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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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7618260 You mess up the link to Daylight Burning. Please give it to me so I can read it. You don't have to do it if you don't want to, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't PM me.
7660799
Ask and you shall receive
Daylight Burning
Now this was an awesome chapter! Though there's one exchange that bugs me…
So… what exactly happened to him? Did he go into hiding for son reason?
Well Lightning's replacement squad members died faster than the Colonial Marines...I was kinda hoping to see more of them, but never mind. At this rate Lightining is going to sent for re-education.
This chapter is really hard to comment on because there was just so much that happened. It was all good though. I wonder who Rhymey's family secret is and whether he'll play a part in the story. Though I don't really understand how murdering his father will allow him to recover his powers. It's a weird thought, but considering how incompetent the Grand Ruler is you could make a case that Rhymey is actually the real villain of this story. Certainly he has more of a plan than GR and is following through on it.
Speaking of plans, Titan was up to stuff. I'm quite interested in what will happen when Titan's plans and Conquest's plans start to come into conflict.
Awesome chapter. And Cerise!
7661358
In Starfleet Humans, Flash Sentry was arrested for espionage, so he was in prison until the prisoners were freed, after which he presumably made himself scarce before he could be arrested again.
Though the story is crude at times and the formatting, grammar, spelling, and editing leaves a lot to be desired, I do admire the concept of what you're doing here. Can't pretend I haven't entertained the idea of trying to deconstruct this series myself.
Just one thing about it bugs me, and perhaps it's just my ignorance of the Starfleet series in general since I have difficulty actually trying to read it (one of the major reasons I'm not doing a deconstruction of my own): Why was everyone so worried about Spike aging ten years in the flashback? He's a dragon. Dragons in Equestria can sleep for one-hundred years as a nap. Even if he did age up a bit thanks to it, ten years is pretty much nothing compared to his overall life span. I could see the tragedy of missing out on his childhood but from the looks of this story that was pretty much a lost cause the second Grand Ruler and his cronies forced their way into the story.
7661358
Like smith said, Flash was arrested in the original for stealing stuff. I figured I should make a note here for reference. That and I know Flash is a tread lightly character.
7662518
Thanks for the comment. Titan has become one of my fave characters to write for (Other than the manes).
As for the real villian, yes, I do love it when sometimes, it is harder to see the real villians.
7662626
First off, can I say I am kind of honored that bed head has actually commented here? All I need is Spideremblembrony, Iwoaforever, and Kkat to comment on this story and I can say that I think I am done with my job,
Yeah, I will admit to these mistakes. Its mainly due to my editors mistakes and my own folly. But I am glad that you admire the task I am going for. Thank you.
Well, I based this one off of a talk from my editor and some riffs I found. Whe they heard about the aging up, they talked about the aging and what it means to Spike. MY main problem has always been how he wrote it and how he did it. Trust me, one of these days I need to talk to Alchemystudent to do a review of season 4 of that story. *shdders*
7662868
Mind linking to one of those riffs? As I mentioned I never read that much of the actual story but I'm particularly curious about this bit now since Spike's my favorite character.
I still remember reading My Little Starfleet.
I gave up during Season 2 when Mykan decided that his story needed more Slice of Life chapters. One-dimensional characters fighting monster straight out of Power Rangers is at least somewhat funny and interesting, but one-dimensional characters dealing with mundane issues is boring as hell. So while I’m not up-to-date with his story, I’ve read a few summaries and know enough about the important stuff like Twilight’s death.
I applaud you for managing to turn Lighting and his minions into actual character with different motivations and personalities. And you did this without vilifying them… well except for the Grand Triceratops and the poor man’s Zecora. I’ve to admit I would prefer them to be seriously flawed characters instead if outright villains who brainwash people. But I can understand why the plot requires the Grand Gray Stu to be a bad guy.
But Rhymey? His marriage without Fluttershy could’ve fallen apart without him turning into a misogynistic, xenophobic jerk who mind controls Fluttershy and brown noses the Grand Original Character. Sure it provided a good explanation for the stupid behavior of the Mane Six and Spike when they decided to dress as alicorns and mock Fluttershy but it still feels unnecessary.
Also I can’t help but notice that only the Starfleet villains are allowed to enjoy happiness. The good guys only suffer one failure after another.
Myte and Buddy got killed off rather brutally. Starla became Overlord Orphanageburner von Puppykicking’s sex slave, Lighting is just one step away from becoming an emotional wreck and Krysta’s home world was destroy and all the inhabitants, including her son, were turned into undead slaves fighting for the villain. The only one who was spare from a bad fate seems to be Artie. Probably because he was always supporting the Equestrians.
Which brings me to my next point: While Starfleet characters are dying left and right, nothing bad ever seems to happen to the FiM characters. All the Mane Five are still alive and happy and they always succeed where Starfleet fails.
Just because it’s a deconstruction of Mykan’s unsetting world view it doesn’t mean that the Mane Six can’t fail or suffer or witness the deaths of loved ones at the hands of Darklord Clubber of the Baby Seals. On the contrary: Showing that they continue despite all this and still supporting each other during such a dark time would teach the Unicornicopians that friendship is indeed something that should be valued.
7676501
You know, Rhymey is alwyas the one I feel kind/of sort of bad about. I tried so har to make the entire team into something relatable and flawed. Heck, I feel kind of down about Buddy (Now that I am a little more invested in his relationship wiht his cousin.) but Rhymey for some reason just never moved as well as a villian in my eyes. I tried to do like you said, but in the end he just became easier to write for as the villian of the piece. I think that can happen with some characters, that they can work better as a villian than a hero.
Hmmm, thought I was doing a better job of showing this off (Considering I think that they have been through enough at the hands of Mykan and I have been torturing Pinkie Pie...not because I hate her or anything. I like making her the gal who can tak the pain and bounce back) But hey, if you have any suggestions for something that can happen to the mane five or even to the side team, please send me a PM with some ideas. I love hearing them, after all I don't think this story gets anywhere without commentors, fans, or people helping.
7676977
Well the canon Rhymey really is rather unlikeable. The rest of the cast are just bland character with maybe one interesting quirk - if they are lucky. But Rhymey is something special with is bad rhyming and him being the love interest of Fluttershy. Even Equestria Girls had a better romance and that says a lot.
Ahem… Anyway, I know I shouldn’t be bother this much by him. Yet it still makes me a bit uncomfortable to see how this version of Rhymey isn’t a hero or a nice guy but an abusive husband. I’m a bit sensitive in that matter. Never liked the idea of canon love interests or best friends turning out to be evil. Even if the canon love interest is a guy like Rhymey. You can thank the Harry Potter fandom for that.
I don't really have anything specific in mind that could happen to them, but sooner or later Conquest will realize that the Equestrians and especially the Mane Five are a big threat. He may not be a tactical genius but he isn’t stupid either.
He also the kind of guy who would dig up Twilight’s grave, rape her death body and send the Mane Five a video of it just to spite in their faces.
So it’s not unreasonable to assume that he would try to torment them by hurting their relatives.
7677754
While you do raise good points about the treatment of the characters, I'm afraid I have to disagree about Conquest. The Starfleet cast is being targeted, primarily because they're the reason Conquest is there. Conquest also has a lot of pride, thus he believes that the Equestrians aren't a threat to him. He doesn't believe anyone's a threat to him, he's only attacking Starfleet because they are his targets, he could care less about the Mane 5.
7751226
Yes Conquest is focusing on Starfleet, because they are the reason he’s here. After all it’s supposed to be a huge, galaxy-wide organization with many planets under their thumbs. And Equestria? Well they got conquered rather easily, so in his eyes they must be pretty weak. Initially he wouldn’t pay them much attention.
But he’s planning to win. Or at least to have as much fun as possible while gleefully murdering and torturing people. And he’s not stupid. His very first action was to capture Starla and use her as his sex toy. Sure he mostly did it because he’s a sick bastard who enjoys these kind of things, but that’s not the only reason. He considers Starfleet to be his most dangerous foe, epically Lightning who is the leader of the Grand Rulers elite strike team. Capturing his wife, was a devastating blow to his moral. He also freed a large number of Starfleet prisoners and turned them into an army to use against Starfleet. He’s not just telling his minions to murder random people, he has a plan that he assumes will lead to his victory and the destruction of Starfleet.
And so far it seemed to work. Starfleet was losing left and right and most of the Grand Rulers Elite team is either death or mentally broken. Yet he still lost some of his battles. Most recently the attempt to conquer the Crystal Empire. Not because of the Starfleet, but because of the Equestrian who turned out to be more dangerous than he thought.
Sure the Grand Ruler claims that all their victories were the result of the Starfleet but Conquest should know that his is him spitting out BS. Not to mention that he has minions from Equestria like Raven, who should know that it’s a bad idea to underestimate the former bearers of the elements. Sooner or later he’s going to realize that they are more dangerous than Starfleet and should change his priorities.
On a side note about the riddle "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" I did some digging and found out that at some point due to fan inquiries Lewis Carroll eventually added in an answer in a later edition's preface, "Because it can produce a few notes, tho they are very flat; and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front." the joke is that "never" was intentionally misspelled to be "raven" backwards, unfortunately the proofreaders failed to see the joke and changed it to its correct spelling. There are also a number of fan answers to the riddle, my favorite being "Because Poe wrote on both."
7773006 good to know. it is a good story after all. ^_^ I cannot understand why there are even that many down votes.
7773154
Very simple!
See, first off...it's Starfleet, so you ave the people who read the first part of that title and downvote it.
Second, the opening rape scene might turn some peopl off and thinking its a bad clop/hate fic
and third, and I think is also very likely...They read the title and think it's actually the infamous, "Fall of Equestria" universe of stories. That series of fics isn't excatly liked. So, yeah.
However, I live by the ideal that if I work hard enough, put effort into it, and add a lot of love and care, then the quality of the project will shine through.
And, judging from great readers and fans like you...I think I was right
7773396 Well least there's more upvotes nows
AT4W ... I see what you did there. I really couldn't stop laughing.
7787885
What can I say...As much as I despise the idea of code numbers and id codes, it does lend itself to being able to have fun with acronyms
Something either Pinkie Pie or Zecora should say to Rhymey when he returns...
"SHUT UP PEEK! YOU'RE A FREAK!"
If you don't get that reference, you don't spend enough time on YouTube.
Also...
I always had a feeling Grand Ruler set up these absolute jokes of villains but if Raven was given a fake backstory and experiments...that would mean...
...Holy Faust, did Grand Ruler have Twilight assassinated?
Has he been setting it up since the beginning just to make Equestria look bad?
It all makes sense!
I hate to be Lightning when he finds out even his 'achievements' were all completely fake.
Knowing the way the story's going, his own backstory's probably a lie!
While waiting for the next chapter, can I mention how happy I am to see the likes on this story gradually outnumbering the dislikes, especially when I first saw it a year or two ago? Oh. I just did. But my point still stands.
7833083
Truth be told, so am I. I am so proud of this little story.
...Holy Faust, did Grand Ruler have Twilight assassinated?
Purple Patch has brought up a real interesting point! As much as Mykan hates Twilight, it would make perfect sense that Grand Barfhead had set Twilight up to be assassinated! I think you should go with this idea (if it's cool with Purple Patch, that is. He DID bring it up)
I reread Mykan's fics and also read a theory that explains the GR and Starfleet's stupidity. Unicornacopia has a mostly male population, coupled by the fact that the digit codes only make for about 175,000 possible codes. This means multiple citizens have the same code or incest is rampant to the point of affecting brain function. So much for the superior species.
Why would an Earth Pony have a Starfleet ID code?
7834222 Sure. Personally I can't wait to see Celestia go MEGA Rapidash X on his fascist ass!
7860266 Maybe they're just that desperate.
But to be perfectly honest, I don't think anypony with the name Terra (Meaning Earth) could be anything but an Earth Pony.
One last thing.
Sounds like somepony's auditioning for Mortal Kombat!
7931994
7860266
I swear to Celestia on high I am going to kill my editor!!!!
It's supposed to be another Unicorpian!
7932324 Don't worry. Happens to everyone.
Hell, I almost blew a major spoiler in my current fic. I'm only lucky my followers can hold their tongues.
7931994 Nah, she's a Unicornicopian. The author told me it was an error.
7676501 I get where you're coming from but now and again you've got to give the people what they want.
And I think it kind of helps that there is at least one Starfleet member that's as loathsome as ever.
Still, I think it would work if he has a moment where he just let's loose at Lightning at one point in a way that kind of makes us sympathise but not really.
Here's how I'd do it, dialogue-wise.
Rhymey attacks Lightning and they face off.
Lightning: Rhymey! What are you doing? This is insubordination! I'll have you court-martialled.
Rhymey: Oh just listen to you...Talking like you're in charge, like we respect you...it's almost funny...
Lightning: Wh-what do you mean?
Rhymey: (Deep Breath) All my life, Lightning...ALL MY F**KING LIFE I have slaved and strived to find favour with Grand Ruler, to become his chosen! His best! I was this close! And then you just drop out of the sky with your glowing lights and your pathetic little sob-story and you have everything handed to you on a silver tray! Why? Because Grand Ruler likes the look of you! And I could have taken it, honestly I could...if fighting under you wasn't such an indescribable embarrassment!
Lightning: I don't understand!
Rhymey: No surprise! Have you ever...EVER...won a battle without the help of Grand Ruler or the toys he gave you? No...not once have you ever won with the strength, wisdom, skill or strategy we Unicornicopians are meant to excel at! Never once did you ever claim victory without some pathetic cosmic contrivance! Your success is fake! Everything about you is fake! I have been forced to play second-fiddle to a FAKE! For so...very...long...but no more...Grand Ruler sees you for what you are...a fraud...a pathetic little fraud who's worth less that the Equestrians! And soon, he'll see me for what I am, the true hero of Starfleet, his chosen, his most loyal and able servant...And when he does, I will stand by his side forever as Supreme Commander...and you...will be dead and buried in the ground...like the worm - you- are!
So.. Rhymey's quiet life has been ruined by those darned Equestrians and their friendship ways?
Yare Yare.. It seems those accursed Mane 6 will have to「B I T E T H E D U S T」.
Yes thorax best changeling is here*^*
Not bad.
All that was missing was someone saying 'And don't come back, Cheese-Legs' when Chrysalis left. But that's just one of the minor parts.
And now Rhymey shows that he is an obsessive viper.
And now Celestia is starting to remember things differently.