• Member Since 13th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 28th, 2014

Thunder Seethe


There were always two rulers of Equestria until Luna; the younger princess, was banished to the moon. The story was that she had become Nightmare Moon, but as it turns out; it was a lie. Princess Celestia makes the biggest sacrifice anypony could when she discovers a detail she had missed. Everything is revealed.

Note: This doesn't follow up to the first episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I also wrote this on my spare time, so expect wasted potential and a low quality story.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 9 )

I've seen similar things done, but it is rare enough that I still love the idea! :twilightsmile: But I will say one thing...you are being too self critical! Although...I guess it's better to write a good story and say it sucks than to write a terrible story and claim the "We just don't appreciate your genius"...Either way, good job so far with the story

The're are a lot of good ideas in this, buy it seems rushed.

It definitely was rushed. As for many ideas, no clue what that means. I may be misinterpreting the comment though... But I did try my best to keep the one thing at focus. Don't expect this to be a long story though. :derpytongue2:

687884 For a rushed story this came out well. Dat little filly... can't help to picture twilight Hggggn! :twilightblush:

Now then, there were small things here and there that could be improved; some wording here and there, some of the diction (unless it really was Twilight or a past life of Twilight or something I can't see a little filly saying tragedy... I work with small children and they tend to use simple diction... or try and use large words and mispronounce them in the cutest ways possible... then again I'm picturing an almost toddler :derpytongue2:) and maybe the pacing but this is a very minor case of 'rushing' if ya ask me.

Aside from that I'm curious not only about Lulu's reaction, but the wittle filly... heehee I give you a claws up and a track muh friend. :pinkiehappy:

Thanks for the comment, and I have actually deleted a chapter that was supposed to be the ending and redoing it so I could make this longer (If I wanted to).

And yes, when I thought of the filly I was thinking of Twilight, but I can assure you that it's not Twilight. :pinkiehappy:

daw when I proofread this I didn't pay attention to the story but this time I actually read it instead of just looking

From the story description

There were always two rulers of Equestria until Luna; the younger princess, was banished to the moon.

You might want to use a comma instead of a semicolon.

Actually, whether or not I used a comma or left it as a semicolon, they'd both be grammatically correct. Appreciate that you actually take the time to look at the description and tell me about the 'error'. :pinkiehappy:

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