Lauren rolled her eyes. "Okay, I admit the face he made was funny, but could we please drop the subject already? I'm still not comfortable with all of this..."
Celestia and Luna didn't even try to suppress their snickers. True, the whole nobility would soon learn that their queen has returned far sooner than the two princesses anticipated, and there might be some nasty rumors, but it would be nothing that the princesses wouldn't be able to handle.
Lauren watched the two alicorn giggle, feeling a small wave of guilt. I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you where I’m from. It’s for yours and everypony else’s good. If I told you, it might change the future. And the future I wrote was a bright one; so everything must go to plan. I can’t risk changes, even to soothe my guilt.
With those doubts jumping around inside her mind, Lauren decided to think this through more carefully later, when she was alone again. Surely Luna and Celestia would understand my reasoning. It still hurt thinking about how heartbroken the two princesses would be, once Lauren deemed it safe to let them know her origins. And the origins of everypony else in Equestria, for that matter. But Lauren was forced to push these thoughts to the side, as they stepped out into the sunshine.
The castle gardens were truly an eye catching sight. Flowers that didn't even exist on Earth grew here, there was a nice little pond with colorful fish swimming inside of it and finally ALL the animals! Who had gone into hiding the moment they noticed Lauren's presence.
Although a little disappointed, the newest alicorn still enjoyed the sight she was given, not to mention the fresh air. The lack of pollution was in the air made breathing an almost overwhelming process.
Lying in the grass turned out to be quite comfortable. There were no small bumps or rocks, which normally made such an experience a little painful. Plus the grass was actually so thick that it easily could be used as a blanket. Or was that Lauren's own fur?
Whatever the case, Lauren enjoyed the small quiet moment they had until Celestia spoke up. "I hope you like the royal gardens."
"They're beautiful. Better than my backyard by a stretch."
"Thine backyard?" Luna asked curiously.
"From where I live...come...urrgh, this whole journey across dimensions is giving me a headache." she rubbed her forehead with both of her hooves. "Worse than the time I had to dance with Minotaur King Donga…” Lauren trailed off, before her head snapped up
“Wait, what? Where did that...come from..." Lauren looked to the side.
"Huzzah!"
"Argh! Luna!"
The princess of the moon tackle hugged her mother. "Thy memories art returning faster than any of us anticipated. Soon all of thy memories shall return and our glorious mother will lead Equestria into a brighter future!"
"Still...need....air....!"
"Oh." Luna let go of Lauren, who greedily sucked in the air. Damn, earth pony strength is right. I should be careful around a certain pink party pony.
Celestia was watching the entire spectacle and shook her head, chuckling to herself.
She too was happy that her mother’s memories seemed to be returning, though only in little tidbits. When she looked over to Lauren, she found the oldest alicorn looking to the side, lost in thought of what just transpired. Celestia's heart almost broke at the sight. The only thing that kept it from breaking was that this was only a temporary thing and once her mother fully recovered her memories, they could go back to the old days and rule Equestria as a family. It would be also nice to know what her mother has been up to all those years and where exactly she had been.
"Excuse me, your majesties."
Everypony turned their heads towards the stallion who approached them. "The Elements of Harmony have just arrived." he announced.
Lauren's ears perked up. The Elements? I thought I wouldn't see them for at least a few days. Huh, I wonder if I'm going to get a 'Welcome to Equestria' party. Wait a second. Pinkie Pie does have the ability to break the fourth wall. Maybe she can help me to get back?
...
Wow, I'm actually seriously considering asking her.
"Good. Please escort them to us." Celestia told the stallion. With a bow, he dismissed himself and quickly trotted back to where he came from. Celestia and Luna turned their attention back to Lauren.
"Is something wrong?"
"Nay, mother. ‘Tis just, since thou hast been missing, there..." Luna trailed off.
"There are a few things we need to tell you." Celestia helped Luna out. "One of the things being that each of the Elements of Harmony has chosen their own bearer."
Why are they...? Oh. So, according to this, I was there when Discord was defeated, but disappeared before Luna turned into Nightmare Moon. Oh dear, are they really going to talk about this now? I don't think this is the right time, especially with Twilight and her friends coming.
"It's alright." Lauren assured. "You can tell me anything you think is necessary for me to know later. I get that I need to study up on Equestria's history." Which still doesn't mean that I believe any of this ‘mother’ thing or being a Queen. How can I be a Queen anyway? My cutie mark clearly indicates that my special talent is writing. Writing stories that is.
"Let's first get the visit over, all right?" Lauren suggested.
As if on cue, the sound of hoofsteps came to her ears. Looking towards the direction of the sound, the alicorns found the Element Bearers approaching. Rainbow Dash wasn't airborne, which confused Lauren a little until the ponies arrived and bowed respectfully to their leaders. Pinkie Pie's face hit the ground in the process.
"Rise, my little ponies. Mother, these are the Element Bearers. Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic, Rarity, the Element of Generosity, Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter, Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness, Applejack, the Element of Honesty and Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty. They are also the ones who found you, and saw to it that you were given quick medical attention."
Again, everypony's attention was on Lauren, who felt quite nervous about the situation. "Yes, well...I should thank you for taking care of me. Really, I appreciate it."
"Eh, it was nothing princess...eh queen...eh...your highness." Rainbow finally settled on a way to address Lauren.
"Please, could we leave the formalities? I know everybody is saying I'm suffering from temporary memory loss, but I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I am supposed to lead an entire country."
"You have our sympathy, your highness." Twilight said. "Princess Celestia has already informed us beforehoof, in case you're wondering."
"Makes sense, and please. Just Lauren is fine."
The little ponies grimaced a little, even Applejack. It was probably so deep integrated into their minds that it would take a long time for them to overcome such formalities, if it was possible at all.
There was an awkward silence in the group, but luckily Luna had an idea how to break it. “Fair Elements, why not tell mother a little about thyselves? We ourselves art a little intrigued about thee. We found it a shame that we could not engage for longer in pleasant conversations when we last visited Ponyville."
A second later Lauren wished Luna had stayed silent. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie. Whoops, but you already know this, silly me. I like parties a lot. Do you like parties? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? I throw everypony a party who comes to Ponyville. Oh, but I couldn't throw you a party, because you didn't feel so good. But now that you're better I can throw you a Welcome to Ponyville party. Oh and we totally need to throw you a 'Welcome back to Equestria' party. Do you love cupcakes? I love cupcakes, but I also love muffins. Derpy prefers muffins though, and that one time we argued what was better, for you see, I prefer cupcakes, since there is more sugar in it and-" Pinkie was finally silenced and levitated away from Lauren's face by Rarity.
"Wow." Lauren shook her head. "Discord and you would get along just fine, if he wouldn't be so mean." Lauren said, shaking her head in order to clear her thoughts. Looking up again, she found Twilight putting on a fake smile. It was the kind of fake smile she puts on when she thinks one of her friends might have accidentally insulted her teacher. Rainbow Dash facehoofed, Rarity tried the same thing as Twilight and Applejack covered her face with her stetson.
"Well" Lauren cleared her throat "to answer your questions (at least the ones I understood) I do like parties and muffins as well."
"Wee!" Pinkie bounced into the air, making the "bouncy" noise.
"Did anyone ever check if she was secretly an alicorn?" Lauren whisper/asked her "daughters" in a joking matter.
"’Twould explain a lot." Luna commented.
"I wonder sometimes if she is somehow related to Discord." Celestia threw in her two cents.
Lauren silently giggled. Despite being a little confused by Pinkie's actions (and she freaking designed the character), she couldn't help but think that the earth pony was simply adorable with her antics. The only one who beat her at the moment was Fluttershy, who was partially hiding behind her mane.
Let's see if I can bring you out of your shell, my dear. Oh, I know now what they mean by dying from cuteness.
Why do I see this thing in the featured box again?
Missing speech mark.
It's interesting that's why
I believe that should go, "Why dost thou not"
One of few that would be the same regardless of period. "It would explain a lot"
6155982 Because reasons.
And also because, no matter how hard it is for you to believe it, you made something good.
hey, can you have lauren say something that would rock their world?
6156027 Humans exist was my train of thought.
6155982 because it's an interesting concept. I'm wait for Lauren to tell what she thinks is the truth.
6156011
Actually, not quite.
(Period English allows you to contract "it would" and "it is" to 'twould and 'tis.)
6155982 Because its awesome?
6156014 Indeed.
6156134 Upper classes would not use the contraction though.
6156181
True, but an argument could be made that:
1. Luna could be operating on her own interpretation of what it means that society has, on average, grown less formal over the last thousand years.
2. Not being the biggest social butterfly to begin with, she would be less innured to any courtly mannerisms.
3. In this case, she might also be intentionally trying to present a less formal demeanour, given that she's introducing her mother who's uncomfortable with all that formality business.
I wonder what will happen next!
I'm confused... your editor needs to poke! Quickly!
No but seriously, at the beginning Faust states "I came before Season 1." ... but .. she met Luna. ... And the elements were COMING. So mis numbered? Also quotation marks are missing, as well as the Celestia POV needs to be nudged down and merged with the paragraph... and a couple of other things. Ah well! Life happens! *shakes fist*
Also, not "two cents" it's "two bits." ... at least in canon it is anyway.
6155982
Because it's a great story! Almost every Fausticorn story that I have read almost instantly gets featured. I think the genre is just really popular among the community; and why wouldn't it? Taking the actual creator of the series's OC , that she acknowledged, and writing it into a story. Now try telling me that doesn't sound appealing. Also the fact that you are continuing your story ware most authors gave up on there's. I can count the number of completed fics I have read that feature the Fausticorn on one hand, and still have fingers left. We're all just waiting for the continuation of this great genre, and your magnificent story.
Please don't.
Well, it's your choice. Personally, I just happen to think using the 4th wall in a serious story ruins it 90% of the time and rarely adds anything particularly constructive even when it doesn't ruin everything.
6156288
Or how everyone uses Pinkie as nothing more then the only one that does the 4th wall joke...
And having it shoved in your face every second... Reminding us that someone (Pinkie) is making a 4th wall joke...
...
Don't get me wrong, 4th wall jokes are fine... Eh... But keep using the same character and jokes... They're not funny... They're annoying.
6156320 I generally don't like fourth wall jokes at all, no matter who does them, but the most serious offenders are Pinkie and Discord and it's the same crap every time and it wasn't even funny the first time.
Now, pure comedy and crackfics are an exception. You don't expect those to take themselves seriously, it's why people read them, and fourth wall jokes can be amusing in those kind of stories, but please, for the love of good literature everywhere, not in a serious story.
I could swallow it it if is explained as Pinkie being psychic or something and thus and able to see glimpses of the future, other worlds, etc, though.
But the moment the words "fourth wall" comes into play, I tend to give the screen an eye roll and lose interest.
6156082 i was thinking Lauren asking Celestla when Twilight is going to be princess, unless this is after season3.
I saw this multiple times, but thy,thine are forms of your, not you. Thee and thou should be used by Luna; something for your editor to keep in mind.
Tis is an archaic contraction of "it is".
Short but sweet.
Ooo, this is interesting: It looks like Lauren's is getting the actual Fausticorn's memories.
Thee - you/objective - We hate thee
Thou - you/subjective - thou art mine enemy
Just sound the sentence out and choose the one that makes the sentence sound better. (This is what I do)
Thy/thine - your
Use mine and thine in the place of my and thy before an 'h' sound or a vowel, like 'an'.
There is no archaic form of they, them, their, he, she, it, etc.
You know, I can never really understand it when people do something like this. It's like this is some kind of cliché that they just feel compelled to add to their story, for some obscure reason. Aside from some of the worse industrial districts I can think of, I have never been to a place where "pollution" was so omnipresent and awful that "fresh air" was some kind of rarity. If anything, countrysides stink just as much in their own way, what with all the various side effects of having animals milling about and fertilizing the crop fields.
6157261 Personal experience buddy. There IS a big difference, at least when you live in a big city.
6157282
Unless you live in 1920s Chicago during the "daily, zero-vision smog" era or something, I don't think you've lived in a larger city than I have, or one with worse day-to-day levels of pollution. NRW is the most densely populated part of Germany by a good distance and the air is really not that bad in most places, unless you're standing right next to the busiest intersection in town or something.
Never mind me, though, I just thought it was curious that people insist on this so much. It seemed like one of those things that get repeated a lot but never really all that critically examined.
but lunas back and there was a stained glass window showing the defeat of nightmare moon... season one clearly already started
also im guessing that due to lauren being from another dimension and getting teleported into equestrias dimension this dimension is slowly overwriting lauren into the place of the real fausticorn and soon being a human will have been a distant dream to lauren
6157867
I think it was meant to be more of an example, even with season two having started, there's still a time gap between where the show is believed to be up to, and where the world of Equestria actually is in relation to the timeline. So Lauren may well accidentally cite an event that is meant to occur within the near future due to that time dilation and then have to come out with her truth in a situation where it would feel awkward because she had been hiding it to begin with.
6157261 I live in KS in the country. Far away from any city (closest city of 20,000 is 100 miles away.)
I was amazed at how much bluer the sky was when I visited South America. Even in the cities. (And even more so when I visited the farm country there)
The reason why, SA isn't downwind of China.
My Grandpa and father said the sky was bluer when they were younger and they're right. It only gets worse the bigger the city you're in.
I really want to see her's husband.
6157261 well at least that cliché isn't as bad as "applejack's apple iz da best eva". At least the fresh air one is makes sense and sometimes relevant to what's going on but there is no reason to go into detail about how delicious AJ's apple are but for some reason people do that in HIE fics.
6156211 Genre*
Where is this story in relation to the canon season timeline?
6158590
Interesting fact: that actually has more to do with the relative distance to the equator (also, our color vision gets worse with age.) It is a pretty neat thing to see, though, no doubt.
6159552 Actually that particular factor didn't affect me since I was approximately the same distance South of the equator as KS is North of the equator.
6159075
Thanks for catching that.
6160185 You know someone's serious when they accept nitpicks in their comments.
6155982 Because it's beautiful.
Lovely! I seriously want more, though.
Fausticorn is a silly filly. She should also know that Pinkie Pie's fourth wall breaking powers only work for jokes and gags! It's all about Laughter!
6157867 Mindwipe Vacation seems more likely at this point to me. Then her memories slowly started surfacing and manifested in her creating MLP:FIM. Maybe complete with visions of or being from the future.
6158978 It's a result of Industrial Farming. Surviving shipping long enough to get to the consumer is far more important than tasting good, so the quality of the produce's taste often suffers a great deal.
6157261 Subverting this is always hilarious, though.
"Ah, the great outdoors, it smells so wonderful!" The wind shifts. "Oh god, it smells like death!" Vomits.
6156614 Actually, it's ONLY before a vowel sound. Just listen to some fool TV news anchor saying 'an history' instead of 'a history' and you'll understand. People just get confused because of words that start with a silent H, and thus start with a vowel sound like honor and hour. It doesn't help that historically, many people have aspirated the initial H, so that 'e said 'e was going to write 'is teacher an 'istory report. The whole purpose of the -n ending is to bridge two vowel sounds so there is no forced rest between them. Initialisms also tend to trip people up, since a bunch of them start with a sound from the opposite grouping. (F, H, L, M, N, R, S, and X are vowel-initial, and U and Y are consonant-initial for initialisms)
Yes, this is a pet peeve of mine (Which I have many of). Much like the phrase, "The exception proves the rule." (It's everything BUT the exceptions that prove a rule!)
Must...resist...edits...
...
Nope, can't do it.
Continuity Error. Luna has already been cured of NMM.
Thy backyard?
memories is the noun. Thy always functions as an adjective.
Thy memories are returning
since thou hast been missing,
belief is a noun
mean that I believe any of this mother thing
comma after Really
technically correct, (except it should be 'deeply') but should probably be:
so deeply ingrained in their minds
Thou in all its forms is always singular, never plural.
why do you not tell mother a little about yourselves?
We ourselves are a little intrigued about thee.
Comma after lot, rather than a period.
'Twould explain a lot
I noticed that you unilaterally use periods as punctation before and after quotes, rather than ever using commas. (Barring when it gets a functional punctuation like question mark or ellipsis, those should take priority.)
I'm fairly certain (And prepare for informalisms) that if the words following/preceding it that complement it, it should be a comma. And by complement, I mean "X said.", or "explained Y", etc. Telling how and who spoke.
Independent actions that they're doing at the same time, but don't directly relate to how they spoke the words are supplemental, and should be their own sentences. Some verbs somewhat blur this line, and you're probably fine using either.
She should be capitalized since it's not a complement of the quote, so a new sentence.
Comma after us.
Comma after alright and assured.
(it functions as postposition for the first quote, and preposition for second quote)
comma after highness and said.
Comma after mean. (the rest is correct, since it's a clause tacked onto the end of the complement)
If Lauren saying 'Well' was clearing her throat, then commas after Well and throat.
If Lauren cleared her throat between speaking, then they should be periods, and To should be capitalized.
I'm assuming she actually spoke 'at least the ones I understood', but quietly? A more natural way of inserting this muttering would probably be better. Such as a comma after questions and understood each, italicizing it, and either decreasing the font size a little or using strike through..ex:
to answer your questions, at least the ones I understood, I do like parties and muffins as well.
to answer your questions, at least the ones I understood, I do like parties and muffins as well.
If it wasn't vocalized at all, and it was just her thoughts, perhaps bound it in single quotes and italics like so:
(It's not automatically clear that it's a thought rather than emphasis if it's just italicized)
to answer your questions, 'at least the ones I understood', I do like parties and muffins as well.
comma after lot
...I honestly don't know if it should be a comma after discord or if it's correct. The phrasing is, ah, irregular.
Can go either way here, I think.
Another fuzzy one.
6171405
must point out that that was the first thing i pointed out in my comment that you quoted!
carry on
6171575 Nonono, you're supposed to read the bottom section, then move up to the next! It makes much more sense then!
6171963 screw the rules! i am me and me am are i
6171405
I did a quick search because I thought I might have forgotten something. I guess the site's information was wrong.
6171405 Actually the exception does prove the rule, if you understand what that means. What it means is if you see a sign that says "No parking on Sundays" it means "You can park here if it isn't Sunday".
Can't wait for more this is the funniest story I've read yet
Huzzah!! Quite a great story you have on your pans. But I also have in my mind faust may not be who she thinks she is.
6176396 I yield to your point, and amend it to "people egregiously misuse 'the exception proves the rule'." It only proves inverse rules (including implied-inverse ones, like in parking, where saying you can't park on Sunday implies you can park on other days, even though it isn't explicitly stated), not arbitrary ones, like spelling and grammar, where the possibilities aren't linked at all.
6155982 Because you are worth it .