Goku becoming the guardian of his universe he has defeated countless foes that has threaten his world. He now wants to go to a new world where he can protect because there are no real threats now in his universe. He asked Old Kai to bring him to whatever universe that could be in danger and so will Goku be able to save his new home from there villains or will he fail.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Needs work but I am interested on where this will go but if you need inspiration check out my story and the fellow Equestrian Saiyans.
Thank you for your review and ill be sure to check our your story
Okay, I thought this was going to be satire, but obviously you are actually serious about this. Right now your dislikes are exceeding your like and they are going to stay that way for a long-ass time. I get it, you are probably young and think this is the best idea ever.
First off is the premise. Nobody really goes for popular crossovers, especially the likes of DBZ. You need knowledge of both universes and it never works out well. There are a few exceptions like Fallout Equestria but it takes a really special talent to work that out.
Second is that you have no sense of characters, development or structure. Sure you know who Goku is but you aren't conveying anything about his personality or his real self. You just got a overpowered muscle guy named Goku who can break the rules of physics and shoot through a black hole (to which I am not going to touch on, that point is a 2000 word essay). Making paragrapghs to show how he is feeling about the situarion, how he likes the setting and the like.
Your speech is flat and boring, that is stacked on the characters. Your pacing is super fast and confusing. You are missing paragraphs of interactiom because it is obvious that you just don't know how to make it. That isn't a terrible thing but it shows how unskilled you are.
Read a lot of other fics, and I mean really REALLY good fics. Ones with great dialouge and fantastic plots. They don't need the Author to explain why X is happening or who Y is, you the reader understand by reading.
Keep writing and improve, but you are going to get slammed until you get somewhat of an original idea. You will also have difficulty making scenes until you realize how much effort writing is. Chapters take hours if not DAYS of work to make, some lasting thousands of words.
Sorry this isn't the review you want, but it is what you need to hear. Read more, practice, fail, practice more THEN write more.
5522153 Wow, I wish I had as thorough of a review as this sometimes. It definitely helps with what you're trying to do. Take it to heart nick.
Your completely right Damien I really do need to improve this story so what I am going to do is completely rewrite this story and fix a lot of my mistakes. I hope this is the right decision and so I will see you guys later.
Interesting but a tad corny sounding.