's Garden already had a sequel? Do you realise that this concept makes no sense whatsoever? :facehoof:

my story is a crossover to unahim's cheerilee's garden.

I would suggest shortening the description to what is needed, don't give away the whole plot, and fix up the grammar, capitalization, etc.

You know, if I were looking for one word to describe your story, it would be.. "pointless".

It`s pointless to look for any good sides to it. There`s none. Plot is an idiotic mishmash. Writing is simplistic and quite the opposite of engaging. And claiming to be "sequel" is flat-out shameful.

I know what is your "excuse". "It`s my first story!" - you`re clamoring. Well, it`s not an excuse. Not for the amounts of fail exhibited. To quote - "It is bad, and you should feel bad."

And also i change the title from Cheerilee's garden 2: Revenge of the five fillies and 2 colts becoming the seven deadly sins to The Revenge of the five fillies and 2 colts becoming the seven deadly sins and the second chapter is less gruesome. But, the other chapters will be more gruesome and more detail from the last two chapters.

Oh i almost forgot is: My story is also a crossover to Scarlet Harvest: Part One by Unahim.

What I just read, was the very definition of garbage, I dislike this poor excuse for a story, and may Knighty have mercy on your soul.

The guide you used for Snips is still in the cover photo :rainbowlaugh:

1000 hours in ms paint

Holy shit, I can't even tell if this is a joke or not. What the hell am I reading? For the love of God, stay away from your computer.

*sighs* Okay, I feel like I need to fix this. :twilightangry2:

Love the concept l, hate the execution your wrighting needs alot of work in grammar, spelling, and paragraphs are practically repeating. I will be tracking this to see if u improve

sins don't really exist, they're just constructs of our imagination to prevent us from fulfilling our need for pleasure.

What in Equestria did I just read? I have seen a lot of stories with poor grammar and bad spelling but this one takes the cake. It seems almost like you used Google translate and translated something already poorly written in another language into English. Very rarely do I downvote a story because of grammatical issues but this one was actually hard to read.

What the fuck? There is improper grammar, Misspelled words. Seriously, think about your writing before you publish it. I can’t even believe this story passed moderation. I see why now this story has 68 dislikes+1 because I disliked it too.

70 dislikes now! I often read this if I need a laugh.

It was a beautiful day in ponyville. Twist was getting ready for school today. But, something still bug in twist's mind that still made a chill ran down twist's back about when she saw apple bloom. 'when i thaw apple bloom; why wath apple bloom thmile like deadly thin demon? Why wath apple bloom holding a pony money bit in her hooveth? Why wath apple bloom'th bow look like pony money? And when i blink, apple bloom wath gone?' thought twist. When twist look at the clock, twist screamed. "going to be late for school." Said twist. And with that twist ran to school.

Oh dear. Where do I begin? These sentences make little to no sense. Tenses are dodgy. Grammer is all over the place. I would advise just scrapping this and starting over.

From the comments i can assume that i'm about to read the proper guide of how to NOT write a story, and my eyeballs will hurt after seeing this great pile of garbage.
Let's see.

Oh Lord.
This is horrible, but i got to recognize, no other story made me throw tears while having a big smile on my face. So many grammar errors, poor character development, misspelled words, poor plot. If i have to guess, you never readed a story in this site before writing this one, it hurts how this could be something interesting, but everything is so bad that i bet Google Translate could do it better in everyway.
Seriously, what the f

Comment posted by CipherCat deleted November 22nd
Login or register to comment