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Vanilla Oat Swirl Ice Cream?
IT's MINE!
Zzzzzzzzzzz
The next morning wake up. . .
http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2014/342/d/f/no_time_to_rest_by_hillbe-d8974n8.jpg
Awww. I liked this story happy new year's!
5448352 Lol
TWILIGHT IS BEST PONY! - Discorded Bass
5448578 Thanks
TWILIGHT IS BEST PONY! - Discorded Bass
5448578 Truthfully I didn't really think people would like it
TWILIGHT IS BEST PONY! - Discorded Bass
Too fast paced, too many mistakes... Sorry. This won't cut it.
5449602 Thanks for reading anyway as I said I only make stories for fun.
TWILIGHT IS BEST PONY! - Discorded Bass
5449722 May I advise you to hire an editor? That would help a lot.
5449850 I know but who? is there any group for editing?
TWILIGHT IS BEST PONY! - Discorded Bass
5457685 Thanks but no thanks I'm not really in to that stuff even though I do need better grammar.
But you do sound like someone I know.
TWILIGHT IS BEST PONY - Discorded Bass .
Me again
here to help with this story...
put
"
"It's ..."
It's actually called a 'mud mask', but I think since it's Twilight saying it it's alright (she is knew to the whole sleepover thing)
need to move the second "
Well
Needs an '
This time you need to move the first "
That's all I found that I believed needed talking about - there was a debate with myself about when Twi thought to herself but I let it slide.
Oh and I'm not sure how it works, but most of the time - I'm told most of the time - you need a , at the ends of when people are speaking - for some reason I don't understand.
Loved the story, thought it was really sweet
and hope all this helps
Love U-D123
5624733 Grammared again
5624733 Thanks for the Help.
TWILIGHT IS BEST PONY! - Discorded Bass
Darn I was hoping the cmc stayed up longer then that but at least they weren’t out first since fluttershy was the first one out