• Published 26th Dec 2014
  • 3,022 Views, 18 Comments

Hearth's Warming Cloudshaping - Harmony Split



Five weeks till Hearth's Warming Eve and Flitter is still without a present for her bigger sister Cloudchaser. Will she find the perfect gift for the pony she loves most?

  • ...
8
 18
 3,022

Hearth's Warming Cloudshaping

Hearth’s Warming Cloudshaping



Only five weeks until Hearth's Warming Eve, and Flitter was still pacing around in search for the finest present she could buy. A couple of weeks passed by and she still didn’t have any clue what to give to her sister, Cloudchaser, at Hearth’s Warming Eve. Groaning, she patted her head, trying to think about something.

Why is this so difficult? She’s my sister, I should’ve come up with something in no time!

Cloudchaser wasn’t at home, so Flitter was alone with her thoughts. Her older sister worked for the rainbow factory, producing every shipment for the local weather team Flitter was in. Flitter was proud of her position in the weather team, since she wasn’t the average flier, and Cloudchaser was proud of her work at the factory.

Wait! That’s it! She’s always talking about the factory. Maybe I’ll get my answers there?

It was a desperate attempt, but maybe something good would come out of it. Grabbing her saddlebags, she rushed out of the cloud home she shared with her sister, flying towards the Rainbow factory.

On her way, Flitter thought about how to find her sister. As a member of the weather team she had access to the factory, although not to all areas. If her sister were at the rainbow boilers, she would have a problem. The boilers were in a secure area — only special workers were allowed inside, since the hot rainbows could cause serious damage before they were processed. It was a flight full of boredom before she reached the factory, and saw a pony she never expected to be there.

“You do realize we’ve got a job to do in less than a hour, right Flitter?” Rainbow Dash started once she was in reach “What are you doing here anyways?”

“Uhm.. hi Rainbow Dash! I-I was just.. ah.. visiting the factory you k-know…” Flitter landed and shifted nervously from one hoof to another, trying to avoid Rainbow’s gaze.

“Hmpf, please try to forget I’m your boss for a second and tell me what’s going on.” Flitter kept silent. “Oh, c’mon Flitter! I’m the Element of Loyalty — I won’t spill your secrets around, so come sit down and tell me what’s bothering you.” Rainbow Dash flew to a small cloud bank to the side, waiting for Flitter to follow.

I think it’s a bad Idea talking with Rainbow Dash about something like this. But then again, I feel it would be right. Maybe she’s got the right Idea.

Flitter shrugged and took a seat beside Rainbow, trying to relax a bit.

“It’s about Cloudchaser. Hearth’s Warming Eve is in five weeks, and I still don’t have a present for her. I just don’t know what she would like…” she sighed, feeling dumb for not knowing what her sister would like.

After a few moments Rainbow broke the silence, looking seriously at her now. “Urgh! I hate that mushy stuff, but okay… She’s your sister — there must be something you know about her. Something that makes her special, or she would love. Think about it.”

“Hmm, she loves clouds, her work, rainbows and of course she loves talent,” the greyish-blue pegasus said, trying to piece together all of the information.

“What do you mean ‘she loves talent’? Like being the best in something?” Rainbow seemed interested now.

“Well, not really, but she adores good work. Like a nice piece of art, good music and things like that. Even if she also hates that ‘mushy stuff’ as you two call it,” she added with a small smile.

Rainbow stared at her for a few seconds, hoping Flitter would figure out how to proceed in this. Seconds passing by before Flitter jumped up from excitement.

“I think I know what to do! I’ll give her something personal, hoof-made… and I’m going to put all my effort into it!” she squealed from excitement, happy about her insight.

Rainbow grinned happily and jumped into the air, unfolding her wings “Good luck! Don’t forget work, and don’t you dare tell anypony I talked about all that mushy stuff!” With that, she sped off towards the city, leaving a rainbow trail behind her.

After a few moments Flitter sank down, her expression turning sour. She wasn’t good at anything Cloudchaser would enjoy.

This was going to be fun…


“Flitter, watch those clouds and stop daydreaming! I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but this is important!” Rainbow Dash yelled at her, seeming really annoyed.

The greyish-blue pegasus nearly missed a cloud, which drifted out of the markers. Snapping back into reality, Flitter chased it back into the proper position. The whole time she tried to think of something that would be to her sister's liking, but failed badly.

“Flitter…” The Rainbow-maned pegasus darted towards her, waving a hoof in front of her face. “Please focus on your work. You have time to think about it later. C’mon, we can’t do it without you — we’re low on staff today!” Rainbow nudged her and flew back to her post.

She’s right, I should stop thinking about it, at least at work.

Flitter shot towards another cloud, bouncing it back into the corner with a small flurry of her wings. Today they were supposed to keep the common clouds over the city’s markers: a difficult task as the wind had picked up. It would stay like that for the next four hours, meaning that there would be a bunch more work to do.

Think positive. Maybe this will give you an idea for Cloudy’s present?

The greyish-blue pegasus continued with her work, watching the clouds in the markers and pushing back each one that tried to escape. It was quite an exhausting activity with the weather team was down to only six ponies today, including herself. Everypony lost track of the time, and they were happy when they finally heard the whistle.

“Alright, we’re done for today! The night shift will take it from here. Go home and rest: tomorrow is another day full of work for us!” Rainbow yelled as they were dismissed for the day.

On her way home, Flitter was adrift in her own disappointment. Many hours of work, and no idea had formed in her mind. Maybe she could just try different things out and see how it went? She was the first one to get home, as always. Cloudchaser worked until dusk in the factory, trying to get as many orders out as possible. While thinking about a present for her sister time passed quickly, and soon the door opened.

“Hey li’l sis, I’m home!” Cloudchaser shouted, walking in and throwing her saddlebags into a corner.

“I know, Cloudy. I could hear you opening the door. Would you mind putting your saddlebags in your room for once?” Flitter was still deep in thought and slightly annoyed about being disturbed, even if it was by her beloved sister.

Cloudchaser frowned, giving her a surprised look. “Is everything alright li’l sis?”

Flitter waved a hoof in her sister’s general direction. “Sure, sure. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” She walked into the kitchen, not looking at her sister.

Oh ponyfeathers! I can’t think straight about a present when she’s here.

She tried to distract herself with cooking, preparing everything for dinner, but was soon turned around by a gentle wing. Looking into Cloud’s eyes only made it worse, the tingly feeling in her stomach appearing again.

“I should really prepare dinner, sister, I’m starving” she said while trying to avoid Cloud’s gaze, shifting nervously from one hoof to another.

“What’s on your mind li’l sis? You know you can talk with me about anything.” A small smile and a confident look from Cloud made Flitter blush.

“It’s about Hearth’s Warming Eve, I've got so much stuff left to do and… and…” She couldn’t tell her and sighed. “I guess I’m just overworked, Cloudy.”

“If that’s all, then why don’t we go out tonight and eat in the park or somewhere? I know a beautiful little café you’ll love.” Cloud winked and shoved her out of the kitchen with her wings.


They stood in front of a small café, the kind of café Flitter really loved: small and quiet, but lovely.

“I told you you’d love it li’l sis. Now come on, I’m starving!” Cloud snickered and walked in, her sister close behind her.

Both mares ordered a daisy salad and a small cider, enjoying each other’s company. Sitting near the window, they could see the park, shining in the soft light cast by the moon.

Flitter enjoyed the time with her sister. “It must have been months since we just walked outside together, getting something to eat and enjoying each other’s company.”

Cloudchaser nodded, smiling a bit while chewing on her salad. They kept eating in silence until they were finished, and enjoying the view some more. Flitter noted that her sister watched some of the clouds passing by, getting a dreamy look on her face.

“You really love clouds, don’t you?” she snickered at the expression on her older sister's face.

“I do, but that dream seems so out of reach,” Cloud answered, blushing slightly.

“What dream?”

“You know what cloudshaping is, li’l sis?” she stared at her sister with a smile around her muzzle.

Shaking her head, Flitter waited for an explanation.

“Cloudshaping is a kind of art. You shape a cloud’s form into anything you want with your hooves and wings while speeding around it. I’ve tried it several times but the only pony I know that is fast enough is Rainbow Dash.” A single tear made it’s way down her muzzle. “I’m too slow — nothing special at all.”

Flitter could feel her heart breaking apart from the sight of that tear. Reaching forward with her hoof, she wiped the tear away, looking into her sister’s eyes. “You are the most special, beautiful, and talented pony I know, Cloudy.” She blushed and quickly looked away.

With a smile, her sister called for the check. After paying she stood up, motioning for Flitter to follow her.

“Thanks, li’l sis, for everything,” she said, pulling Flitter in for a small hug and smiling happily. “Now let’s go home; it’s late, and we have to work again tomorrow.”

As they both made their way home, Flitter had only one thought in her mind.

I have to learn cloudshaping in less than five weeks.


Rainbow Dash stood in front of her, crossing her hooves and watching with an incredulous expression.

“Please, Rainbow, you’re the only one that could teach me everything!” Flitter tried to bring up her best puppy eyes.

Rainbow just groaned “Stop doing that mushy thing to me. Even if I wanted to teach you, how would you even think it’s possible? Your sister is faster and stronger, and failed at this task several times. What makes you think that you could do it?”

Flitter tried to search for a reason, yet she knew she could do it if she wanted.

“Because I’m doing it for the pony I love most, and because of that I can’t fail.” She was proud how confident her own voice sounded. She knew it was true.

Still looking at her, Rainbow sighed and waved for her to follow. “Okay, I’ll do it. But we have to cover some basics to make you faster and increase your agility.”

The greyish-blue mare squealed happily, not even a bit afraid of the huge task in front of her. It would be hard, but she could do it for Cloudchaser.

She followed Rainbow high up into the skies, trying to catch up. They landed on a small cloud near Rainbow’s house and Flitter saw a row of little thunderclouds, arranged like a small barrier.

“I train in agility and speed here. See those thunderclouds? They are your cones and you have to race between them. I'll let you train here for a few days before we head on to the real cloud-shaping, but be warned: if you hit the thunderclouds they’ll shock you pretty badly. But if you ask me, it’s a good learning method.”

Flitter thanked Rainbow and they went back to work. Happy about her chance to finally do something for her sisters present, time flew by at work and soon it was about time to head home. She hoped Cloudy would love the present she was planning to make for her, and that they would live together for ever. With those thoughts, she snuggled into her bed that night, a smile around her muzzle while she slept to dreams about a future with her sister. Little did she know that Cloudchaser was watching her, smiling and feeling happy because her little sister looked happy.


She flew faster than before, accelerating towards the final corner, and avoiding all the small thunderclouds strewn in her path. Her thoughts were filled with her sister. Flitter pushed her wings far past their limits, ignoring the pain from them. Just before the last corner it happened, her muscle snapped back and her right wing folded, and she plummeted straight into the thundercloud. Feeling the violent shock, she nearly went unconscious, but managed to keep herself airborne.

“You’re getting better and better. I’m impressed! I think you’re already faster than Cloudchaser.” Rainbow Dash smiled while helping her down to a cloud.

Flitter knew Rainbow was trying to cheer her up, but it wasn’t working.

“Three weeks! Three weeks, and I’m still crashing, Rainbow! I should just accept that I can’t learn everything in less than two weeks remaining.” She started to sob a bit, feeling lost.

“Quitting for today? I’m still confident you can do it but maybe you need a break.” The cyan mare tried to comfort her.

“Another round. I’m training until I can’t even stand on my hooves anymore, Dash.” Flitter bit on her tongue, feeling the pain in every muscle. She had to do this for her sister.

“Wait, you’re hurt and…” Rainbow's words went unheard while Flitter sped towards the course again.

She focused on the thunderclouds, speeding up ignoring her aching wings. She had to do it, for herself, but mostly for her sister! This year's Hearth’s Warming Eve should be the best for her. Only the best would do! Flitter passed the first few thunderclouds without any problems, but her wings ached more and more, making it difficult to fly. It was the last corner again, she was too slow and rushed into it, lighting up due to the shock and passing out.


Opening her eyes, Flitter looked into Rainbow's worried face. “I told you a break would be a good idea. Now look what happened.” Rainbow motioned towards Flitter's wings.

Her wings were burned black at the edges, but everything else seemed fine. Although Flitter knew what Rainbow was hinting at: Cloudchaser would see it. Sighing, she stood up and shook her wings, then pulled them back in to her sides. So much for her plan to keep the training a secret.

“Thanks, Dash. I'd better go home now. See you tomorrow.” The greyish-blue pegasus waved and took off into the sky, heading home.




Landing and unlocking the door, she wanted to head straight to the bathroom and get herself cleaned up with a shower. Her plans were destroyed by her sister waiting in the corridor, a worried look on her face.

Oh buck! What now?

“You’re really late today li’l sis, quite a bunch of w…” She gasped. “Flitter? What happened to you?” Cloudchaser only used her name if she was worried or angry. Neither of which Flitter wanted at the moment.

“I ran into a thundercloud while working. I don’t want to talk about it.” With that she passed her sister, reaching the bathroom quickly and closing the door behind her.

Flitter went into the shower, and tried to get her wings clean but they were a mess. They would need a preening to get them back in shape. That meant an hour of difficult preening all alone, though she wasn’t very good at it. Sighing, she turned the shower off and took a towel to dry her fur. Once she was happy with herself, she snuck up to her bedroom and started the preening. Luckily, her wings were still in a condition that allowed her to fly easily.

It would go faster with Cloudy helping me and… no, bad idea.

Preening was one of the most intimate acts between two pegasi, and it was something the sisters had never even considered doing together. After a while she was satisfied with her work. She curled up in her bed and waited for the next day to come.


Rainbow Dash waited for her, but instead of leading her to the course, she headed for some smaller fluffy clouds.

“Today we’ll start with the shaping itself. We have less than two weeks left, so I hope you trust in your own skills. I’ll show you an easy form to start with. Just watch and follow my movements,” Rainbow said, and moved towards one cloud.

She sped up and circled the cloud, gliding around it with immense speed, her left wingtip reaching for the cloud. Once the tip reached it, the cloud started to change form, becoming rounder and rounder while Rainbow shouted to explain everything.

“The easiest way of cloudshaping is with your wing. I’m forming a small ball at the moment to show you the basics. You accelerate to full speed, then reach for the cloud with your right or left wingtip. Try to do it gently, if you rip away too much, the cloud could become unstable. Watch your movements and form it slowly, but steadily. See?” Rainbow finished, showing her a perfect round ball. “Now you try it”.

Flitter gulped, not feeling quite ready for it. Rainbow must’ve seen it.

“Believe in your skills, Flitter! Think about the pony you’re doing it for and concentrate. If you really believe in yourself, you’ll make it!” Rainbow said, patting her on her back.

Flitter tried to think about her sister, and made her way to the cloud. She increased her speed as she circled around the cloud, getting closer and closer. She was scared of the touch, but her mind soon started to relax.

I’m doing it for Cloudy.

She reached for the cloud with her wingtip, gently touching it. Feeling the soft cloud against her wing as she continued to fly around it, forming it more and more every time around. She listened to her heart, singing for Cloudchaser and everything she couldn’t receive from her. Her own mind exploded in realization.

I’m doing it for Cloudy, because I love my sister more than I should.

Lead by her feelings, she started to fold her wing a bit, going over different edges of the cloud, making a more difficult shape. She kept shaping, lost in the activity, until a loud gasp made her stop and she felt her work was done. She flew back to where Rainbow was hovering, and turned to look at her cloud. Flitter saw what had stunned the cyan mare. Her Cloud was in the form of a small shooting star, her sister’s cutie mark.

“Awesome work, Flitter!!” Rainbow nudged her playfully. “And I think I see who you want to learn all this for.” She winked and pointed at another cloud. “Try again. Let’s see how it turns out now.”

Flitter practised on each of the last five clouds, and every time the forms ended more complex and difficult. At the end she had formed the shooting star, a small heart, a flower, an apple and a portrait. It was a portrait of Cloudchaser with her spiked hair fitting perfectly. More than pleased with her work Flitter headed home, thinking about the last days until Hearth’s Warming Eve. She would give everything to perfect her skill for her sister.


They were sitting at the table for breakfast, Flitter more than happy with her work from the last two weeks. She had trained hard and was now able to shape nearly every form out of a cloud. But there was still something missing. She had no clue what she should form for Cloudchaser. Looking at her sister she decided to speak up.

“Sis?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you love in this world? I mean things… like the moon and… besides rainbows, I know that one” Flitter wasn’t good finding the right words.

Her big sister looked at her, then seemed lost in her own thoughts ”What do I love? I love you, li’l sister.” Flitter felt her heart swelling up but she pushed the thought aside, knowing Cloud meant sisterly love. “And Rainbows of course. I love cloud slides of course: they’re my favourite. Always dreamed of a big one, but never found one.”

I could shape a gigantic slide out of a cloud, but where can I find such a huge cloud?


“Hey, sis, is everything alright?” Cloud waved her hoof in front of her sister's face, trying to catch her attention.

Snapping back into reality Flitter blushed. “Uhm… yeah, sorry.”

“I asked you if we should head to bed because tomorrow is Hearth’s Warming Eve, and we decided to walk around and go to a restaurant, remember?” Cloudchaser seemed impatient.

“Of course sister, I’m looking toward it. Goodnight. Love you, big sis.” She hugged Cloud quickly, then went to her room.

She sat down on her bed and waited for everything to become quiet, then she pushed the window open and flew into the night. There must be a big cloud somewhere to be found. Gliding through the night, Flitter checked every cloud, but they all were too small.

They are all too small. What should I do now? What can I do?

She landed on the small cloud park and watched some clouds bouncing together. A pair of them caught her attention. They touched gently, but weren’t pushing away from each other. A small smile formed on Flitter's muzzle as she had an idea.

I could shape one gigantic cloud from those small ones.

All her thoughts on Cloudchaser, Flitter began her work, pushing all of the clouds together, letting them touch each other gently. Once she was happy, she sped up, circling around the clouds and bringing them closer together. Slowly, she formed a gigantic cloud of them, marking out the natural forms and shape of it. It was shortly before dawn when the greyish-blue pegasus was happy with her work and headed home. It had been a sleepless night for her, but if everything went as planned the next day, it would have been worth it.


It had been a beautiful day so far. Both mares flew around Cloudsdale, enjoying the view on a beautiful, crisp winter's day before heading to the restaurant. It was one of the best in town, and Cloud insisted on it without giving Flitter any chance to decide for herself. The restaurant was quite expensive and Cloudchaser wanted to pay for everything. They landed in front of it and Flitter gulped down her feelings. It was the ‘Euphoria’, a restaurant that had a reputation as the perfect place for dates and other matters. Her big sister pushed her in towards a podium with a waiter behind it.

“How may I help you, ma'ams?” he looked up, inspecting both mares.

Cloudchaser grinned confidently, giving him a small card with her wing. “We have a reservation, the name is Cloudchaser.”

The waiter took the card and read it, then smiled. “Of course, ma’ams. If you would be so kind as to follow me to your table?”

Both mares followed him to a table in the corner of the restaurant, with a wonderful view over Cloudsdale. Flitter was even able to see the giant cloud she had prepared. Holding in a giggle she sat down, looking at the menu.

“What would you like to drink, ma’ams?” The waiter opened a small notebook and looked at them expectantly.

“Would you be so kind as to serve us the special for Hearth’s Warming Eve?” Cloudchaser winked at her sister and smiled.

“As you wish, ma’ams” The waiter scribbled something down on his notebook, then walked away.

Both mares kept silent until Flitter felt the urge to ask something.

“Why this restaurant, sis?”

Cloudchaser only smirked. “Why not?”

Biting on her tongue, Flitter fought every feeling back, pretending it was just her sister being nice.

She loves me as a sister. This is just a nice dinner between sisters on Hearth’s Warming Eve.

She was interrupted by the waiter serving them wine. He filled their glasses and went back to the kitchen for the food. Flitter sipped a little of the wine and blushed at the stare from her sister.

“For what I have planned after this, I have to be sober, Cloudy,” she explained, earning an interesting look from her sister.

“And that would be?” She seemed curious.

“You’ll have to wait! After this we’re heading for it,” Flitter promised, winking at her.

The meal came, wonderful plates full of vegetables and salad, everything fitting together just perfect. Both mares started eating, enjoying the good food. Flitter couldn't read the expression on her older sister's face. They finished the meal in silence, trying to relish the exquisite food, but soon the moon rose and it was time for the surprise.

“Cloudy?” Flitter started nervously.

“Yeah li’l sis?”

“We should really go now. Your surprise awaits, if you remember?”

Cloudchaser nodded, asking for the check and paying it. She did her best to cover the amount from her little sister’s eyes, quickly giving it back to the waiter, the money and a small tip. They stood up and went outside, enjoying the fresh air and the approaching sunset.

“Let’s go, sis, we have to hurry.” Flitter nudged Cloud softly on the shoulder, launching into the air and heading for a big cloud in some distance.

Cloud stared at Flitter, her jaw three inches lower than she thought possible. How had her little sister become so fast? Shaking her head, she chased after Flitter, trying to catch up.

A few moments later they landed in front of a big cloud, Flitter smiling a bit. She’d practised how she was going to do this, but she was nervous. She hoped the last remaining rays of sunlight would be enough for the full effect.

“This is my surprise for you, please sit down and enjoy it, Cloudy.” With that Flitter soared into the air, accelerating and circling around the cloud, reaching for it with a wingtip.

Cloudchaser couldn’t believe it. Her little sister moved with shocking speed and agility, and she was cloudshaping! Stunned by what was happening, she watched every movement of her little sister in awe.

Flitter shaped the cloud into the form she's practiced for, adding mysterious holes into it, getting faster and faster. She almost became a blur, forming different parts of the cloud. Cloudchaser was speechless. Her sister had formed a gigantic cloud slide, shining in the dusky radiance of sunset.

“Flitter this is…” She was stopped by her sisters hoof.

“Just wait a moment, Cloudy.”

They sat down beside each other, with Flitter giggling nervously. The moon was about to rise and would show Cloudchaser the rest of her work.

Once the shine of the moon reached the cloud slide, it began to sparkle and shimmer like a beautiful sculpture and another thing caught Cloudchaser’s eyes. At the top, shining in the moonlight, was her cutie mark, a shooting star, surrounded by dragonflies, her sister's cutie mark. Flitter blushed and unfolded her wing, laying it around her sister. She sighed happily because her sister wasn’t removing it. Now it was time for the hard part.

“Cloudy?”

“This is so beautiful… I don’t know what to say…” Cloudchaser began to cry, but a smile showed that it was out of pure happiness.

“Cloudy… With this I wanted to say that.. I-I… I l-l…” Flitter closed her eyes to find words, but it wasn’t very easy. “I love y-you more than a s-sister should.”

With closed eyes, Flitter awaited the answer she expected. But Cloudchaser said nothing.

She felt the breath of her sister, then the sweet taste of her lips, causing her heart to nearly jump out of her chest.

The answer she hoped for, but never expected.

“I love you too, li’l sis. I love you more than you can imagine.”

Author's Note:

That's it.
My small fic for Hearth's Warming Eve.
I know some of you will judge because of the topic but meh. True love is found everywhere.
Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!

Thanks to DonnEStarside once again for editing and helping.

Reshaped and edited by VitalSpark

Comments ( 18 )

It reminds me of Candy Boy.

*sniffs* I-is my nose bleeding?

NOT AGAIN!

~Perve— Planyx N

P.S. I SWEAR I'M NOT A MEMEFIELD! I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.

Well, at least they don't fuck each other.

5424906

I apologize that your first comment was taken by this rather perverse woman. N is in the corner of shame, now.

~ Planyx A and R

I also like Flitter and Cloudchaser. Wish there were more fics of this.

The writing is a bit rough around the edges, but I do hope you'll continue this; I do enjoy Cloudchaser and Flitter.

5424924

Don't ya get fancy ideas in my mind mister



5425489

My mind exactly


5425891

Well, not native-english ^^
I propably will, but not before my other two fics are done

Love it :twilightsmile:
Sequel please! :pinkiehappy:

5431455

Thanks :)
Will do once my mainfics are done

Interesting story...

The writing, as has already been said, is a little rough, but since you're a non-native English speaker, that's forgivable. What isn't so forgivable is the pacing. On the whole, the pacing's not bad, but there are certain parts where a little too much is described too quickly.

And this:

Cloudchaser winked at me and smiled.

needs to be fixed to say:

Cloudchaser winked at Flitter and smiled.

You changed to first-person in the middle of the story for one paragraph. Of all the problems in the story, this one is the biggest.

5448961

Error fixed, thx.
This story was first person at the beginning but changed it.
Yep some parts could have been extended but I decided against it simply due the fact that I will write a multichaptered sequel later :twilightsmile:

This was sweet, I liekd it.

Nice job!
SEQUEL TIME BABAY!

5831846
I never had it in the first place.
:p

Absolutely spectacular, an upvote and a fave.

Alright, I get that this is one of your earlier works, but I like to see how a writer has changed with time. I can tell you from reading another book of yours that your impression of Rainbow Dash has drastically improved, and so has your writing abilities. Your grammar is not quite the best in this story, but it has gotten better. As for the story itself, it was a nice and short read that I really enjoyed. I guess you could say it was "hearth-warming." It did feel a bit rushed however, but I do believe it worked a little better than it should have because of the shy Flitter as the main character. I will enjoy continuing to read your work and I hope you will appreciate this comment.

Also, a little side note, the nickname "Cloudy" is fucking adorable.

~Skylar~

8817739
Thank you!
Yes, I really appreciate it!
Many suggested that I may go to my old stories and completely rewrite and correct them.
Honestly, I don't want to.
They are a little milestone of my past when I wrote much, much more in a month, plus they show how I improved.

Again, thank you for this comment!

8819395
Of course! I've actually went ahead and listed a few of your stories in which I will...I guess reflect on how you've improved over the few stories I read. Haven't had much chance to read though, and I have skipped a few that didn't really interest me. Just a few. I'm honestly not really sure where I left off, to be honest with you. I'll figure it out. But, let's get one thing straight. I am by no means an English major or a writing professional. I haven't wrote any story at all in about three years. So, take my critiques with a grain of salt, hehe. But, I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. And, if you ever need any help with absolutely anything, come find me. I will always do my best. I try to be on everyday, mainly to see what's new. Anyway, I look forward to reading what else you have. I really like your writing style, despite the grammatical errors.

~Skylar~

Login or register to comment