Whirlwind Firestarter was coltnapped at two weeks old. He was to be the fifth in the line of magic, but ending up in servitude, and being raised to be a killing machine by Malik, he never learned about friendship. That is, until a particularly dangerous spell helps him escape to Equestria. War is near.
Page generated in 0.066 seconds
Total duration
1,063 users online
1,706,460 hits today, 2,167,270 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'm predicting a comment section meltdown and a wall of deleted comments.
Please prove me wrong.
Hi, name's ZAKARI. I noticed that no-one else has yet to comment on your story and that I'm the first. Are you new to the site? You should know that Fimfiction practically DESPISES red and black alicorn oc's. I'm saying this for your own good, you should really think of changing your story's main character.
I'm not trying to be mean, but trust me, you will get flak for it. I've seen many new authors go this route and it almost always does NOT end well.
EDIT: Damnit, looks like I wasn't the first to comment.
5761919 Well, in order for there tobe a CSM (comment section meltdown, it's happened enough to be a thing), there needs to be, well, comments.
5761930 Just a few things wrong with just the description. ONe you've already pointed out: the self-insert R&B Alicorn.
Two: Too many 'He's and 'his's. Give us a shortened version of his name, his name, anything. Don't just use it once and then never again.
Three: The description does not convey interest to the reader. It seems more like a Cliff's Notes than anything else, not a teaser for what's in the story.
5762638
Thanks for the info about R&B alicorns, if you have an idea for a better color scheme, please let me know. And a nickname for Whirlwind, I suck when it comes to nicknames.
5764417
I suggest something more ...normal. We've seen SO MANY red and black alicorn oc's. Perhaps your main character could be a normal pony, or even unicorn. Also, change the color palate. Try a more believable color scheme.
Of course, it's your story. You don't have to do anything, we're just trying to help you avoid many of the same pitfalls as many other new authors on this site.
this is a amazing story