Shipping đź’–11,684 stories ·9,747 members
Looking for Editors3,384 stories ·5,418 members
Twilight is Best Pony6,394 stories ·3,072 members
Twilight's Marem/Harem3,587 stories ·2,223 members
The Twixie Group103 stories ·379 members
[My first attempt to write some romance. Please, don't be too strict to me.]
Relationships between Twilight and Trixie always were terribly hostile. When Trixie says too much, Twilight hits her in public, and leaves her alone. Only now Trixie understands, that Twilight means something for her. A simple apology wouldn't help the situation. Or would it?
Trixie decided to give it a shot. For the good's sake.
[Yes, this is anthro story. Even despite the story picture 
]
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
729 users online
1,335,368 hits today, 2,328,677 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Asshole critic time!
1. It may not be the best idea to start your story with a question. Seems too amateurish.
2. You seem to possess a great love of commas even when they are not necessary.
3. Methinks you may want to add an indicator for Twilight's thoughts. Like italics.
4. Why is shower capitalized?
5. Seriously, you love your commas dontcha?
6. Purple book lover.... why can't it be Twilight?
7.
What is it with the commas?
8. I'm not even halfway through and I've seen too many commas....
9. Okay, I kinda skimmed over everything until the end and boy howdy does love move fast in this story! Like fuckin eagles up in this bitch. How do they go from tickles to special someponies to confessing love? That's a little ridiculous for a story this short.
10. I honestly do see what you were trying to do with this, I really do. But bro, you gotta work on your grammar and sentence structure... and story progression. Honestly, this whole thing needs to be worked on, but like you said this is your first time writing. It's crap, but something tells me you'll want to improve. So keep practicing and next time, please employ an editor. They're a godsend.
Don't worry bro. You got nowhere to go but up
Also, Arnold approved! assets.schwarzenegger.com/images/img-2.jpg
5796538
Thanks for your opinion, I think I can fix those errors.
Boy howdy you really need an editor. I don't want to be rude but there are missing words everywhere and Twilight at the beginning feels almost nothing like herself and Trixie's characterization isn't much better.
Judging by your structure I'm guessing English might be a second language? I'm very sorry if I'm wrong but that's just how it reads.
5829442
Yes, English is not my native language, I am from Azerbaijan, level of English is really poor here. If you visit our country, you'll find out that I am very good sample.
But hey, I do put my effort and love in everything I write. I do my best to improve my grammar, but I have my own weak points.
Editor? I'd love to find one, but I am very unlucky with it.
5830254
That's fine. There are issues yeah but the fact is still that you did good for a first try. There are actually groups here on the site such as "Looking for Editors" (<that's a link to it) which can help you find an editor for your story.
Good luck in the future ^~^
Welp I did my best to fix some errors. This is somehow fixed version.
it's a pity that there are so few likes here, because in my opinion this is one of the best fanfics on pairing Twixie would like to continue This fanfiction and develop their relationship❤️