• Published 7th Feb 2015
  • 1,514 Views, 52 Comments

A Dress for Princess Twilight - CowgirlVK



Twilight is an Alicorn! To the girls this is extremely exciting, But Rarity immediately notices something important. Twilight now has NOTHING to wear.

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Applejack Gets Sewing lessons

How did ah get mahself into this one? Applejack stood in the middle of Rarity’s boutique. Try as she might, Applejack couldn't understand half of what Rarity was spouting off.

“Now darling, this really isn’t so hard. You push the pedal down here, and that makes the machine run.”

Word word word word word, Really Rares That’s... Applejack blinked. How did she manage to get recruited for a project like this? How did... the last twenty-four hours happen?! One moment she was on her farm, the next working Rarity’s boutique, then Twilight was an alicorn? What the hay happened?!

“Are you even listening? We don’t have much time ‘till the coronation!”

Applejack nodded. “Uh... tryin’.”

Rarity sighed. “Really, if something like... that,” her ears laid back, “happened again...” She trailed off shivering.

Applejack blushed, tipping the brim of the hat down to cover her face.

“Now, I know you look fine in brown, but for Twilight’s coronation dress, we need a color that would go fabulously with her coat.” Rarity eyed the fabrics on her shelf.

“Uh... the purple one?” Applejack supplied.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “No, That would blend in! I would no more put her in purple than I would put you in orange! At least not as the main color, darling. The color of your coat must be at most an accent color!”

Applejack blinked. “Alright.”

“Aha! I know! This will be just FABULOUS!” Rarity gushed, holding up in her magic a pink colored silk. At least Applejack thought it was silk.

“If ya say so, Rares,” the orange farm mare said, somewhat confused.

“Oh! It will just be fabulous. Now go get me... oh, yellow. Twilight looks just perfectly alluring in yellow, don’t you agree? Yellow ribbon. It will look just gorgeous!”


Applejack scratched the back of her head. “Sure, Rarity.” She shook her head. How had she gotten drafted into helping Rarity with such an important project like a coronation dress or, more importantly, Twilight’s coronation dress? There was no way she could do this! Didn’t Rarity figure that out yesterday?

She walked slowly over to Rarity’s collection of ribbons. There were hundreds. Applejack tilted her head in confusion as there were almost 30 different shades of yellow on the shelf. “Uh, Rarity, which yellow?”

“Unmellow Yellow, darling.”

Applejack turned to look at her. “Which is that?”

“Just pick the one that is the same color as your tail.”

Applejack groaned. “Alright Rarity...” That narrowed the search down to four.... or was it five? “Uh, Rarity? Why don’t ah bring a couple... and let ya decide?”

“That’s fine, darling... just bring it over here.” Rarity’s attention, however, was very much on a group of white fabrics. Applejack shook her head and brought the three she thought were best and laid them on Rarity’s sewing table.

Rarity, having chosen her white cloth, turned and looked puzzled at the ribbon lying on the table. “Did I say ribbon, darling? What was I thinking?” She shook her head. “This shade, but fabric. Make sure it’s the same texture as these two. Mixing types is not fashionable in the least.”

Applejack nodded, still very puzzled. How did ah get myself into this?



The group followed Twilight into her treehouse after waving a quick goodbye to Princess Celestia. They were all still somewhat in awe by the goings on of the day.

Applejack had been walking the closest to Twilight, being the steadying force she always was, ready just in case Twilight needed to talk. Rarity was going on and on about how fabulous Twilight looked with her wings. Rainbow Dash was telling Twilight all about the “awesome” adventures they were going to have flying. Fluttershy was following silently, obviously lost in thought. Pinkie Pie.... well she was just being herself, jabbering about the wings, working Applejack’s farm, and trying to plan the entire coronation, including streamers and balloons and music... and everything else Pinkie Pie would talk about. Which was everything.

Rarity’s starlit eyes twinkled as she gazed about, Spike now resting on her back. “Oh darling! I can’t believe it! You are a princess!” she repeated for the hundredth time.

Twilight rolled her eyes, her head dropping a bit. “Yeah,” she said simply.

“That what I was going to say! We need a party, A Ponyville- No! Equestria-sized party!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“Of course, darling,” Rarity sighed. “It’s called a coronation.”

Pinkie Pie did several cartwheels around the room, giggling and chattering.

Twilight and the others shook their heads. “Um, Twilight,” asked Spike. “If you are a princess now, what does that mean... about everything else?”

Twilight sighed and hung her head. “I don’t know, Spike. We’ll... just have to see.” She laid her crown on the table in the center of the room and sat down. Applejack sat down right beside her.

“Are ya’ alright sugarcube?” Applejack asked.

Twilight nodded. “Long day.”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “Really!” Her voice cracked. “We just traded jobs so you could get a pair of wings!”

“Not funny RD,” Applejack snapped.

Pinkie Pie snorted. “It was almost funnier than... when we turned GRAY!”

Everypony’s ears went back. Dash cringed, Applejack hid behind her hat, and Rarity and Fluttershy both blushed.

“Uh, Pinkie...” Twilight suggested. “Let’s not think about that.”

Pinkie continued to giggle. “Why? It was funny.”

The others just shook their heads. Rarity started to slowly just meander around. Applejack turned her focus back to Twilight. “Twi, ya don’t have ta be so tense! You’ll get through it. You’re Twilight Sparkle!"

Twilight sighed, pulling one of her wings around so she could look at it. “I guess.”

“AHHHHH!” A blood curdling scream echoed about the library. Five ponies leapt to their hooves, the dragon to his feet, as they thundered up the stairs.

Rarity stood before Twilight’s closet, holding up one of the outfits with a look of horror on her face. “OH DARLING! This is The. Worst. Possible. Thing that could ever happen!”

Twilight rolled her eyes, the group coming to an abrupt stop. “And what is that?”

“You can no longer wear ANYTHING I have ever made you.”

Twilight was taken aback.

“PPPFT!” Dash fell to the floor rolling in laughter. “That! THAT! Rarity!”

Rarity shot Dash the death glare. “Yes! Twilight not only has outgrown all of her clothing, but until I get wing holes in them, she won’t be able to wear them!”

“Twi didn’t grow that much,” Applejack stated flatly.

“Yeah,” Pinkie said, grabbing one of Twilight’s wings and pulling it out. Twilight glared and forcefully removed Pinkie and folded her wings.

Pinkie, completely unfazed continued without interruption. “Only about a lot.”

Rarity glared, Rainbow Dash laughed, Twilight rolled her eyes, and Applejack gave Pinkie the stink eye.

“Um... if”

“Darling! You are a Princess now! I will not have you wearing malfitting clothing.”

“Guys...”

“Really Rarity.” Rainbow Dash shot back. “All that screaming over a DRESS!”

Rarity put her hoof to her forehead. “Dash! How could-”

Twilight laid a hoof on Rarity’s shoulder. “You are right, Rarity,” she said, trying not to laugh at the antics of her friends. “It is horrible! And-”

Rarity stopped her. “Darling! I could not possibly forgive myself if I did not remedy this situation.”

Twilight smiled. “Well then Rarity, w-"

“Of course, darling! We can’t have you running around with your wings pinned down and the dress too short! That just would never do! And that is why I’m going to get Applejack to help me.”

“What?!” they all cried together.

“Why am ah gunna help? Ah don’t remember volunteerin’. Don’t ya remember today?!”

“Of course, darling, I remember today! Dear Applejack, the only way we can prevent you from... destroying my shop again is to teach you how to sew. And I can’t think of any other way to do it!”

Applejack was at a loss for words. “Me! Ah... don’t know, Rarity, if that’s uh... good idea.”

“Nonsense! It’s a very good idea. And while we are at it, we’ll make Twilight’s coronation dress,” Rarity cooed, collecting all of the outfits from Twilight’s closet and packing it it into a chest.

The others were speechless.

“Besides, darling, we have helped you with your farm enough times. It’s time you learned the magnificent art of sewing.”

Rainbow Dash leaned over to Applejack and Twilight, her laughing fit having ceased. “Didn’t she learn anything today?”

Twilight and Applejack exchanged glances. “Obviously not.”



Applejack still, almost twenty-four hours and two ruined outfits later, was very confused. What had Rarity been thinking?!

CRACK!

Applejack was yanked away from the machine by Rarity.

“Hey!” Applejack exclaimed. “What happened?”

Rarity swished her tail. “You were pulling to hard on it, Applejack. The machine doesn’t like that. You have to be gentle with it.”

Applejack sighed, and sat back down beside Rarity. She watched as Rarity worked the machine with the precision only accomplished after years of use.

“Now, darling, first of all, you need to allow the machine to move the fabric. You are directing, not moving.”

“What?”

Rarity shook her head. “I know you are a pony that likes to show off your muscles.”

“Ah do not!”

A giggle was heard from the front door. The two mares glanced up as three streaks, orange, yellow, and white, were seen making a quick retreat.

The friends looked at one another, then shook their heads. “Alright Rares. So Ah... guide....” She gulped.

“Of course, darling, don’t let your thread get tangled either, and make sure you keep a five eighths inch seam allowance...”

Applejack’s head spun as Rarity went on with the little rules. How did she remember all this?



“RARITY!”

“What is it, Applejack?”

“Um...” Applejack held up the piece she had been working on. “Ah think ah have a problem.”

Rarity smiled. “You ran out of Bobbin.”

“Bobbin?”

“Of course, darling. Bobbin! The bottom thread! How else do you think this works?”

--------------

“Pin it twice, sew it once, darling!”

Rarity sighed. “Applejack, you can’t just grab fabric and sew it together! Trust me, the seam ripper is a dreaded tool to use. Now, the way you prevent having to use it is by using lots of pins.”

“Won’t it poke ya?” Applejack asked.

“It might!” Rarity answered. “But that is part of sewing.”

“Heh, Ah’m guessin’ ya’ve never been poked.”

“Quite the contrary.” She turned her hoof over and pointed out a couple pin prick scars. “You just cover it with hoof polish and nopony will ever know.”

--------------------------

Slowly, the dress shaped together. Applejack frequently found herself, seam ripper in hoof, taking out basting stitches as Rarity called them, loose seams that she had put in so to make a ruffle, or hold a couple more challenging seams together.

Frills and ruffles, stitch by stitch, the pink, yellow, and white gown came together. Applejack, all the while gaining a greater understanding, and appreciation of Rarity’s line of work.

With a great deal of anxiety Applejack stood beside Rarity waiting to see Twilight’s reaction to the final product. The Dress, last night, had been a wreck. Applejack was almost biting her hooves in fear of Twilight’s reaction.

“Easy, darling. You did a fine job,” Rarity reassured her.

“Ah ain’t sure about that, Rarity. Ah sure made a lot of mistakes.”

“It was indeed rocky, but it came out well,” Rarity reassured.

Applejack studied Rarity for a second before pulling her hat down. Sighing, she fought her body’s desire to fall asleep. How did Rarity do this?

She snapped to attention as the bell on the door chimed, and the rest of the group and Spike entered.

“I’m so excited!” Pinkie blurted out, bouncing about the shop in a fit of ADHD.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes as she strived to look cool. “It’s just a dress, Pinkie,” she said, unsuccessfully keeping her own excitement from her voice.

Applejack glanced to the big, white sheet that kept the gown from view. “Ah just hope you gals ain’t too disappointed,” she said, gazing at her hooves.

“Applejack darling! Don’t say such things!” Rarity chided her. “It’s fabulous.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Ah guess.”

“Don’t worry Applejack, I’m sure it’s pretty...” Fluttershy soothed.

“Heh, it’s just a dress,” Dash added.

Twilight smiled, “Don’t worry Applejack, you had a good teacher. I’m sure it’s fine.”

“So, darling, are you ready for the big reveal?” Rarity asked.

The group nodded. With a flourish of her magic, she revealed not only the elegant dress, but five more for the rest of them.

Ooos and awes, and several gasps went around the group. Rarity quickly busied herself with double checking fits on all of them. Even Rainbow Dash had nothing negative to say about the dresses.


---------------

Applejack was the last to leave the shop.“Rarity,” Applejack began. “Ah... have a question. Um... well...” She removed her hat. “Did ya... fix the dress last night?”

Rarity blinked. “What makes you think that, darling?”

“Well, um... it looked different, that’s all.”

Rarity nodded. “Yes.” She took a deep breath. “Yes Applejack, I did. No offence, but I did go back over it last night, redoing all the worst areas. It is still your work, I just... fixed the noticeable spots.”

Applejack nodded. “Thanks... Ah guess... ah...” She sighed.

Rarity nodded knowingly. “Don’t worry, Applejack, I won’t tell.”

Applejack opened her mouth to protest, but Rarity shooed her out the door. Applejack shook her head. “Ya’ can tell if ya wish. Ya know ah hate tellin’ lies... but, thank ya for... fixin’ it.”

“What are friends for?” Rarity cooed.

After a quick farewell, Applejack departed to her own home to finish preparing for Twilight’s big day.

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading everyone. I do hope you enjoyed this. This story takes place after Twilight becomes an Alicorn, but before the coronation. I guess you guys figured that one out though.

Being a seamstress myself, I couldn't help but picture this while watching "Magical Mystery cure." The fact that Twilight could no longer wear her outfits would weigh heavy on Rarity's mind.

Then after watching the Key episode where you see the mane six helping with Rarity's outfits... I knew somewhere in there AJ got lessons. I bet they all did. But anyways I decided to have fun with it.

Actually silk is a BAD IDEA to give to a newbie, it's too slick. The fabric will crawl and the poor person will be in tears in no time. Even to people who, like me have been sewing for 10+ years... I do try to avoid the silks and stuff, having to slow WAY down to keep the seems neat and even.

And if you got through all of that techno babble, you deserve a medal.

I do hope you guys enjoyed this, if so, please check out my other stories.

Cowgirl VK out.

Comments ( 45 )

Idea ! :raritystarry:Spikey come her dear,:raritywink: She looked at his lips mouth & teeth.

:moustache: ' Why so much interest in my mouth?' thought spike as Rarity measured the fangs with her tape,

:duck: Close you eyes and open your mouth :raritycry: Bite now spike ! :moustache: WUT !

:twilightoops::rainbowhuh::pinkiegasp::fluttercry::ajsmug: Wut did you do? Spike just chomped down on Twilights dress !

:raritywink: Perfect wing holes ! now to the seaming ! Only 70 more Spikey !:twilightoops: Dragon spit ! yuck...

5599318 ... Interesting story idea... LOL Poor Spike. He's thinking... either "what?" or... "Pretty Rarity" there.

5599959 LOL I think I'm enjoying tormenting her. :rainbowwild: Just wait till I get to Squeaky picnic... she's the only one I can't figure out who to ship with. LOL It's an undlerlying plot element, but she's going to feel mighty left out.

5599972 ... I think it's cute and all... but I also REALLY like Applelain, and FlimJack... It's going to be a longer story. I might just have her use my excuse for why I'm not interested... To busy and have a family and farm to take care of... and her go all Grinch over the whole Valentines day thing.

5599990 The slacker with the work o'holic is pretty cute. Sir Calm Wind did a GREAT job in handling it. and is actually my favorite. But only if you feel inspired. You don't write what's popular, you write what you feel needs to be written. Otherwise your work becomes dry.

5600028 I've never felt comfortable with it either. The whole... movement makes me feel... just sick. I really don't want to go into it. Most of it is simply religious.

5600083 Any of them with any of them... Yeah, the are JUST FRIENDS. :ajsleepy: I have seen how it can RUNE a friendship... If MLP adventures into it... I promise you a slew of people will leave and not look back.

Interesting discussion here. I usually keep an eye on the Applejack tag and read most of the comedies and slice of life that comes up... along with TwiJack and AppleDash, of course. But I get the feeling I'm not welcome here, so I'll show myself out...

What kind of metal would we deserve?
Nice story, by the way. Not my usual fare, but it's a fun slice of life.

5606696 LOL Actually it was no where close to what I had originally envision.
images.clipartpanda.com/medal-clipart-ncEnAeRcA.gif

I'm glad you enjoyed it though.

Okay, it's either get to this review or fall asleep staring at my screen. I'd prefer something productive now and I'll sleep when I'm supposed to. Stupid insomnia. :trixieshiftright:

Upon your request, I am reviewing your story. I hope you're ready for pwnage, because that is what I offer. :ajsmug:

Let us begin the review with the ritual palette cleansing.


lh6.googleusercontent.com/-jDvgbmoSNDw/VN-INK05GpI/AAAAAAAAD7c/eeFpMc2CoQc/w638-h409-no/Rainbow%2BDash.PNG
Rainbow Dash, friggin' stop. You're getting in the way of my mouse.

lh4.googleusercontent.com/-6aQPRorviNM/VN-Ij2G5BFI/AAAAAAAAD7w/5PGaQ10EhOE/w320-h149-no/Rainbow%2BDash%2BAgain.PNG
I said stahp Rainbow. I need to copy that title.

A Dress for Princess Twilight

Oh boy. I hope we get a song about dressmaking. :rainbowkiss:

fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/243075_r.png?1421810488
Vectors are cool and all, but they make the cover art look too generic.

th09.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/029/f/e/princess_twilight_by_kibbiethegreat-d5t65yv.png
Found one.

images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/35300000/Rarity-Vectors-rarity-the-unicorn-35326032-5000-3637.png
Two down.

I looked for the AJ one for a while but couldn't come up with the vector. :duck: I did find a better picture of Applejack, though.
th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/141/a/9/applejack_plays_an_alchemist__pathfinder__by_jittery_the_dragon-d64vsbv.png

What's more, you see Rarity's mane clipped off. :rainbowlaugh: They were working with intact pictures and laying them on top of a wallpaper. Maybe it's a bit of a gripe, but I have next to no artistic talent and I can still overlay vectors on a wallpaper. Here, I'll even make an example picture using an online image editor.
lh4.googleusercontent.com/-qJzA7Wb8rdg/VN-SIQ3rEZI/AAAAAAAAD8M/FHOiSRKcFKw/w1213-h822-no/Random%2BArt.jpg

I must confess, I prefer dark over happy. My idea when making this was something to the effect of, alicorns don't age like normal ponies do--Celestia and Luna are immortals, creatures born in a time before there was time, but the great magical power within a non-immortal alicorn's body (i.e. Twilight and Cadance) causes them to be stolen away long before their time.

In this, Twilight has died from the effects of alicorn magic, but Applejack has taken it upon herself to discover the secret to an alicorn's immortality and pour it upon the remains of her friend in the hopes it will bring Twilight back from the dead. Rarity, despite how much she misses Twilight, is the only one vocal enough about what Applejack is doing to tell her she shouldn't, and it drives a wedge between them. Rarity can see Applejack slowly spiraling into a reclusive madness as she pursues a cure for non-immortal alicorn aging, whereas Applejack feels it's the only way that things can be put right again.

Even that ridiculously depressing story has better cover art than yours. :ajsmug:

What has Rarity gotten them into this time?

After Twilight becomes an Alicorn

blueollie.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/triggered.jpg?w=320&h=371

Applejack finds herself in Rarity's shop once again getting sewing lessons.

Excuse me! Miss!
cringely.com/wp-content/uploads/raised-hand.jpg
I got a question!

Why Applejack?

Making, none other.

No comma or period here. Also not the right place to start a new sentence.

"After Twilight becomes an Alicorn, Applejack finds herself in Rarity's shop once again getting sewing lessons... and making none other than Twilight's coronation dress itself."

than Twilight's coronation dress itself.

Ah, good! I was actually hoping this would be the dress getting made. :pinkiehappy:

This is easier said than done.

I just feel like you could use your long description to better effect than to give us a pointless sentence like this. How about something like...

"After the utter travesty wrought upon fashion from Applejack's last efforts, Rarity has taken it upon herself to ensure such a thing never happens again. The problem is, Applejack didn't know anything about dressmaking to begin with, and she isn't too interested in learning now."

What did she get herself into....

This would do better as a separate paragraph. It's one of those suspense sentences and it pulls the reader in more if you do the pause before reading the line. Also put a question mark at the end, though I will note that you would have used a four-dot ellipse properly had this not been an inquiry, and I commend you on that.

In the popular box for 36hr. February seventh through ninth.

I'm okay with this and the below stuff, but maybe put a horizontal rule separating the story elements from the non-story notes here? You make one by putting the letters hr in brackets [ ]. Looks like this:


How did ah get myself into this one?

This was seriously the last line of your long description. Seems a bit repetitive.

ah

myself

These are in direct conflict here. Either Applejack thinks with perfect English, or she thinks with her accent. There's no halvesies on the accent train.

her hat left on a hook near the door

img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130217103444/mlp/images/4/44/Applejack_and_sewing_machine_S03E13.png
She turned into the antithesis of Applejack and she still wore that hat.

img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130214001330/mlp/images/c/c4/Applejack_refusing_S1E14.png
No way, no how she's taking her hat off. That's OOC.

understand HALF of

Every once in a while, I italicize a random word when I'm writing something, then, when I'm re-reading it to ensure I don't sound stupid, I look at the italicization and ask myself, "Why?"

Why capitalize the word "half" here? It doesn't add anything. It doesn't make the sentence make more sense. It doesn't increase my enjoyment of the story. There's no reason for drawing attention to the word like that.

There's nothing explicitly wrong here, but I'm really sensitive to sentence flow, and this rubs me the wrong way.

Now darling, this really isn’t so hard.

I didn't realize I was reading a clopfic. :trollestia:

One moment she was on her farm, the next working Rarity’s boutique, then Twilight was an alicorn? What the hay happened?!

i.imgur.com/CyHBVzo.png
By the way, M.A. Larson is the guy who wrote Magical Mystery Cure, the episode where Twilight became an alicorn. He's a funny guy.

Rarity sighed. “Really, darling, if something like... that,” her ears laid back, “happened again...” She trailed off shivering.

Okay, let me refer you back to an earlier remark.

"After the utter travesty wrought upon fashion from Applejack's last efforts, Rarity has taken it upon herself to ensure such a thing never happens again. The problem is, Applejack didn't know anything about dressmaking to begin with, and she isn't too interested in learning now."

This. I hadn't even opened your story yet (apart from grabbing your short description), and I was able to detail your long description that easily.

Not everyone can have the Scootasense, but man, when you're this good, it's tough not to brag. :rainbowkiss::moustache::ajsmug:

would go fabulous

ly. Fabulously.

Now darling

Ah, and the "darling" spam begins. Did you realize her second word in each sentence she's uttered so far is the word "darling?" Most people who write Rarity seem to think that's the only word she uses.

No, darling!

mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw7562_large.jpg

main color, darling

th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/290/a/a/kitty_rage_quit_table_flip_by_shadethenighthunter-d6qs9le.jpg

Applejack scratched her back.

How do.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/040/0/9/rarity_scratching_by_jeatz_axl-d75rpsd.png
Maybe?

There were HUNDREDS.

Capitalizing that word makes it sound like a teenage exaggeration, like using the word literally to mean something that isn't literal. Just de-capitalize it. Applejack wouldn't do that.

Unmellow Yellow, darling.

empowermagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/african_americanmale-serious.jpg

That’s fine, darling...

1.bp.blogspot.com/-6C2KUkYyyOw/Tf-Ei__kYMI/AAAAAAAAAIY/QMki8XsDPwY/s1600/dwight.gif

Applejack nodded, still very puzzled.

Don't worry, Applejack. I am too.

------------------

c2.staticflickr.com/4/3213/2312981944_2fa2247ff7.jpg
Use a horizontal rule.

in awe and dumbstruck

These mean the same thing. Use just one.

Applejack had been walking the closest to Twilight

Sounds like the clop is finally starting to develop. :rainbowkiss:

Applejack had been walking the closest to Twilight, being the steadying force she always was, ready just in case Twilight needed to talk. Rarity was going on and on about how fabulous Twilight looked with her wings. Rainbow Dash was telling Twilight all about the “awesome” adventures they were going to have flying. Fluttershy was following silently, obviously lost in thought. Pinkie Pie.... well she was just being herself, jabbering about the wings, working Applejack’s farm, and trying to plan the entire coronation, including streamers and balloons and music... and everything else Pinkie Pie would talk about. Which was everything.

I'm just going to quote this entire paragraph.

It's awesome. Good characterization.

Moving on.

Oh darling! I can’t believe it!

fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/027/9/6/applejack_raises_her_eyebrow_by_themajesticpony-d73xfpy.png
I can.

“Of course, darling,” Rarity sighed.

See? Even Rarity is getting sick of herself saying that word constantly. :eeyup:

We’ll.... just

Get that extra dot outta here.

Rarity started to slowly just meander around.

fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/249/c/a/a_confused_rarity_by_emedina13-d5ds907.png
Didn't think this was typical Rarity behavior, or worth even noting in a story. Does this sentence have relevance?

You’re Twilight Sparkle!

Missed a quote at the end of the paragraph here.

“OH TWILIGHT DARLING! This is The. Worst. Possible. Thing that could ever happen!”

This is so poorly accentuated I don't even want to bother.

hault

has outgrown

Actually, no. If you compare pre-wings Twilight with post-wings Twilight, they're the same height. She just looks different because of the wings (and her mane during the coronation).

“Twi didn’t grow that much,” Applejack stated flatly.

That's what I'm saying! She didn't grow at all! Tell her, Applejack.

“You are right Rarity,” She said trying not to laugh at her friends antics. “it is horrible! And -”

Missing a comma after right.

De-capitalize the S.

Missing a comma after said.

Missing a possessive apostrophe around "friends." I'd suggest re-phrasing to "the antics of her friends."

You put a period after antics, but didn't capitlize the I in "it."

You put a space after "And" and it's not an em dash, which would be a better interrupter than a single dash.

Yes, you're missing a lot, I'm just not pointing out all of it because I don't want this to be longer than your story. :duck:

“Of course, darling, I remember today! Dear Applejack, the only way we can prevent you from... destroying my shop again is to teach you how to sew. And I can’t think of any other way to do it!”

I'm, like, a prophet. I predicted your story so hard.

giving her friend to Applejack’s quickly becoming worst enemy.

This portion of this sentence sucks.

“How DID she remember all this?”

This is put in quotes, but is phrased as a thought. Also, bad capitalization again.

“Pin it twice, sew it once, darling!”


Rarity sighed.

Extra space here.

in a fit of ADHD

Wow, Doctor CowgirlVK, M.D. I wasn't aware you were able to diagnose ponies with mental conditions. :moustache:

I’m sure it’s alright.

You know, I was going to quote Archimedes and say, "Eureka! I've found it!" but, while looking for funny pictures related to the quote, I came across a better quote from Isaac Asimov.
izquotes.com/quotes-pictures/quote-the-most-exciting-phrase-to-hear-in-science-the-one-that-heralds-new-discoveries-is-not-eureka-isaac-asimov-323580.jpg

Hmm... that's funny.

The word "alright" isn't a word. It's slang, and perfectly acceptable for Applejack to say with her accent. Twilight, however, is not Applejack and does not have Applejack's accent; she would not use slang, therefore she must use the words "all right."

Think about it. "All right" and "alright" mean the same thing; why would you have the two separate words? Everyone confuses it because of "all ready" and "already," which have two distinct meanings.

townsendpress.com/uploaded_files/images/products/b_0552bfe984d44078eb81054b118633ed.jpg

“Don’t worry, darling, I won’t tell.”

Finally, I don't have to keep reading that word. :rainbowwild:

you deserve a metal.

A metal?

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/68/Iron-135048.jpg
Iron?

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6a/Platinum-nugget.jpg/1024px-Platinum-nugget.jpg
Platinum?

theodoregray.com/periodictabledisplay/Samples/050.3/s13.JPG
Tin?

Or do you mean medal? :raritywink:


Honestly, this story was pretty great. I liked the headcanon on how Twilight's dress is made. Interesting that they left this open-ended as such, and I like what you did with it.

Your story suffered from about the average number of grammatical errors, but I notice ALL OF THEM, so you shouldn't be too ashamed of yourself. :twistnerd: There was something else that you could have prevented, though.

The obsessive use of the word "darling."

Holy Celestia send me to the moon that was a lot of darlings. In fact, I did a breakdown of the usage of the word "darling" in your story. Let's do some quick fractions.

In this story, you use the word "darling" 25 times in the 2359 words you put. If you run that division in a calculator, you get 0.0105977108944468, which I round to 0.0106. Turn that into a fraction and you have 106/10000 words being the word "darling." Those are both divisible by 2, reducing them to 53/5000, so if you made a 5000-word story, the word "darling" would happen 53 times. You can approximate 53 to be about 50, then reduce the 50/5000 to 1/100.

Slightly over 1 out of every 100 words you wrote are the word "darling." We might have to call an intervention for you. This is out of control. I get that you only use it because you like it and you can stop at any time, but... we're just so worried about you. :fluttercry:

Overall, you did a pretty great job on this. I'm actually digging the fact that you don't like F/F ships, meaning we won't end up seeing the same stuff from you as what everyone else writes. This was different and good and I quite enjoyed it. It could definitely do with some refining, though. :scootangel:

5625526 Question, What is a clop fic? What does that mean? And I'm going through adding in the edits I deem correct. And so I can write Rarity better... what are the other words she uses? I use her a lot. She's a lot of fun.

5625779
A clopfic is a story marked with "Mature" and "Sex," meaning the ponies will end up doing the hanky panky at some point in it. It's a joke I make whenever anything sounds remotely suggestive.

what are the other words she uses?

Sounds like somepony needs to re-watch the series. :raritywink:

5625813 ... Yeah I do. Just haven't had the time recently I've only watched it twice. And that was back in august... I watched the entire series through... twice.

5625813 Nope, I don't do clop. I'll let you know when I finish the edits. Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it. My goal is to be a published author with my own books by next Christmas, I'm using this stuff for practice.

5625830
I know you don't write clop. It's a joke for a reason. :raritywink:

5625526 Phew! Done. LOL Thanks, I really learned a lot there. There are a few places I completely rewrote... So if you'd give it another read down.

I am seeing progress in my writing skills. But it's only by honest, deep reviews I can get better. Thanks so much.

The Darling problem has been... tamed somewhat.

And... my sister is ADHD, and mental problems and therapy is my field of study... should I have changed that?

Is that all... I think so. I've got a chapter to finish now. If you want to read "Most Daring Pony, I'd appreciate it. But it's a longer story, so it's not a must.

5625981

should I have changed that?

Nah, was a joke. Pinkie Pie hasn't been stated as having ADHD, that's just a fandom headcanon thing.

So if you'd give it another read down.

I don't tend to re-read stories. Ever. :raritywink:

5626048 That's fine. Thank's for the help.

Are your initials VK and your favorite pony Applejack? Because MY initials are VK and my favorite pony is Applejack! :ajsmug:

Anyway, I thought there was gonna be a joke about how the coronation dress was just the slightest bit garish because AJ made it, but I really enjoyed reading it the way it is.

5866189 Yes, VK are my first and middle initials. And yes, Applejack is my favorite Pony.

Being a seamstress myself, I wanted to show my line of work... I also teach, and these are things that show up a lot... I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I aim to please.

Pinkie Pie snorted. “It was almost funnier than... when we turned GRAY!”

That, wasn't funny. At all.

5869633 Remember at the end of that episode... Pinkie thought it was funny.

5869633 And I agree... that wasn't funny, just really creepy.

5869644

Getting brainwashed, especially in the way Pinkie did, is extremely unnerving, and made worse by Fluttershy when we realize, Discord could easily have done that to all of them at any time, but he didn't because that was all a sick game to him. Yeesh that guy can be creepy. And when he's in the mood, absolutely hilarious. And his voice is awesome.

5869651 He's modled after Q from Star Trek... That guy is the same way. I for one... well... Discord is a great story tool.

5869656

I dunno, I see your angle, but, Q is while stronger than Discord, not as insane, less chaotic, granted not by much, and a lot less creepy since he presumably has this big master plan for humans as he sees potential in them. And he finds it hilarious to screw with Picard. I guess even immortal omnipotent nigh godlike aliens need to get their kicks somehow. Discord, when actively malicious, can be VERY creepy. Case in point, the Pony POV series. Arguably the most frightening and vile of them all, but still enjoyable, sometimes he makes you laugh, but most of the time you love to hate him, that feeling you get with particularly monstrous villains.

5870027 Yeah I know. He isn't my favorite character... Q wasn't either... You are right. Discord is... one of those characters.... I side with Dash on the Discord issue. If he were to ask for my help, I'd be on the opposite side of Equestria in ten seconds flat.

5870031

That'd be the reaction of most people, if not outright freaking out due to him probably screwing with you. A lot.

5870054

Mind you I love Discord, reformed or not, he's a ton of fun, but, as Three's a Crowd showed, staying around him will get you trolled in song. I've never seen anyone troll anyone in song apart from the You've Been Trolled song, so, yeah, hats off to you Discord, you are Magnificent.

5872094 That was an amazing song! :rainbowlaugh:

There is the song, "Giant Tickle Feather" Which is one of my favorites written by Chuck Brown.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTF_ogCeUaQ

But to the extent Discord did... Nope. That was funny.

5873127

Yep. One does not simply out troll the Lord of Trolling himself. Discord is a massive troll and he enjoys every second of it.

5873150 LOL I have something planned for Most Daring Pony with Discord... and rolling him back. LOL

But that episode was just perfect. Super awesome.

5874133 Another of my works.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/216056/most-daring-pony

Discord is making quite the appearance.

5874135

Well then, imma read it.

5874139 Let me know what you think. he doesn't show up till chapter Five... but then he and Pinkie really start having fun.

This was a very good Applejack/Rarity story. I have to agree that AJ is always the grounded one and always looking out for Twilight. Rarity is very giving and caring but sometimes lets her own feelings out weigh the situation. They are always a good match together! I'm sure Rarity saw AJ potential and also knew that she could do it with the right guidance. All in all a very good and well done story. I'll be reading more of your words!

I also knew all of what Rarity was talking about. I grew up around folks that were always sewing . I can fix a seam or get a button back on. Might not look great but it will hold.

Be safe and be well.

OB

6634499 I'm glad you enjoyed it. This is one of my most favorite stories I have written. I do hope you enjoy the others as well.

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