Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving
Hearth's Warming Eve is in five weeks and Flitter is still in need of a present.
She would like to surprise the pony she loves most, her sister Cloudchaser.
Will she break her own limitations for the perfect gift for her beloved sister?
Does Cloudchaser feel the same for her?
This is my late Hearth's Warming Eve story. Oneshot atm, maybe sequel later
I know most of you won't accept the topic but I like Flitter and Cloudchaser.
Rated teen for some content of incest
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It reminds me of Candy Boy.
*sniffs* I-is my nose bleeding?
NOT AGAIN!
~Perve— Planyx N
P.S. I SWEAR I'M NOT A MEMEFIELD! I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.
Well, at least they don't fuck each other.
5424906
I apologize that your first comment was taken by this rather perverse woman. N is in the corner of shame, now.
~ Planyx A and R
I also like Flitter and Cloudchaser. Wish there were more fics of this.
The writing is a bit rough around the edges, but I do hope you'll continue this; I do enjoy Cloudchaser and Flitter.
5424924
Don't ya get fancy ideas in my mind mister
5425489
My mind exactly
5425891
Well, not native-english ^^
I propably will, but not before my other two fics are done
Love it
Sequel please!
5431455
Thanks :)
Will do once my mainfics are done
Interesting story...
The writing, as has already been said, is a little rough, but since you're a non-native English speaker, that's forgivable. What isn't so forgivable is the pacing. On the whole, the pacing's not bad, but there are certain parts where a little too much is described too quickly.
And this:
needs to be fixed to say:
You changed to first-person in the middle of the story for one paragraph. Of all the problems in the story, this one is the biggest.
5448961
Error fixed, thx.
This story was first person at the beginning but changed it.
Yep some parts could have been extended but I decided against it simply due the fact that I will write a multichaptered sequel later
31.media.tumblr.com/1126bc932b3723dbc329703b82c4d19a/tumblr_inline_mynn2aWJXN1sryu4t.gif
Relevant?
Relevant.
Cute!
This was sweet, I liekd it.
Nice job!
SEQUEL TIME BABAY!
5831846
I never had it in the first place.
:p
Absolutely spectacular, an upvote and a fave.
Alright, I get that this is one of your earlier works, but I like to see how a writer has changed with time. I can tell you from reading another book of yours that your impression of Rainbow Dash has drastically improved, and so has your writing abilities. Your grammar is not quite the best in this story, but it has gotten better. As for the story itself, it was a nice and short read that I really enjoyed. I guess you could say it was "hearth-warming." It did feel a bit rushed however, but I do believe it worked a little better than it should have because of the shy Flitter as the main character. I will enjoy continuing to read your work and I hope you will appreciate this comment.
Also, a little side note, the nickname "Cloudy" is fucking adorable.
~Skylar~
8817739
Thank you!
Yes, I really appreciate it!
Many suggested that I may go to my old stories and completely rewrite and correct them.
Honestly, I don't want to.
They are a little milestone of my past when I wrote much, much more in a month, plus they show how I improved.
Again, thank you for this comment!
8819395
Of course! I've actually went ahead and listed a few of your stories in which I will...I guess reflect on how you've improved over the few stories I read. Haven't had much chance to read though, and I have skipped a few that didn't really interest me. Just a few. I'm honestly not really sure where I left off, to be honest with you. I'll figure it out. But, let's get one thing straight. I am by no means an English major or a writing professional. I haven't wrote any story at all in about three years. So, take my critiques with a grain of salt, hehe. But, I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. And, if you ever need any help with absolutely anything, come find me. I will always do my best. I try to be on everyday, mainly to see what's new. Anyway, I look forward to reading what else you have. I really like your writing style, despite the grammatical errors.
~Skylar~